CH 27

I was 18, and it was just a few months before Devan kidnapped me.

Until then, I had no doubt that I was using Killian.

He’d spread rumors about the system as I’d ordered him to, and he gave me a pendant that smelled of daisies.

He listened to my request as if he was a skilled servant, and the price was usually a smile or hug.

I thought it was a pretty good deal.

Until I saw that.

Thanks to my soon-to-be debut, Count Diego’s calls to the basement had decreased significantly.

I could at least act like an ordinary count’s child on the outside.

I could finally sleep and wake up in my room, wash with cold water, and eat twice a day.

I was satisfied enough and waited for the day when Devan would kidnap me.

It was on that day.

Without a maid waiting on me, I ate the hard bread that was meant for the  servants.

After that, I was about to go back to my room. When would it happen?

Outside that day, I looked at a spot in the backyard that was visible through the kitchen door.

Three years ago, it was where the dog who died because of me was buried.

It was a hard crime for me to face, even more so because I couldn’t repent.

Even after turning back time, I couldn’t save my dog, or take revenge on the Count.

I was just in a hurry to survive.

So I pretended not to know. I tried not to face it, and rationalized that it was inevitable.

That’s probably the reason why I’ve avoided the grave these past three years, even though it was only a few steps away from the back door.

I slowly head to the backyard.

There was no one in the kitchen, as all the servants were eating.

I couldn’t remember where the puppy was buried.

I only remember that it was under a large tree, but I couldn’t remember the exact location.

There were too many trees in the garden.

I sighed without realizing it.

Since it was unknown where they were resting, I couldn’t even pray for the life I’d killed.

I crouched down in front of the largest tree.

Without realizing that there was soil getting on my skirt, I hugged my knees and stared blankly.

I didn’t know where to look, so my eyes flicked around.

“…I’m sorry.”

I bowed my head and whispered.

My small voice disappeared in an instant, without leaving an echo behind.

“….Sorry.”

I whispered one more time.

If I hadn’t grown close to you, if I hadn’t taken care of you.

If only the Count hadn’t caught me taking care of you…

Would you still be alive?

I gently put my hand on the wet soil.

I remembered it’s black and protruding nose, it was wet like this.

Unknowingly, I smiled and laughed, then hurriedly lowered the corners of my mouth.

I should’ve treated you harshly, I should’ve pretended not to know.

Then Count Diego wouldn’t have taken you and your children hostage, and threatened them.

We shouldn’t have met, it would’ve been better for the both of us.

I put my head on my knees.

How long has it been? I was about to get up and go back.

Then I heard the sound of the kitchen door opening.

Looking back, a human shadow was coming toward the backyard.

I hurriedly hid behind a large tree. It was full of bushes, so it was enough to cover my body.

I crouched down and slightly raised my face.

Who was it?

Someone sank near where I’d previously sat.

I couldn’t see his face because of the angle. I wasn’t even sure if he was resting for a while because he didn’t want to work.

He’d casually come and play in soil, then go back in. I don’t want to be found, or have him think I’ve played a joke on him either.

Yeah, I’ll just pretend I don’t know. I thought It was about time for him to get up.

When a low voice rang in my ears.

“Sorry.”

I lowered my body again.

What did he mean, sorry?

Was this also for the dog?

If you knew it’s buried here… I didn’t even know where the dog was buried.

I peeked out a little more to the side.

“…I know it’s because of me. But…”

The unknown man was blaming himself and there was sadness in his voice.

Only then did I notice that the voice was familiar.

My body stiffened.

“There was no choice. You know it too. So….”

The man got up from his seat and put something down on the soil.

“Please…”

The man mumbled, then headed back to the kitchen door.

I came out of the bushes and my eyes caught his retreating back.

Tall, wide shoulders, trim waist, precise steps, and neat silver hair.

It was him, Killian Diego.

I barely walked to the loosened soil and sat down in front of the tree.

What the man put down on the soil was a dry sausage, similar to what I gave the pregnant dog when I took care of it.

“Hmm…”

I felt like crying, so I covered my mouth with my hands.

Killian knew about this sausage, he knew I was taking care of a pregnant dog.

