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Episode 107: Let us Love (4)
“170 times.”
The exact number he had forgotten came out of her mouth.
“That’s the number of times you attacked my mother and the leaders of our race in front of my eyes.”
To be exact, it was a number he didn’t even remember. From one point, death became nothing but an act of repetition which he didn’t bother remembering.
“169 times… That’s the number of times you died. Out of those you killed yourself 36 times.”
But among the iterations that he had thoughtlessly skimmed through was a victim who had clearly observed the process of his regression.
“37 – the number of times my mother almost died.”
Embedding an explosive amount of hatred and hostility into her eyes, she glared at Yu Jitae.
“I’m a dragon. I don’t forget but that’s different for you.
“You don’t remember anything, do you…?”
She started gasping for breath. Sealing her mouth shut, she clenched her small hands into fists and closed her eyes to withstand the dense fog of hatred.
Huk, huk, kuhk…
After somehow collecting her breath, she opened her eyes again.
“…That’s always how it is for the assailant.”
Would this be how it feels for his brain to melt away? Yu Jitae was feeling that something had already gone irreversibly wrong.
He still didn’t think his actions were wrong even at this point. He had done it out of necessity but that did not change the fact that the child of the dragon he had killed was cursing in front of him.
While he was clenching his teeth and stopping his breath at the face of the unbelievable reality,
She continued speaking.
“It was very strange.
“Back then, we were already in a very vulnerable state because of the strife with other sovereigns and there were fights happening between us. My mother moved the entire world into a visible place with Conceptualisation, and shaped it into a human palace. It was to avoid their eyes.”
The girl still remembered ‘that day’.
After several short gasps, her eyes turned blurry as they gazed into the distant past.
“That day was the same as every other day–
“After a strict education and training, I was complaining to my mum. ‘It’s too stressful. It’s too painful,’ because my ribs were all shattered and dangling. I cursed her, ‘Why did you give birth to me if you were going to do this’…
“But she suddenly got up in a hurry. I became more mad because I thought she was trying to hit me, but no. My mum led me and my sister somewhere hand in hand and I was surprised. It was my first time seeing her look so frightened…
“That was when something exploded outside the palace. Back then, we were preparing for a war against other sovereigns and there were about 20 black dragons protecting the palace.”
Her gaze turned blurry. All those unforgettable moments came back to her as complete memories.
“I heard screams outside.
“The palace was shaking from loud explosions. My mum shouted and sent someone off.
“My sister started to cry so I hugged her.
“Someone died outside.
“To something extremely dangerous.”
Yu Jitae knew who that ‘something’ was without even needing to hear it from her. Even though memories of those moments were hazy, he could still remember what he himself had done.
“My mum pushed me and my sister to the [Non-Providential World] behind the throne. There was an alternate dimension opened beforehand. Because my sister belonged to the Providential World, she was tied to the timeline but I wasn’t.
“Mum said to me.”
Memory transferration unique to the black race flooded unedited memories into his head.
– Stay here. Do not ever come out.
Lugiathan’s expression tainted with fear,
– Mum will be alright. So never come out. Okay?
And her endlessly quivering voice was vividly conveyed to him.
“My mum then covered the dimension with a veil. She didn’t know how great her daughter was. She didn’t expect me to rip that veil.”
She continued while gazing into Yu Jitae’s eyes.
“…A man carrying a sword came into the palace.”
Seemingly with a lump in her throat, she started off slow. Through the tear in the veil, the light purple eyes of the small girl saw something she shouldn’t have.
“Mum was attacked by that man.
“All my uncles and aunties were being killed by the man but my mum retaliated fiercely. She was still the head of a dragon race. So in the end, the conceptualised palace crumbled and the man was bisected.
“It was quite shocking to me. Because all of my precious uncles and aunties had been killed.
“But, that wasn’t the end.”
The moment the man died, the world regressed to its original point in time.
“Soon, the world flipped upside down.
“My aunties and uncles came back to life.
“The shattered building rebuilt itself.
“…And the man came back carrying a sword.”
Unfortunately, the time she entered the Non-Providential World was too close to the man’s assault. That specific point in time when the girl entered the Non-Providential World – [Primal Time] – became the starting point of her perception of the regression, and she was forced to watch the man constantly break through the palace.
“Next, mum lost her legs.
“After that, she struggled in pain from a stab to her stomach.
“And later, the fight ended with her arms amputated.
“…Time flew back and my mum repeatedly returned to the mum I knew.
“But without even skipping a single time,”
She bit her lips.
“That man came to kill my mum.”
