chapter 68

Ben’s eyes shook greatly. His little expectation is shattered and scattered into pieces.

“…You can’t do it?”

His trembling hand grabbed Cersinia’s other hand.

“Can’t I wait for you?” He begged.

Ben’s expression, as if he could cry at any moment, made anyone who saw him feel sad.

“It’s impossible.”

Cersinia widened her eyes, fearing that she might have other feelings she didn’t want to show to him. Ben felt his heart sink throughout the rejection as if pouring disinfectant into the wound.

“I can wait as long as you want,” he spoke urgently as if he were trying to catch even a small hope.

“Don’t wait.”

But Cersinia inadvertently took away his hope.

Cersinia couldn’t promise him the future. Even if she tried to change the predicted future, the end might not change in the end. Because she didn’t know what these hands or this body could do. Even if luckily, nothing happened, and the story was needed. She can’t ask him to wait until then.

Who is she to shackle him for waiting? That action is just full of greed. She shouldn’t give him false hope. There’s nothing more selfish than that.

“Are you serious? Is that really what you want?”

With his tightly closed teeth, he spat out slurred words. Ben’s face was placed as he couldn’t bear it.

“Yes… I mean it.”

Cersinia hardened her bitter heart and pulled out both of her hands caught by him. At that moment, Ben’s heart thumped and fell to the floor. Her warmth, filling his hands, escaped in vain. It was a clear rejection not to hold or touch her again. He already missed her warmth, and his throat was already choked up. The sense of loss and despair of losing everything penetrated his heart.

Ben murmured foolishly at his empty hands, “Cersinia, I-I…”

“Ben, don’t make me say it twice.”

She drove him away to hell. Because the more vaguely she answers, the more she hurts him.

“…”

His blurry eyes were moist. The empty gaze lost its way. He blamed himself and regretted being greedy beyond his means. He thought Cersinia would keep holding his hand at the Harvest festival because she said she would go with him, so he kept holding her hand at the Harvest festival. That’s why he was a little greedier. He wanted to turn back time if he could. But even if he regretted it, it was already too late.

“I don’t know.”

“…”

“How can I live without you?”

Ben shuddered. He lost all his light, so he couldn’t see any hope. He can’t let her go, and he doesn’t know how to let her go. His eyes swelled hot.

“Let’s go now”.

Cersinia unbuttoned the coat she had worn. She couldn’t be wearing this when she rejected him. Ben shook his head when he saw the coldly given back coat.

“Cold, you’ll catch a cold.”

His voice was still worried about her. Even in the midst of this chaos, Ben took care of her first.

“…”

Cersinia bit her lip and pulled out her hand. She couldn’t return his coat viciously. It was difficult to hurt him anymore, who was foolish to worry about her until the end.

The two walked through the forest with different minds. Cersinia tried never to look sideways. She walked unnaturally straight ahead. However, as if the wind wants to torment her, the wind carrying Ben’s scent blows over and over. It was a scent with a strong presence that she could smell when Ben was next to her. The familiar scent was always a refreshing breeze to Cersinia.

Cersinia remembered Ben’s scent, which had always brought her to reassurance. The same scent held her back when she was hit by a stone and collapsed. It was the scent that prevented the creepy thing from possessing her body.

She liked his scent. The tip of her nose ached, the corners of her eyes wet with tears, and her lips were trembling. Her vision was blurry, perhaps because of the darkness that had descended that she couldn’t see well. The two got into the carriage. Soon after, the carriage departed, and Ben opened his mouth carefully.

“I don’t know yet. I’ve never thought of myself without Cersinia. I don’t know what to do.”

Ben’s voice became hoarse.

“So please give me time. Please still stay by my side.”

He bowed his head deeply with his red eyes. His hard, broad shoulders were shrugged.

“Please don’t disappear without saying anything, Cersinia.”

Silence came again with his words. Cersinia looked out of the window at the burning pain in her heart. There was no more conversation throughout the way to the mansion. But the bracelets were still worn on their own wrists.

* * *

“Cersinia, what happened?”

“Lady Cersinia, are you not feeling well?”

