CH 80

“Agh.”

Renato momentarily lost his balance and was dragged into Khalid’s arms. As he suddenly smelled a fresh body odor reminiscent of winter trees, a warm and firm body touched him.

“You are cold.”

Khalid secured the slender waist with his right arm around Renato, then raised his left hand to wrap around the cold cheek. He didn’t like the icy sensation on the soft, supple cheek that clung to his palm.

“Because I was outside……”

Renato put his hands on Khalid’s shoulders and mumbled. It should be time for him to get used to this kind of skinship, but whenever he had physical contact with Khalid, his body would tense up.

“Is your body temperature originally low?”

“Uh…… I don’t know for sure.”

“Hmm, please make sure to dress a little warmer tomorrow. The closer we get to the capital, the colder it will be.”

Renato nodded his head instead of answering. The fingertips of the man’s right arm wrapping around his waist seemed to almost touch his scar, so his nerves kept focusing on that.

“You know that I will be with you during treatment from now on, right? Are you okay with that?”

Khalid cautiously asked. A little hesitation appeared on Renato’s face because of his question. Two weeks ago, he began receiving treatment for post-traumatic stress disorder from Souad, a military doctor in Khalid’s Knights Order.

‘Trauma?’

‘Yes, the illness’ exact name is post-traumatic stress disorder. I got a check-up from his highness’ military doctor.’

After deciding to seek treatment, Renato also frankly confided to Louis and Luna that he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder. Because of his matter with Maximo, he couldn’t hide it any longer.

‘Oh my God, how could that happen……’

‘The exact cause is still unknown. The symptoms started appearing after Ludmilla-nim passed away.’

Renato vaguely pretended that the cause was being under stress for a long time. In addition, he explained that it was why he refused help when taking a bath or changing clothes these days.

Although the two were upset, they accepted it without any doubt. After all, they already felt that Renato was different from before and seemed to hide something from them, and they knew better than anyone else that Renato was tormented by Marquis Medus. Considering Renato’s hard life stained with sighs and tears, it was not strange that he suffered from a mental illness.

‘Please close your eyes and take a slow, deep breath. Please only breathe through your nose.’

On the first day of trauma treatment, Souad taught Renato how to breathe to relieve tension, and how to calm down by patting his shoulder when he suddenly felt his heart racing or anxious. In addition, he also prescribed sleeping pills to help with deep sleep and incense candles with a calming effect.

From that day on, Renato had a deep conversation with Souad for about an hour a day. Souad conducted psychological counseling by encouraging Renato to comfortably let out his emotions. The counseling went smoothly compared to what he was worried about.

‘We need to deal with the past memories that caused the trauma, and the situations that cause the current trauma symptoms together. To do that, you need to face your own wounds.’

‘Do you mean hypnosis treatment?’

‘Yes. This is the treatment method I use the most.’

A week after starting full-scale treatment, Souad recommended Renato try hypnosis treatment.

‘Through hypnosis treatment, you go through the process of reliving past pains and events or imagining similar situations. As we repeatedly go through that process, you will be able to accept that those events back then are no longer a threat to you, Your Imperial Highness.’

‘Your explanation means that I have to talk about what happened in the past…… I don’t really like that.’

‘I know what you are worried about, Your Imperial Highness. I also understand that you are reluctant to reveal your own weaknesses. But this is the most effective way at the moment.’

Souad actively recommended hypnotherapy to Renato. It was because overcoming internal wounds was the key to treating post-traumatic stress disorder. However, Renato responded negatively to hypnosis treatment.

‘Is there any other way other than hypnosis treatment?’

‘You can go for a walk, use various therapies, eye exercises, and overwrite negative reactions with positive stimuli, but…… they aren’t quick ways to get results.’

‘Uhm, can I think about it for a day or so?’

After much deliberation, Renato accepted Souad’s suggestion. But he soon had to face another challenge.

‘In some cases, anxiety might be exacerbated during the hypnosis treatment process. When that happens, trauma symptoms such as hyperventilation or panic may occur, so you need someone to help you.’

‘Someone to help me? Do you mean it’s impossible to receive treatment alone?’

‘It’s not impossible, but I wouldn’t recommend it. As you will need to take sedatives and rest as soon as the symptoms occur, it will be difficult alone.’