He knew the dog was the only thing that gave me hope in this mansion, and that it was the only weakness that Count Diego was able to use.

It was him.

Three years ago, the person who told the Count to hold the dog hostage.

The sausage that was crushed randomly.

Because of these things, that child died.

Because of these things…

On the day my dog died, I remembered that Killian had followed me to my room.

Unlike usual, he called a doctor to heal me and blocked Count Diego.

At that time, I think I felt a little sorry for him.

When I entered and left the basement, I knew that the number of days when he was hit had decreased.

I also knew that his longing for me was full of cowardice. I never blamed him even though I knew it.

Because we were young.

I thought he was only using me, like I was using him, treating each other like that.

But this wasn’t it.

He didn’t have to be this selfish.

Everything was a pretense.

The appearance of buying me time to finish my treatment…

The expressions I saw while he was covering the door obediently…

What he said about the puppy made a mess in my head.

‘Please forgive me.’

His words that were full of self-pity made me want to vomit.

***

“Home…. Let’s go back home, Evelyn. Huh? Let’s go home.”

Killian was kneeling down in front of me, and looked up at me desperately.

I lowered my hand and stroked his fine silver hair.

Killian’s expression soon relaxed, and I took my hand and touched his face.

We’d never done this in front of anyone else, so I was very shocked by this situation.

Or maybe he was already a little crazy after I’d disappeared for a year.

I raised his chin with my index finger.

The blind and obedient eyes that looked at me were filled with a longing that couldn’t be hidden.

Now that I looked at him properly, he looked thinner and more exhausted than he did in my memory.

His skin looked rough, and his eyes had deep shadows under them.

He was still handsome, but he looked sharper and more sensitive than before.

It was easy to see how crazed he would’ve been while I was away, without anyone to care for.

“Brother, you seem to be mistaken about something. I’ve never thought of that place as my home.”

Killian’s eyes were filled with shock.

“So I can’t go back.”

“Evelyn…”

Maybe he didn’t know I’ve been waiting for this day all along.

Today was the last day I could say these last words.

“I will never…”

I lowered my head and whispered, as if to wedge them inside his mind.

”…forgive you.”

Killian’s expression collapsed.

I looked down at him coldly. I didn’t feel as happy or relieved as I thought.

Just in time, the old butler arrived with the marriage papers.

I wanted to finish it as soon as possible and leave this place.

As I stood up from my seat, Killian, who was leaning against my knee, collapsed to the floor as if he’d fainted.

“Let’s hurry up.”

When I looked at Devan with a cold look, he nodded without hesitation.

The old butler lined up the marriage papers on the table.

Devan had already signed with blood, so it was my turn now.

When I reached out to him, Devan handed me a dagger.

“Can you do this alone?”

I smiled at his absurd question, this couldn’t even be considered a wound.

It was just about to prick my index finger with the dagger.

“….Hold on.”

Killian, who’d been sitting at my feet, grabbed the hem of my dress.

“What…What on earth are you doing? Evelyn… Let’s go back home. Huh? Evelyn.”

He was almost crying, while he pleaded with me.

I looked at him, I’d won.

When I pricked my index finger without hesitation, red blood bloomed.

Blood droplets fell on the pledge and disappeared in an instant.

The butler coughed, and said.

“This establishes the marriage between the two. Once again, you can never break this pledge until you draw blood. I’ll act as a witness in the case of a divorce.”

Killian’s arms fell to the floor.

His eyes were empty, as if something important had been taken away from him.

Just because it wasn’t pleasant didn’t mean that I sympathized with him.

It’s not me that he lost, but himself.

“…I think we’d better end the banquet.”

It was time for me to leave the hall without looking back.

Killian jumped up from his seat and blocked me.

“…Brother.”

I muttered like a sigh.

Now I really wanted to get out of here.

He’d already grabbed my shoulders with a half-worn look.

I tried to shake off his arm with a frown, but it wasn’t easy.

“What are you doing?”

“Please talk to me…”

“I have nothing to say.”

My shoulders, that were caught in his grip, hurt as if they were about to be crushed.

“Hey—”

Devan tried to stop him, but I stopped him with a wink.

Because this was our problem.