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Chapter 59 – My Feelings for You
“Aa
 a
”
I was too scared to leave the classroom. Hell, I was too scared to even leave my desk.
This was caused by the text I received from Shirona this morning. She confessed her feelings to me. I tried to interpret the sentence ‘Sui, I love you’ in a lot of ways like looking for a hidden meaning, probability of typos, decrypting it using Caesar’s cipher and so on, but all of those led to the same conclusion.
Previously, she came to me and said something that I misunderstood as a confession, causing me to feel awkward in her presence, but this time around, nothing about her words could be misunderstood. Back then, she said ‘I liked you’, with a past tense, meaning I could interpret it as ‘I used to like you, but I stopped liking you’. I did just that and after a while I could treat her normally again.
This sudden confession confused me. It was hard for me to sort my feelings. She said she wanted to meet me and I had no choice but to meet her. I could just ignore her, but that would hurt her feelings and I didn’t want that. The problem here is what should I say to her?
“Aa
 au
 ahhh
”
“Sui! Come back to me, Sui!”
A familiar voice entered my ears.
“Ma
koto?
”
“What’s wrong? You look like Kaonashi.” (T/N: Spirited Away reference)
“Thank you
 I almost lost my ability to speak
 If you didn’t call my name, I probably would have been done for
”
“BAAAM!”
This time, a cheerful voice entered my ears along with a strong force that smacked my face into the desk. Ouch, my nose

“You’re not acting like yourself, Sui, what’s wrong?”
Standing next to Makoto was Niwatari Tsuru, a big brained gyaru. She was standing with her hands on her hips and a mischievous smile plastered on her face.
“Thank you, Tsuru-san, that chop just now completely erased nine years worth of my memory, now I lost my arithmetic skill.”
“My bad~”
“BAAAM! Is this how you do it?”
Bang!
The sound of destruction echoed through the room. It was the sound of my face crashing head on into the desk with a force strong enough to create a crater. I was hit by a way stronger chop than Tsuru’s.
“IT HURTS!! F**k, my head
 It’s breaking!!”
“Thank God, it was the right call to bring Arina-san over.”
“It seems so.”
“Right
”
After Makoto and Tsuru, Arina came.
“What the hell is wrong with you guys?! If you wanna split a watermelon, do it in a swimsuit! And do it on a beach, not in the classroom!! That way, I could at least die happy–”
Bang!
“D-I-E.”
“Seriously, Sui, did anything happen to you?”
“Yeah, you seem troubled, you can talk to us, you know?”
Their warm words surprised me.
But sadly, I can’t involve them in this. This was a problem between me and Shirona, if I were to tell them, it would inconvenience Shirona if anything. Still, the fact that they were concerned about me made me happy

“Sorry, guys, I can’t rely on you this time
”
“Eh? What is this all about? At least tell us about it
”
“Sorry
 This is something I can’t discuss with anyone
”
“W-Wait
”
Tsuru squatted down and looked at me in the face.
“Are you really okay? If you feel sick, should I take you to the infirmary?”
“Hoho, that’s an enticing offer–”
Bang! Bang!
“
Arina-san
 Go easy
 On me
”
“Stand up.”
“Eh?”
“Stand. Up.”
I did what she told me and stood up.
Almost immediately, she forcefully grabbed my hand and started walking away.
“A-Arina?! Wait a second, slow down! Arina, your grip is too strong! My hand
 My hand is cracking! Help! I’m getting kidnapped!!”
“Shut up.”
Tsuru and Makoto were both stunned. Their mouths were wide open while their eyes followed me as Arina dragged me away.
I recognized the familiar route she was taking and I couldn’t do anything but to let her drag me around like a son being pulled by his mom. This girl was too powerful for me to resist.
After a while, we arrived in front of the Rose Garden.
The Rose Garden was gone, we disposed of it already because we decided that Arina didn’t need it anymore, but why did she drag me here?
Arina placed her hand on the door and opened it. Seriously, Akakusa-sensei, you need to lock the door properly!
Then she threw me inside.
“A-Are you going to eat me? P-Please don’t
 My meat tastes bad
”
She didn’t respond to any of my jokes, instead, she grabbed my collar and stared at me dead in the eye.
“You, what did you say to her?”
“Cough! My neck!
”
“Tell me, what did you say to Shirona?”
She looked somewhat impatient.
“I haven’t replied
 I don’t know what to say to her
”
“Tell me the truth. Do you like her?”
Do I like Namiki Shirona or not?
The answer would be, I don’t dislike her, rather, I like her quite a lot. I think she’s cute, kind and I want to protect her. I’ve known her since middle school, so she has a special place in my heart compared to other girls.
I think she’s an ideal girl for boys to go out with.
“I like her
 But I don’t know if it’s love
”
“So, will you go out with her?”
“Wait, why are you so pushy about this–?! Also, I can’t
 breathe! 
Cough!”
Arina muttered an apology and removed her hand from my collar.
“Didn’t you tell me before?”
“Huh?”
“‘If you’re going to go out with someone, I’ll disappear from your life’.”
“
Ah
”
I said that yeah.
It was at the end of the school festival, back when Ugin asked me what I would do if Arina were to date someone else. I told her that if Arina were to go out with someone, I would disappear from her life, in which Arina replied that she would do the same if I were to go out with someone. I recalled that I laughed at her response, thinking that we would end up trying to get rid of each other faster by finding a significant other.
Finding out that she was actually taking my casual remark seriously gave me a surprise. I understand why she’s so pushy now. After all, if I were to accept Shirona’s feelings and go out with her, that means she had to disappear from my life

“Right, I said something like that
”
“T-Then
 If you’re going out with her, will I have to stay away from you?”
“I said that, yeah
 If I get into a relationship with her, I guess you’ll have to stay away from me
”
“Then, will you accept her feelings?”
“Yeah, I guess
 But I don’t think I’ll go out with her
”
“But there’s a good chance that you’ll end up dating her
 You can’t be indecisive about this, this doesn’t involve you alone, but both of us
”
Huh, that’s rare, she actually acted like an actual human being for once. The girl with a venomous tongue casted her gaze downcast while gripping her skirt. Her appearance was so fragile. I’m sure if I stop making fun of her inside of my mind, I won’t be able to talk with her properly.
“I
 Don’t know what to do
”
“Ugh! You coward! Just follow your heart!”
Right.
I only need to follow my heart. In that case, the answer is obvious.
I don’t know if there’s a correct answer regarding one’s love life. In the first place, could you even label something as ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ when talking about love life? Honestly, this matter is so confusing.
What’s up with this thing called ‘love’ even? Not only is it horrifying, but it also reeks with selfishness. But at the same time, it was a fragile, yet beautiful thing.
If I ever had the chance to take part in it, I might as well try it. You only live once, they said, if I want to have a little bit of spice in my boring life, now is the time to strike.
“I love you, Arina
 That’s why I don’t know how to answer Shirona’s feelings
”
Now, I felt truly alive.