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Chapter 94: Underneath the Armor
There is no time like the present, strike when the iron is hot. So it was decided we’d call Aoi right away.
Although I’m still mentally prepared! However, I’m not going to make a fuss about it now, but I’ve lost many times to Aoi’s forceful power, so I’m a little worried about our upcoming match. I already regret that I didn’t take enough measures to stop her from sweeping me away the other day.
Nevertheless, it’s not going to get me anywhere being stuck in my simulations. The time to act is when your spirits are high. All I have to do is refuse our date, and wholeheartedly talk to her. Yeah, it’s that simple.
As we waited, I began to hear light footsteps approaching from the hallway, and after a short knock, the door opened with a “Pardon the intrusion.”
Needless to say, it was Aoi.
“Koharu asked me to come, so is it okay if I enter?”
“Help yourself.”
Yoko beckoned for Aoi to come inside, she was asking because she was previously told that outsiders needed permission to enter the student council room. She came in with a relieved expression, but it was quite obvious she didn’t know why she was called here, so looking around the room restlessly she got close to Koharu.
“Aoi-chan, do you know why I asked you here?”
“Um. . . Sorry I don’t know.”
That was a lie. She didn’t miss a beat to glance at me. Koharu seemed to notice as well, so she slowly stood up and moved in front of Aoi to say.
“Hey, Aoi-chan. I don’t think threatening people is nice.”
“Ah, um. . .Koharu?”
“I don’t remember having such a coward as a childhood friend, so talk it out.”
Aoi was shocked. Afterwards, Koharu took her bento and said “Well, I’ll be heading back to the clubroom.” to then leave the room.
Not only Aoi, but now I was stunned. Yoko soon stood up and said “Well, I’ll leave too.” but not before tapping Aoi on the shoulder, saying “Messing with somebody should be in moderation, else you’ll end up crying later”. Soon leaving us behind.
. . .Ahaha, those two are pretty angry. For once not at my uselessness, but instead at what Aoi did.
Looking at her now, her face was unusually pale, and her smile surprisingly faded away.
“For now, have a seat.”
“. . . Okay.”
She obediently sat down after I offered her the seat Koharu was just using.
I’m relieved that she is quieter than normal. I may be able to calmly speak.
“First of all, about our meeting in the prep room. I’m not going to go on a date with you.”
“! ! ! But!”
“I won’t go. So if you invite out Sara, do whatever you want. However, if you do anything to her, I’ll do everything in my power to protect her.”
I thought it’d be difficult, but I should have just done this from the start.
There are so many things I could have done, and even if I played around thinking about what I could do with this or that, there is no way I could skillfully settle this any other way.
After I flatly refused her, she dejectedly closed her mouth.
“Senpai, do you like Sara-chan?”
“Yes, I do.”
I confirmed her without hesitation, so she fell silent.
Even before I called her here I had already decided I would stop hiding my feelings. At least now, I will face Aoi with my true honest feelings. If that doesn’t change her attitude then I’ll just push her away.
“I like Sara, so I won’t go out with you and I won’t go on a date. Sorry.”
“You’re not dating, right?”
“Unfortunately, it’s an unrequited love.”
“If that’s the case! Then please look my way even if it’s just a little!’
She didn’t yell that loudly, but those words were squeezed out with painful desperation.
At that moment, I finally grasped that Aoi was seriously in love with me.
“I’m sorry. I can’t see you in a romantic way.”
No matter how many times I pushed her away. In desperation she strongly reached out her hand.
As Koharu said, her smile is a weapon. Perhaps because of Koharu and Yoko’s rebuting words, her usual innocent smile is not being seen at all. With that disarmed, only a desperate expression was left, it simply told me that she liked me.
I was scared of this frantic look. However, at the same time, I couldn’t help but be a little envious. It is something I didn’t have.
“That being said, I do understand that you truly like me. Still I can’t see you as any more than a junior. If you can’t accept that, I won’t be able to get along with you.”
That’s why I want you to give up.
At my repeated refusals, a single tea fell from her eyes. I took out my hand towel from my pocket and offered it to her, however my junior began crying more and more, but still she managed to take it and thanked me.
“. . . I’ve always wondered what I would have left if I gave up.”
“Eh?”
Wiping her tears away, Aoi began to talk a bit more.
