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Chapter 52 – The Girl Who Waited Within Her Shell
The following day, after I visited the Hiwa’s household.
It was during the lunch break. I asked Makoto about the thing I was wondering about yesterday.
“Dear Makoto, why aren’t you eating your lunch with your esteemed girlfriend instead of doing it with me?”
“I want to do it, but I don’t have the courage to ask her… Besides, Ruuka normally eats with her friends…”
“I’m sure she’ll be ecstatic to eat her lunch with you. You just need to man up and ask her directly. ”
“How do I do that…”
“Say, ‘eat lunch with me or I’ll break up with you’.”
“Sui, what the hell?”
“Just kidding. Anyway, just ask her. You want to eat your lunch with her, don’t you? It’s her we’re talking about, she won’t refuse you.”
“But, Sui, I’m scared… What if I have a strange eating habit and she notices it? Wouldn’t the atmosphere turn awkward?”
“Jeez, what are you, a maiden in love?”
Ruuka was a proper lady, she won’t ask you out, Makoto, you have to take the lead here.
Well, it wasn’t like he needed to rush or anything. Since he decided to play the long game, I could just wish him good luck.
At that moment, Arina entered the classroom.
My classmates who saw her, pointed in my direction and said, ‘Sui is over there!’ to her.
This girl, coming here two days in a row, I could sense a natural disaster coming soon.
After she saw me, she immediately walked up to me.
“Here. Mom told me to give you this.”
She gave me a brown envelope. The thing was glued shut and there was no sign that someone had previously opened it.
“What is this about? Well, thank you for bringing it here.”
I said while playing dumb. If Arina came to know that I knew what this was all about, she wouldn’t stop pestering me.
“Anyway, why did you leave by yourself yesterday?”
“I just wanted to give you and your mother some space. Wouldn’t it be awkward if I were to stay there?”
“I-I don’t need your consideration!”
“Now now, tune down your tsundere act, our dear friend Makoto over here is speechless by your performance.”
Makoto stared at her in awe, this side of her was alien to him… He was actually trembling in fear at her unusual behavior.
“Was Hiwa… This kind of person…?”
“Who are you again? Ah, right, the horse-man.”
“Ugh… Don’t remind me of that…”
He seemed to experience a war flashback as he plopped down on his desk. It seemed like he died.
“By the way, Arina, I have nothing to do today.”
“Is that so? Thank you.”
“Why are you thanking me?”
“Yesterday.”
She averted her gaze and immediately left the classroom, leaving in her wake, a brown envelope and the corpse of Makoto. I took the envelope and left the classroom. I’d attend Makoto’s funeral later, this one was a more pressing matter.
I went to a bench in the courtyard and opened the envelope there.
Inside was a piece of paper. At its very top, ‘Dear Sui-kun’ in katakana was written. Come to think of it, I’ve never told Arina’s mother how to write my name in kanji.
‘Dear Sui-kun.
I still don’t know if writing to you is a good idea or not.
After all, we just met yesterday and we barely even know each other. But at the same time, I want to do something and I’m not sure that I could tell you everything face-to-face. That’s why I decided to write. I’m sorry for the inconvenience.
But please, keep everything you read here a secret, don’t tell anyone about it.
Arina was abused by her father.
Back when I was still working as a model, I rarely came home. Because of that, I was completely unaware of her situation.
The abuse started back when she was in the fourth grade. The teacher at school noticed the signs of the abuse and reported it. But that only happened at the end of her fifth grade. I really was a failure of a mom, I didn’t notice it before it was too late. I hugged and apologized to her while crying, but her eyes looked empty.
After that, I desperately tried to take custody of her. I divorced my husband and changed my name back to my maiden’s name, Hiwa.
But, even though her father was gone, her eyes were still empty. Then, shortly after she entered the sixth grade, she began to act strangely. Sometimes she acted cheerfully, like a totally different person, while other times she became the strong headed Arina that you knew.
At first, the cheerful Arina only appeared occasionally, most of the time, it was the strong headed Arina that was here, the Arina that I’ve always known since her birth. It was around this time that I noticed the discrepancies in the cheerful Arina’s memories..
But things changed halfway through the sixth grade. The strong willed Arina stopped appearing, replaced by the cheerful Arina who didn’t have the memory of being abused by her father. I was worried about her, but I was too scared to do anything. I didn’t want her to remember that feeling again, so I decided to let her be.
Really, I’m a failure as a mother…
And finally, one day, during her ninth grade, the strong headed Arina made her come back. I didn’t know what happened to her because, when I got back from my work, her personality had already changed. The way she looked, acted and talked were the same as the Arina that I’ve always known.
When Arina told me about her condition, I could finally understand what was going on. We had a long talk about everything after you left, Sui-kun, and she told me that she didn’t even know that I was her mother at first. Maybe this is my punishment for having neglected her.
She also told me that she had to rely on the notes her other personality wrote to make up for her lack of memory.
I advised to go to the hospital, but she rejected it strongly.
That was everything.
My daughter had to suffer because of my ignorance.
I’m a foolish woman, I only know how to cry.
I’m sorry for being so selfish, but… Sui-kun, please get along well with Arina.’
When I finished reading the letter, I felt like crying. I tried to hold it in, but an intense emotion welled up within me and a single tear rolled down my cheek.
The cause of her condition was abuse. I felt an intense anger growing inside me as I imagined Arina trying to endure the violence she received from her father. What did she do wrong? Why did she have to go through this? Enduring the beatings she received from a grown up man…
Forgetting her memories was probably a form of self-defense. She unconsciously tried to forget the pain she received. This happened because her mind couldn’t take it anymore and if she were to remember everything, her mind would eventually collapse and break down.
If I had a time machine, I would go back in time and save her. Even if that meant we would never meet ever again, I didn’t care.
But what should I do now?
I know about her past, but what can I even do?
How can I help her?
The first thing that came to my mind was to eliminate her traumas. She might have forgotten it, but it still affected her somehow and it was probably connected to why she had a venomous tongue.
But first, I needed to consult with the other Arina.
I decided to make my move.