I Am Troubled That My Fiance Is a Villain ss 1 part1

It was freezing cold.

It was so cold that you could see my breath fall on the snow-covered ground.

Although my hands had been warm earlier despite the wet blood, the cold weather took the warmth away.

When I sniffed, the cold, dried up nosebleed cracked, and I noticed that my joints had been in pain for a while now. Although I’m being cursed at, just opening my mouth is already too tiresome.

Around us, black trees silently stood, and snow covered the ground. The scenery looked monochromatic, like a sketch drawn with charcoal, exactly like me. Black hair and grey eyes, just like my mother. This appearance of mine is the only connection I have with my mother.

Though I do wonder about that. The painful red color spreading from the man beneath my feet was the most unpleasant of all.

“This is good for your first time!”

The hidden Luke-sensei showed himself as he pushed his way through the snow.

The reason for the awfully loud noise was because stomping on the snow was fun. He’s childish like that.

Luke-sensei, my non-blood-related uncle, was secretly sent over to become my tutor.

‘I came here to protect you, who’s being targeted from all sides, and to teach you for when you’re all by yourself,’ he said, verbatim. He normally pretends to be a boring man whose only redeeming feature is his knowledge, but is actually a ridiculously strong, ruthless person.

Of course, I also know his real name is Lucas Marco Rottger and that he’s my mother’s younger stepbrother, which makes him my uncle. While that may be the case, I also don’t call him uncle in public.

As long as I’m a Brunsmeier, a day when I can call him uncle probably won’t come.

“I’ll clean this up later.”

He skillfully turned over the man’s body with the tip of his shoes and carefully poked him with them to make sure he was dead.

The guy, whose face had already frozen over, was sent to kill me. He looks cold. Ah, but since he’s already dead, he can’t feel cold, much less anything else.

“How do you feel?”

His pitch black eyes peaked through his bird nest of a purple hair, carefully observing me.

But unfortunately, I didn’t feel anything. Fear, regret, joy — nothing.

Just a little bit though, I, who was unwanted, felt apologetic for taking the life of someone who may have been wanted.

“I am fine.”

“I see. You got your toughness from Emilia, maybe?”

He often talks about my mother. A commendable person for how he relentlessly declares his love for her.

“…Hey, Bernhardt.”

He suddenly lost his cheerfulness and quietly called me.

“Yes, Luke-sensei?”

“You know that someday, I’ll have you do far worse things. But you must live. That’s what Emilia would have wanted.”

I only know my mother’s face from his drawings. There’s not even a portrait of her in the estate.

Despite telling me that such a mother wanted me to live, I could only say, ‘Is that so?’

Able to see what was really inside my heart, he gave a bitter smile and went down on one knee to look at me while saying,

“Life goes by quickly when you’re having fun, but that doesn’t mean that when painful things occur, it’s permanent. But see, if there's one thing in this world that you can have without needing anything else, it would be love. If you have just that, you’ll be able to overcome anything, no matter how painful it is. In the very least, that’s what I think… You may not believe it, but I really hope you meet someone like that.”

“Have you also encountered such a love, sensei?”

“…Yeah. Enough to fill this heart of mine.”

My uncle is a romantic, seeing as his main job is an artist.

Not having yet reached ten years old, I vaguely thought so and didn’t particularly believe him.

As we entered May, social season has finally begun.

Winter in the North is cold and long, especially with this country’s cold climate. Because of that, the social season happens from May until August. Every five years around the end of August is also the time when people become aware of and celebrate Thanksgiving. Similarly, this year is when that fifth year just so happens to occur, so there’s no mistaking that the current season would be more exciting than usual.

Most nobles who live in far away territories have finished moving to their villas near the Royal Capital, and nobles who originally lived nearby are busy preparing tea and evening parties.

Without exception, the Brunsmeier house also planned a party in order to show off a spectacular beginning to this season. Which would be happening tonight.

When the eldest son turns thirteen, it’s celebrated by the presentation of his fiancée.

For me who was that eldest son, it’s extremely troublesome.

However, I had no right to refuse to participate, and I headed towards Marquis Rietberg’s estate to welcome my fiancée* who will be quietly presented tonight.