“W-What would I get from backing down and giving up? Doing it with the face of an obedient junior, giving up just because I was rejected. Peace in the club? A good memory? Or perhaps a place as a junior where I could simply adore my senpai?”
“Shimamoto-sa. . .”
“Well that isn’t what I want! If it means that this love truly ends without Senpai evening looking at me at all, then I’ll struggle no matter how many times, even if you hate me, even if a little forceful, I’ll bite into Senpai’s heart. . . I-I’ve thought that way for a long time.”
“. . . . I see.”
I can definitely see the truth in that. If Aoi confessed and then she immediately backed down, I wouldn’t have thought much about her at all. I’d just half heartily felt something on the lines of “Wow, one of the flags has been broken.”
It’s often heard that the opposite of love isn’t hate, but indifference. Because I’ve always averted my eyes from her feelings, she may have felt pushed into a corner.
And it certainly wasn’t just her romantic feelings, I just didn’t see Aoi at all. In my mind she was just “Aoi”, a bright, innocent, energetic, and popular girl. Who just seemed like the protagonist. I had no idea she’d be the type of girl that’d charge at me while holding those heavy emotions.
“I like you.”
“Yeah.”
“I really like you.”
“Yeah, I understand.”
Aoi kept telling me she loved me like a broken record. All I could say were small interjections, showing I was listening to her.
I honestly should say thank you.
However I didn’ feel like saying it. Her feelings for me were so heavy that I couldn’t accept them with such shallow words.
“. . . .Is it truly no good?”
“Yes, no matter what.”
“Is that so. . .”
She said as her shoulders shook, she grasped the towel I lent her and gritted her teeth. I saw my future self overlapping with Aoi.
This might be me after I confess to Sara. And imagining that Sara might feel the same way I do right now is awful. It is making my resolve, which had hardened so strongly earlier, about to crumble.
How long did it last? Aoi was finally able to calm down and squeezed out a broken sigh “Ahh.”
“Actually, I already knew a little. I knew it wouldn’t work.”
With puffy eyes, she hopelessly said.
“No matter how hard I try, if it’s impossible, it’s impossible.”
“. . . Yeah.”
“From Senpai’s Point of view, I’m sure I’m just a scary junior who suddenly started to chase you around. However I didn’t mean to do it. At first I just planned on earnestly taking the proper steps and becoming friends with you. Becoming the closest junior and gradually closing the distance, but. . .Senpai, you have been avoiding me from the start, right?”
“Why?” She asked. It startled me.
It’s because you’re the protagonist of a yuri game? No matter how much I try to face this honestly, that’d be impossible to say. Another issue has arised.
“I’m not good around cheerful and popular people.”
“Are you sure? Doesn’t Yoko-senpai fit that?”
“Yoko followed me around, and we gradually became friends.”
That isn’t a lie. At this stage I’m grateful for her friendship.
She then said “Well then if I was persistent, there was a chance we could become friends.” seemingly convinced by my excuse, it’s a scary thing to say, but it was certainly possible.
I am almost a different person from the game’s “Shiori”, but depending on the path I chose early on, the “Shiori” route could have existed.
“I’m just going to say it all now, but it was almost love at first sight for me.”
“Eh, really?”
I was always curious about why Aoi was so obsessed with me, but it’s honestly disappointing that it was so easily understood. Of course the face. Do you like my appearance that much?
“Perhaps you don’t remember it, but you were talking to a little girl at the park near the school. It was on the day of club activities recruitment.”
“Aah, the Taiyaki kid.”
I’m pretty sure her name was Mio-chan.
“That girl is actually my niece. Her name is Mio.”
“Eh, is that so?”
“Yeah, she’s my sister’s child. It seemed like you got her to go home on her own, so thank you very much.”
“Uh, you’re welcome. . .”
I was surprised by that connection, but I thought the reason she was late in the game was because she brought Mio-chan home. I assumed it was because she was kind, but not also because she was her niece.
“When I saw you talking to Mio, you had an amazingly kind expression, it was wonderful. It made me want to become your friend.”
Did I make that kind of face? Um, well it was with a child. . Ah I see, I got it now. It makes sense now why she immediately picked me out from all the other club seniors. She approached me for that reason!
And because she must have told Koharu about it, that was why Koharu had so much hostility from the start. I was wondering why they were so conscious of me at that time. And also that leaking blood lust.
“But when I tried talking to you, I only saw a fake smile. It was like I was talking to a wall.”
“Ahh- I’m a little sorry for that.”