‘But you can help me, can’t you?’

‘What I can do is first aid, not peace of mind. If you can’t easily calm down or if your seizures are repeated, you might form a rejection toward the treatment itself, so…… It’s good to have someone you can rely on mentally with you, Your Imperial Highness.’

‘I will receive the treatment by myself for now. Trauma symptoms may not appear.’

Renato insisted on receiving treatment alone without any help. With that, the first hypnosis treatment was performed three days ago.

The results were, needless to say, the worst. Shortly after starting treatment, Renato went into a panic. He didn’t even know how he could calm down. All of a sudden, he felt suffocated and his body trembled, then at some point, the world went dark.

‘Your Imperial Highness! Have you woken up?’

It was hours later that Renato, who had a seizure, regained consciousness. When he opened his eyes, Khalid, Louis, and Souad were beside him. Souad apologized to Renato with a grave expression.

‘My apologies, Your Imperial Highness. Everything is my fault.’

‘No. Didn’t you already warn in advance? It’s because I insisted on getting treatment alone. Don’t apologize.’

‘There is a greater sense of rejection and fear rooted in your unconsciousness than I thought, Your Imperial Highness. I’m sorry to say this, but it seems like you can’t receive treatment alone in your current state.’

Souad explained Renato’s condition with a serious face and indicated that it would be unreasonable to receive treatment alone. Because the trauma symptoms appeared and he even fainted, Renato could no longer be stubborn.

At first, Renato tried to keep Louis or Luna by his side. However, he met Souad’s opposition. He said that Louis and Luna were the ones that gave Renato anxiety, not stability.

‘To Your Imperial Highness, your attendant and guard knight are your targets of protection. You are worried that you will lose both of them just like Her Highness the late Imperial Consort.’

‘Is that the reason why it can’t be them?’

‘I’m afraid so. They will trigger your trauma, Your Imperial Highness. That won’t help with the treatment. ……In my opinion, I think it would be better to get help from his highness the grand prince.’

‘Hmm?’

‘He is the one who will become your companion, isn’t he?’

‘But we……’

Renato’s expression became puzzled in response to Souad’s words. Souad was one of the few who knew that his marriage to Khalid was a contract. He did not expect that Souad would make that suggestion despite knowing the truth about the marriage.

‘The relationship between you two right now is more important than how you met. To me, you two have a deep trust in each other.’

Souad thought Khalid and Renato were a fairly good couple. Although they might not yet be in love, the two had good feelings for each other.

Above all, Souad realized that Renato was mentally dependent on Khalid after a week of psychological counseling. Renato often expressed anxiety when talking about others such as Trudy or the Louis siblings, but not as much as when he talked about Khalid.

‘Actually, it was thanks to his highness that you calmed down when you had a seizure during hypnosis treatment.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, I couldn’t tell you right away because his highness told me to keep quiet, but in my opinion, he is the most suitable person.’

‘……Let me ask his highness’ opinion first.’

When Souad said so, it was hard for Renato to refuse any longer. Naturally, Khalid did not refuse to help Renato with his treatment. And he decided to join the second hypnosis treatment that would happen today.

“If you are very uncomfortable with that, now……”

“No, it’s not that I feel uncomfortable, but I think I’m causing a lot of trouble.”

“I think I have already said this before, but please don’t think that helping you is trouble for me. Won’t we become closer than anyone else in the future? So please don’t mind too much and just ask for anything you want.”

With Khalid’s words, Renato’s expression turned strange. When Khalid occasionally spoke like this about their relationship, he felt as if this marriage weren’t a contract that would end in three years. After briefly hesitating, Renato opened his mouth with difficulty.

“Then, uhm, I have a favor to ask.”

“Please tell me.”

“If…… I say strange things during treatment, can you ignore them? I hope you can think they are just nonsense and let them slide.”

The cause of his post-traumatic stress disorder was the events in his previous life. Renato was worried that Khalid and Souad would find it strange when he spoke of those days.

At this point, Maximo wasn’t the Emperor, and Trudy and Louis were still alive.

The reason why he hesitated to treat trauma and had a negative reaction to hypnosis treatment was that he was afraid that his regression would eventually be discovered. Renato guessed the cause of the first hypnosis treatment’s failure was that he was unconsciously entrenched in the thought that his regression should not be discovered.