/
“Do I look like I’m always forcing myself in your highness’ eyes?”
“……You look a bit, no, quite a lot like that.”
“Even if I don’t feel burdened by it? Even if it’s something I truly want to do?”
“Sometimes it’s better for people around you to see than judging it by yourself.”
Khalid raised his hand, gently covering Renato’s cheek. Guilt soared up when he felt that Renato was emaciated overnight, perhaps because of distress.
“From when I first met Your Imperial Highness to today…… At least on the days I was with you, you seemed to be forcing yourself. Sometimes you also seemed to be chased by something. As if……”
As if knowing the misfortune to come. Khalid held back the words lingering in his mouth and closed his lips. He would have to question Renato’s secret if he said so. He didn’t want to do that yet.
“As I said last night, I don’t think it’s a loss to give something to your highness, Sir Nasir, and others. I do so because I want to.”
Renato protested with a slightly frustrated face. He was afraid that he would argue with Khalid again about this, but he needed to say this now.
“The Esteban territory or gold and silver treasures mean nothing to me. I…… I’m more afraid that the future I’m hoping for won’t come than getting hurt.”
In his previous life, Renato grew up as a Prince without material shortage. In any case, he was a direct imperial family member who inherited noble blood, and that identity itself gave him wealth that others couldn’t obtain for their entire lives.
But that was all. Renato lacked the power to use his wealth or rights at will. Nor did he have the opportunity to use them to his advantage.
All he could do was buy gifts for someone or customize new clothes and accessories. For that reason, to Renato, his wealth was ephemeral.
Unlike then, he could do a lot now. For the first time, Renato was grateful that he had so much. He was delighted to be able to help Khalid, and seeing the higher chance of protecting Trudy, Louis and Luna gave him strength. As long as the events in his previous life weren’t repeated, he would gladly accept being penniless. For that, he was ready to give everything.
But why did Khalid say he was mistaken? He thought the man would understand his heart even if no one else did. Renato lowered his gaze with a depressed face.
“I’m not denying Your Imperial Highness’ wish to help me. But please also think about whether the person receiving the favor with your sacrifice really wants it. Didn’t I already tell you? I cherish Your Imperial Highness the same way you cherish others.”
“……”
“Please don’t make me into a brazen and shameless person. Your Imperial Highness, I decided to marry you not because of the benefits I can get from you.”
“What do you mean……”
“Don’t you remember? About what I said when I accepted your proposal.”
Khalid’s hand that was covering the pale cheek gently caressed under his tear mole. Renato flinched when the man’s blunt thumb gently stroked his soft skin. The memory of that day flashed in his mind.
‘I hate complicated things like a contract or a deal. So please let me ask you just one question.’
‘Do you need my help?’
‘Okay, I’ll help you.’
‘I will help you achieve what you want, so…… Please don’t cry.’
It was true. Back then, Khalid just asked if he needed help without saying anything else. And he said yes, begging the man for his help. Renato’s eyes shook in response to the memory vivid as if it had just happened yesterday.
“You do remember.”
Noticing the change in Renato’s expression as he recalled his memories, Khalid raised his fingertip and lightly scratched the tear mole. He could feel the long and dense eyelashes quiver.
“When I decided to marry Your Imperial Highness, I didn’t do any political calculations or weighing. I didn’t think about the things you offered me in exchange for the marriage, either.”
Recalling that day when Renato was drenched in sorrowful tears, Khalid quietly said as if sighing. All he could think of at the time was that he didn’t want to see Renato cry. Then, his emotions, not his reason, moved first. Other people would laugh at him for being foolish, but it was the truth.
Not wanting Renato to cry, Khalid decided to give Renato the right to use him. So Renato only had to grab Khalid’s leash and wield it as he pleased. But he was too kind and soft-hearted for that. Far from taking advantage of Khalid, he became devoted.
“I have accepted this marriage because I want to help Your Imperial Highness and be your strength. So please don’t think that you owe me.”
Thinking back on the past, from the moment he proposed the contractual marriage, Renato was always desperate to give Khalid something more. Khalid thought he could understand why Renato was like that.
Objectively, Renato’s confrontation against Marquis Medus was like hitting a rock with an egg. Unlike the Marquis who had many things, Renato was just a Prince in name.