“Well, I thought perhaps I just imagined it. So I was wondering if it was just a misunderstanding, but then I saw you with Sara-chan on the train. . . and then, I knew I liked you.”
“Eh, my time with Sara?”
Aoi nodded.
“Like Sara-chan was already so cute and precious to you, you always held a devastatingly charming smile. . .”
“Wait, I was making that kind of face!?”
“Yeah, you definitely were.”
With a wry smile she said “You didn’t realize?” I was so embarrassed I wanted to bury myself.
You can’t know what kind of face you are showing. However, right now I know I’m bright red!
“I was conscious of Senpai since I saw you at the park, but I think I fell in love after seeing you with Sara-chan on the train. I wanted Senpai to look at me like that, for me to have that smile. . . I became jealous of Sara-chan.”
What do I say to this?
It was only recently that I became aware of my feelings for Sara, but if Aoi’s words are to be believed, it seems that since spring I had been directing that kind of smile towards Sara. No, at first it was supposed to just be feelings of admiration for my favorite character. Either way it isn’t a face I should show off in public.
This is awful. I’m so embarrassed because I was completely oblivious to it. Having such a lax face in front of students from my highschool!
“Ahaha, I understand now. I seem to have liked Senpai’s love for Sara-chan.”
“. . . I see.”
“Yeah. I think Senpai is always beautiful and wonderful, but when Sara-chan is next to you, how do I say it. . . It’s like a complete form. Like it fills in the missing parts.”
“- – -Ah, you could say that.”
I was taken aback by the word “Complete”
In fact, I remembered Aoi saying something similar in the game.
“Since we are still children and incomplete, perhaps we could feel complete when we meet someone we could truly love.”
I muttered those words.
Those are the words Aoi said to Koharu at the end of the “Koharu” route. The two of them cuddled together in bed. Beyond the monitor of the computer, they looked as if they had become one, wrapped in a cocoon of blankets. They looked truly beautiful and perfect.
I haven’t been able to confess to Sara yet, and I’m still lacking as a person, but I’d be happy if Sara could complete me, and I could fill in what she misses.
“I don’t think it’s good to boast about your relationship right after rejecting someone.”
“We aren’t dating, I’m not boasting about my love. It’s just a wish.”
“You are saying those words like that even though you aren’t even dating?”
“What’s wrong with that? I’m just repeating somebody else’s words.”
In my mind I added. “Your words.”
The Aoi who said those words was dating Koharu, so she may have been qualified to say it, so that should be fine, right? Even if it’s one-sided, I think it’s still cute.
As I began to lighten up and talk, the usually bright Aoi gave me a complicated gaze. Pretending not to notice, she took a deep breath and gave a big sigh.
“Okay, this is enough.”
Aoi’s mouth slackened, as if she lost her strength, she fully put her back onto the chair.
It was made of wood and I don’t know how old it is, so it made a creaky sound as she did.
“Senpai has only ever seen Sara-chan. I understand now that I’m in the ring by myself.”
“I didn’t mean anything that cruel.”
“Aren’t you implying it? Don’t worry about it though, after this I . . . g-give up.”
She was trying to act strong, but the ending of her voice trembled a little.
A compulsory force of the game, a fear which I had from the start, did not exist. She didn’t fall in love with the game’s “Shiori Sugimura”, She fell in love with me. Yet from the start I only saw the character “Aoi Shimamoto”.
Rather than the fact I’m rejecting her, I feel more sorry for that.
In reality she was neither an innocent protagonist nor a positive monster. She was just a girl who was desperate about her love.
“I’m sorry. Thank you for liking me.”
Words I hadn’t intended to say naturally came out.
Aoi with her moist eyes gave a modest smile and said “Or rather, Thank you very much for allowing us to talk.”
Her smile was somewhat different from the usual one. It wasn’t armed with that excessive energy.
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(The Two After Leaving the Student Council Room.)
Yoko “Hey hey, you said threats aren’t good, right? Didn’t you just threaten her?”
Koharu “ I was just saying my opinion. If you are bringing that up, then Yoko-senpai is way more at fault.”
Yoko “Eh- I was just giving helpful advice from a Senpai to her Junior.”
Koharu “Are you sure? What did you mean by “she’d end up crying?””
Yoko “Hmm, maybe she’d be writing a letter of resignation while crying.”
Koharu “Isn’t that just a threat?”