Kami-samaâs room didnât have a single source of light.
The candle holder was broken, and there was no candles, too.
The shadows lengthened as the room steadily got darker.
âI was looking forward to getting married.â
The hand wiping the window completely stilled.
I closed my eyes for a moment, then I shook my head imperceptibly.
âI was excited about the wedding ceremony. I searched for a dress at the tailors, and I also hoped Ericâ my fiance â would be really amazed at the designs of the rings, so I was really worried, I didnât know what to do about it. Itâs a once-in-a-lifetime event, you know. It will be the happiest day of my life, where I will be the prettiest girl in the whole world!â
I unwittingly raised my voice, so I shut my mouth.
Kami-sama didnât say anything; he doesnât have a face so I didnât know what expression he had right now.
However, even if I donât see his face, I could already picture what was on his mind.
I took a deep breath â then I tried to brighten my tone to dispel the awkward atmosphere.
ââŚâŚAs if, it doesnât suit me, right. As if a wedding will suit me!â
âI can be prettyâ, whatâs with that.
âI can be happyâ, whatâs with that.
I said that, but I was the one laughing at myself now.
âI donât have that kind of personality, right? âPrettiest girl in the whole worldâ, isnât that being too conceited!â
In the first place, while all the girls in the world were busy daydreaming about love, I had been constantly busy, training to be a saintess
Although being a saintess was also a form of marriage, it was more like job-hunting for me.
âIâd rather be self-reliant than leaving my fate in the hands of humans!â â that was what I felt back then, so I poured everything I got aiming to become a saintess, and marriage was something that never crossed my mind.
âCome on, go ahead and laugh! Kami-sama, youâre way too serious! Itâs not even a grave matter, see, the moodâs all weird now!â
The window reflected me laughing.
A very awkward laugh was coming out from me, though.
My voice echoed throughout the room â but Kami-sama didnât even smile.
âI wonât laugh.â
âSaying that ââ
âYou were yearning for that wedding, were you not? You were eagerly anticipating that day, didnât you? That is why you are really sorrowful, isnât it?â
Kami-samaâs voice was really serious and very grave.
The people who knew me had all laughed it off.
Even Lufure-sama said âIt doesnât suit you!â while laughing his head off.
âI will never laugh at the things that are important to Eleanor-san.â
Kami-sama is too kind.
It would have been better if he laughed, too.
âOnee-sama.â
Memories of my sisterâs wedding day floated to my mind as I stared out of the window.
It was a little after I failed becoming a saintess. The feud between Amalda and my sister had also ended, and we finally experienced a clear, sunny day.
Under the bright, blue sky, I watched as my sister and my brother-in-law, His Excellency the Duke, pledged their love before the priest.
I know itâs a bit weird saying this, but my sister was a symbol of indomitableness and strength.
She will persist no matter what, and she will pull those around her to move forward.
However, at that time â
Clad white a pure white dress and a crown of pale flowers over her hair â and at that moment, my sister was the most beautiful girl in the world. The Duke gazed at my sister with overflowing happiness, and it seemed that my sister was the most precious being for His excellency as he lovingly looked at her.
<b>âHow nice.â</b>
I had supposedly given up on marriage at that time, but I couldnât help but think that way as I looked at my sisterâs figure.
It was like a new dream formed within me, who was a failed saintess-wanna-be, because of that spectacle.
<b>âSomeday, I, too ââ</b>
I had yearned for it since that day.
A wedding ceremony brimming with happiness, where the bride is the prettiest.
I knew it didnât suit me.
I was too stubborn, and I didnât have an ounce of elegant bearing a young aristocratic lady should have. Such a girly dream doesnât suit me. I didnât have a speck of charm on my body.
I was aware of that.
Thatâs why I didnât mind it no matter who laughed at me.
â â Itâs because youâve been earnestly yearning for it that itâs sad and frustrating, isnât it?â
Kami-sama didnât laugh.
He seriously listened, he didnât negate it, and he sincerely recognized that I was serious about it.
âIn that case, please, Eleanor-san shouldnât force yourself to smile. I never wanted to see you deprecate yourself.â
He was a bit angry as he said that.
âââ
T/N: Yep, that was one shallow reason to get married, but canât blame her for wanting that, sheâd been pushed aside because of Amalda for almost all her life. Besides, since she had to get married for political reasons, itâs admirable to think that she looked for the silver lining in what could be a potentially cold marriage. Well, it wouldnât push through, though, so do your best in comforting her, Kami-sama! đ
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