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Chapter 11: Big Pot -banquet-
“First, let me congratulate you on slaying Ooyamizuchi, yes. This victory was possible thanks to the cooperation between Their Majesties, and by extension, our two countries. However, the situation has not been fully resolved yet—there can’t be peace in the Nine-Headed Dragon Archipelago unless we deal with the remains of Ooyamizuchi, post-haste.”
In his hands, Poncho held Ichiha’s drawing of Ooyamizuchi. He pointed to it as he continued explaining the dangers of leaving Ooyamizuchi’s body untouched.
“Now that the fearsome beast is defeated, what remains is a mound of meat. Meat rots. If we leave it be, it will bring about insects which will be fed on by wild animals. As it decomposes, it will release a terrible stench, and become host to various illnesses. Should that rotting meat come into contact with the water, it will contaminate it. There is also the case of dragon remains, which reports have indicated can become a skull dragon if left alone, too.”
The soldiers who had been elated, thinking the battle was over, listened to him in sober silence. This situation wasn’t fully resolved yet.
“As I’m sure you can infer, we must dispose of Ooyamizuchi’s remains as soon as possible. I know you must all be exhausted, but I’d like for you to start work immediately. This is His Majesty Souma’s wish as well, yes.”
Soldiers from both sides slumped their shoulders as they heard they were about to be assigned clean-up duty. Everyone was exhausted from the intense battle they had just fought, so the response was expected. Announcing that there would be physical labor post-combat wouldn’t up morale.
Poncho broke into a cold sweat as he continued with a smile. “I know how you must be feeling, yes. But, everyone, this is good news! The foremost expert in monsterology, Sir Ichiha Chima, has investigated the various parts of Ooyamizuchi’s body, and everything but the shell and carapace is made of edible materials. I hear they’re quite delicious, too, yes.”
Hearing the word “delicious,” the soldiers perked up. After such an intense battle, they were all famished. With the potential of eating well, self-interest took over, and the remains in front of them suddenly began to look like a giant pile of treasure.
“I’ll explain how to dismantle it now. I know you must all be tired, but please take care of it for us, yes.”
Once the projected Poncho bowed his head, a water ball was created over the Dragon King, and Shana and Souma’s images appeared in it. They each gave the order to their own camps.
“You heard him. We’re men of the sea here in the Archipelago Union. We give thanks to the mother sea, wasting nothing of the fish we catch or the beasts we hunt. That is our way of life!”
“We’ve come this far, so let’s see this through to the end. Once the missing have been accounted for and the wounded are treated, follow Poncho’s directions, and get to work on it!”
With both kings having given the order, everyone got themselves worked back up with a half-desperate, “Yeahhhh!”
What had started as a farcical fleet battle developed into a monster hunt, and now it was time for Cooking with Kaiju. Simultaneously, it was also the beginning of the longest period of work for the soldiers of both nations.
“First, please take off the head and tentacles. They’ll be in the way of dismantling the body until they’re removed, which will make this inefficient, so I’d like you to divide yourselves into one team for the head, eight for the tentacles, and one for the body, yes,” Poncho said, relaying directions through the simple receiver to her.
Hearing this, Excel shouted through the microphone on the Albert II, “He says he wants the head and tentacles removed!”
It took considerable effort from the caster to maintain the water ball, so they had switched to this method of corresponding. Now, the soldiers of both countries were desperately hacking at the roots of Ooyamizuchi’s tentacles with their swords.
“Hahhhhhhh!” Aisha swung with an ear-splitting shriek, and her slash created a big trough in the root of the tentacle. However, though the feelers were five meters across at the tips, they were twice that at the base, and even Aisha couldn’t cut through that in a single slice.
On one of the other tentacles, there were multiple men working together to dig a hole in it. They filled the gap with gunpowder, then blasted it before digging another hole to repeat the process. It was slow work. Even if they managed to sever it that way, they still had a tentacle that was as long as Naden’s ryuu body to contend with. It needed to be broken up, and have the carapace pulled off.
Realizing this wasn’t a one-or-two day job, the soldiers started to feel fed up with it.
Wiping the sweat from her brow after she finished severing a tentacle, Aisha sighed, and said, “...Whew. I think I’ll take a little break.”
Noticing her, Souma called out, “Oh, hey, good work over there, Aisha.”
There were more than ten big pots sitting atop stoves, and Souma and Juna were busy stirring one of them.
“Siiiire, I’m hungryyyy,” Aisha whined.
“Gotcha. What flavor do you want?”
“I’d like a heaping bowl flavored with miso.”
“...You know, if you eat too much, you’ll get sick of it. We’re going to be having the same sort of thing for days.”
“That is but a secondary concern. For now, I just want to get something in my belly.”
Souma winced a little at the hungry look in Aisha’s eyes. “Ah ha ha... Right. Juna, give her a heaping bowl with miso flavor.”
“Coming up!”
Juna scooped some of the contents of the pot into a wooden bowl and handed it to Aisha, who then went and sat down on the beach and started devouring it.
Once her appetite was somewhat sated, between mouthfuls of food, Aisha asked Souma, “Mmph... It tastes good, but what part is this?”