May and Verne were worried about Cersinia, who had become quiet and expressionless since yesterday’s Harvest festival.

“No, I’m okay.”

Her gaze remained outside the window.

“Perhaps… Ah, no. Call me anytime you need me.”

May quietly left the room with Verne. Being alone, Cersinia picked up the bracelet she had placed on the table with blank eyes. The bracelet that could not be put on her wrist or thrown away had become a treasure trove.

“Why do I have to possess this body?” A mournful voice echoed in the room.

Every moment she rejected him, she resented her power. She wanted to hug him over and over again, who was hurt.

“I’m tired.”

She is so anxious about what will happen that her heart is pounding faster. After shoving the bracelet she was holding into her pocket, she stood up from her seat. Ben asked her to stay here, but Cersinia had to get out of here. Because she didn’t know when crazy murderous intention would overwhelm her again. With helpless steps, she opened the door.

“Where are you going?”

Verne, standing at the door, found Cersinia and asked.

“Just a walk. What’s wrong with your lips?”

The left corner of Verne’s mouth was bursting. The wound didn’t exist until her departure to the Harvest festival. The wound around her mouth was about the size of a fingernail.

“Ah, I bump into a pillar while looking away.”

Verne smiled mischievously.

“You bumped into a pillar? Did they bully you again?”

Suspicious eyes looked at Verne thoroughly. Cersinia could believe it if it was May, but since it was Verne, who wouldn’t make such mistakes, she couldn’t help but be more suspicious.

“No. It really happened because I bumped into a pillar… It’s embarrassing.”

Embarrassed, Verne smoothed her hair. Cersinia was reluctant to believe her words.

“Make sure to apply for the medicine so that it won’t hurt.”

“Yes, I will. Thank you.”

“Why were you still helping me? Take a rest.”

“I think the lady needs something, so I will help you.”

Verne accepted as her exclusive maid on promises that Verne had free time until she was called by Cersinia first. Verne kept her promises well, but Cersinia didn’t seem to be in good shape. Verne was worried that she was wandering in front of the door.

“Is there anything I can help you with?” Verne carefully brought it up.

Cersinia wanted to be alone but could not ignore the restless Verne.

“Shall we take a walk together?”

“Yes! I like it.”

Verne nodded several times and smiled brightly. Cersinia smiled and walked down the hallway with Verne.

“Master will go to inspection again from tomorrow. I guess there are still some estates to visit.”

Verne opened the door and looked at Cersinia. She was curious, but she couldn’t ask Cersinia about it.

“I see.”

Cersinia predicted that Ben would be uncomfortable, so she decided to leave the house. Even if Ben comes back, he will avoid her activity time. He was that kind of person. Since she met him for the first time until now, he has always been considerate of her.

‘This is his house.’

Cersinia was worried about him not being able to rest comfortably in his own house. In agony, her mouth creaked as if she was chewing grains of sand.

“I think Master will be very busy for a while.”

In addition, at Verne’s words, Cersinia nodded without an answer. Arriving in the garden, they took their seats at the table where they always sat.

“Should I bring some refreshments? Lady didn’t eat much for breakfast either.”

“Yes, that would be nice too.”

It was nice to come with Verne, but she wanted to be alone for a while.

“Then I’ll be right back.”

Verne rushed into the mansion. Cersinia thought it was best for her to leave. She wanted to grant his request not to disappear silently, so she would set a date and tell him.

‘Should I leave this week?’

The sooner she leaves, the better.

‘In the end, I’m running away.’

She didn’t know any rumors about Ben or the story about the wounds on Ben’s back yet. She cowardly runs away. Like when she regretted giving back Ben to the Viscount Montene three years ago.

Somehow, she felt miserable. She had already lived in this body for three years. Still, she couldn’t do anything as she wanted and was swayed that, in the end, she eventually ran away again. Cersinia buried her face in her hands. She’s tired of this tedious situation and wants to escape this reality. But at the sound of rustling that followed, she looked straight ahead.

“It’s been a while since I saw you, Lady Cersinia.”

An unexpected guest stood in front of her. It was Archen.