Xiaoyi only needed to compose two songs, one for《Floating with the Wind》, another for《The Era of Leftover Men》, both theme songs for Luzhou. If the quality was good they might even hire popular singers to record the songs to be used as the main theme songs for the drama.
Dumei did not think that Xiaoyi could compose songs of such standards, and in fact even Xiaoyi himself had many doubts. Ever since his first year in university, he had never composed anything remotely good, with the exception of “The Year”, the same song he and Duma remembered even after all those years. That song was created on a random snowy day, and was solely made possible because he was young and frivolous.
Their band sang in Lijiang, sang in Kaili, sang in Houhai, sang in many places, but still this song did not become popular.
Xiaoyi felt he couldn’t compose songs anymore, and that made him scared and worried. He knew that he must have been recommended by Luzhou to Dumei, and that Luzhou was carrying him and caring for him unconditionally in his own unique way.
The view from the window opening at the end of the floor was the best, but usually no one utilized the space. Today there was only Xiaoyi himself, facing that view. He was full of guilt towards Luzhou, yet also full of gratitude, but he was truly afraid he couldn’t meet his expectations. Such a heavy burden, Xiaoyi this newcomer really couldn’t bear.
He silently pondered, his heart experiencing tangs of both sweetness and sourness, and thought hard about it. Since Luzhou said he should take this as if he was writing a song to his idol, he should just do so. Come, I accept this challenge!
He sorted out the knowledge of music composition that had been buried in his mind and forgotten for many years, and carefully went through the scripts. The two songs must conform to the respective styles of the two dramas, in 《The Era of Leftover Men》, Luzhou's role was a very honest and down to earth man, just like Xiaoyi this kind of man who lost himself in the city.
He had been confused, poor, tired to the point of death, drifting for many years in the north, and yet he still has not established a career nor family. He anticipated a great love, but the object of love has gotten so unattainable...
Even after the first day has gone past, Xiaoyi was still studying the script and pondering the role played by Luzhou,
At times, he will mutter a few words, walk to the piano and play a few notes. The sound of the piano was particularly harsh in the empty room.
On the second and third day, Xiaoyi composed and amended, composed and amended again, and was exhausted. He kept feeling like something was not right. He then switched to the second song, and began to think about the character song of 《Floating with the Wind》. He also went online, but still no ideas came to him.
Xiaoyi was going crazy, he was so afraid of letting Luzhou down, but the more he was afraid of disappointing him, the more he got tied up and couldn't think of anything.
"Ah ah ah--" Xiaoyi's spirit was on the verge of collapse. For the past three days, he had been eating and living in the company, and there was even a cleaner. He couldn't see Luzhou, but Luzhou was always constantly in his thoughts. So whenever Xiaoyi was browsing through Weibo, his heart felt unbearable.
"I can't do it..." Xiaoyi said, feeling like he was going to cry.
As he sprawled on the table, Xiaoyi felt like a Tzuki* who ran out of energy.
As another day went past, Xiaoyi felt like everything he did was not right, and had no mood to compose any songs. He only wanted to talk to Luzhou, his heart will feel better even if it was just scoldings from him.
He kept brooding over it, at 9:30pm he didn't know if Luzhou was already asleep. Filming is so tiring, he would have slept immediately upon reaching home, and wouldn't care about Xiaoyi at all. Xiaoyi looked at Luzhou's name in his mobile contacts and wanted to give him a call, but couldn't make himself press that one button. Without Luzhou, it was as if something was missing and even the world seemed different.
He tried desperately to do something for Luzhou, and finally got the chance, but found that he couldn't do anything at all. He was so depressed, and just like when he was dating in the past, he didn't want to finish this task quickly.
These days, he cannot get anything done, and he was lonely all day long. He thought about Luzhou and his songs regardless if he was eating or sleeping.
"Are you asleep?" Luzhou sent from WeChat.
Xiaoyi was overjoyed and replied, "No."
Luzhou seemed to be afraid he would disturb Xiaoyi, and did not call.
Luzhou: "Finished composing?"
Xiaoyi: "Almost, will not let you feel disappointed."
Luzhou: "If you can't think of anything come back, filming will take a couple of months anyways, you can wait till you have some inspiration to compose."
Xiaoyi was both sad and distressed, and he was going to die - what should he do? Xiaoyi is literally crying without tears, he was too dependent on Luzhou. Was it because he is a waste?
Xiaoyi couldn't sit alone like this anymore or he will drive himself crazy sooner or later.
He puzzled a while, and ended up dialing Duma's number, asking: "Are you free? Accompany me to drink Duma."
Duma: "Sure, where? How are you doing recently?"
"The worst." Xiaoyi sighed as he leaned back on his chair.
Duma: "I'll come fetch you."
"Let me go to you." said Xiaoyi.
Duma's home is on the top floor of a high rise building in Sanlitun. Not only is it a two storied apartment, it was also decorated very modernly and he lived alone. He stood in front of the wine cabinet pouring Xiaoyi a glass of wine, while Xiaoyi was sitting at the dining table in a mess. The scornful smell of spring seemed to have caused his emotions to overflow.
"Do you love him?" Duma rushed over.
Xiaoyi: ".........."
"Please get your mind straight," said Xiaoyi, "Don't tease me."
"Let's assume you love him." Duma listened to Xiaoyi's depressing complaints, smiled, and placed his wine in front of him saying, "Go cultivate some feelings, then put these feelings into your songs. Isn't this what our Professor used to tell us in the past?"
"I can't do that!" Xiaoyi said helplessly, "I'm not gay, I may love him, but that's a fan and idol kind of love, it's not that..... that kind of love."
Duma continued leisurely: "So just pretend you are gay, isn't the entertainment industry full of them? Why is it still repulsive, you're so old-fashioned."
Xiaoyi drank a mouthful of wine, his thoughts still occupied by Luzhou. He made a long sigh, his left hand covering his forehead, and used his thumb and middle finger to massage his temples.What Duma said was true. In music school, five out of ten guys were gay, and when he was in college homosexuality was not a big deal to anyone, and there were many lesbians too.
"Do you remember Ah Gou?" said Duma.
"En." answered Xiaoyi, as he started thinking back to the time when he and Duma lived in the same dorm with another roommate. With Xiaoyi's and Duma's encouragements, this roommate admitted to a foreign university.
"Ah Gou always liked you, but I guess you didn't know." said Duma.