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Chapter 15: Recurrent Sin
It was very late.
The rain had stopped. A light wind still flowed along the banks of Lake Ashi , but the stormed had passed.
Quiet returned to the Houjou estate at Hakone.
Naoe was still seated beside Takaya. His heart was full; though his expression was weary, it was also surpassingly gentle.
The divine power surrounding Takaya seemed to set his pale skin alight with a dim glow in the darkness.
His life force was weakening. Naoe smiled faintly at the thoughts running through his head, Kagetora’s cold amusement drifting through his mind.
You cannot win against me.
You say these words to entrap me. They are oil poured over the flames of my hatred: hatred for having to endure the humiliation of your contempt, your oppression... You say them to provoke me.
(Even though your true desire is to be conquered by me...)
You may disguise yourself with the mask of a proud and haughty dictator, but it only conceals the filthy lust within. A masochistic beast lies at your core.
Naoe closed his eyes. Pressing his lips tightly together, he told the still figure silently, “Curse me if you wish.”
You’re the one who has driven me here—you and you alone... Knowing the depths of your own sins, you must accept the things I am about to do.
Because this is not love; we have lived for far too long, our souls exhausted to the point of insanity or the belief of it.
Because I can believe in no one but you.
His eyes fell.
This is the last time.
Though I know it to be false, I want to tell you with all my heart: I love you...
(Hate me, then, as you will.)
“Isn’t it about time you told me, Kotarou?” Ujiteru said, gazing out at the dark lake from his position by the window. “Why do you conceal the location of the male Tsutsuga Mirror even from us? We are, after all, masters of the Fuuma.”
“That is indeed so, Ujiteru-dono. Nevertheless, our mission is to protect the Tsutsuga Mirrors. The best way to keep a secret is to tell only those who absolutely need to know. It is not a matter of trust; each holder of a secret necessarily increases the danger of its exposure. The walls have ears, as they say. You can never know who is listening, or to whom they may report.”
“Hmm, and that means you can’t even tell your master? So I see—’tis no wonder the Fuuma are the perfect ninja. How many of you know?”
“Only me.”
“What?”
“No other method precludes the possibility of the leakage of this information.”
“You trust no one but yourself, in other words? That is certainly very like you.”
“Yes. It is the only way to ensure perfect secrecy. Would emotion not sway you to disregard Ujimasa-dono’s commands if you knew the location of the male Tsutsuga Mirror?”
“You’re saying that I would let Saburou go?”
“I am saying that I cannot be sure the possibility is nil.”
Ujiteru glared at Kotarou. “Don’t be ridiculous. Let me ask you, then, since you boast of perfection: why have you failed so completely at locating Father? Why was my brother the first to find him?”
“...” Kotarou smiled.
“Does my question amuse you, Kotarou?”
“Hmn. Perhaps our lord has not appeared to his sons because he has reason for wishing to remain unseen?”
“Are you making fun of me, Kotarou? Do you find me diverting?”
A knock sounded behind them. The door opened, and the two men turned to see Naoe standing there.
“Well... What is it, Naoe-uji?”
“... I wish to speak with Ujiteru-dono.”
Kotarou and Ujiteru exchanged a dubious look, but after a pause Ujiteru asked Kotarou to bring coffee and offered Naoe a seat.
“What do you wish to speak to me about?”
“I want to help you deal with Saburou-dono.”
Ujiteru’s eyes went wide, and for a moment he couldn’t breathe. “What did you say?”
“You are planning to bind Lord Saburou Kagetora to the sacred tree at Hakone Shrine , are you not? I wish to bring my powers to bear in the aid of your endeavor.”
“...” Ujiteru stared at Naoe, at a complete loss for words. After a moment he managed, “You mean you wish to change sides? To join the Houjou?”
“You may interpret it in that manner, if you like. I shall give you information on the Uesugi. Though my «choubuku» cannot match the power of Lord Kagetora’s, I am willing to use it for your benefit. In addition, I am the only member of the Uesugi capable of performing kanshou on another. I am also willing to place this ability at the service of yourself and Ujimasa-dono.”
“Truly?” Ujiteru challenged. “What are you scheming?”
“...” Naoe smiled wanly and shook his head.
“Have you given up on Saburou?”
“Alone as I am, my struggles have no chance of achieving victory. Besides, it would be far more advantageous for me if he were not here. I cannot be my true self so long as he remains. So much the better, then, that he will be tree-bound. No one will be able to look at him. No one will be able to love him, nor he, them...”
“If he is sacrificed, Saburou will lose all semblance of humanity.”
