chapter 63

For Cersinia, Ben’s confession was like homework. Problems were already piled up like a mountain in front of her, and Ben’s confession added up one more problem. The truth of the rumors that follow Ben, the wounds behind his back, and the same situation that Verne experienced in the novel.

‘Nothing has been solved.’

If possible, she wanted to put off her worries about his confession as much as possible. However, the only thing that occupied her mind was that confession.

“I’m going crazy, really.”

In the end, Cersinia decided to face his confession properly. She needs to know what she wants to do and how she should treat him in the future. The more she thought about it, the more memories she had with him passed by like a flash.

When they first met at the gambling house, how he liked it after receiving a name, and when they stayed together in the cabin, the promise they made at the dock. When they made a new start in the Mulain Village, they shared the most ordinary moments.

In every moment that unfolded like a panorama, Ben always smiled with his eyes only containing Cersinia. There was affection in his smile that made her heart ache. Cersinia’s face gradually hardened.

‘I really didn’t expect it?’

Can she say that she really didn’t know how he felt? Has she never felt that he might confess at any time?

‘No, it was not like that.’

Although Ben never said that he likes her directly, he has repeatedly said that he wanted to be with her. He turned red when she touched him, and his heart pounded even with a small touch. Even though he showed up again years later, he always tried to stay by her side. But how could she not know his heart from that action?

“I really pretended not to know for my convenience…”

In the last three years, Ben has been expressing his feelings endlessly. Still, Cersinia has been pretending not to know because she is afraid of their relationship that will change in the future. Cersinia let go of the pillow she was holding and stared into the air.

‘Then what? What should I do?’

Now is not the time to relax and play with love. The novel has begun, and she has always lived in tension. She was already overwhelmed to think about herself, so she couldn’t afford to think about someone else.

“I have to reject him,” Cersinia said with her mouth at the natural conclusion.

Afraid of her unstable future, she didn’t think any more about it. Only her breath resonates in the heavy sinking atmosphere.

Knock. Knock.

“Cersinia.”

“Ugh…”

She was surprised that she had almost made a sound. Fortunately, she quickly covered her mouth with both her hands.

“Can I come in?”

“No!”

Indeed, her heart doesn’t remain calm because of his sudden appearance.

“Are you okay?”

He steadily spoke outside the door. The voice she heard through the thick and large door worried about her.

“I’m just a little tired.”

With a pricking conscience, Cersinia frowned. She can’t avoid him like this. But her heart is going crazy.

“Are you sick or something?”

“No, I’m okay. I just want to take a rest.”

“I have something to tell you. I will talk from here.”

The two chatted between the doors. It was heartbreaking to have a person come to visit her because he was worried, but he couldn’t enter her room. While Ben was standing in front of the door, Cersinia struggled to open the door or not.

It was difficult for her to meet him right away, but he was the owner of this mansion. If the servants see Ben standing in front of the door like a rejected person, they will not be able to save his face. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t want him to be ignored by someone else’s mouth.

“Wait a minute.”

Cersinia was forced out of bed and hurried to the bathroom. So far, the contemplation that she has considered has been overshadowed by quickly washing her face and then applying lotion. Her hair, which had become brittle, was lightly dampened with water and combed through. But in the aftermath of staying up all night, her face overall looked a bit more worn than usual.

“Should I put something on my lips…”

‘Would it look better if I colored my lips on my face that looks lifeless?’

Cersinia, examining her face while looking at the mirror, stopped her action.

‘What am I doing now?’

She must have refused him, but now why must she worry that her face might look ugly? As she came to her senses, Cersinia turned around. But she didn’t forget to check if she had any eye boogers until the end. Then she stood in front of the closed door and instinctively her body if she smelled bad. It wasn’t until she decided that it wouldn’t be a problem that she grabbed the doorknob and turned it around.

“Cersinia.”

