Chapter 76 - raw pain

The sudden thank you made Xia Xiqing’s ears warm. I have something to say in my heart, but I don’t know where to start.

Zhou Ziheng shook his shoulders, pushed him to turn over, hugged him from behind, pressed his chest against his back, and pushed him forward little by little, “Human Asia Group…so our brother Xiqing is the young master Ah, if I had known you were so rich, I would have let you take care of me.”

Every time Zhou Ziheng called his brother it was with a sense of humor, Xia Xiqing elbowed him on the stomach, “I can’t afford to support you, Young Master Zhou.”

“Affordable.” Zhou Ziheng kissed the back of Xia Xiqing’s head from behind, “I don’t need money to sleep with me, so I’ll pay for it?”

Xia Xiqing turned his head and raised his eyebrows at him, “You let me **** you, and I’ll give you money.”

Zhou Ziheng held his face and kissed his lips awkwardly, “Then I’ll post it.” After speaking, he pushed Xia Xiqing’s shoulder and walked forward, wanting to quickly change the subject.

I don’t know when he will give up this idea.

This villa is not small, and the furniture inside is covered with white cloth. It seems that no one has lived in it for a long time. This scene reminds Zhou Ziheng of the first time he recorded “Escape from the Sky” with Xia Xiqing, and there are many furniture covered with white cloth. , gorgeous and deserted decor.

“I’ll take you upstairs for a stroll.” Xia Xiqing said without any emotional ups and downs, which made Zhou Ziheng a little worried. He already knew Xia Xiqing well enough. The less emotional he was, the deeper he was hiding.

But all Zhou Ziheng could do was hold his hand tightly and stay with him.

The living room on the first floor has been raised to a height of about four meters, so the stairs are also very long, with handrails on the right and bookcases as high as the entire wall on the left, filled with all kinds of Book. Xia Xiqing dragged Zhou Ziheng’s hand and walked up step by step. Seeing him on the bookshelf next to him, he said, “When I was young, I often sat on this staircase to read. Sometimes when I got tired of reading, I leaned here and fell asleep.”

As soon as he imagined that scene, the corners of Zhou Ziheng’s mouth curled up unconsciously.

I really want to see him when he was a child, he must be the prettiest and cutest kid in the class.

Zhou Ziheng was dragged up to the second floor by Xia Xiqing. There was a deep corridor on the second floor, which looked like an art gallery in a museum. It was dark beige in color, and ten paintings were hung on the opposite wall one by one. Xia Xiqing tried to open the door, but it was not locked. He was a little surprised and turned on the light at the door of the room.

“This is my mother’s collection room.” Xia Xiqing opened the door and stood by the door. Zhou Ziheng glanced at it. It was a very large room. When he went in, he found that there was another room inside. The picture frame covered with cloth is as big as a person’s height.

“Are these all paintings?”

“Yes.” Xia Xiqing nodded, thinking of the opening of the art museum that Xi Hui told him last time, Xia Yunkai didn’t take these collections away, and probably left them for him, but he didn’t care so much that he didn’t make a special trip Ask someone to keep it, and just put it in the old house.

That’s right, he hated his mother so much, and he hated himself so much. Seeing these paintings, he probably wanted to burn them clean.

“My mother came from a family of artists. My grandfather was a famous sculptor when he was young, and my grandmother was a famous oil painter. Born in such a family, my mother naturally became an art appreciation collector.”

Xia Xiqing casually lifted the dust cloth from a painting, “She has regretted that she was not able to become a painter all her life, no,” Xia Xiqing smiled wryly, “It is regret rather than resentment, she has no talent for painting creation , Tried for many years but was always mediocre, but she could tell the quality of a painting at a glance, and discovered many painters who were not famous at that time.”

If this kind of story continues, Zhou Ziheng can already guess the follow-up, “So, after your mother gave birth to you, she discovered your talent.”

Xia Xiqing gently rubbed the frame with his fingers, “She just found a life-saving straw.”

Deadly poisons were also found.

He patted his palm and turned to another painting, “She felt that I inherited the talents of my grandparents from another generation, so she forced me to learn painting since I was a child. I don’t understand, I’m locked in a small room every day, with only brushes and paints.”

It looks colorful, but it’s actually dark.

“I didn’t want to learn at that time, and kept crying, so she scolded me and said something I couldn’t understand at the time. At that time, the relationship between her and Xia Yunkai became worse and worse, and they quarreled every day. Even fight.”

For this so-called father, he still couldn’t call out, he could only use his name instead.

There was an abrupt dressing table in the collection room. Xia Xiqing walked to the mirror and looked at himself in the mirror as if fascinated.