“I could not ask for a more desirable outcome. ...If I should stand by and allow my master to die, I will never be able to return to the Uesugi. Without him, nothing holds me to the Uesugi. I have already lived for four hundred years. And I...do believe I would like to try living for myself for once.”
“For yourself, huh? And what do you desire?”
“To be appointed one of the Houjou’s chief vassals.”
“What did you say?” Ujiteru demanded, looking genuinely shocked. “Do you speak in earnest?”
“Hereafter, I will put all my effort towards making the Houjou the supreme conquerors of the «Yami-Sengoku». Though of course I would like one of the provinces for myself once the conquest is complete.”
“...”
Ujiteru studied Naoe with narrowed eyes. Naoe returned his gaze coolly. Surely this man could not be lying. Was he capable of so clever a masquerade?
“... I suppose such an outcome would have pleased Saburou as well.”
Naoe’s eyes widened, but he said nothing.
“Where shall we start? Can you take care of the enemy commanders who are interfering with our plans?”
Naoe took a box of cigarettes out of his breast pocket. Ujiteru gently took it from him.
“...What?”
Ujiteru commented, looking at the packaging, “...So it’s true, what Saburou said.” Naoe didn’t understand the reference, but Ujiteru recalled Takaya carrying this same box with considerable emotion. “Can I ask you a question? About Saburou?”
“Yes?”
“Why did he seal his memories away?”
“...”
Ujiteru added over Naoe’s unvoiced reaction, “When I met him, Saburou wasn’t Saburou—he was a young man with a brittle heart. Why in the world would he have thrown away his memories?”
“I suppose because he hated me,” Naoe offered, and looked down. “I do not believe there was any other reason.”
“... He told me that your kindness towards him was a delusion on his part.”
Naoe’s head jerked up. “Delusion?”
“He does not understand why you are so kind to him. He believes he is a substitute.”
Naoe’s expression changed ever so slightly. “Takaya-san thinks...?”
“Perhaps this is punishment,” Ujiteru murmured, leaning back into his seat. “It is no one’s fault. I believe Saburou is punishing himself for trying to run from a past that he should not have forgotten.”
A sharp pain flared in Naoe’s chest, for he was the one who had driven Takaya into this desperate situation. Ujiteru met Naoe’s eyes unswervingly and shook his head slowly as if in response to his unvoiced confession.
“Saburou would surely have taken everything into account.”
“...”
He thought that he was a substitute for ‘Kagetora’...
And he would have desperately repressed his loneliness and longing, tried with all his might to shut away his heart and keep his distance from Naoe because he thought Naoe’s kindness and love were not meant for ‘Ougi Takaya.’ Would have warned himself that that was the reason Naoe protected him, and that he could not allow himself to think it was anything more. If he flattered himself about Naoe’s actions, he’d be the one to get hurt.
—He couldn’t allow himself to think that it was anything more.
(Takaya-san...)
It was simply the kind of person he was. He would rather hurt himself by accepting the worst possible scenario, accustom himself to the pain, than allow someone to hurt him with the truth. Then, when the blade of a bitter reality pierced him at last, he could at least be somewhat numb.
To allow himself self-serving hope meant that it would be his own fault if he were wounded by betrayal. Because it hurt too much to realize that something that was ‘his’ was really just an ‘illusion.’ Those who, rather than accepting others’ kindness, insisted on a stringent reality in an effort to avoid being hurt might eventually view everyone with suspicion and render themselves incapable of believing in even those few who were entirely sincere—but he was okay with that, Takaya thought. Someone had driven him into convincing himself of that.
“...”
Submerged in silence, Naoe bit his lip and shook his head slowly. (You are so weak,) he told Takaya in his mind. (So weak...I pity you...)
There was a knock at the door, followed by Kotaru’s voice saying, “Excuse me.” He entered the room and set the coffee down on the table.
“Saburou will be bound to the ‘Yagate Cedar’ tomorrow morning,” Ujiteru told him.
“...!”
A tremor ran across Naoe’s shoulders. “Tomorrow?” Kotarou queried, looking at Ujiteru quietly.
Ujiteru nodded. “The earlier the better.”
“... And what of Naoe-dono?” Kotarou’s gaze shifted to him. “He has consented to this final betrayal of his master, then?”
“...”
“Have you, truly?” he asked expressionlessly. Naoe fixed him with a glare. Was this just caution, thoroughly antagonistic though it might be? Was it resentment? As usual, Kotarou revealed not a glimmer of human emotion. He alone would never be caught off guard. Even among allies he remained ever vigilant. He might have been conversing with an enemy just now instead of Ujiteru. He was a robot, Naoe thought.
