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“……Pardon?”
Renato’s eyes widened at her unexpected words. Soon realizing that his expression was shaken, he closed his wide opened mouth. But he couldn’t hide his agitation.
“What are you so surprised about?”
Maryam smirked in amusement as Renato lost his composure. She couldn’t help but laugh when the person who had just provokingly pressured her was flustered.
“Because you suddenly said something like that……”
Renato lowered his gaze and slurred his words. Maryam’s meaning of liking was not human goodwill or simple affection, but a deeper and more special feeling.
Do I seem to like Khalid that way in her eyes?
Feeling his heart beating fast, Renato pursed his lips. His stomach felt sick and his ears were burning as if a secret he had carefully hidden from others’ eyes were discovered.
“What’s the matter? I was just saying what I felt.”
Maryam shrugged as she saw Renato’s face slightly reddened. She was raging mad at Renato just a few minutes ago, but her heart calmed like a lie when she decided to accept his request. It was so quick of a change even to herself.
Maybe I just wanted someone to stop me.
Maryam’s eyes darkened. She already knew she was being harsh on Khalid. Whenever shaken by the noble faction’s pressure and her vassals driving a wedge, she thought she shouldn’t, but still ultimately lost her balance like a fool. As the days went by, she became more and more anxious about her unstable authority and couldn’t control her heart.
From some point on, Maryam could no longer trust anyone. She also became unable to take others’ words and actions genuinely and kept thinking about them in a twisted way or doubting them.
That was why she fell into the trap of those who disdained Khalid. Maryam knew she would not have ascended the throne had it not been for Khalid’s help. She was grateful for that, but also afraid. Because if Khalid turned his back on her, she would have to give up the crown.
As her inferiority complex toward Khalid and the insecurity from her precarious power grew, Maryam became more and more of someone weighing gains and losses. As a result, from some point on, she saw Khalid as an enemy rather than a brother. But then, whenever she had troubles, she would first think of him and ask him for help. She shamelessly relied on Khalid’s kindness, knowing he valued his people. Even in her own opinion, she was contradictory and selfish.
But she had already gone too far to go back. Maryam didn’t know how to stop her endless surge of doubts and calculations. And today, Renato firmly put the brakes on her.
‘I hope you won’t keep his highness in check or exploit him according to your needs after this, Your Majesty.’
‘I don’t want my companion to be endangered or hurt by others.’
Renato drew a line with Maryam as Khalid’s companion. He sharply dissuaded Maryam who still tried to wield Khalid in her grasp under the guise of family. Now, he was Khalid’s closest family member.
If Renato hadn’t drawn a decisive line, she would probably still have been as unruly as an unbridled horse. She would have rationalized that it couldn’t be helped, despite knowing she was hurting Khalid.
Engulfed in self-loathing, Maryam smiled bitterly. She was defeated because she overlooked Renato’s sincere care for Khalid. With a prejudice that their marriage was political, she naturally couldn’t defeat Renato who defended the person he liked.
“……Do I look like that?”
“Hmm?”
Seized with bitter humiliation and strange relief, Maryam escaped from her thoughts at Renato’s voice. As she blinked her eyes, clearing her vision, she could see Renato’s face that was redder than before.
“In Your Majesty’s eyes…… do I seem, toward his highness……”
Renato lowered his gaze and faintly mumbled. Unable to keep his hand still, he fidgeted with the blameless teacup. The red tea was splashing in the cup. When he looked at the color of the tea that seemed to carry the glow of the setting sun or melted sparkling ruby, Khalid naturally came to his mind.
Perhaps so, despite knowing he shouldn’t be emotionally agitated in front of Maryam and asking that question would expose his weakness, he couldn’t help but ask.
“I said so because it looked like that to me, was it wrong?”
Maryam tilted her head with a puzzled face. Most royal marriages were political ones, which caused various problems. As even love marriages could fall apart, it was difficult for a marriage to be happy with only the families’ interests without much affection.
For this reason, divorces often occurred when the political structure changed or the relationships went awry. It was also why Maryam initially believed Khalid’s words that they would divorce when it was the right time.
Of course it was rare to fall in love with the person they met through political marriages, but it did happen. She and Laila also married for convenience but loved each other sincerely, so there was no law saying Khalid and Renato couldn’t do the same.
In truth, Renato, who said a while ago that he would do everything he could for Khalid, was certainly someone in love. And it wasn’t just today. During his stay in the kingdom, he always put Khalid first.
“……I do not know. But if Your Majesty felt that way……”
Following his voice that gradually got smaller, Renato’s head also drooped down. Unable to finish his words, his lips closed like a clam.
Could it be that he hasn’t realized his feelings yet?
Maryam’s eyes lit up in interest. Now that his confidence while conversing with the Queen went away, leaving him confused and blushing bashfully, Renato finally looked suited to his age. She had forgotten that fact since Renato was as experienced and daring as someone being in the political world for several years, but he was a young man who had just become an adult.
Maryam momentarily thought she might be able to take advantage of that, but soon clicked her tongue. She was disgusted with her calculativeness despite just reflecting on and regretting her actions just before. She opened her mouth, pressing down on her risen greed with a stronger conscience than usual thanks to Renato.
“Well, you know your own feelings better. Don’t take my words too seriously. I was only impressed that you seem to care more about Khalid than I thought. When you fall in love, you tend to be devoted to the other person.”
Maryam chose to take a step back so that Renato could realize his feelings. This was only meaningful when he realized it himself.
“I am a bit tired. I’m sorry because I was the one inviting you, but…… Let’s end our tea time here.”
Maryam buried herself in the chair with a tired face, announcing the end of their tea time. She only talked for about 30 minutes, but she was as exhausted as speaking non-stop for three hours.
“Can I say one last thing?”
“Hmm? What is it?”
About to get up when Maryam said so, Renato hesitantly began to speak. Maryam, pressing her hand on her forehead, looked at him.
“Before coming to the kingdom, I heard many stories about Your Majesty from his highness.”
“Hoo, really?”
“Yes, in his highness’ stories, Your Majesty was a very wonderful and adventurous person. Unlike me, you who fought against people’s prejudices and won the throne just like a hero in fairy tale books I read as a child…… I dared to think I wanted to become like you. But upon arriving at the kingdom, Your Majesty whom I met was different from his highness’ stories and my imagination.”
“What?”
“So I was a little, no, I was quite sad. This is disrespectful to say, but I was disappointed with Your Majesty. However, after talking today, I feel relieved because it seems I have made some hasty judgments.”
“What do you……”
“I’m sure Your Majesty knows what I mean.”
Maryam’s kindness to Khalid in the past would not be false. She truly cared for Khalid and genuinely helped him. However, just like the saying ‘the position shapes the person’, Maryam had changed when she became Queen. She was no longer a kind and gentle noonim to Khalid.
But Renato saw a bit of hope in Maryam after today’s conversation. She was still a person with dignity. She at least knew how to feel remorse.
So he had an expectation that even if Khalid and Maryam couldn’t return to the same relationship as before, their relationship wouldn’t become the worst.
“I hope Your Majesty will remain a good noonim to his highness until the end.”
Renato conveyed his sincere wish, then softly smiled, indicating the end to his words. Maryam’s eyes strongly shook at that. She didn’t say anything and just looked at Renato. But he seemed to have heard Maryam’s answer.
“Then I will be leaving now. Thank you very much for the tea.”
Renato politely bowed his head to her, who was at a loss for words, then turned back without regret. Left alone, Maryam sat there for a long time afterward.