One time, she had to crawl with her legs cut off.
One time, she bled from her dug-out eyes as she cried in pain.
And one time, her heart was gouged out as she was stuck in a corner, being stabbed on repeat for a few hours.
As time repeated 170 times,
There was one baby dragon who had to watch all that happen without ever turning away from it.
“Mum didn’t die when she was decapitated, and didn’t die even when her heart was stabbed. It was because the source of her life was in fact embedded in a different part of her body.
“Can you guess where that was…?”
She gave a wide smile despite the melancholic look on her face. When the crushed fang was revealed by the smile, Yu Jitae was frozen stiff.
“Mum died… and the man left…
“But I stayed there crying…
“After a few years, I came out of the shelter and woke up my sister who was still unconscious.
“The moment I left the Non-Providential World, my world was included inside the destined Providence. In other words, my mother’s death was decided the very moment I returned to the palace. It couldn’t be helped. I couldn’t stay in that tiny and suffocating prison all my life.
“So mum was forever dead.
“My sister lost her mind because of the sudden reality that she had to face and tried to stop her heart to die. I had to make sure she wouldn’t die.
“I was young, but back then, I was quite calm.
“Crouching there together with my sister, we thought about what to do while looking at mother’s corpse.
“How should we take revenge? We asked each other…”
She erased the smile from her mouth.
“Before coming up with a detailed plan.
“I recalled all of your 170 deaths to collect your information.
“You were very arrogant back then. You didn’t even try to hide your emotions or memories. Maybe that was because you were going to keep on regressing anyway?
“Thanks to that, I got the information I needed, but it was difficult…”
She giggled.
“Our plan for revenge was difficult from the get-go.
“The first obstacle was that you were too strong.
“You were too strong, and too great. I saw from your memory fragments that you had killed sovereigns several times… Even though I learned a lot of amazing spells, I had no idea how I was supposed to kill you. I realised I would not be able to create any risk to your life in the first place, because no matter how strong I became, it would be impossible for me to overwhelm you to death.
“That wasn’t the only problem. The second obstacle, was that funnily enough, you were wishing for death.
“Later I realised that too was because of dragons, but so what? That didn’t matter in the slightest. What was important was that you, who I wanted to kill, wanted to die.
“Even if I do fully kill you, that is nothing but achieving your objective in your stead. Is listening to the opponent’s request a revenge? I didn’t think so at least.
“So killing you was meaningless.”
Lifting her hands, she showed off her palms.
“Then what should I do to take revenge against you?
“It’s hard even when you think about it right?
“But, when I calmly pondered about it, I did find a method.”
With a gaze surging with sin and a set of movements filled with hatred, she continued with an assured voice.
“Because you wanted to die, I had to make you want to live.
“And because I couldn’t kill you even when you wanted to live, I simply had to take what you considered precious.
“Fortunately, I was like my mother and could drag out a strong emotion from others. That is including love.”
She used one of her hands to caress her own cheeks, while using her other hand to grab and knead her breasts.
“For that, I had to give my body,
“To my nemesis who killed my mother…”
Biting her lips, she continued.
“Although that was distressing, I was still willing to do it…
“My mum was everything to me. She was the world. Using my body to take revenge on the one who destroyed my world was nothing.
“But, that wasn’t the end either. Somehow, you could look at the depths of someone’s feelings and I realised that was because of those fickle eyes of yours. Everything would be over the moment you realised I was Lugiathan’s daughter, right?
“In order to deceive you, I had to deceive myself first.
“You know a black dragon’s ability is to manipulate and convey memories, yes? So I killed my personality and sealed it and likewise, I also locked my sister’s personality and the memories of her childhood.
“I said to her.
“I will go bewitch my nemesis first.
“You come when it’s time, and hand me the key.”
She sneered before raising the tip of the ballista and pointing it at Gyeoul’s head again.
Making a person who desired death want to live, and in the end taking everything precious from him. That was the revenge plan of the young baby dragon.
“It wasn’t easy.”
Yu Jitae didn’t reply. He felt like he was going insane, and he therefore had no idea what he was supposed to say, nor what expression he was supposed to wear.
If there was hell, this would be it. At the very end of his long drop, he at last realised that his soul was dumped and completely crushed at the bottom of the abyss.
He was powerless.
He couldn’t say anything.
Meanwhile, she tilted her head and observed his expression like a scientist watching the change of a test subject.
“…So, how do you feel?”
A slightly brighter expression appeared on her face as she glanced through him. She whispered with a soft voice.
“Do you want to live now?”