The ocean seemed to be painted dark and the city nightscape that was reflected over it was beautiful, but it canât compare to the night sky.
The beauy of nature, not man-made beauty, is what makes you feel and be conscious of life.
I thought of when my father taught me, when I was young, how to look for the Big Dipper among the stars that covered the dark sky. A vague memory of him carrying me on his back as we strolled along the night sea still remained. His back was as steady and dignified as Mount Tai 1, shining much brighter than the lighthouse that illuminated the sea at night.
âYeongguk-ah, are you tired? You can go first.â
âNo, mom. Iâm just watching the night sky, it looks particularly beautiful today. I can even see the Big Dipper. Normally, you canât see it.â
Without us noticing, the dusk was already settling in as I helped my mother close shop. The storeowners around us were all saying that they envied my mother for having a filial son, and that I can effortlessly take on the role of ten people.
Whenever my mother heard that, conflicting emotions would flit over her face. She felt happy that I was being praised, but she also felt sorry because she thought that I was having a hard time because she wasnât good enough.
I knew what my mother was thinking but I could only silently hold her hand.
âExcuse me.â
An unfamiliar voice came from behind us.
There was a man and a woman. Judging from their outfits, it seemed like they were tourists coming to Namhang Market after touring Taejongdae. The camera that they were carrying put even more emphasis to that. Locals wouldnât carry cameras to look around Namhang Market.
âIâm sorry, but all the fish that weâve prepared for today have all sold out.â
âNo, weâre not here for that. Iâd like to talk with you for a bit, is the person beside you your mother?â 2
â?â
My motherâs face was fraught with anxiety. She was worried whether I had done something wrong and perhaps thatâs why they wanted to talk to me.
Seeing that, the man hurriedly took out a business card from his pocket.
âAh, Iâm not a creep. Iâm Yoo Myunghan, a PD from KBC Broadcasting Station. And the person next to me is Choi Eunsook, a screenwriter. We donât have other intentions, itâs just that your son is really admirable and filial.â
âOh my god, are you the one who produces the show for things like this?â 3
âUm, noâŠthatâs from the Current Events and Cultural Affairs department. Iâm from the Drama department. If I could speak frankly, I was wondering if your son is interested in becoming a child actor. He seems to have a lot of talent and aptitude for it. Please donât feel pressured. Iâd really appreciate it if you could contact me.â
My mother was dumbfounded at the unexpected suggestion. She has never had anything to do with broadcasting stations in her whole life. She has to raise her son on her own, so she sold fish from dawn to dusk. She couldnât even watch the usual weekend dramas.
Meanwhile.
Yoo Myunghan?
I was caught off guard but for a reason thatâs different from my motherâs.
Not even in my wildest dreams did I imagine that I would meet someone from my past life this way. I thought that I wouldnât be an actor anymore. I promised to myself that as long as I could take care of my mother well, I wouldnât mind nor regret doing any kind of work.
But, he said heâs Yoo Myunghan PD.
What on earth brings a drama director here?
In my past life, he was a director from the Drama Department in KBC. There was also writer Choi Eunsook who worked with him. I couldnât recognize him just by seeing his face but I remembered him when I heard his name.
Hitmaker, 4 screenwriter Choi Eunsook.
Her debut work garnered huge success and she continuously wrote hit after hit, becoming the star screenwriter of the main broadcasting stations including KBC.
She was so influential that I heard that even the cable channels offered a huge amount of money to sign her, and that drama directors couldnât boss her around when it came to her scripts.
âStudent, whatâs your name?â
I was suddenly brought back to reality by Yoo-PDâs question.
âMy name is Jang Yeongguk.â
âJang Yeongguk, YeonggukâŠeven your name sounds cool. Plus youâre handsome too. Please make sure to get in touch with me, okay? Even just once.â
Yoo-PD seemed like he wanted to leave in a hurry because he was worried that we would feel pressured. But despite that, he still kept sneaking glances at me, as if to remind me not to forget to contact him.
âJang Yeongguk, whatâs your goal for the future?â
Kim Bongdu observed the student in front of him as he scratched his head.
It was time for the one-on-one teacher-student interview conducted every end of the semester, and it was the teacherâs duty to confirm a studentâs career goals and to motivate them. The hopes and dreams of middle school freshmen are varied, from being the president to becoming a celebrity.
But of all student interviews that he has done so far, this is his first time coming across such a career goal.
âIâm going to be a local public official.â
âHey, Iâve been a teacher for so long but this is my first time hearing a student say that as their dream job. If you really want that, then why local? There are national-level posts too.â
âState-level public officials can be assigned all over the country, you know. Compared to that, local officials are transferred only within the province. I feel like it would be easier for me to take care of my mother that way.â
âHuh.â
Kim Bongdu was taken aback by the look in the eyes of the student who spoke calmly.
Was he Ulsanâs Songdo in his past life? 5
His demeanor and manner of speaking is way too mature for a mamaâs boy. It would even make Kim Bongdu think from time to time during the course of the conversation that heâs speaking with his peers instead.
âWell then, what are your plans for the summer break? Arenât you going to go down the valley to play like your other friends?â
âPomfrets 6 are in season in summer, so Iâll probably be working hard to sell them in the market. Theyâre not as profitable as you would think they are. In my spare time, I plan to study English for the civil service exam.â
âHuh.â
Thereâs a rumor circulating among the other teachers in the teachersâ lounge. They say that if you go to Namhang Market, youâll get to meet an unusual kid.