In Zhou Ziheng’s eyes, Xia Xiqing’s body always has a distinctive temperament, which is a delicate sense of fragility. When it is quiet, it is like a piece of white porcelain without any flaws, beautiful and fragile. But as he himself said, even if a work of art is broken, it is still a work of art, and every broken edge of his is shining with beauty.

“Why did they get married?” Zhou Ziheng leaned against the door frame, “Marriage?”

The marriage between the art world and the business world is not uncommon in this circle. Although people in the art world are often lofty and can’t see businessmen covered in money, the economic base determines the superstructure, and the art circle that burns so much money is inseparable from capital. support.

“No, my grandfather didn’t like Xia Yunkai at that time.” Xia Xiqing looked down at the dressing table. There were no cosmetics on it, but there were many delicate ornaments the size of palms. They should have been placed symmetrically, but now I don’t know why. It was a mess, Xia Xiqing arranged them correspondingly one by one, “I heard that my mother married Xia Yunkai on her own will, and her eyes are only suitable for works of art, and she is too good at judging people.”

After finishing speaking, he turned around, propped the dressing table behind his back and looked at Zhou Ziheng, “Think about it, she is a proud girl in the art world, no one pays attention to her, she has her heart on a man, and she almost fell in love with her.” The family broke up. As a result,” Xia Xiqing smiled with his head down, “seeing him looking for women outside one after another, each of them is not as good as himself.”

For those who are naturally arrogant, it is tantamount to being executed by Ling Chi.

“When she was pregnant with me, my mother went back to her mother’s house. When she came back, she accidentally ran into Xia Yunkai and the wild woman outside messing around in their bedroom, and caught the adulterer on the bed.” Xia Xiqing shrugged, “She was probably I hate it even in my stomach.”

He always said these words in such a relaxed tone, Zhou Ziheng had nothing to do with him.

“Then… what happened next?”

“Later?” Xia Xiqing breathed a sigh of relief, “Later…she suffered from postpartum depression, and her whole body changed, but when she was outside, she still had to pretend to be as dignified and generous as before, and when she returned home, she beat and froze again and again. Shit, sometimes I have a big fight with Xia Yunkai, sometimes hug me and cry, sometimes hit me like Xia Yunkai.” He smiled and pointed his head, “There are still several times, hug me and stand Outside the railing on the top floor, he said he would take me to die with him.”

Seeing his smile like that, Zhou Ziheng’s heart seemed to be stabbed severely by something.

He stepped forward, walked in front of Xia Xiqing, reached out to touch his face, but Xia Xiqing dodged him, which made Zhou Ziheng’s heart feel even more uncomfortable. But in the next second, Xia Xiqing put his head on Zhou Ziheng’s shoulder again, and sighed almost inaudibly.

Zhou Ziheng touched the back of his head and kissed the top of Xia Xiqing’s head. He was born in a happy family, and it is almost unimaginable for Xia Xiqing to experience all kinds of things. People always say that they treat others with respect, but these are just empty words in Zhou Ziheng’s eyes. He has never experienced it himself. Just nice words.

“Are you starting to pity me now?” Xia Xiqing leaned against him, his voice was cold, like a thin layer of ice, “This is just the tip of the iceberg.”

Xia Xiqing was like an extreme child, constantly tearing his wounds in front of Zhou Ziheng, tearing them cruelly, and smilingly said to him, Look, does this look good?

Is this completely rotten?

Is this scary?

Zhou Ziheng pinched the back of his neck lightly, “It would be a lie to say it’s not pitiful.” His fingers had a kind of ironing temperature, “I like you so much, even if you are scratched by a small branch, I feel pitiful, for you It hurts, whoever made me have such a temper, I will sympathize with people I don’t like.” He hugged Xia Xiqing, “You are my favorite person, you say I don’t pity you.”

“Anyway, you’re a logical genius.” Xia Xiqing didn’t bother to argue with him.

But when he heard Zhou Ziheng say these things, he suddenly didn’t want to continue talking. It would be too cruel for Zhou Ziheng to tell him those things.

“I’m quite curious. You should look very similar to your mother.” Zhou Ziheng walked over to pinch his chin, lifted his face, and kissed the tip of his nose lightly.

Xia Xiqing didn’t scold him again this time, but just got out of his arms and led him to a suite inside. There was a cabinet in the suite. Xia Xiqing opened the third drawer and found a photo from it.

Zhou Ziheng originally thought it was a photo of Xia Xiqing’s mother, but when he handed it over, it turned out to be an oil painting, which seemed to be taken at an art exhibition.

The painting depicts a woman sitting upright. A head of long black hair was pushed to one side, with a good face and dignified demeanor, and a string of lustrous pearl necklaces was worn around her fair neck. What Zhou Ziheng didn’t expect was that the person in the painting was more similar to Xia Xiqing than he imagined.

