I muttered those words after looking at the result of the mock exam I took a while ago.
With those marks, there was no way that I could enter the university that I wanted to go to. That left me rather depressed, especially when the entrance exam was coming up.
Of course, it wasnât like Iâve been playing around like a fool. I was introverted to begin with, so I didnât hang out with anyone and had been focusing on improving my grades instead.
âŚBut it seemed like my efforts werenât enough
There wasnât even anyone at school I could talk with to vent my pent-up feelings, since I hadnât befriended anyone.
In the end, the only thing I could do now was to swallow this bitter pill, move on and put in more effort in the upcoming entrance exam.
As I looked over my answer sheet, trying to figure out my mistakes, I suddenly felt a bump on the back of my head.
âWhoops, sorry, Asanagi, I meant to throw that to the trash can. My aim was off.â
âMatsudaâŚâ
When I turned my head around, I saw a boy coming toward me with a smug look on his face. He was Matsuda, the most popular boy in my class. He often talked to introverted people like me in a rather friendly manner.
I looked down on my feet and saw a paper airplane. It was made from the result of his mock exam.
Since it was only a mock exam result, it was up to him whether to treasure it or throw it away like junk, but making a paper airplane and throwing it around, wasnât this too childish of him? âŚWell, I wasnât particularly close to him, so I wouldnât say that out loud.
âMatsuda, why are you throwing this away?â
âHm? Well, I donât need it. I mean, Iâm not going to enter any university anyway, so the result doesnât matter to me. Still, donât tell anyone about my score though.â
There were âEâ letters all around the folded paper airplane. Most of his scores were single digits. He didnât take the exam seriously at all, huh?
Our high school wasnât a preparatory school, so there were about half of the students who chose to get a job instead of going to the university. The number of the students who tried to get into a prominent university like me was scarce.
That was why the classâ atmosphere was rowdy. The majority of my classmates just didnât care about the entrance exam. Instead, they were all excited about the upcoming winter vacation.
âYour face doesnât look good, Asanagi. Weâre planning a party after school today, do you want to join in?â
ââŚSorry, I have to refuse. I need to study, you see.â
âI understand that, but you need to relax a little or else youâll run out of gas on D-Day. Well, not that I would know. I mean, I wonât be taking the exam anyway.â
ââŚMan, I wish I could be that carefree.â
âIf I look carefree to you, that just means that my method of keeping everything in moderation is a success.â
He told me previously that a relative offered him a job as an electrician. Instead of the entrance exam, he had been focusing on getting the certification needed for the job.
Also, he already started his part-time job at the store, making his words sound more credible.
âWell, I need to go home now. Enjoy your life, man. Hope youâll get that certification.â
âThank you. You too, good luck with your studies.â
âThanks.â
I could count how many times I talked to him with my hands, but it seemed like my face looked so terrible that he decided to cheer me up even though we werenât that close. I thanked him again silently as I walked out the classroom.
He was right, I needed to take a breather. I didnât want to go to a party, though.
After all, the girl I was close to wouldnât be at that kind of party.
* Â * Â *
Shimizu Shizuku, the girl I was close to since kindergarten. Since grade school, back when my little sister was born, I had to move away from my previous house and left her behind. We had been keeping in touch through letters and eventually, phone calls and emails.
Earlier this morning, she texted me that she wanted to call me tonight. I was looking forward to talking with her, but after seeing the result of my mock exam, my mood hit rock bottom and I wasnât all excited anymore.
âHello?â
{Rikkun, itâs been a while! How have you been?}
âWhat do you mean, itâs been a while? We called each other just the other day.â
{Itâs not âjust the other dayâ, Rikkun! Itâs been a whole week since we did that! So, how have you been?}
âSame old.â
{Rikkun, youâre talking like this again.}
She started giggling.
It had been a while since Iâd seen her, but hearing her voice, she seemed to have grown up considerably. Before this, I received an email with pictures of her attached and she had grown into quite a beauty.
I wonder if she was popular in her school? Of course, I wouldnât ask her that, it would be lame of me.
{The winter vacation is coming up, youâll be visiting, right?}
âMaybe⌠Well, itâll be hard to visit next year, so Iâll try toâŚâ
{I guess so, huh? The university I want to attend is quite farâŚ}
Like me, she would continue her education at a university as well. But, unlike me, her grades were good. She downplayed it by saying that I shouldnât overestimate her because her high school was in the countryside, but according to her mom, it was at least good enough that she could choose whichever public university she wanted to attend.
We lived in completely different worlds.
{By the way, the entrance exam will start in a month. How are your studies going?}
ââŚSame old, I guess. Itâs fine.â
{Really? Iâm glad to hear that. You sound so down, I thought something happenedâŚ}
âNothing much happened. I studied too hard these days and didnât get enough sleep. Iâm planning to sleep earlier today.â
I hadnât told her nor my mom about my mock exam result. But she found out that I didnât feel good, as expected of her.
Honestly, I was glad that she cared about me this much.
Rather, I should be glad that she did, butâŚ
âWhat about you, Shi-chan? Howâs everything going?â
{Well, my study is going well, but my parents told me to relax a little, so Iâm doing that. Thatâs why I want to have fun with you during the winter vacation! âŚA-Also, thereâs something I want to talk about with you.}
âYou can just say it over the phone, you know?â
{I know, but itâs more appropriate if I do it face-to-face. I want to see your face while talking about it⌠Well, if you donât mind, that isâŚ}
âI donâtâŚâ
What else could I answer, anyway? Refusing her for no reason wasnât an option.
Besides, I couldnât refuse her even if I wanted to. I grew fond of this girl. Back then, she would always come to me, hold my hand and ask me to fawn over her. Whenever I did, she would show me a happy smile and I wanted to see that smile of hers again.
{Hehe, thank you, Rikkun. Youâre so sweet~}
âT-This is just how a normal person acts. Anyway, Iâm going to sleep, Iâm hanging up!â
{Eh~ Itâs barely ten minutes, letâs talk for another hour~}
âUse that time to study instead. Well, Iâm hanging up.â
{Fine~ Well, when we meet up, promise me that weâll talk with each other a lot, okay?}
After making a promise with her, I hung up the call.
I didnât mind talking to her and we usually spent at least half an hour talking about whatever came to mind.
But hearing her relaxed voice irked me for some reason.
âForget it, I have to studyâŚâ
She didnât say anything, but her mom said that she got straight âAâs on her mock exam. In other words, she was guaranteed to enter the university of her choice as long as she maintained those grades.
A and D. The gap between us was too large.
What a useless person I was.
I crumpled the mock exam result and threw it to the bin before heading toward my desk again.