CH 4.2

He’s slowly losing consciousness, but I have to keep talking to Atlas, who was still smiling and gently laughing with blood.

With all these happening, I almost thought I’m in a nightmare.

However, with the smell of blood lingering in the air, the scene with Atlas in front of me, and the pain in my body which gradually grows intense by the second, wakes me up and slaps me that this is indeed reality. This isn’t the novel anymore.

To me, with a stunned figure, to Atlas’ body, slowly losing blood and staining his clothes crimson and brown, I can faintly discern a voice that is slowly being drowned and interrupted in the background.

Atlas is slowly looking lifeless.

And I clearly understand that at if this happens, this will greatly impact the story flow.

“No.. No.. Atlas please..”

If Atlas dies, Gil-sama will be the hero—but the hero may no longer be the hero.

I wonder if I have to give up everything now.

Ah, I wonder why I’m so powerless even though I’m the Fire Countess.

The mana that was overflowing before was now depleted that I can’t even call for help. I couldn’t even protect one life, and as his father’s niece, I couldn’t even do anything but be frustrated about the situation.

Don’t die. Don’t die. I can’t allow you to die here.

With his earth colored eyes that are cloudy and starting to dull, Atlas looked at the flame pillars around us, and with a grin, he whispered silently.

“I’ll heal myself with water magic. Run away while the barriers you set up are still active.”

So I should run away before more enemies come.

Of course it’s a lie.

You can’t even use magic at this state.

It’s difficult enough for trained sorcerers to use magic in the same state as him, what more if he uses it?

“No. No. I can’t, we have to go together, okay?”

“.. I’ll.. catch up later.”

While I know it’s not possible, my mind continued to make senseless thoughts.

If someone else were to hear it, if someone else wanted to live, they would run away at once without looking back and leave Atlas behind.

But.

Atlas’ eyes are slowly becoming dull, trying to apologize, trying to tell me something, telling me to run away quickly before it’s too late. So I took a parcel from my pocket, it dropped to the ground as my hands are trembling pitifully and weakly.

His hands. His hands are slowly losing warmth.

“Once we escape, I will properly invite you…to..”

His blood won’t stop spilling.

His breathes are getting weaker.

His body is slowly becoming cold.

His eyes are slowly becoming dull.

His voice is slowly disappearing.

Aah. This isn’t good. Not good at all.

I can’t do anything after all.

Once I let go his hand, Atlas’ arm fell limply to the ground.

It seems like he has finally lost consciousness. His voice of praise or scorn is no longer heard.

The moon appears solemn and surreal amidst the flames and blaze surrounding us, and the night sky looks as if it’s swaying with the blaze, as if seeking help from someone to dowse these flames.

It’s as beautiful as a dream.

“Ahh.. I messed up.”

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Yes.

I’m living life as if it were a dream.

I couldn’t get out of my bed because of my illness.  I just stared out the window, waiting and hoping for someone to visit me. Not doing anything nor destroying anything. I wasn’t needed by anyone nor wanted by anyone. I just lived as if I was dead.

To be reborn in a world that I had only dreamed of.

To be reborn with a healthy body and live with my beloved character.

Even though there are painful memories, I felt the joy of living freely and looking forward to tomorrow.

But right now, it seems like Gil-sama will no longer be able to be the hero in this story.

One day, the people who sacrificed their lives to protect the country, to protect the sorcerers, to protect the world, will disappear from the stage.

What is justice without injustice.

What is a hero if he dies before meeting the villain.

If justice cannot be served by the hero, then what am “I”?

“I am Origa. Origa, Emelda, Luziru.”

However, this person is tainted by “me”, tainted it to not be a villain, tainted it to stray from her role. Tainted the story she belongs to with mud.

“ha… Ha ha ha.. ha ha ha ha ha”

A dry laughter came from my mouth.

The sorcerers that were sacrificed, the future of this country, the sins I have committed, my anger to my king, my greed and attachment will all be for naught.

Because of me, because of what I have done, I will die here.

Being too greedy is indeed a heavy sin.

I thought I can save him, I thought I can change her, I thought I can change everything.

In fact, I changed the flow of the story, because of me. Oops.

As a result, Origa won’t be able to leave anything behind, won’t be able to be sought by anyone, won’t be able to do anything and die – it’s all because of me.

I’m not worth anything anymore, because I’m a sorcerer.

I’m not worth anything because I am a woman.

I don’t want any of that.

…I don’t care anymore.

I’m tired of swallowing everything and caught Atlas who was lying in front of me.

A person who would have stood beside Gil-sama to kill me. He won’t be like this if I didn’t meddle so much.

If that life is lost, what do I do now?

As I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, I heard someone’s voice when I was still a child.

“I want to be friends.”

Yes. Atlas is my “friend”, and Gil-sama’s best friend.

If you die to save a friend, you won’t be a villain anymore, no matter how much you want to be one.

Even if you don’t die here, even if there is no one to rescue you, there will still be a blade that will cut you immediately.

Even if you keep something alive for even a second, or a minute, it does not do anything but to prolong the suffering.

But.

“…but I’m his friend.”

I’m sure you will forgive me.

Atlas’ pale white cheeks are now painted crimson by his blood, his breaths are slowly staggering and gradually weakening.

I have never used healing magic before.

It’s not because I was too weak or it was sealed, it’s just that it’s an area of water magic, whereas I am a fire mage.

I have been “Origa” for a long time, but I didn’t get the chance to try using it.

Besides, Atlas showed me how to do it.

So I was sure I can.

A smile crept up my delicate red lips, and I realized it wasn’t “Origa’s”, but “mine’s”.

As I took out the bottle from Atlas’ parcel, I opened it up and spilled the contents to my palm. A few pills have rolled out.

Considering the amount of mana I may use up in using an unfamiliar magic, a pill of about one or two would not be enough.

I swallowed them one by one and as it reached my throat, it wets the pill and dissolves. Leaving a trail of bitterness that ran through my body.

My body is engulfed by a sudden mana surge, and I scream as the mana courses through every part of my body.

I’m pretty sure this is a lethal dose.

Even so, I didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Because my death cannot be wasted.

My heart beat fast like never before, leaving me breathless, as each breath is harder than the next.

The lively color is slowly disappearing from Atlas’ skin.

I’m sure he can’t see anything, and he can’t hear anything.

Still, I wipe off the blood off his cheeks. Please smile as you can leave the rest to me.

“Atlas will help me.”

I was surprised by the words that came out from me, but when I heard those words, a soothing feeling enveloped my whole mind, my emotions have calmed down.

My thoughts for my friend, I know all of these isn’t an act, so I just enjoyed myself in these emotions. I want to immerse myself in this feeling for a while longer.

—–If my death is meaningful, then I have nothing else to wish for. When I used my magic, I heard a glass breaking, and felt that my consciousness is slowly fading, with the severe pain that ran through my heart.