CH 35

Chapter 35: Dismissing The Warning.

After I got home, I took my uniform off and plopped myself onto my bed. I usually properly hang my uniform on a hanger, but right now I don’t feel like putting in the effort.

Today there were too many things to worry about. Koharu, Yoko-  – And the Sara thing. All my problems remain unsolved, and I feel no relief.

No, it’s not. Don’t be fooled by Koharu and Yoko. They both don’t make me feel this uncomfortable. It’s Sara that is upsetting me.

(If Sara-chan had a boyfriend, could you really, from the bottom of your heart, celebrate for her?)

–  –  I couldn’t immediately answer.

I should be hoping Sara falls in love with someone nice. It could be a man or woman, as long as she is happy.

Sara going out with someone?

When I closed my eyes I imagined Sara happily snuggling up to someone, this made me terribly frustrated. I wanted to separate them right away. A strong desire to recapture her, that place was for me. When I imagined me pulling Sara away and kicking that person, I opened my eyes.

“No, I can’t celebrate.”

Is it love? Am I in love? I felt my face get hot thinking that I might be in love.

No, wait a second. Not being able to celebrate does not = being in love. That’s right, as a friend, as an older sister, it’s like a father saying “Not my daughter!” it’s just those confused feelings. I’m sure of it.

Because I don’t lust for Sara!

I never felt that desire to embrace her like Yoko did for the president. Even when I was staying over, Sara’s face was so closed, even when she hugged me on the futon, I didn’t have any desire to do anything! Yeah! There was none!

In short, these aren’t romantic feelings!

“Love. . .I don’t want it.”

I’m sure I’ll have it someday, but I just enjoyed my hobby until I was 26 years old, rather than find any romance in my previous life. When my memories first returned, I couldn’t help but laugh at myself, but now I can’t laugh.

I don’t want to fall in love, I want to stay as is, forever.

In the first place, what even am I now?

I am “Shiori Sugimura”. That’s not wrong. I have been living as Shiori Sugimura for 16 years now. I’ve been me since I was born, I am definitely the base. But now I also have some memories of another adult woman from a previous life.

Since then her memories and personality has greatly influenced me, it’d be lying if I said I’m a pure “Shiori Sugimura”

If I’m in love with Sara, are those my actual feelings? Or is that because of those feelings from my previous life, pushing me towards her favorite?

The boundaries between this world and my last are so vague, it’s hard to understand what is real.

Or rather, thinking about it too much is already making me confused!

In general, I shouldn’t be gay in the first place, in my past or in the present!

“Wait, not. . .That? In this world. I’m the same person as the game’s

“Shiori”. . . that means. . .Ah!!”

If I lived in this world without my memories, I would have fallen in love with Aoi just like in the game. So at the very least, the me in this world. . . Could like girls?

“I didn’t want to realize that! !”

Why did I realize that, what kind of face should I give Sara tomorrow!?

I shouldn’t fall in love. I might not be in love.

But the people around me are saying things like “Do you like her?” I can’t help but be conscious of it! I’m like an elementary school student being teased and making them conscious of someone they don’t even like.

“No, It’s different! I don’t like her! Well, I like her, but it’s not love! It’s different, completely different!”

Yoko’s advice to face my feelings is thrown away. While tightly gripping my pillow I told myself “It’s not! It’s not like that!”.

Somewhere deep in my heart, a calm voice said “Isn’t it too late to say that?” But I decided not to listen.

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The next day. For the first time ever, I left towards Sara’s house with a desire not to see her. Every week, such an easy route, felt so imposing.

Still, if I visit her house as promised, see her usual face, and start studying, this fluffy restless feeling will get a little better. Studying is wonderful.

Today Sara is wearing a sleeveless botanical pattern dress, along with the finishing touch of her hair tied up with the matching scrunchie we bought last week.

It didn’t weigh so heavy on my mind before, but now seeing. . . her exposed skin hurts my eyes. Her collarbone, upper arms, nape. I get it’s summer so you would be lightly dressed. I know because it’s been hot.

I don’t have a desire to touch at all, but I’m curious. It’s all because of Yoko.

“Something wrong, Shiori-san?”

Sara’s voice brought my drifting consciousness back.

“No, nothing, everything is fine.”

“Is that so? You didn’t look fine. Is everything alright?”

“I’m good, Everything is alright. Sorry, I just had something on my mind.”

“Did it have to do with what happened the other day?”

Hm? The other day? . . .Oh, yeah yeah. What Koharu was talking about. That’s an annoying problem, but I didn’t think about it at all until she brought it up.

I’m sorry Sara, she’s been looking at me with anxiety. It was Koharu before, but it didn’t feel like she was going to explode soon, so her priority is lower now.

“That’s unrelated. . . Ah, don’t make that face.”

“Hmp.”

She looked at me with worried eyebrows hanged like ハ . I was waving the white flag in my heart. Stop please, I can’t win against her.

“. . . You won’t laugh?”

“I won’t laugh!”

I stroked her head which brightened her expression. I decided to confess a slightly deceptive truth.

“If Sara had a lover, I think I would feel lonely.”

“Eh, why are you worried about that all of a sudden?”

“Well, yesterday I heard something. If your close friend gets a lover, you would feel lonely because they are taken away.”

“Well, I think I can understand a little. If Shiori-san got a lover, I would also be lonely.”

Oh, She’d feel lonely? I’m a little happy.

If Sara had a lover, our time spent would be reduced. She may even go to school with her lover instead of me.

Because we share a train schedule, would I just have to say hello and look at those two people from afar? Why is it so painful!

“I don’t think I’ve been in love for a while. By the way, we never talked about it, but do you have anybody you like?”

“N-No I don’t.”

“Is that so? Then if we go out with each other, we both won’t feel lonely, right?”

“!!!!”

I had no control over my face after having that curve ball hit me from behind.

My face was dyed red. Sara then happily asked with a smile “Is Shiori-san shy, did you get embarrassed?” but I denied saying “I’m, not shy!” to my best effort.

She continued her teasing with “Bashful Shiori-san is so cute.” splendidly sinking my ship.

Not long ago, I would have been the one teasing, but now it’s completely reversed.

Ah geez! From now on, I will never talk about love with Sara!

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Shiori is finally thinking about her situation. The fact she is a character in a yuri game. Even though she is more aware of it now, seems like she is still burying it. Though the Sara X Shiori at the end was really cute.