“Right now, we’re stewing the scraps that came off during the dismantling process,” Souma explained, taking a seat next to Aisha. “This is from the tentacles and head.”
At the moment, they were collecting and boiling parts removed from the octopus-like tentacles and sea-dragon-like head. It was being stewed in these pots together with local produce from the Archipelago Union, or vegetables and rice brought from the Kingdom.
The soldiers continued with the butchering process until they were exhausted. When they got hungry, they took breaks to eat. Once they were full, they went back to work. Rinse and repeat. In order to keep it from getting too boring, they switched up what parts they were using, and flavored the soup with miso, soy sauce, and other things from the Kingdom. Because there weren’t enough cooks, Souma was also helping.
“We’re using the scraps now, but the tentacles and meat can largely be dried and preserved. In a little while, we’ll mostly be cooking the organs. Poncho says they should be tasty, too, though.”
“But Ooyamizuchi ate people, right?” Juna interjected, sitting down next to Souma. “Is it still safe to eat?”
“Yeah. That’s why we’re incinerating the oral and digestive organs. I like tongue and tripe when I go for yakiniku, though...”
“Tongue? Tripe?”
“Ahh, you can disregard that. Just talking about my old world. Anyway, I considered extracting oil from the parts we couldn’t eat, but considering they’re at least partially made up of digested humans... I decided cremating them seemed appropriate.”
“I can see why...”
While they were talking, Halbert came over with Naden and Ruby in tow.
“Souma, looks like we’re up,” Naden said. “They want you to move Mechadra.”
“...Right. Well, I’ll be going then, I guess.”
“Oh! Sire. I’ll go with you, then...” Aisha proposed, quickly getting to her feet.
“You’ve worked hard enough, don’t you think? You should rest a little longer.”
Getting up himself, Souma dissuaded Aisha from coming along as his bodyguard and then left with the other three.
“Now, when it comes to the body, I expect the shell will get in the way.”
“With a living mollusk, you can boil or fry it to get the shell to open up, but according to Ichiha’s analysis, that thing isn’t designed to open. I expect it’ll take considerable effort to force it.”
“That’s why we’ll start by laying Ooyamizuchi’s body on its side, and removing the bottom of the shell, the part that’s like a turtle’s plastron. The plastron and the fleshy parts that the tentacles were growing out of should be cuttable. I believe Mechadra and the dragons should be large enough to handle the task.
“Once that’s done, please scoop out all the organs, yes.”
Following Poncho’s directions, I was riding on Naden’s head—because I couldn’t see in front of me when she stood on her hind legs if I was on her back—and Halbert was on Ruby. Simultaneously, I was also calling and controlling Mechadra, so there were now a ryuu, a dragon, and a mechanical dragon lined up and approaching Ooyamizuchi. It was quite a sight to behold.
“Poncho was saying he wanted us to knock it onto its side, but that’s going to be pretty tough,” I grumbled, and Hal nodded.
“This thing’s like a mountain. But we’ve still gotta do it, right?”
“Geez. We’re the ones doing the real work here.”
“I certainly hope you’ll be doing something to make this up to me later.”
Naden and Ruby were both complaining.
“I’m moving Mechadra, and the sea dragons will help pull as well, okay, Naden?”
“I know that, but where’s the harm in letting me grumble a bit?”
There were chains stretching from Ooyamizuchi’s back out towards the water where the sea dragons that had been pulling warships before were bound to the other end. When we pushed, they would pull from the other side.
Looking down, I spotted a soldier below waving flags at us. “Seems like it’s all clear down there. Okay, let’s get started.”
“Roger that.”
““Yes, sir!””
Naden, Ruby, and Mechadra placed their front legs against the now headless and tentacle-less Ooyamizuchi’s shell.
“Ready... Go!”
Ooyamizuchi’s body lurched as the three put their weight against it. At the same time, the sea dragons in the water started pulling.
“Ready, go!” Thud.
“Heave, ho!” Thud.
“Give it some oomph!” Thud.
“Once more!” Thud.
As I was shouting orders, the body slowly began to tilt.
“Huh?! It’s falling doooown!” I knew they had checked that there was no one in the way, but I shouted just to make sure.
Soon there was a great thud, and Ooyamizuchi’s body fell onto its side, kicking up seawater and sand. In that instant, the soldiers started clapping and cheering for no well-explained reason. They were probably excited to see this gargantuan object keeling over. Maybe it was like when you watched a video of a massive volcanic eruption, and you couldn’t help but say, “Whoa, that was awesome.”
Okay, now the plastron-like part was exposed. We followed Poncho’s instructions to remove it. It was massive, and it would take forever to do it the same way as we had the tentacles, so instead, Naden and the others would tear into the fleshy parts with their claws and then pull it off. This was where Mechadra’s claws, which had been sharpened into a blade-like shape, came in handy. They were even more efficient than Naden’s at tearing through flesh.
“Mechadra was supposedly going to be tough to use, but it sure is coming in handy now, huh?” Naden commented, half out of exasperation. You can say that again, I thought in response.
