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Chapter 73 – Clown and Clownette
December 23rd, first day of winter break.
I woke up at eleven. I purposely woke up during this time to avoid the cold morning. Waking at this hour had its own benefit, not only that the temperature would get warmer during this time, it would also help the Sakaki family reduce their food expenses by skipping breakfast.
People said that going to bed early and waking up early was a healthy lifestyle but it just stressed me out more than anything and even dogs knew that being stressed wasn’t healthy.
Not that I cared about what they said though. After I ate my lunch, I went back to my room, filled with the warmth that came from my jolly mood and began to spread the warmth into my bed. This was the best feeling. Eternal sleep, here I come…
Bang!
Or not… It seemed like the poltergeist was hell-bent on disturbing me today. I closed my eyes and wished for it to pass safely to the netherworld.
“Bro! Help me out for a second! The snow is thick outside!”
Did the door?… Speak?… How? Why? Did it gain sentience, vocal cord and lungs? No way it did, right? Yeah, my mind had to be playing tricks on me. I heard of this phenomenon before, apparently when you fall asleep hearing music, it will stay rent-free in your brain and create auditory hallucinations like this. Since that was the case, I decided to ignore it.
“Bro! Help me out!”
I mean, why did humans need to shovel the snow? Their stamina was limited and the snowfall was endless, it was a pointless struggle and a huge waste of energy.
“It’s getting warmer outside, perfect time to shovel!”
It was cold outside, that was the reason why the snow fell in the first place.
Yeah, no, I won’t go.
“Sniff… I’ll cry…”
I jumped off my bed.
“Alright, let’s go, dear brother~”
“You’re such a pain in the a**…”
Seriously.
You knew I was weak to your tears.
I opened the door and found Ugin standing there while wearing her winter outfit. There was snow on her waist, they fell little by little to the floor before quickly melting and disappearing.
“Is it that thick?”
“Mm. I can’t do it by myself, so help me?~”
She winked at me.
It was a wink filled with love, but I could feel nothing but dread from that wink.
How could this happen? It was supposed to be my time to relax, why did the world decide to place this burden on me? What did I do in my past life that fate decided to take my bliss away from me? Wasn’t winter break supposed to be a time when you would be able to enjoy your freedom? Was that a lie?
Nevertheless, that feeling of dread couldn’t beat my concern toward my sister. I simply couldn’t bring myself to see her tears.
I was concerned that this sister of mine might be approached by a douche later in her life. She was one of the cutest girls I’ve ever seen and I always thought that she would stay single until her 30s because all the boys were simply out of her league, but apparently she was popular with the girls too.
By the way, when I mentioned my concern, she went ballistic one time. Now I understand the feelings of a father seeing his daughter in her rebellious phase.
Anyway, I needed to tell her to stop winking at other people. Bugs will come swarming her if she keeps doing it.
I geared myself like an eskimo and started shoveling with Ugin.
The sun was hiding behind the gray cloud and the snow showed no sign of melting anytime soon. I dug my way through the thick snow, like a soldier digging through a deep trench. I shoved away the pure white carpet on the road and peeled off the hardened snow as I walked. F**k this snow… Who made me do this? Sakaki Ugin, was it you? No, of course not, she wasn’t the one to blame, it was the snow!
“Bro, your killing intent is leaking.”
“I’m going to eradicate all snow!”
“Why don’t you move to Kenya? I can help you with that! First, let me tell mom about this–”
“No! Just send me to Okinawa please…”
*   *   *
I finished shoveling the snow (I ran away) and was currently lazing around in the living room while sipping my tomato juice.
Ah… This is life…
If I were an adult, I would be sipping wine instead of tomato… Or not, of course I would still sip my tomatoes.
While doing that, I was watching some kind of rewind program on the TV.
Ugin was still outside. We had done shoveling a while ago and she was currently building a snowman for some reason. Seriously, she would be in high school next year, why was she still acting like a child?
I casually opened my social media and saw Makoto’s post at the top page. It was a photo of him and Ruka being lovey dovey.
At that moment, he messaged me. Seriously, did he find out that I was looking at his post? How? Did he awaken his clairvoyance when I wasn’t looking?
[Need advice. Where should I go with Ruka for Christmas?]
I ignored the message and sipped my tomato juice. I saw nothing.
A few minutes later, he called me.
{Why are you ignoring me?!}
“Ignoring what? (The hell? Do you expect that people would read your messages as soon as it arrived? This generation is f**ked)”
{I asked you, where’s the best place to go for Christmas?}
I hung up the call. Seriously, think about it on your own. Me and romance was like oil and water, we didn’t match. He should have known about this already back when he asked for my help on the aquarium date.
Was he making fun of me? Just because he already got a girlfriend he was trying to look down on me? I should bring him to the gallows.
My phone rang once again.
{Why did you hang up on me?!}
“My bad, my hand slipped.”
{Seriously, c’mon… Help a bro out…}
“Um… Saudi Arabia maybe?”
{…Are you watching the rewind too, Sui?}
The TV screen was showing the report on Saudi Arabia’s oil business.
“Stop asking me, I won’t help you. I have sworn an oath that I won’t leave my room.”
{…C’mon, aren’t we friends?}
“Why don’t you ask Tsuru? She’ll know a lot more than me.”
{I don’t have her contact info!}
“Then go to her house. Your feet are still intact, no?”
{…Can’t you just give me her email or something?}
Since I had no choice, I gave him her contact.