“...I would like to see proof,” Kotarou said as he poured coffee into a cup.
“Proof? From me?”
“Do you really intend to betray the Uesugi? Anyone can say the words—and much more besides. If I give my trust so easily based on that alone, what is to say you will not run off with both the Mirror and Saburou-dono?”
“...And what should I do to prove myself to you?”
“Well...” Kotarou glanced at Ujiteru. “What of this, Ujiteru-dono. If Saburou-dono is to be tree-bound, his body is redundant. Let Naoe-dono dispose of it.”
Ujiteru shot Kotarou a look full of rebuke, but it was true that once the soul was tree-bound, the body would die in any case. It was certainly better to deal with the body now while the soul was still tenuously connected to it than when it became a worse problem at some point in the future.
“...”
Ujiteru looked at Naoe coldly. “Can you do it, Naoe-uji?”
Naoe closed his eyes. He said tonelessly, with complete resignation, “I have your permission to extinguish its life?”
“...”
“—Then yes, I will deal with it.”
The night wind felt pleasant against his skin. The stars twinkled between drifting clouds.
A tiny path ran through the estate’s wide gardens, continuing to the shore of the lake. Walking alone, Naoe left the estate and followed the path right to the edge of the water. There he slowly bent to pick up a tiny stone lying at his feet and placed it in his palm. Rise, he thought at it.
(As I suspected...)
The pebble didn’t even tremble. So his «telekinesis» didn’t work here—likely due to a blanket barrier enforcing the equilibrium. Within the barrier, minute, delicate threads of «power» stretched around everything and instantly canceled out and scattered any use of will, dissipating it into the earth at various pre-selected points (probably where tokko or other such mikkyouimplements were buried).
(So I can’t get anything outside, for the time being.)
He needed to figure out the barrier limits, but he wasn’t sure how he might pierce it.
He would be under surveillance by the Fuuma ninjas every minute, every second. Getting his hands on the Tsutsuga Mirror was impossible.
(So I’ll have to wait until it’s outside?)
In that scenario he would have a chance. With access to his power of «choubuku», he would hold the advantage no matter how many ninjas came after him, as long as they were notkanshousha.
He had one shot: the tree-binding ceremony at the sacred “Yatate Cedar” at Hakone Shrine . He had to get the Tsutsuga Mirror outside the barrier, somehow.
(I won’t allow him to be tree-bound.)
He would not allow his power to be used by the Houjou—he could not allow it, Naoe thought, gazing at Hakone Shrine on the opposite bank.
His second sight showed him a bright light blazing from the shrine like a wavering flame.
The spirits were gathering.
Onryou connected to the Houjou, perhaps? Souls were being bound onto all the trees within the Hakone Shrine grounds, just like at Nikkou. But what would the Houjou be doing with so many?
“Please save my brother...!”
A memory of Maiko suddenly stirred in the back of his head.
Breaking the Tsutsuga Mirror should result in the loss of the tsutsuga’s spiritual power, which should in turn release Shinya and all the bound souls, and crush the ambitions of the Houjou.
If it did not happen soon, Shinya’s life would be lost.
In any case, Kousaka and others were also maneuvering, seeking to find a way to break the Mirrors. Though he didn’t know the whereabouts of the male Tsutsuga Mirror, his first priority should be the acquisition of the female Mirror. Smashing the female Tsutsuga Mirror would in theory destroy the tsutsuga. The female Tsutsuga Mirror, in which Kagetora’s soul was sealed: he would seize it, and then...
(Then...?)
His thoughts faltered.
However many times he told himself to stop thinking about what came after, another part of his mind came awake to whisper: If you break the Mirror, he will never be able to leave.
He would be trapped inside the Mirror forever.
Trapped, he would never be able to either die or truly live. If he could not be reincarnated, he could not be purified...
Trapped, he could never be either obtained or lost. His existence would be without joy, but also without the fear or agony of watching him be stolen by another.
However much he hated Naoe, he would be able to do nothing, reduced to staring with hate-filled eyes at Naoe from the other side of the mirror, helpless. For years, decades, centuries...
(And would I again...) his lips curled in a self-mocking smile, (...be left behind, eternally writhing beneath my mountain of sin...?)
Naoe cast his gaze heavenward.
—Though he already knew the answer, knew that the best path stretched right before his eyes. What virtues could he possibly claim at this late date?
The happiness of others; justice; his mission... He had sacrificed himself for such fine sentiments for four hundred years without a word of complaint. Must he continue? Had he not suffered enough, when the pain had already driven him mad? Was this the price of immortality?