With the plastron removed, they tore apart the soft flesh inside, and pulled out the internal organs. It felt a bit harsh to make Naden and Ruby handle this part, so I decided to have Mechadra do it. That thing sure was useful for dealing with gargantuan creatures. However, Mechadra had my own consciousness inside it, and I felt sickened, like I was constantly looking at gore pics. I needed to take a number of breaks as I worked, so it took a long time. Regardless, I finished pulling out every organ I could.
I slumped to the ground and sat there due to the psychological toll. Naden looked at me with concern.
“You okay, Souma?”
“...This may have been the most exhausting part of this whole battle.”
“You should rest. Come on, stand up.”
Naden helped me back to the area where the others were. I considered that the grotesque sight I had just witnessed would put me off from looking at meat for a while, but my head and body needed the nutrition, so I dug into a bowl of Ooyamizuchi soup.
“Mmm! Juna, what part did you use for this?”
“We’re prioritizing the non-digestive organs. I’m told that was the heart.”
“Heart, huh? ...Damn, that’s good,” I said begrudgingly. I couldn’t beat my appetite.
This was how we carried on. We would work, eat, then work and eat some more—doing each in turn until, three days and three nights later, Ooyamizuchi’s remains had been fully dismantled. By that point, I was so sick of seeing organ parts that I never wanted to see them again. With the exception of some samples kept for research purposes, Ooyamizuchi’s meat was processed for consumption; its scales, bones, and carapace were processed for use as construction materials, and the organs were either eaten or had their oil extracted.
Once all the work was done, the Kingdom and Archipelago Union held a banquet to celebrate the slaying of Ooyamizuchi and amicable relations between the two countries. However, with a whole lot of organ meat left to consume, the menu was still more offal soup. This time, though, there was alcohol served as well, so there was minimal complaining from the soldiers.
Halbert and Ruby were taking part in the feast, too, sitting around a bonfire on Ikatsuru Island. They were joined by Shima Katsunaga and his group.
“Hey, you drinkin’ there, Red?” Shima asked as he vigorously slapped Halbert on the back.
“Ow...! Hold back a little, would you?”
Shima must have been inebriated already, because he shook it off with a hearty laugh, his face a bright shade of red.
“I was watching the exploits of the red dragon and her knight from down on the ground! I never would have guessed you two were such a young couple!”
“...We were watching, too. We saw how manly the men of the Archipelago Union are.”
“Ga ha ha! I’ll bet, I’ll bet! Go on, have another drink!”
“Fine, fine...”
“Hey, now. Don’t drink too much, okay?” Ruby warned as Halbert and Shima clacked their glasses together. “If you go wild while I’m watching you, I won’t know what to say to Kaede.”
“I-I know that, all right?”
“Ga ha ha! What, Red? Your wives got you whipped! If you call yourself a man, you’ve gotta have the balls to tell ’em, ‘Shut up and follow me!’”
Shima followed that comment up with a hearty laugh.
“Halbert. Don’t go and take what he just said seriously,” came a voice.
Turning to see who the sudden interjection came from, Castor had come over, cup of sake in hand.
“Mind if I join you?”
“S-Sure! Go ahead.”
Castor sat in the space Halbert moved to open up for him, then stared hard at Shima.
“Strong words have strong emotions hiding behind them. Many of the guys who’ll tell you they’re not afraid of their wives are more frightened than anyone. I saw my fair share of that in the Air Force.”
“...Hmph! What makes you say that?”
Shima puffed his chest up, but Castor just silently pointed behind him.
“Your men are smiling, you know?”
“Whaa?! Ya louts!”
Shima turned around, his face still flushed red, but his men hurriedly shook their heads in denial. Realizing from their reaction that they had not, in fact, been smiling, Shima realized he’d fallen for the trap.
“Looks like I was right,” Castor said with a smug look.
“Tch...”
“Don’t glare now. I just recognized someone with the same smell as me,” Castor said in a self-mocking tone. He used to be the master of the house, or at least a little closer to it, but ever since Accela went to live with Excel, he hadn’t been able to stand up to his wife at all.
Having more or less picked up on this, Shima scratched his nose, embarrassed. Were Souma around, he’d have thought, If an illusionist were to show these guys the thing that scared them the most, I bet it’d be their wives.
The men who were brave except when it came to confronting their wives all hit it off, and Castor and Shima shared a large number of drinks. Having been freed from the pressure, Halbert breathed a sigh of relief and turned his head to Ruby, who was next to him.
“Geez... These Archipelago Union guys are nice and all, but they let way too loose, don’t you think, Ruby?”
“Yeah. But doesn’t this sort of atmosphere suit you, Hal?”
“Ha ha ha, well, yeah... But when it gets like this, Souma gets dragged into it, and... Oh, wait, Souma and all of them aren’t here now, huh?”
When he said that, Halbert looked out towards the Albert II. Ruby nodded.
“Yes. Naden and the others are on the ship having a get-together with the members from the House of Sha.”
“A get-together... Right.” Halbert downed the rest of his glass. “I bet they’re not going to be having an easy-going time, feasting and drinking like us?”