Marquis Rietberg’s rank was definitely a marquis, but his view of society is neither good nor bad. As for his daughter, she’s someone who’s bad with conflict.

Marquis Rietberg’s only daughter, Lizia, was someone who I met at Prince Edwin’s tea party when he was looking for a fiancée.

My first impression of her was simple, quiet, and docile.

In fact, her personality isn’t that simple, which confuses me whether that’s good or bad, but that’s what I’m seeing so far.

I didn’t know what her personality deep down is, probably because she’s different from her parents, but she strangely has little interest in improving her social standing or in love, different from that of other ladies. At the same time, her house is a Marquis that holds no political power. If that’s the case, Stepmother, who extremely hates that I’m getting stronger, can’t publicly antagonize me.

Right now, her appearance isn’t much of a problem. On the contrary, it’d be troublesome if she was a beautiful girl instead.

She was a favorable girl who appeared just when I thought of wanting a fine fiancée.

I immediately got Father’s approval and proposed an engagement.

Father thought of getting me engaged with a daughter from a more powerful house but quieted down when I hinted at Stepmother. In short, he has no interest in me.

Because of this, Lizia became my fiancée.

But it seems that she’s a little displeased that my excuse was that stupid prince.

Marquis Rietberg’s estate isn’t gaudy, with a really classic look. If I were to bluntly say it, it’s somewhat shabby.

As I absentmindedly waited in the parlor the butler lead me to, Lizia came before long.

“I apologize for making you wait.”

Her navy blue, silver embroidered dress was simple yet refined, matching mine. It’s not that I don’t particularly like girls’ appearances, but I was a little worried what I would do if she looked so much like a pile of frills that you wouldn’t realize she’s actually a person, which I often see at evening parties, but it seems that my apprehensions were groundless.

“I just got here a while back. It’s fine.”

Seeing as tonight was her debut into high society, Lizia was already nervous.

When I looked at her beautifully braided, chestnut hair and the slight pale blush on her face, I felt charmed at how hard she must have prepared herself.

“Th-thank you very much.”

It was amusing how she awkwardly gave her thanks, and I unintentionally smiled.

“Katerinsama and I thought of the design together.”

My fiancée* waved her decorated, fluffy sleeves as she proudly smiled, completely won over by Katerina.

She sometimes does things contrary to my expectations.

Thanks to her, Katerina, who I’ve been prohibited from contacting, and I have been finally interacting. Both my parents favor her on the surface, as she was Katerina’s first friend.

She’s doing better than I thought.

Marquis and Marquess Rietberg will be coming later in their own carriage, so I brought Lizia ahead with me towards the Brunsmeier estate.

We never liked to chat to begin with, so the only noise you could hear inside the carriage was the systematic turning of the wheels.

I don’t think it’s particularly unpleasant, but when I racked my brain for something to talk about, I remembered that there was something important I hadn’t told her yet.

“Oh yeah, should we just have our first dance with each other?”

“Huh?”

Lizia was at a loss for words, gaping with her mouth open in surprise, as if she had been thinking about something.

It’s a little cute how she looks like a catfish.

She immediately got herself together, but this time, her face quickly paled.

I can pretty much guess why. I sensed it when I taught her horse riding, but moving her body isn’t exactly her forte. Seems that the person herself is also aware of this.

“Wh-what should I do…”

Despite being a noble lady, how is it that you’re bad at dancing?

As long as it’s not at catastrophic levels. As I prayed for that, she vaguely looked pitifully flustered that I had to console her. With those thoughts, I said,

“You’ll be fine. Dancing is my forte, so I’ll lead you properly.”

“Uuu… I’ll leave myself in your care.”

With a pitifully apologetic look, she bowed, so she definitely wasn’t able to see the complex expression I had on.

I was considerably surprised at the words I had said.

I don’t usually think of troubled people as pitiful. That’s because I’m a person who’s unable to sympathize.

I can understand when others are in a pitiful situation. But I don’t feel sad or bitter when I see others suffering, even though I can understand it.