As he had nothing, Renato’s choice to defeat Marquis Medus was to find someone to work for him. He gave Tristan the direction of life amid despair, took on the role of a savior to Baikal who wanted to heal his younger sister, and earned Arche and Iris’ loyalty by giving them the life they truly wanted. It was the same for Khalid.
Inclusion through deals.
That was Renato’s method. The difference from normal deals was that Renato felt gratitude and guilt toward those whom he tried to use as chess pieces. He wanted to give more rewards to those working for him. But Khalid didn’t want something like that.
“I don’t hope that you will feel indebted to me and want to reward me with something in return. I am your companion, not your debtor.”
“Still……”
“But if you still want to repay me…… Right, how about eating and sleeping well, gaining weight, and becoming healthier than now?”
“Pardon?”
Renato’s eyes widened at that unexpected suggestion. Khalid burst into a soft chuckle when seeing the startled rabbit eyes. Then, he lowered the hand stroking his eye corner to press on Renato’s soft lips.
“It would be good if you smile a bit more often as well.”
Khalid used his thumb and forefinger to slightly push up the tips of Renato’s lips. Confused by his actions, Renato couldn’t say anything and just blinked. He was so cute that Khalid laughed again. After laughing, Khalid retracted his hand and looked at Renato.
“I wish I could tell you not to draw blood again, but…… If it’s necessary to make Your Imperial Highness’ plan a success, you won’t listen to me even if I stop you. Still, I hope you could keep it to a minimum so as not to harm your body. Only when it’s really needed.”
“……I’ll do that. I will do my best not to worry you, your highness.”
“Do you mean it?”
“Yes. I will discuss it with you if I need to draw blood again, your highness. And if Sir Baikal objects, I won’t do it.”
“That’s great.”
Khalid nodded with a smile. It wasn’t the ending he liked, but he decided to be satisfied with this for now. Renato had given up his insistence and made concessions, so he shouldn’t keep pushing him.
Above all, Renato had Renato’s method. If Khalid didn’t respect his wish just because he didn’t like it, he would be no different from Marquis Medus or Maximo.
As the saying goes ‘the faster you go, the more you have to go back’, Khalid intended to take time to slowly make Renato care for and love himself. Making him aware that his reckless behaviors could cause concern to others was the first step toward change. Renato didn’t care if he was hurt, but he would be deeply worried if others suffered because of him.
“Thank you for your understanding, and…… I’m sorry for having worried you.”
“It’s alright.”
Renato thanked and apologized to Khalid. Then, he hesitantly held the man’s hand. His eyes, harboring a slight sense of anxiety, turned to Khalid.
“Then are you not angry anymore?”
“Hmm, I’m not sure.”
“Uh…… Are we not reconciled now?”
Is he still angry? Renato rolled his eyes as Khalid glossed over his answer. The tension that had barely subsided rose again.
Khalid chuckled when seeing Renato anxiously look at him. He then raised his hand and ruffled the neat hair.
“Why are you making that expression? In the first place, there is no way I could be truly angry with Your Imperial Highness.”
“……Pardon?”
“Well, I mean that I am incredibly weak to you, Your Imperial Highness. Now then, should we go back? I feel a bit embarrassed when saying these kinds of things in front of my mother.”
Perhaps he would never be able to win against Renato in the future. Khalid predicted his defeat in advance. He wrapped his hand around Renato’s shoulder and led him out of the greenhouse. At that moment, they could hear Nasir’s voice as he looked for the two. Perhaps he came here because they hadn’t come back after a while.
“Ah, please be careful not to slip as the ground in the front is frozen. May I help you?”
Khalid opened the greenhouse door and held Renato firmly to prevent slipping. Walking out while almost hugged by Khalid, Renato involuntarily let out a sigh of relief.
“What’s wrong?”
“No, nothing. Thank you for your help.”
Renato faintly smiled when Khalid asked. A gentle gaze, a warm voice, actions full of consideration…… It was only now that the man seemed to have returned to the Khalid he knew.
Before the door closed, Renato slightly turned his head to look at the altar inside. Perhaps thanks to sunlight permeating into the greenhouse, somehow Jamila’s smile in the portrait seemed to brighten up a bit.