13. weakness

"Y/n I am so sorry. I really am. What a dick. And not only him. That pick me bitch Historia really has it out for you. She is probably just jealous.""Sasha, she is perfect.. fucking perfect. Perfect body, perfect face, perfect charm. Everything I want to be."You layed your head on Sasha's thigh carefully. You don't like physical touch that much and you only do it when you really have a connection with someone. Romantically or just in general. A big reason for your sensitivity to touch was definitely your fucked up childhood.Touch turned into your love language. And you only express it when you are feeling extremely happy or very sad. By cuddling up to Sasha, she could sense you intense discomfort."You know, there is one thing that bitch doesn't have.""Yeah, some fucking commonsense!""Yeah that too but most importantly, a personality. We should feel bad for her. Her only personality trait is being a pick me girl. It will come back to haunt her someday."You had to be honest. What Sasha said was really comforting. She was right. Historia really has to have a fucked up life if she goes as far as flirting with Eren right infront of your eyes.You obviously didn't feel bad for her. Not at all. Right now she may have men wrapped around her little pinky but one day they will discover her real intentions.At least that's what you hoped.Even if was is kind of mean, thinking about Historia being dropped by men and being embarrassed made you feel way better. You even smiled a little, fantasizing about that scenario.Whatever.She deserves it. One day she will fucking learn her lesson._______________________________________Even after Sasha's pep talk, you couldn't get Eren out of your mind.You checked your phone every other minute.You didn't want to admit it, but you were waiting for him to say something, anything.Nothing. He didn't say anything. Your Emotions had never been this complicated. You were filled with intoxicating rage and envy.But at the same time you wanted to forgive him. You wanted to forgive him... so bad.Fuck.You love that dickhead. You actually fucking love that asshole. It was too late. You fell. And you fell hard. It was a weird mixture out of anger but still wanting to give him a second chance. Well, third chance. He had already fucked up before and even if you promised yourself to break it off if he messes up again, you couldn't. You couldn't stop thinking about him.You wanted to punch him, hurt him.But at the same time, you wanted him to cuddle and embrace you, telling you everything is going to be okay.This man was playing with your emotions and you couldn't do anything against it.Eren had you hooked. You wanted him back. Right now.Theoretically you were never together so taking him back was the wrong way to phrase it.You couldn't imagine a life without Eren at this point.Since you can remember you had always hated fairytale endings, valentines day and romance.You never understood or craved the concept of love. It sounded so cheesy and disgusting.You cringed at couples walking by. You never understood how someone could do that to themselves.How someone could give their whole life for an other human being.You thought those people were weak.Depending on others was not in your thought dictionary.But now... Now you knew why.Life without Eren was horrible and draining. It felt like your world turned grey and you felt helpless.It sounds so cheesy but it was truly how you felt._______________________________________A week went by but you were still not receiving any messages from Eren.You were really pissed. He was the one that did something wrong. Not you. He should feel like shit, not you.You thought of something that could maybe get you back to reality. A college party. You hadn't been at one for forever and it seemed like an amazing opportunity to dance your ass of and forget about the whole Eren Historia situation.Out of protest, you wore the exact dress you had worn the first time Eren and you had sex. You did your own makeup with a little help of Sasha and pinned up you hair.You wanted to look hot without him.You wanted to feel irresistible without him. You wanted him out of your mind. Even if it would only be for one night. You were about to do anything it took to get him out of your head.Just this once.(Music playing at the party : call out my name by the weekend... let's pretend college students have a good music taste for this fanfic)The party was like any other one. Drunk young adults throwing up in the front garden.As always you pressed yourself through the crowd of those immatures.Surprisingly Jean was no where to be seen. Normally he would never miss the chance to flirt and pick up women.You felt relieved. Finally no drama. Jean wasn't here, Eren wasn't here, Zeke wasn't here, Historia wasn't here. This was your moment and your free time.You danced your ass off and had an amazing time. You even decided to drink a little. It felt amazing.Your head was empty. The only thing on your mind was the music around you. You slowly got really tipsy.You felt confident and sexy so you decided to head to a different room.You looked for a room similar to the one where you had met Eren. You wanted to challenge your emotions and your pride.Your drunk self really is a whole different person.Finally you stumbled into a, compared to the other rooms, pretty tiny one. Jackpot.. it had a bar and there were only a couple of people.You didn't really focus on the people around you. You were totally wasted so you only saw blurry faces. You continued dancing to call out my name. It felt like heaven. Eren was out of your mind and you were actually having fun. The alcohol in your blood intensified the colors and smells around you.You felt ecstatic.You turned to the bar to fetch yourself some more alcohol.You couldn't really walk straight but you did your best. Slowly you came closer and saw two people kissing on one of the stools."Yeahh *burp* get it gurl. Get yourr manss."There was no response. They were way to far into making out to hear you. You finally reached the bar safely and ordered some vodka.While taking a couple of shots a certain smell hit your sensitive nostrils... Hmm smells nice... Expensive cologne.. how alluring Suddenly you snapped back to reality. You knew that cologne. You had smelled it before but you couldn't put your finger on it.You decided to study the kissing couple next to you more in detail.It was probably a guy you had hooked up with before. You remember every smell.Suddenly, you sobered up completely.No.. fuck no.. Silky blonde hair, perfect body, tiny figure..Tall, brown long tied up hair, expensive cologne, emerald eyes...Your body felt numb. Your brain completely stopped working. Your thoughts blacked out.There was no way... you were just imagining it...There they were. Eren Yager and Historia Reiss making out.She was sitting on his lap and they were in a deep making out flow. Your eyes trailed down her body in shock. He was.. he was cupping her ass and sqeezing it.. hardYou didn't know what to do, how to respond, how to react.At this point, you were completely sobered up.Chills ran down your body but no tears fell this time. Your body was to tense to release tears.You slowly stood up not knowing what to do with yourself. Eren was cheating on-He wasn't cheating... you weren't even together... he"YOU FUCKING BASTARD. I LIKED YOU! I REALLY FUCKING LIKED YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? I THOUGHT I MEANT SOMETHING TO YOU. I guess not."You shouted at him and everyone was staring at you in confusion and irritation. But he wasn't responding. Ersn didn't even flinch. He just continued making out with Historia.You couldn't believe it. You thought he liked you back. You didn't realize he didn't even like you a little bit. You were just a toy for him to play with. Nothing more.You finally gathered enough strength to turn around and storm out of the room.Before leaving the room you looked back one more time and locked eyes with Historia.She was taking a quick breather. She blew you a kiss and grinned like you had never seen anyone grinn before.And her eyes. They weren't innocent anymore. The only thing shining within them, was pride.