(...Can I not now find my release?) He murmured the question silently to himself. Could he not free himself from his shackles, choose his own destiny and live for his own sake?
Yes: here before his eyes was his every prayer answered, a single glorious path being prepared for him.
The paradise on earth he had always dreamed of was there within the mirror. He would allow no one to interfere... He would make Kagetora his, and they would never be parted—
The possibility was there. His dreams could be made real.
Let the Tsutsuga Mirror hold no reflection but his own.
The mirror would devour his soul: devour it, and seal it with Kagetora’s. The lake’s bottom would make a fitting burial place. It was the only way he could end everything.
Peace like slumber until the end of the world, beyond all reach. Nothing would ever threaten them again. Then...you’ll be mine forever.
Satiated, I’ll disappear from this world with you—
Can I now fling them away, these chains named ‘righteousness?’ Can I set down my burdens? Though I have lived for four hundred years, I could not become the cruel ‘demon’ or the noble ‘man of lofty virtues’ or the ‘beast’ which lives for nothing but its own desires.
...Because in the end I am just a foolish, cowardly ‘man.’
It’s all right if you never forgive me.
No matter how much you hate me, you will never be able to escape from the Mirror in its watery grave. You will resign yourself to living in the Mirror with me for eternity. Trapped inside, I would be incapable of answering your entries to release you. You may tell me you hate me as many times as you wish, for you will always be mine and mine alone.
Trapped in that utopic prison, you will soon begin to dream with me.
—Naoe...
Takaya smiled at him from the backs of his eyelids.
(Takaya-san...)
Naoe smiled faintly. Because I am ‘human,’ I do not want you to die. Yet because I am ‘human,’ this is path I now choose...
Takaya’s smiling face refused to fade. It would not disappear no matter how hard he pushed it away. Unable to bear the sight, he bit down on his lip hard.
(I don’t...want to let you die...)
I am such a fool, he thought. Why am I thinking about this now? It’s much too late. I have no consciousness of sin. I feel nothing at wanting to kill you.
I convinced myself that I feel nothing.
His clashing desires assailed his chest with equal strength.
I don’t want you to die. I want so much for you to be happy. But if I cannot give you happiness with my own two hands, I would rather destroy you than allow you to find it elsewhere. That’s the kind of man I am.
(I...cannot let you die.)
No one could want Takaya’s death more; no one prayed more fervently for his life. He could only mock himself at the absurdity of it. Yet both were profoundly true: soul-deep truths. The contradictions upon contradictions left him unable to remonstrate with himself.
He extracted a string of prayer beads from his coat pocket.
His father—Tachibana Yoshiaki’s father—had given it to him when as a child he had cut his own wrist.
“The Buddha is always with you,” he said. “Please carry it with you always.”
The centerpiece held a tiny, tiny image of the Dainichi Buddha.
How many times had this circle of beads saved him? Without its support of his heart and mind he likely would not have survived to this moment. Could it be a manifestation of the Buddha’s power?
(The Buddha is with me...?)
Surely, then...
Naoe grasped the circle with both hands and tugged sharply. Beads fell from the broken thread, scattering amidst the pebbles. Only the centerpiece bead remained in Naoe’s hand, and he curled his fingers around it gently.
Would the Buddha protect him?
Please protect him.
For that was his simplest, most sincere wish.
Futile though it might be, now that he had made the decision to kill him.
(Though these actions mean nothing...)
He carefully placed the single bead in his inner pocket.
At that moment—
A shadow fell across his feet, and he turned to see a man in a business shirt standing there: a man whose approach and presence he had not sensed at all. How long had the man been watching him?
“...Did you think I was planning to escape?” Naoe asked coolly.
Fuuma Kotarou narrowed his eyes and responded, “I am here merely for the fresh air, not to spy on you. But you—should you not be at Saburou-dono’s side?”
“I’m not the kind of man who has the gall to look upon the face of the master he betrayed.”
Kotarou snorted lightly. “Have you already decided on the method you will use to kill him? There is not much time left until the morning.”
“I have a favor to ask,” Naoe said with his back to Kotarou, picking up one of the beads at his feet and tossing it into the lake.
“What?”
“Allow me to dispose of the remains. He has family. Let me at least return him to them.”
“...Such sentimentality. Did you think we would permit that?”
“...”
“The Fuuma will not recognize the death of your lord unless you present him to us in pieces. If you can do so, we will happily accept you as one of us.”
Naoe glared at Kotarou fiercely. Kotarou met it with a gaze sharp as a knife’s edge.
“Do you not wish to save your master? Do you not intend to even try?”