Christmas, the day for couples to be lovey dovey all over the town. They would enjoy a meal at a fancy restaurant and scream over the beautiful night view. Meanwhile me and the rest of the Sakaki family would have our little cake party.
I wonder what kind of cake Ugin will make this year?
A few minutes later, Tsuru LINE’d me.
[You gave my LINE to Makoto? o(｀ω´ )o]
My, Makoto sure moved quickly.
I replied, [You know the best about things like this, after all.]
[I just sent him a crying sticker. I was kinda creeped out.]
I could feel my gastric juice coming out of my nose.
[Just answer him randomly, he’ll believe everything that you said], I replied to her.
[I’ll tell him to go to the love hotel ♡]
I spewed my tomato juice out of my mouth. Ugin who just entered the living room screamed ‘Mom! Bro is dying! He’s vomiting blood!’
That aside, what was that gyaru on about? Love hotel? She told him to go to the love hotel? …No way that was the case right? Surely not. She was just playing with me.
I regained my calm and started to type a poetic, beautiful sentence.
[He will be pleased hearing that suggestion.]
And sent that. Okay, this matter was done, bye bye, Makoto.
*   *   *
Afternoon. Ugin knocked at my door again.
“Mom told you to go shopping.”
“Wow! What an awful thing to say deshu” (T/N he’s imitating gaijin doing japanese)
“Nice impersonation, but you still have to go outside.”
“But why?! Why is this family hell-bent on making me leave my room?!”
“The tomato juice supply is running out, mom told you to go buy more while you’re at it.”
“I’ll go.”
“…I’m worried, should I go instead?”
“No. I’ll go.”
“…I’ll go with you then, carry my things, Bro.”
“Got it. My body is ready!”
I wore my trench coat before walking outside for the second time today.
To the convenience store we go,
“Here’s the shopping list.”
“Got it.”
Rewinding time. I wish I had that power. Whenever I had to do something together with Ugin like this, I always felt a heavy pressure. The pressure that I would mess up and be unable to fix my mistake. I wish I could turn back time.
We arrived at the convenience store.
I shoved the basket into the cart and prepared myself for battle.
“Thanks, Bro. You’re so reliable~ Helping out your fragile sister like this, way to go~”
“A small price for a glass of tomato juice.”
“Sure~”
Ugin was walking ahead of me while looking at the list while I was following her slowly from behind.
She tossed mayonnaise, meat and various other things one after another into the cart without hesitation. This place was like her backyard, she knew the internal structure of it. I was certain that even a blindfold wouldn’t hinder her path to conquest. She would occasionally glance at the list before throwing more stuff into the cart flawlessly. Even the eggs she threw didn’t break.
After a while, my turn came. I got to buy my tomato juice in bulk. Mom would use it occasionally for cooking, so after buying her share, I snatched as many bottles as I could without hesitating.
“Finally!”
“Don’t drink them all, okay? Leave some for mom.”
“Don’t worry about that, you can trust me, I can control myself…”
“…If your share isn’t enough, drink your own blood.”
“Ugin-chwan, that’s terrible~”
I left my cart with Ugin and waited on the other side of the cash register.
Ugin will make a great wife…
Well, if she got married, that’s it.
If someone proposed to her, Dad and I would take our time to evaluate that person. If they failed to meet our standards, we would make sure to beat the living s**t out of them.
“Oh, Sui.”
“Eh?”
Shirona was there.
I was dumbfounded by her sudden appearance.
“You don’t need to look so surprised. We live near each other, it wouldn’t be surprising to bump into each other like this.”
That was a fair argument, but that wasn’t the reason why I acted like this. Was it okay for us to act normally after all that?
“Will you go to Tsuru’s party, Sui?”
“Y-Yes, of course… I was the one who gathered the participants, it would be strange if I didn’t go…”
“Ah, I see. I thought it was Arina and Tsuru who did that…”
“No way that those two could cooperate with each other so smoothly like that…”
Well, they were getting closer each day, though.
“…Sui, you don’t need to be considerate of me, okay? I’m fine.”
“Huh?”
“Well, I’m a bit mad though…”
Shirona showed me a threatening smile.
“S-Sorry…”
“Jeez! I told you that it’s okay! Stop apologizing already!”
“…My bad…”
“Jeez!”
She then put her forehead on my chest. She wasn’t hugging me, she was just leaning on me.
After that she looked up.
“Tell me your lovey-dovey story later, okay? Make me feel jealous while you’re at it!”
After saying that, she left.
D**n, I was so nervous!! Calm down, me! Let’s focus on that clock and calm down!
After she was done, Ugin approached me with a smirk. I would step onto a landmine if I were to say something here, so I listlessly stuff more food into the plastic bag.
D**n it! Her smirk looked nasty! If I were a clown, then Ugin would be a clownette. Seriously, this clownette needed to stop smirking!
“Dear brother~”
“Wait a second, my lovely sister. Your brother is trying to pack this meat. If I tear the plastic by accident, the freshness would go away, so please stop talking to me.”
“That was Shirona-san, right? Right?”
“Yes, so?”
“Why are you guys flirting in broad daylight like this?”
“We weren’t! Are you doubting your brother’s morals, dear sister?!”
“You have morals? Wow.”
“Forget about it and let’s just go home!”
With plastic bags in both hands, I left the place quickly.
Ugin was clearly in a good mood. She skipped around the neighborhood while singing ‘Lalala, my brother is a two timer~’
That night, I went to bed earlier than usual.