“If you have a mole on the tip of your nose, I will believe it is you.” Zhou Ziheng felt a little familiar, but of course he should be familiar. He was almost exactly the same as Xia Xiqing. He put his hand on Xia Xiqing’s shoulder and touched it along the way. To his ears, “Such a woman has the capital to be proud.”

As if you have a right to be proud too.

Zhou Ziheng took the photo from his hand, squinted his eyes and looked carefully, and found a small label under the painting with a name written on it. He couldn’t help showing a look of surprise on his face, “You drew this?”

“Yeah.” Xia Xiqing stared at the painting in the photo, “This was drawn when I was fifteen years old, and it was also the first painting I sold at auction. Drawn by memory.”

No matter how ignorant of art he is, Zhou Ziheng can still see the tenderness and love hidden between his brushstrokes. Although this mother has done so many things to hurt him, in Xia Xiqing’s eyes, it is always his mother.

“Why a photo?” Zhou Ziheng asked, “Where is this painting now?”

Xia Xiqing shook his head, “I don’t know. This painting was bought by someone in my mother’s gallery. I asked someone about it. It seems to be an ordinary collector. Later, it was sold overseas, and I couldn’t find it later. .”

As a competent storyteller, Xia Xiqing raised his head, “Do you want to know how my mother died?”

Zhou Ziheng was stunned for a moment, his eyes softened.

Xia Xiqing put his hands around his neck, and the corners of his mouth slightly curled up, “It’s nothing, if you want to say it, just say it.”

“Have you ever told anyone about these things?”

“I’m not the kind of scumbag who uses the so-called tragic experience to deceive others to sympathize with him.” After speaking, he smiled and shook his head, “Well, I’m a scumbag, but I’m a scumbag based on my ability.”

After saying this, Xia Xiqing was poked on the forehead by Zhou Ziheng’s finger. He smiled and held Zhou Ziheng’s finger, put it to his mouth and kissed it.

He really didn’t want to say it. But the other party was Zhou Ziheng, and he didn’t want to hide it. After all, with such an experience, he needed to be honest so that Zhou Ziheng could have a choice.

After listening to it, think about whether to accept such a handicapped person.

“Xu Qichen doesn’t know. He only knows that I was often beaten by Xia Yunkai in the past. There is no way to hide this. He is my deskmate.” He twitched the corners of his mouth, “Xia Yunkai never hit me for his own face. in the face, hit me **** the back with one of those long, thin golf clubs, tie it up and hit me, or I’ll run.”

He said it vividly, with stubborn eyes, “I still have to go to class after I was able to get out of bed. One time, during lunch break, Xu Qichen suddenly pushed me awake.” At this point he suddenly laughed, “You know, his People usually have no expression, but I can still recall his wide-eyed and panicked expression at that time,” Xia Xiqing imitated Xu Qichen’s appearance at that time, “Your back is bleeding, and your school uniform is stained.”

“Then I couldn’t hide it. He’s a smart guy, who would be beaten up like that when a normal person fights.” Xia Xiqing sighed, “But I still can’t tell him anything else, otherwise the two are pitiful Everyday life is too hard.” After speaking, Xia Xiqing laughed, put the photo back in the drawer, led Zhou Ziheng out of the collection room, and walked through the long gallery.

“My mother died of drug abuse.” Xia Xiqing said these words as if he had no burden, “postpartum depression continued to worsen, and she relied on drugs every day to maintain her dignity in front of outsiders. To put it bluntly, outside At that time, she was like an angel, but she turned into a lunatic when she returned home. After switching between the two for a long time, she couldn’t change her role freely in the end.” At this point, he suddenly stopped and spoke very seriously. Looking at Zhou Ziheng’s side face, he asked, “Tell me, is there a genetic reason for my ability to act so well?”

After speaking, he chuckled lightly, held on to the handrail and continued to walk upstairs.

Zhou Ziheng’s hands were cold.

For the first time, he felt that his temperature was so insignificant, so insignificant, could it warm Xia Xiqing’s heart if he emptied it?

He wasn’t sure.

“She racked her brains to build an art gallery, named after me, as my tenth birthday present, and she specially invited a cake chef in France to make my cake into a sculpture, modeled after Ma Zhuhan Mo He’s masterpiece “Mother’s Love” is made, and everything is decent.” Walking up the last step, Xia Xiqing stopped, as if waiting for Zhou Ziheng.

“And then, that art gallery…”

“Then she died on the day that art gallery opened.” Xia Xiqing continued to walk forward with no waves in his voice, “He twitched all over and fell in front of me and my cake.”

Zhou Ziheng took a step forward and held his hand, his fingertips were cold, which was incompatible with this hot and humid midsummer night.

