2. DEPARTURES

JULIET, DEPARTURES

Once we found out we were pregnant, we purchased life insurance on ourselves and thank God we did – I can’t imagine where I’d be without it. It isn’t much but it’ll be enough to carry me through selling the house and moving the girls and I elsewhere – somewhere that no one knows who we are, or our background. The looks of pity are one thing but the incessant being hitting on now that I’m ‘single’ has gotten to be too much and I want out. My husband hasn’t even been dead for two months but apparently that’s long enough for some to try to get into my pants – it is disgusting. Some men don’t seem able to take a hint despite being told ‘no’ numerous times – I have zero interest in dating and am still very much in love and committed to my husband. With two babies, it’s not like I’ve had time to think about much else anyways!

It is easier to sell our house than I thought it would be, despite the memories attached to it. Maybe because of the memories I leave it as easily as I do, eager to leave this chapter of my life behind me. Nothing was ever the same – obviously, after Markus was killed but it only got worst when I went into labour at the funeral. With the entire world knowing every aspect of my personal business, things haven’t been private since and there’s only one way for me to regain my own sense of self and that’s by starting anew somewhere else.

The house sells quickly and I bank the profit, mindful of every penny. I use my old SUV for its’ towing ability and rent a small, covered trailer for our must-haves. In the truck itself are everything the babies need plus clothes for our overnight stays so we don’t need to open the trailer until we reach our destination – wherever that is. I have no idea where I’m going, I only know I need to GO, so once the girls are strapped into their car seats, we hit the highway.

Direction – west.

JULIET, DESTINATIONS

I’m going by nothing more than my gut, pure and simple. It is completely irresponsible and reckless – especially with two babies along for the ride but that’s how we’re travelling. I truly have no idea where I want to end up so have been drifting across the eastern provinces for days, not finding ‘it’. By the time we roll into the Cypress Hills Region of southern Saskatchewan after another long day of driving, both of the girls and I are ready to call it a day. I will always be grateful they both ride as well as they do in the vehicle – both are content so long as their bellies are full and their diapers are dry.

I find a place that rents cabins and take one, then use the provided map to locate it. The cabins are remarkably close together yet you can’t see them from one another because of the dense forest – it is really quite remarkable. I take the girls inside first and ensure the place is sufficient temperature, cleanliness and so forth before I undress them and settle in for some quiet time with each of them. After such a long day of travelling, some Mommy and baby time is desperately essential to reconnect and some cuddles and breastfeeding does exactly that.

Once the babies are content, I haul in the bags we’re going to need for clothes, toiletries and items for the babies before I lock up for the night. The babies have had their dinner but I’m ravenous so fry up a couple of eggs while chatting with my daughters about our adventure, and what we might expect in our new location. So far, I’m liking the area and the few people I’ve spoken to have been wonderful. This is the first place we’ve stopped that has made me wonder if I’ve finally found a place I can call home – but I try to not get too excited, at least not yet.

We’ll spend a few days here first and get a feel for it.

JULIET, FINAL DESTINATION

The area is beautiful and offers all sorts of activities, were I interested. Maybe someday, when I don’t have two babies hanging off my boobs, I’d like to try horseback riding, ziplining and some of the hiking they offer around here. All of it sounds great but with two babies and me being one person, it is just too much effort. I do take the girls out in their stroller or the holder around the cabin and just enjoy the area as much as we can. By going back to the main area where the office is, we get the opportunity to speak more to the residents which I greatly enjoy – everyone here just seems so nice.

On the second to last day that I plan to be here, there is a sign in the front window of the main lodge advertising ‘help wanted’. Intrigued, I ask at the desk and am told they’re looking for someone to maintain the front desk at their other camp, which is more remote and up north. He explains that it would be more than the front desk – almost a concierge, bellhop, jack-of-all-trades sort of position given the remoteness of the location. I wouldn’t be alone, there are five other staff but I’d be handling the front end of things. I apologize for wasting their time, since I have zero hospitality experience but they offer me the job anyways, despite my inexperience working in this field.

“Honestly, we’ve had zero applicants and we need someone NOW. If you can start right away, the job is yours,” the manager explains further. I understand better – desperation is something I can relate to and get behind. He says there is no problem taking the babies with me as long as I’m okay with them being there – bears, wolves and cougars all live in the woods and while they don’t attack humans normally – it is always a risk.

Not planning to leave my babies outside on their own anytime soon and therefore at risk, I accept the job. The girls and I will stay in our cabin until the next plane heads north, which we’ll catch and it’ll take us to our new lives. In the meantime, I’ll do as much training as I can here at the office in preparation of when we arrive and we’ll live onsite year-round. I’ll also need to sort through our things and decide what to take and what stays behind – space is limited on the plane.

Looks like we’ve found our new home.