Vol 2 - Chapter 19

Volume 2 Chapter 19

“…..I”

Kami-sama’s room didn’t have a single source of light.

The candle holder was broken, and there was no candles, too.

The shadows lengthened as the room steadily got darker.

“I was looking forward to getting married.”

The hand wiping the window completely stilled.

I closed my eyes for a moment, then I shook my head imperceptibly.

“I was excited about the wedding ceremony. I searched for a dress at the tailors, and I also hoped Eric— my fiance — would be really amazed at the designs of the rings, so I was really worried, I didn’t know what to do about it. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime event, you know. It will be the happiest day of my life, where I will be the prettiest girl in the whole world!”

I unwittingly raised my voice, so I shut my mouth.

Kami-sama didn’t say anything; he doesn’t have a face so I didn’t know what expression he had right now.

However, even if I don’t see his face, I could already picture what was on his mind.

I took a deep breath — then I tried to brighten my tone to dispel the awkward atmosphere.

“……As if, it doesn’t suit me, right. As if a wedding will suit me!”

‘I can be pretty’, what’s with that.

‘I can be happy’, what’s with that.

I said that, but I was the one laughing at myself now.

“I don’t have that kind of personality, right? ‘Prettiest girl in the whole world’, isn’t that being too conceited!”

In the first place, while all the girls in the world were busy daydreaming about love, I had been constantly busy, training to be a saintess

Although being a saintess was also a form of marriage, it was more like job-hunting for me.

“I’d rather be self-reliant than leaving my fate in the hands of humans!” — that was what I felt back then, so I poured everything I got aiming to become a saintess, and marriage was something that never crossed my mind.

“Come on, go ahead and laugh! Kami-sama, you’re way too serious! It’s not even a grave matter, see, the mood’s all weird now!”

The window reflected me laughing.

A very awkward laugh was coming out from me, though.

My voice echoed throughout the room — but Kami-sama didn’t even smile.

“I won’t laugh.”

“Saying that —”

“You were yearning for that wedding, were you not? You were eagerly anticipating that day, didn’t you? That is why you are really sorrowful, isn’t it?”

Kami-sama’s voice was really serious and very grave.

The people who knew me had all laughed it off.

Even Lufure-sama said ‘It doesn’t suit you!” while laughing his head off.

“I will never laugh at the things that are important to Eleanor-san.”

Kami-sama is too kind.

It would have been better if he laughed, too.

‘Onee-sama.’

Memories of my sister’s wedding day floated to my mind as I stared out of the window.

It was a little after I failed becoming a saintess. The feud between Amalda and my sister had also ended, and we finally experienced a clear, sunny day.

Under the bright, blue sky, I watched as my sister and my brother-in-law, His Excellency the Duke, pledged their love before the priest.

I know it’s a bit weird saying this, but my sister was a symbol of indomitableness and strength.

She will persist no matter what, and she will pull those around her to move forward.

However, at that time —

Clad white a pure white dress and a crown of pale flowers over her hair — and at that moment, my sister was the most beautiful girl in the world. The Duke gazed at my sister with overflowing happiness, and it seemed that my sister was the most precious being for His excellency as he lovingly looked at her.

<b>‘How nice.’</b>

I had supposedly given up on marriage at that time, but I couldn’t help but think that way as I looked at my sister’s figure.

It was like a new dream formed within me, who was a failed saintess-wanna-be, because of that spectacle.

<b>‘Someday, I, too —’</b>

I had yearned for it since that day.

A wedding ceremony brimming with happiness, where the bride is the prettiest.

I knew it didn’t suit me.

I was too stubborn, and I didn’t have an ounce of elegant bearing a young aristocratic lady should have. Such a girly dream doesn’t suit me. I didn’t have a speck of charm on my body.

I was aware of that.

That’s why I didn’t mind it no matter who laughed at me.

“ — It’s because you’ve been earnestly yearning for it that it’s sad and frustrating, isn’t it?”

Kami-sama didn’t laugh.

He seriously listened, he didn’t negate it, and he sincerely recognized that I was serious about it.

“In that case, please, Eleanor-san shouldn’t force yourself to smile. I never wanted to see you deprecate yourself.”

He was a bit angry as he said that.

———

T/N: Yep, that was one shallow reason to get married, but can’t blame her for wanting that, she’d been pushed aside because of Amalda for almost all her life. Besides, since she had to get married for political reasons, it’s admirable to think that she looked for the silver lining in what could be a potentially cold marriage. Well, it wouldn’t push through, though, so do your best in comforting her, Kami-sama! 😀

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