When the closed door opened, Ben’s face, which had a gloomy expression, brightened. Cersinia shuddered at Ben’s smile. His bright face was dazzling like a pearl. She saw an illusion that there was a halo behind him.

‘How can he be this handsome?’

She stayed up all night because of his confession, but Ben’s face was glowing, not like her. He seems to have slept very comfortably.

“Come in.”

Cersinia grumbled all night alone, but she nervously turned around and walked over to him, who seemed to be fine. Ben followed after her and looked at her with affection as if she was adorable. The two sat on the sofa facing the window.

“Looks like you slept very well.”

Cersinia grunted and fiddled with the flowers on the table. Ben smiled quietly and didn’t miss each of her actions with his eyes.

“It’s no different, but in three days, the harvest festival will be held in the estate.”

“Harvest festival?”

Ben nodded when Cersinia showed curiosity. He hesitated for a while, looking a little nervous, and then opened his lips.

“I want to go with you.””

“…”

“This is a date request.”

Ben dropped his head at the end of his sentence. He grabbed onto his innocent pants with sweat in his hands. His ears, which could not be covered even when he lowered his head, were ripe red, and his black eyelashes were trembling.

Cersinia swallowed her saliva, feeling the thirst in her throat at his reaction. His tension and subtle tremors that spread implicitly were also being transmitted to her.

‘It’s a date…’

He threw a strong punch day by day, making her confused. The impact of his direct words was enormous. Her hairs over her body stood up and her heart heated up as if it were burned. Her vision was shaken, and her pulse was beating rapidly. She didn’t know how to express these feelings. It seemed that no words could define her current feelings.

“Would you like to go with me?”

When Ben didn’t hear an answer, he slowly lifted his head with a trembling heart.

“…I’ll think about it.”

Cersinia wiggled her hand, which she hid under the table. She was concerned that her voice might tremble. Just like yesterday, her cracking voice was a big no.

“If you feel burdened, don’t hesitate to say no at any time.”

“All right.”

She nodded and looked at the window while pretending to be calm. If she met his gaze now, she would be exposed. She was also uncertain about this feeling.

“Then I’ll get going now.”

Leaving his regret behind, Ben stood up. It seemed that Cersinia felt burdened enough to avoid the meal they were supposed to eat with. Still, he felt uncomfortable because he seemed to have put more pressure on her.

‘But I really wanted to go with her.’

He wanted to fulfill his little greed. He wanted her to walk around smiling with him like three years ago. But they haven’t had a proper date since the reunion.

“…”

Cersinia followed him to see him off. They walked side by side through the quiet room and headed towards the door. In the meantime, she was nervous that the sound of her heart beating could be heard. The time to reach the door was so slow that she felt suffocated by tension.

“Rest comfortably.”

Ben, who turned around in front of the door, said quietly.

‘He’s obviously smiling affectionately at me, but why does he look pitiful?’

He turned back slowly then took a step forward to get out of the room. His wide back and large hands were moving away, gradually leaving Cersinia.

“I’ll go!”

Cersinia grabbed his hand as he walked away. Ben quickly turned and stared at his captured hand, then saw Cersinia. His eyes were trembling wildly.

“I will go. To the Harvest festival.”

Cersinia didn’t even understand herself for the action she had just done.

‘Why did I suddenly hold him when I should have turned down his confession, and why had I promised that I would go to a harvest festival with him?’

But she thought she should do that. Otherwise, she thinks Ben will go very far away.

“I’m happy.”

Ben smiled shyly and lowered his gaze. Cersinia’s hand that clenched his hand tightly made his heart pound with joy. He gently clasped her hand. As if it wasn’t enough, he gently put his finger between her fingers and clasped them.

Cersinia’s head turned to their interlaced hands. Her hands felt warmth in an instant. Her fingers were tingling as if static electricity had risen. A gust of wind blew in her heart. It was the wind that had been ready to blow from a long time ago. She couldn’t think of anything. The conclusion she made became dust so quickly. It felt like time had stopped except for her and Ben.