I did look after Lizia when I first met her at the tea party, but it’s not because I was particularly worried that she was going to fall any time soon. It’s because I thought it was an opportunity to get close to someone who would be a good choice as my fiancée. If the other wasn’t someone of benefit to me, I wouldn’t particularly look after them.

But recently, it’s been really different.

Even I’m extremely amazed, but I would sometimes think of Lizia as cute, and when it comes to her, I think that I had to save her before I could even consider the advantages and disadvantages.

But it’s different if I was asked if I think she’s really pitiful. I haven’t changed from being a person who can’t feel sympathy.

For instance, if Lizia were to trip in front of me. I may be able to guess her pain and shame, but I can’t share those feelings. Instead, I may be impressed at her tripping over nothing. But even as I think that, I’ll immediately check if she was injured and give her my hand. It may just be consolation. If I’m already worrying about these things, I’m definitely worried about her. That’s what I think. I don’t really get it but…

Why is that?

I might be going mad, because I’ve never been near anybody who’s like this.

In the world that I live in, there is malice, murderous intent, and indifference. My only allies are my uncle, my grandfather, and finally, my dead mother, whom I have never discovered affection from. I’m puzzled as to how Lizia’s slightly strange existence ranks within that. If she was just someone I only used, I didn’t have to account for her.

This is absurd even if I do say so myself, but has a desire to protect someone unreliable and helpless possibly awoken within me? Or is it because I’m still a child…?

Thoughts of what would happen if my uncle were to become aware of this flashed through my mind for a moment, but I fell into slight melancholy. If I had to say what he’d think of her, he’d find her okay, but it’s true that there’d be moments he’d be annoyed at her.

Even now, Lizia’s muttering while watching her step.

When I saw her in serious thought as she tried not to make herself look like an idiot, I stopped thinking for the time being. Let’s assume that even I have something as human as a heart.

In the meantime, Lizia should practice and instill the movements in her body before watching her step.

“Congratulations on your birthday and engagement, onii-sama.”

“Thanks, Katerina.”

As always, Katerina proudly said that with a standoffish attitude, her nose up in the air.

I thought that she’d be a little friendly this year since she became friends with Lizia, but seems not. Speaking of Lizia, her knees gave way, as if she safely got over something with the first dance. It might be that appearing before others isn’t her forte either.

By the way, I have no comment about her dancing skills.

“Lizia too, congrats. That dress really suits you. As expected, my choice wasn’t wrong!”

“Yes. Thank you, Katerinsama.”

Embarrassed at how honestly pleased Lizia was, Katerina hid half her face behind her fan and slightly blushed. When I see a scene like this, I’m impressed that my arrogant younger sister also has cute side.

For a while, Katerina talked to Lizia about whose dress was pretty and who was attractive. I, who was a boy, was completely kept out of the loop. As always.

“We’ve been talking for a slightly long time. We shall talk later, Lizia.”

Seeing the men and women waiting to talk to her, Katerina reluctantly left. However, she turned over again, came back, and looked at me with an extremely nervous expression.

Just what on earth happened?

“Onii-sama, uhm, would you be able to dance with me later…?”

Unusually having said that in an inarticulate way, Katerina looked at me with a terrifying expression as if she was unsure if she really wanted to dance with me.

“I do not mind however…”

“I shall see you later then!”

Her expression lit up for a moment and immediately returned to a terrifying expression. Just like that, she disappeared into a crowd of people.

Lizia had been grinning from beginning to end, so the both of them probably had a meeting beforehand.

I had thought for sure that Katerina had no interest in me, but unexpectedly, that wasn’t the case. Finding out that someone who you never thought of was interested in you was an extremely mysterious feeling.

“I’m glad.”

Lizia gave a carefree smile.

I wonder if it’s fine since Katerina’s expression looked that terrifying… Well, whatever.

After that, I received words of congratulations from numerous people, ranging from people I remember to those I don’t.

I wasn’t really interested, so I suitably avoided them. Of course, with the behavior of a Duke’s son.

“You do not seem that happy.”

“That’s not true. I’m just not sure why they’re that happy about my birthday.”

