Chapter 44

“I’m honestly thinking about dating. Rosaline, can you teach me how to do it?”

Rosaline was in bed, clenching her fists as she recalled his words.

‘He wants to date? Well, who said that I want to be his teacher?’

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it was. She had her own romantic fantasies, and they weren’t on the level of ‘fated love’ or anything like that, she at least wanted to be sincerely loved. She didn’t want to cry, and she didn’t want the pressures of overwhelming affection either.

She just wanted an ordinary relationship!

‘Teach him about dating? I should have refused properly.’

Rosaline had been too shocked by his out-of-character apology, and she was regretting it now.

It felt surreal that her life would be so affected by political necessity.

Another sigh among multiple escaped her.

“Secretary Rosaline, it’s Hui. May I come in?”

Her friend came just in time before she started screaming into her pillow. Rosaline jumped out of bed. Hui was practically a sister to her, a small shelter against the stress of her work.

“Come on in! Have you been very busy? This is my first time seeing you today.”

When Rosaline herself opened the door, Hui’s eyes flashed in surprise for a moment before she remembered that her friend was not the empress yet. As Cahir paid more and more attention to Rosaline, it was easy to forget that.

“Why do you look like that?”

Hui had been too lost in thought to even think of entering. “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s been a while since I saw you. Did something happen? You look tired.”

The door closed behind them. Rosaline rubbed the back of her head and smiled awkwardly. She wanted to complain that Cahir was acting strangely, but she hesitated, lowering her gaze.

“What’s that?”

There was a strange object in Hui’s hand. It looked like a ball.

“Tomorrow’s the official start of the empress selection, right? I thought you’d have some trouble sleeping, so I brought some herbs to help you. The smell is supposed to put you at ease.”

The palm-sized ball was made from bamboo strips woven together into a shell that was filled with herbs. A sweet, grassy aroma filled Rosaline’s lungs, and while it wasn’t enough to calm her down, it really did smell good. She looked at Hui admiringly.

“Don’t look at me with those eyes. Erica was the one who made it.”

Erica?

“I wonder why… She must be busy, being His Majesty’s maid.”

Cahir had very few people who served him directly, not because of a lack of manpower, but because he only trusted those very few to do their work properly. That resulted in the workload being doubled, even tripled. Really, it was a demanding job, so it was surprising that Erica had taken the time to make even something so small.

“Because it’s His Majesty’s request…?”

Rosaline’s smile faded in her incredulity.

“You didn’t realize it until now?” Hui sighed.

“What…? Tell me what I don’t know, Hui.” She put her hands together in front of her chest.

‘She’s so cute! This is what His Majesty fell for, right? Derek told me not to tell her, but how can I resist when she’s looking at me like that?’

Hui sent a silent apology to Derek before opening her mouth. “Listen carefully, Secretary Rosaline. I’ve pretended not to know until now, but…” Her fists clenched as she took a deep breath. “His Majesty is serious!”

The sparkle in Rosaline’s eyes disappeared, to Hui’s embarrassment. Why was she acting like that after hearing that His Majesty truly liked her?

“…It’s really true,” she whispered.

“Yes, I know,” Rosaline said. “I know that he is sincere.”

‘Sincere in his desire to make me the empress, that is. He’s probably desperate at this point.’

There had already been some rumors that the dowager’s pick would definitely be the final candidate. Cahir must have been busy, and so he had probably realized after much contemplation that Rosaline, his loyal secretary, would be the best choice for an empress.

It was purely rational.

“Oh, you know?”

“Yes.” She looked out the window with mixed feelings, at the dark sky that would soon usher the empress selection.

“Really? Do you really know everything?”

“Absolutely. His Majesty hadn’t been interested in marriage at all, but now he’s trying to make me his empress through this selection because he needs to counter the empress dowager’s attack. He doesn’t want to get married, but he doesn’t want to get married to someone Her Highness picked even more. I know that much as his secretary.”

Hui frowned at the unexpected interpretation, feeling inexplicably sorry for the emperor.

‘I’m so sorry, Your Majesty. She’s so smart, but she’s so oblivious. I can’t tell her too much because love is best realized by oneself, but…!’

She swallowed her frustrations. “That’s not it…”

“Unfortunately, I still don’t think I’ll be able to sleep tonight.” Rosaline hugged the bamboo ball to her chest as she went under the blanket.

“You have to sleep even if you can’t. Tonight, Eteusis will stop by your bed.”

“Thank you, Hui.”

Hui tucked her in along with a blessing before she smothered the fire. She sighed as she left the room.

Rosaline tossed and turned, thinking of Cahir’s words.

“I mean it. I’ll make sure you don’t hate being the empress.”

‘What should I ask for?’

While she still longed for a normal life, that ship had long since drifted away and disappeared over the horizon. However, there might be a way to bring it back.

‘Divorce! Consensual divorce is allowed in the empire! Why did I only think of this now? I can just marry and then separate later. Rosaline, just think of it as a temporary job change from being a secretary to an empress. Then, when the time comes, I can resign! I’ll just hold this position until His Majesty’s power stabilizes!’

It felt like she had solved a particularly tricky math question. Elation spread throughout her body, her heart becoming light. Rosaline smiled and pulled the blanket over her head, celebrating silently in case the guards outside heard her.

She fell asleep to the scent of the bamboo ball.

***

Finally, the first day of the empress selection.

Rosaline looked out her window, drinking the tea Hui had given her. Dozens of carriages were lined up by the gates.

It was a little sad to think about how early those young ladies had risen just to prepare themselves for entering the imperial palace. She remembered her own failed meeting at the ‘Afternoon Sunlight’.

‘Do I have to do all of that today too?’

The taste of the tea turned bitter at the thought of wearing the corset and petticoat again. Rosaline set the cup on the table. Although she was still in her nightclothes, she had plenty of time to prepare because she was already in the palace. Besides, the carriages were moving so slowly.

‘Will there really be no woman out of all of them who can shake his heart?’

For a moment, she briefly considered if it would have been better if she let Ella have her way, if only so she could avoid being in this position.

Rosaline shook off those thoughts. She wanted a comfortable life, but she didn’t want it to be at the expense of Cahir’s.