Kim Bongdu also hadnât known that the child who established himself as a fish seller in Namhang Market like a local celebrity was Jang Yeongguk. But in the recent teachersâ meeting, the principal himself suggested giving Jang Yeongguk a scholarship, since he was moved by his filial piety.
âOkay, you can go and take this with you.â
As the interview ended, Kim Bongdu brought out the self-study materials and writing supplies that he had prepared in advance.
He couldnât help feeling sorry for suspecting Yeongguk of cheating the other day. He even sympathized and admired him after knowing that he was selling fish in the market to help his mother.
Moreover, the stories that Kim Bongdu heard from the class president made him see Yeongguk in a more positive light. Yeongguk doesnât shy away from the dirty work during cleanup time and even takes the initiative in doing toilet duty â something that others avoid. 7
In a way, he was a child who was more of a grown-up than actual adults.
Kim Bongdu opened and closed his mouth as if he was hesitating to say something. He couldnât keep in his curiousity towards Yeongguk who was saying thank you with his head bowed.
âJang Yeongguk, I have an honest question. How did you suddenly become so sensible?â
Kim Bongduâs earnest question received a short reply.
âIf you die onceâŠâ
If people were asked to choose whatâs the most important thing in life, everyoneâs answers will be different. Someone might say itâs âhappinessâ, while another will say itâs âloveâ. But majority will say that itâs âmoneyâ.
Thatâs because the poorer you become, the more pressured you are to earn it, while the richer you are, the more blinded you become by your desire.
After coming back to the past, I can proudly say that Iâve given up my attachment to money.
A high-class apartment with a great view of the Han River.
It wasnât even funny. Why was I that envious of those filthy waves sloshing around? They turn so pitch-black at night, like the abyss that no one can look into.
In this life, Iâve promised to live for happiness and to not look back and regret the mistakes that I made in my past life.
But then.
âYes, Iâm sorry but can you please give us a little more time? The monthly rent increased so suddenlyâŠâ
My mother seemed like she was about to cry while the call was going on.
Wouldnât it be nice if happiness could just go on continuously in this drama called life? But the landlord ultimately put a brake on it, just like Murphyâs Law. 8
[No way!]
If it were me, I would have taken over the phone and put the landlord in their place. It clearly hasnât even been a year now that the lease was signed, but theyâre increasing the rent like this for no reason. They were being unreasonable by insisting on raising the rent, saying that we hadnât made a deposit for the house. It wasnât even funny. Who would make a deposit for a run-down house like this?
âOkay, okay. Then, please skip over this month and Iâll pay it starting next month. Thank you.â
For a moment, my mother looked happy as if she had just sold fish.
Seeing her like that made me feel like my heart was breaking into pieces. I knew she wasnât being like that because she was stupid, but because of the sense of relief surging up from her heart out of the desire to protect her son.
âMom, Iâm going out for a bit.â
âItâs already late, son. Where are you going?â
âIâm going to Byungshikâs house. We decided to change math self-study books today.â
I sold out the name of a friend who I wasnât even close with and hurriedly went outside the house. I purposely left because I knew my mom wouldnât feel comfortable with me around. 9
She must be feeling overwhelmed with guilt as her incompetent side was shown to her son. Whatâs more, sheâs probably trying to wash away the anxiety coming from wondering whether weâll have to move from one hostel to another again.
âDamn!â I cursed quietly under the hazy light of the streetlamp.
Itâs ironic how money was an issue again, and another scratch has appeared on this life that pursued only happiness.
I couldnât hesitate anymore.
I looked down at the business card that I took from my mother, the one that Yoo Munghan PD gave us a few days ago at Namhang Market.
ActingâŠ
I had promised that I wouldnât go acting again. Hadnât I neglected my mother in my past life after I went to Seoul to chase my dream of becoming an actor? I had become rich because of that, but I had ended up losing my mother.
In that sense, that one thing that was painful but precious to me, 10 that one thing that I loved and hated, was exactly acting.
ButâŠ
âThatâs nothing!â
Itâs not a big deal. I witnessed with my own two eyes how hard it was for my mother. Thereâs just no way for such a small body to labor for money.
Acting is what I had learned best, 11 Iâll have to recall the memories of my past life but itâs nothing compared to the hardships that my weak mother went through to raise her son by herself.
With steps that had remembered the way, I moved towards the pay phone booth. Itâs something that will be hard to find in twenty yearsâ time, but right now youâll find one anywhere you go in the neighborhod.
[Yoo Myunghan PD.]
Yoo Myunghan PD was the drama director from KBC Broadcasting Station that allowed me to be known to the public and win the top acting award. I didnât know all about his filmography but I knew that, in the past, he was a PD who had a lot of blockbusters and was called the best of the best.
[Yes, this is Yoo Myunghan.]
The phone rang for a few times before the other party picked up the call.
[PD-nim. 12 Iâm Jang Yeongguk, the one you met at Namhang Market last time.]
[Oh, Student Yeonggukâ!]
[I just have something that I would like to ask frankly about.]
I definitely got nothing to lose.
[How much can you pay me?]
At this gutsy question, the shoulders of the boy waiting in the phone booth seemed to grow as big as Mount Tai, as the Big Dipper twinkled in the night sky.