When I raised one eyebrow at her, she made a slightly troubled face as she discerned that I wasn’t amused at her formal language. However, she sufficiently began to talk in a carefree tone, understanding my thoughts.

“It’s obvious, isn’t it? Your birthday’s the day we give thanks for your birth.”

“Thanks, huh?”

It’s not like there’s anyone who’s grateful that I was born.

“In the very least, I’m thankful you were.”

When I politely smiled at kind Lizia’s compliment, she looked offended.

Don’t tell me she’s angry?

“That was from the heart, you know. If Bern isn’t here, then who else will dance with me when I’m this bad at dancing?”

Her impish smile looked strangely adult-like and startled me despite her being two years younger.

I did think that she’ll have to practice if she was aware she’s bad at dancing, but it’s a little insensitive of me to say it like that. Besides, even if she’s bad at dancing, she needed me.

That’s why—– What did I just say?

I couldn’t even believe my own thoughts and was shocked.

Did I want to be needed by Lizia?

It was as if someone slapped me.

That kind of emotion should have disappeared from me a long time ago.

She was worried at my weird state, asking if her joke had been rude.

In the meantime, I gave her a weird smile to tell her that I was okay. Even though I hadn’t planned on showing her such a weird smile no matter how shaken I was.

Ah, this is troublesome.

Even though I deliberately picked a docile, plain girl who strangely wasn’t going along with me.

“Are you really okay? Should I bring you some water?”

As I harbored complicated feelings towards someone who earnestly worried about me, which was probably rare even in this world, I sighed on the inside.

This is the first time this has happened with Lizia.

Even holding hands with someone, being kind to them for no reason, and wanting to be needed by them. And finally, not wanting to be hated by them.

For some reason, it feels fuzzy around my chest.

Do normal people worry about things like this? It’s so troublesome.

But when I looked at Lizia comically reaching out and withdrawing her hand, unsure whether she should rub my slightly hunched back or not, for some reason, I didn’t think it was that bad. The person herself looked deadly serious, so of course I didn’t say that.

But this is really troublesome.

This sharp girl looked easygoing and particularly like a burden.

One day, in the not-so-far future, she’ll realize that I’m not the person she thinks I am. And then she’ll be disappointed or maybe reject me.

If possible, I don’t want her to know I’m a heartless person who’s unable to sympathize, and even more so, I don’t want her to know that my hands are stained with blood.

As I thought, from those thoughts of mine, I want to be a person needed by Lizia and am a little scared at that desire of mine.

No, that’s wrong. What I’m scared of is changing because of her.

It’s because I know that my thoughts of wanting to be needed by someone is just me asking for trouble.

I have to be careful to keep a proper distance. So I can leave her someday. So I can go back to being myself.

A long time ago, someone said,

‘Instead of feeling alone in a group, it’s better to have real solitude all by yourself.‘

“I’m really fine. Leaving that aside, wouldn’t it be better if we practice dancing instead of horse riding?”

As if to cover it up, I maliciously teased and grinned at her.

I shouldn’t have done anything out-of-place. And yet, Lizia made another weird face.

I felt complicated, mixed with fear and slight hope, at her look.

I had revised the chapter title, but nothing seemed to have changed.

*A little heads up because Japanese is so annoying when it comes to honorifics: In these sentences, Bern uses –dono to refer to Lizia as his fiancee. His speech in this whole chapter (most of it anyways) has him distancing himself from others, even Lizia (though not all the time seeing as he talks to her in casual speech).

AHHHHHHHHHHHH I too feel complicated about you right now Bern. This feels so angsty.

E/N: I’m glad we finally get to see Bern’s POV. His thoughts were a lot more complicated than I thought.

Author: adorkablerika Name's Erika. For some dumb reason, I decided to major in Physics. I'm stuck in this major now. I used to translate manga and light novels a few years back, left, then came back cause I found some good novels to read. I'm the only TLer on my site, so rip. I'm apparently also good at drawing, and I also like kpop (BTS, I mean, I have Hobi as my pic). I don't bite, so feel free to chat me up on here or on NU @adorkablehiko. If you see my translations on other sites, please do consider reading it on my Wordpress @ crappyasstranslations.