“...”
“What in the world is Saburou-dono to you?”
Naoe looked away wordlessly.
The wind brushed gently against his cheeks.
(I don’t need to reply to that...do I?)
Kotarou studied the profile of the man standing in there silence, listening to the rustling of trees in the wind. He did not know how long they stood there. The unnatural flickering and rustle of grass broke his contemplation. He turned quickly.
“What is it?”
One of his adjuncts had come with news.
“What? Tooyama-dono?”
(...Tooyama?) Naoe couldn’t hear the rest, but—
“Fine,” Kotarou answered, pivoting. Then, as if reminded, he turned back to Naoe. “I cannot give you an answer regarding Saburou-dono’s body,” he said.
“What?”
"Ujiteru-dono might not be a ‘doting parent,’ but he is a ‘doting older brother.’ He will certainly not order the body chopped to pieces.
With those last words, Kotarou swiftly went back up the narrow path.
“Tooyama-dono is here. He requested a meeting with the head of the Fuuma on urgent business.”
It was almost dawn. Tooyama was here again after returning to Nikkou just last night? And requesting a secret meeting with Kotarou? Kotarou received the news with an odd expression on his face.
“He claims to carry secret orders from Nikkou,” the adjunct relayed, along with the designated meeting place.
“Secret orders for me alone? What sort of orders must be concealed even from Ujiteru-dono?” Kotarou demanded, angry and confused.
“W-well,” his underling stammered timidly, “They appear to have come directly from Lord Ujiyasu himself...”
“What?” Kotarou’s eyes sharpened instantly, and the adjunct gulped nervously.
“Hmm, well then. Commands from Lord Ujiyasu...” And for some reason the corners of Kotarou’s lips quirked in a grin.
“I will see him at once in Motohakone .”
The place Tooyama Yasuhide had chosen for his meeting with Kotarou was the parking lot at Izu-Hakone Wharf in Motohakone , close to Hakone Shrine . During the day it was usually filled with sightseeing boats coming and going, and even at night it was typically busy with people out for a drive. At this late hour, however, there was no sign of life.
Kotarou parked and stepped out. Tooyama had told him that due to the absolute secrecy of his orders, he would be coming alone, and asked Kotarou to do the same. Kotarou had complied.
A hired car going in the opposite direction had passed Kotarou’s on the road in front of the suspension bridge, so Tooyama was likely already here.
Kotarou found him standing motionlessly by the lakeside.
“...Thank you for waiting, Tooyama-dono.”
“...”
Tooyama turned. He looked wild, but his face was filled with anger; perhaps the great strain of being the messenger of secret orders was wearing on him.
“I apologize for the necessity of meeting out here.”
“Your business appears serious indeed. As you requested, I have not told even Ujiteru-dono of this meeting. That is what you wished, yes?” Kotarou asked, scrutinizing Tooyama. During his visit yesterday he had been impeccably dressed in a business suit. Now he was wearing neither jacket nor necktie.
“...I was commanded to deliver orders requiring the utmost secrecy to you immediately...” Tooyama told him in a hard voice, his eyebrows trembling minutely. “Kotarou-dono, the male Tsutsuga Mirror currently held in the custody of the Fuuma must be taken to Ujiyasu-sama in Nikkou immediately.”
“...The Tsutsuga Mirror?” Kotarou repeated with an odd expression. “Taken to Ujiyasu-sama?”
“Yes, at once. I am to accompany you.”
“Why? Why is the male Tsutsuga Mirror so suddenly needed?”
“I do not know, but it must play an important role in Ujiyasu-sama’s strategy for the conquest of the Kantou. Our role as vassals is to obey. In any case, we cannot deny that the Tsutsuga Mirrors are essential for our unification of the country, for they will bring together onshou from all over the country. They will become the symbol of the supreme ruler, in whose hands their existence will gain even greater significance.”
Questions of an idealistic nature held no interest for the purely pragmatic Kotarou; only the words ‘Ujiyasu-sama’s command’ moved him.
“Perhaps you will be serving Ujiyasu-sama directly after this, Kotarou-dono.”
“You’re certain this is Ujiyasu-sama’s command?”
“...Perfectly certain.”
“...” Kotarou stared at Tooyama for a moment. Tooyama met Kotarou’s probing gaze with bloodshot eyes, hardly daring to breathe, so tense that he could hear his heart thudding in his chest.
Kotarou abruptly turned his back to the wind from the lake and set his gaze in the direction of the distant back-lake .
“Very well,” he said. “I’ll come with the male Tsutsuga Mirror to visit Ujiyasu-sama.”