“I didn’t feel anything at all at the time. Everyone panicked. I also said, it’s okay. Mom often does this at home. She will be fine soon.” Xia Xiqing smiled, “Then she never got better again.”

Xia Xiqing paused, stopped in front of a dark blue door, and remained silent for half a minute.

“I didn’t take a bite of that cake. It’s a pity that no one will make such a beautiful cake for me again.”

It’s not for me, it’s for herself.

He held the doorknob with his hand, his fingers tightened, and he hesitated the moment he opened it.

Zhou Ziheng felt the change in his mood almost instantly. His shoulders were shaking, and the shaking became more and more severe, like a patient suffering from some serious illness, and his body began to lose control.

“What’s wrong?” He hugged Xia Xiqing, his tone hesitant, “This is… what kind of room is this?”

Xia Xiqing lowered his head, biting his back molars tightly so that he would not shake so much. He thought that he could easily face these pasts, that those pasts had passed and were no longer enough to torment him. nightmare.

Pandora’s box is always about to be opened.

“This is my room.” Xia Xiqing tried hard to overcome the cold war, and the moment he tried to turn the doorknob, a warm and dry palm covered his own. Zhou Ziheng’s voice was also warm, like a young spring of soft spring water, Slowly trickling over, covering this fragile ice layer.

“If you really can’t get over it, it’s okay.” Zhou Ziheng rubbed his thumb gently against the back of his hand as always, “I don’t want to part with it.”

He couldn’t bear to see him go into pain with his own eyes, which was really tormenting for him.

Xia Xiqing took a breath silently and pursed his lips.

“No, I need you.” He raised his eyes to look at Zhou Ziheng, “If you were not here, I would never dare to step in. Since you have the courage to collapse the superposition.” He hooked the corner of his mouth, “I can too .”

After speaking, Xia Xiqing opened the door.

It was pitch black inside, nothing could be seen, and the deep darkness swallowed everything completely, but those memories swept in like a tsunami, destroying heaven and earth.

Xia Xiqing pretended to be calm and turned on the light. The room finally lit up, and it was actually an ordinary children’s room, with dark blue wallpaper and ceiling, a small desk, and a lonely single bed. The only difference is that the walls are covered with pictures drawn by Xia Xiqing when he was a child.

Zhou Ziheng noticed that his windows and balconies were all equipped with iron railings.

It looks like a little prison.

“I remember you asked me in Truth or Dare why I’m afraid of the dark.” Xia Xiqing’s voice was very deep, like a stone gently placed on the lake, falling heavily and silently.

“As long as I can remember, I cried every time they quarreled, maybe it affected them, so I was thrown into my small room, locked, turned off the light, and let me reflect on myself in the dark. But I At that time, I didn’t understand anything, I was only afraid.”

He walked slowly to the railing of the balcony, grabbed it with his fingers and shook it twice, “It’s still very strong.”

“Once there were guests at home, and they had just finished arguing, and I was still crying, so naturally I was locked up, but I was so scared, so I ran to the balcony and cried loudly, and the guests seemed to hear me “Xia Xiqing sat down with his back against the railing, sitting on the ground, “In order to prevent this embarrassing thing from happening again, they locked the balcony once and for all.”

Zhou Ziheng could hardly imagine what kind of deformed family Xia Xiqing spent his childhood in.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Xia Xi took off his shirt with one hand, lowered his head and pointed at the old scar on his waist, “You have seen this.”

“My mother once went crazy at home and told me that it was because of my birth that her life became unlucky.” Xia Xiqing’s eyes suddenly became wet, “It would be fine if I didn’t exist.” He shook his hand As if holding a sharp knife, she stabbed into her body at once, “She pierced it in with her own hands, pulled it out, and then locked me here.”

“She used to hug me and say that I was the only work of art she created in her life. But then she accused me so painfully that I was the culprit of her miserable life, and she had to destroy me .”

“But me,” Xia Xiqing finally broke down in tears, “I just want to be her child.”

Zhou Ziheng almost collapsed, he stepped forward and hugged Xia Xiqing tightly, this person finally merged with the one who was silently crying in his arms back then, just as naked and so painful.

“I was so young at that time, only five years old, behind that door, I covered the wound with blood on my hands, and screamed heartbreakingly to Mom and Dad, but no one came to save me.”

“It’s so dark in the room, there’s no sound, I’m alone, only me.” Xia Xiqing was trembling all over, tears were like broken beads, “It would be great if someone came to save me at that time.”

I used to expect love.

I did my best to show the best of myself and learn to be a kid who wouldn’t embarrass them.

But then I discovered that what I need is not such a luxury as love.

I just need someone to open this door for me when I’m afraid.