Chapter 57

Chapter 57 \n\n 

The name’s Yokomichi Hajime. Just a bit of an otaku, but otherwise a perfectly normal high school student.

September the 21st. It’s yet another lifeless Monday. Haah, man, life sucks balls. Even when I’m dead tired from watching late-night anime in real-time, do I really gotta do this in literally the crack of dawn? Make Mondays in the afternoon. How about you make that a law, damn useless politicians. I’m a taxpayer ain’t I? For like, when buying shit.

So while having these deep thoughts about politics and shit, my cool and mannerly face makes it to class perfectly on time.

 

“Fuu—, bufuuu—”

 

Panting hard. What the fuck, why’s my class gotta be in the frik’kin’ 3rd floor. You wanna cripple me every morning? I’m not payin’ cheap tuition here, get a damn escalator. Like c’mon, it’s literally the 21st century.

 

“Bufuh, look guys, Porky’s wheezin’ a lung out”

“Didn’cha hear him go oink oink just now?”

“Dude, don’t be mean, you KNOW Porky can only make porky noises”

 

Oy, I can hear you, totem-poles. What’s with these fuckin’ mob characters. Wanna fight me? I got the absolute MASS to crush you flat faggets. Are you literally retarded? This is kung-fu 101.

Ahh, screw this, today’s just a plain, shit day. Fuck you too, damn small-fries.

But I’m not one to cause a ruckus. I’m super gentle, and a pacifist too, so I’ll let those fuckwads off with a little stern look.

Hmph, damn right, ya losers. They stopped their retarded yapping after I looked a little. Scared of my bloodlust no doubt. I can take down small-fry of their ilk with some simple eye cont—

 

“—Oi Porky, the fuck you look’nat”

“BUUH!? I-I’m wasn’t…”

“Ah? Lyin’ to me, bitch? If ya got something to say, say it lardass”

“Hey like, isn’t that enough Higuchi~? Yokomichi’s scared outta his pants”

“But Kyouko, fags like that gotta be—”

“Dude, we’re like, totally not first-name BFFs”

“What’s the big deal, wai-, ow, stop hitting me, hey”

 

Ff, Fuck… All these fucks… Fuckin’ DQN Higuchi. He got the totem-pole trio as his lackeys and acts all high and mighty. Loser king of the loser monkeys. Fucking bastard, if I got serious, you’re dead mate. I’ll get you someday. I’ll fuck you up.\nHiguchi Kyouya. In short, a delinquent. A piece of DQN scum that doesn’t belong in our high performance demanding prep-school, Shiramine Private Academy. He’s the type of human trash I hate most.

And I have to add that Japanese laws are too soft for letting this sort of bastard roam freely. DQNs like him should be on put down. It’s because they let these scum of the earth have rights that we still can’t achieve world piece.

Once I think up a means to a perfect crime, it’s hasta la vista baby.

Have fun with that little slut of yours, while you can.

Tch, Randou Kyouko you fucking slut. Don’t go around thinking you saved me you bitch. Any woman hanging around DQN scum are just as bad.

Just look at her, this Kyouko girl looks like an absolute slut every way you look at her. No way she isn’t selling herself. 30,000 for one go I bet.

Her hair’s even dyed blonde. It’s an dirty yellow unlike Reina, who’s a natural. And it don’t suit you either, ugly. She’s all glitzy with a metric ton of make-up on, and looks like those prettied up actresses (hags) you see on TV.

Not to mention, that tan. Like Oi Oi woman. Her skin’s burnt brown like those ganguro gals. She’s like a girl version of those totem-poles, but even her group of cronies don’t have their skin baked like that.

Blond hair and black skin, she’s like a model slut if I’ve ever seen one. A dirty woman who’s probably lost her virginity in the 5th grade.

But, I will acknowledge those big tits and ass. If it’s just the tits, she’d be #1 in our class 2-7 that’s full of all the hot chicks. She’s the biggest— well, if we don’t count that irregular of a pig that is Futaba Meiko, she’s still #1. Trust me on this. Kenzaki Asuna and Takanashi Kotori have big ones, sure, but Kyouko’s are massive.

Just do JAVs already. I’ll even fap to it twice for you— oh crap, popped a boner.

 

“Bufuu—”

 

Calm down, me, think of flowers and kittens. Can’t let people see this, I got my cool image to keep. I’ll just find my seat while Higuchi and Kyouko are fooling around.

Fuuh, geez louise. At times like this, I need to stop looking at ugly sluts and refresh my eyes with some real babes.

 

“Unbelievable, nii-san, I take my eyes off you for one second, and this happens. Please try to restrain yourself a little.”

“Ahaha, you worry too much Sakura. I’m completely fine see?”

 

Souma Sakura was chatting at the front of the classroom. That girl is undoubtedly the hottest babe in this class, no, in all of Shiramine Academy, I boldly claim. That face, those proportions, that personality, it’s all 11/10. A perfect girl, as if she was literally hand-crafted by God.

