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Chapter 117
Selina rolled the purple lily in her hand. If she really wanted to make it in the other world, she could add color to it though it wouldn’t feel like this here. Under the warm sunlight, under the shade of a tree with a cool breeze.
The purple lilies picked by this handsome man could never be replaced by anything. She then took one deep breath of the floral scent and exhaled a long breath as if to shake it off.
“If you’re going to go, leave everything behind. Don’t live with such lingering feelings.”
“You call that lingering feeling.”
“It’s a pity to hold it desperately after remembering that it’s already left your hand.”
“Then, if I can’t go back to that world, will there be many lingering feelings of that world?”
Kalcion said he would help to find a way to go back, but he didn’t say she could definitely go back. Although she might not be able to go back.
Selina looked up at the sky and once again thought of the world she had lived in.
Even though the sky there and here seemed to be the same, there was a very subtle difference that invaded the realm of familiarity. Although she couldn’t pinpoint and explain what and how it was different, it was different, just like the smell in the air felt different.
However, she could remember the sky over there.
‘How was the sky originally?’
In the meantime, she got used to the sky over here. Likewise, she couldn’t quite remember the many things she had left there that she couldn’t give up.
After thinking about it, she was able to recall the things she had one by one.
“I have a house, I have a car…”
“Car, do you mean a carriage?”
“Yes, it is similar. I had a nice car that everyone looked at when I rode it.”
“You were rich.”
The person who had the greatest wealth in this world praised her for being rich… Selina laughed as lightly as dandelion seeds that flew away.
After she said it, she felt that the things she had in the other world were nothing. Did it change just because she lived a life where money was not important next to Kalcion? The moment she held them in her hands, she was happy, as if she had achieved all of her worldly goals.
She was born poor and climbed up there with only her ability. At the time, she felt like she had won a battle against the world that had been tormenting her.
“Yes, I was rich. It wasn’t as much as people think. I earned a lot, but my family took it, and I paid off their debts, so I didn’t have much left.”
It was a common story, a family putting burdens on the backs of their successful children.
“Still, I have a very nice house to live in, so I am rich enough. Oh, if you put it here, it’s about a small castle.”
“To buy it by earning it on your own, you’re good.”
“Of course, I was good at acting. How much would I be scolded if I couldn’t even act even if I had good looks? I even have a good eye for script selection.”
“There must be many people who feel sorry for your absence.”
If she had a great castle, good carriage, beautiful appearance, and excellent professional skills, there would, of course, be many people looking for her. Kalcion’s thought flow was extremely ordinary.
“…I suppose…?”
Still, Selina smiled like a flower that had dried up all winter and was being blown away by the wind.
“It’s not it?”
Kalcion tilted his head at the strange feeling.
“No, that’s right. You’re probably right. In that world, I…I was a celebrity that more than half of the people in the world knew about. I told you that I am a great actor. I was special wherever I went.”
Even now, she lived a special life.
It seemed that she was destined to live a remarkable life wherever she went.
She was the only lover of the Northern Duke, who was famous for not being interested in women, and a troublemaker who turned the social world upside down. It would be difficult to find such a person twice in this world.
“Looks and attention always followed. Even if I drank a sip of water, rumors spread about the water I drank, and even if I looked at a flower while passing by, there was an uproar, saying, ‘Even Selina fell in love with that flower!’”
“The whole world is looking at you.”
She was still receiving the feeling that the whole world was watching her. This was a fate that she had to go through because she was a person called ‘Selina’ before she was an ‘actress’ Selina.
It had become so natural that she felt sad if she didn’t have it. Thanks to that, there were times when she was happy and fulfilled, but there were also times when she felt cramped and suffocated.
“Yes, it was.”
“You said that you are used to being loved at first, so you can recognize awkwardness at once. Since the whole world loved you, it must have been so.”
Kalcion spoke to himself as if he had finally grasped what love was. Rather, Selina forgot what love was in his words. Not all love was beautiful… While public love was sometimes surprisingly hot, it also cooled down just as quickly. Love had often turned into hate.
They expected a lot from Selina.
They wanted her to please, they wanted her to show the wonderful appearance that they couldn’t achieve.
She never complained about it. It was a price for the many things she had been able to enjoy, and she thought this was what she was supposed to do. Although they expressed interest and expectation as love, it was not the kind of love that compensated for all the hardships of her life.
But now, she spoke as though it was that kind of love.
Come to think of it, she didn’t have much on that side either. She didn’t feel like she would die if she didn’t have the love the people gave her there, and it was not something she could never lose. Putting it like that, she would have no reason to return.
“Here, you didn’t get that love, so it must have been very difficult.”
Selina laughed.
“You look like someone on their deathbed. Are you sorry that there were many things you couldn’t do for me like in the past?”
“Is there anything I should be sorry for that I couldn’t do for you?”
“Acting skills?”
“I’m sorry.”
As Kalcion apologized without hesitation, she burst into laughter again. He never tried to make her laugh. Even so, when they were together, she burst out laughing without even realizing it. It was amazing to see a face that was like a statue.
Come to think of it, she laughed quite a lot in this world.
The beginning was hard, but there were a lot of fun things. She did all the luxuries and even attended a party in the gorgeous Rose Palace that made her eyes roll. Among the ‘real’ royalty and nobles, not acting, she even danced with the ‘real’ Northern Duke.
For the first time in her life, she fell asleep in the same bed with a man in his arms, and she woke up in the morning satisfied with the warmth of his body temperature.
It was good… all those times.
The moments when her life was at stake, the things that made her really angry, everything was shining so brightly that it felt like the past was no big deal.
“If you go back, I hope you can receive that love again.”
“Of course. How hard I worked to get that love.”
“You must go back.”
“It should be. If only I could go back.”
“You can go back. Because there is a record that he went back.”
“The wizard who made this bracelet?”
“Yes. He went back and forth on his own, leaving a record. So, take a good look at the records, and we will find a way back.”
“Ah…”
It wasn’t just a rough guess that there was a way to go back somewhere. There was a certain way, as there was a record and there was even evidence with the bracelet. It was clear enough for Kalcion to say that.
Like she said at the beginning, she had to let it go. It’s not her life anyway. If she enjoyed the experience, that was it, and leave it.
Selina struggled to recall the public’s fervent gaze directed at her.
The eyes of people who looked at her with ecstatic eyes, as though all the flowers in the world bloomed just by her smiling once. What were their eyes like? Was it bright, or was it dazed…? She couldn’t remember what their eyes were like towards her.
As she thought so, she glanced back at Kalcion.
He was already looking at her.
His mouth said he would send Selina back, but his eyes didn’t. If his eyes had power, it was hot and intense, as if he would wrap his whole body around her and stick it to his body and not be able to separate it.
Any glances directed at her would have been weaker than those of Kalcion looking at her now.
She noticed long ago that his acting was starting to show feelings. However, she didn’t know that it was already on the verge of overflowing.
…Flowers had blossomed in his world.
Ah, flowers that have already bloomed did not return to buds. Either it bore seeds, or it withered and died. Kalcion would be hurt after she left. She didn’t even know why she was hurt, too.
When she thought of his pain, she felt as though her insides were burning. It was sad and pitiful. But there was nothing she could do. She could not remain in this world where she was nothing. She had to go back. Only then could she become ‘something.’
Selina smiled bitterly as she faced Kalcion. She pretended not to know and smiled.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
He also answered politely. Knowing nothing about his heart, it was clear that he did not know how painful the wounds he would suffer would be.
Selina didn’t know that either.
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