Although, I myself feel sorry about the plebians who fall for Sakura. Me? I got my eye on this one girl. She’s quite the diamond in the rough.

 

“Bufuh… Yukiko…”

 

Head on her desk pretending to sleep, there lay my sweetheart, with her seat conveniently right next to mine, Nagae Yukiko.

Yukiko is a plain, somewhat short, and docile girl, and like me, never tries to stand out in class. With those out-of-trend, thick, black-rimmed glasses, and furthermore, being a member of the literature club, her description only bolsters her plainness attribute.

But I can tell, you see. Those losers who go for Sakura or Reina, or even Asuna or Kotori or Class Rep, they’ve all got a case of shit taste. So it’s only me who can tell. Where Yukiko’s real charm lies.\n 

“… They’re, practically twins”

 

Soft, silky, and short cut black hair, black-rim glasses. A small, delicate looking body that seems it would break from a simple embrace. Not to mention that superbly ephemeral aura around her… That’s right, from the masterpiece that triggered my long journey into otaku-dom, The Melancholy of Suzuhara Haruka, she’s almost identical to one of the heroines, Nagae Yuki. Hell, even their names are a syllable away, this has gotta be fate.

I really thought it was destiny. Yuki is my beloved. Despite the numerous otaku media in various formats which I’ve since consumed, she is someone I still claim as mai waifu. What I want to say is that Yukiko is literally the advent of my Goddess who has transcended the wall that is the 2nd dimension to encounter me.

In other words, Nagae Yukiko is my waifu.

This Yukiko is the only sunshine in my boring school life, and I would spend this shitty Monday basked in her once again— but that never happened. 

GI, GIGIGI, GI— IIIIIII!! 

As that sudden dissonance rang, my peaceful everyday life had come to an end. And what awaited me, was a fantasy world of swords and magic.

That’s right, on this certain day, I, Yokomichi Hajime, a totally normal high schooler, was summoned into a parallel world.

Eh, wait a sec, this is just like—

 

“Buh, Bufufuh, let’s do it… In this new world, I, will have the Strongest Cheat and will become the HAREM KIINGG!?”

 

I so shouted in ecstasy as I was thrown from the classroom into the jet-black abyss. 

 

“WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!? WH-WHY’S MY JOB A FUCKING WARRIOR, FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!”

 

Bull-fucking-shit, what is with this normal as fuck Job!? What ‘Warrior’, gimme a fucking break, this is literally the definition of weakass mob-tier Job! I can’t even expect hidden cheats from a friggin’ Warrior… I REFUSE to use an axe. That weapon that, in like, every game and anime, is super shit-class. I will never, NEVER use it!

 

“Why dammit, Why Warrior of all things… Why mee…”

 

Where the actual fuck is God! Bring me to the white dreamscape where you apologize for sending me to this world by accident, do it now! And because you can’t send me back, load me up with a ton of Cheats, you fuck!

What’s the big idea making me Warrior! You telling me to die!?

 \n 

And I quickly got a battle art too.

 

“Buhahah! Hell yeah I’m strong! I’m hella strong… And I’mma get stronger!”

 

Whether it’s goblins, or skeletons, or zombies, or zombie dogs, I fucking ended them all. The more I kill, the stronger I get. There’s no Level display, but I know, I know it in my gut. I can feel my Status rising like no tomorrow. I learned a shit load of new skills and battle arts too.

Ahh, this is it, this is that exhilaration you feel when you grow right? It’s fucking great. I can’t go back to vidya after experiencing this. That stuff is for retards.

 

“Fuck YEAH! I’m simply awesome! I’m lucky as fuck!”

 

From this rickety box that positively screamed ‘treasure chest’, I got my hands on a real sword. Rusty swords are so trash, who’d even use that junk.

This one didn’t have a smidgen of rust. It’s a brand-spankin’-new blade. And big too. The blade-width is double that of the goblin’s sword, and the length easily surpassed a meter. Like a bastard sword? Donno man.

But it’s definitely got a size and weight that normal people wouldn’t be able to handle. That’s right, this isn’t for plebs.

I’m different. If I try picking it up with my epic strength— Look, so easy. It’s just the right weight. Yeah, it was such a pain in the ass cutting away at all those small-fries that came in packs. A big sword to mow ’em down is what real pros do.

 

“UHoh!? Holy balls, this is EPIC!”

 

I literally blew away 3 goblins in one fell swoop. O-fucking-P. I’m getting too OP here.

I can’t get enough of this euphoria from slaughtering these half-pints. All their blood splashing everywhere is disgusting, but with the high I get from putting them through a human blender, I don’t give a single fuck. The buzz is real.

 

“Bufuuh, getting tired of these weaklings. I need myself a boss fight”

 

It happened right as my zeal for dungeon capture was at an all time high.

 

“Somebody, help—”