Chapter 4

Publishedat 13th of June 2019 08:50:56 PMChapter 4

First Love × First Love 4

(Shion’s point of view)

“Senpai, I love you”

I don’t know why I thought of trying to go out with her .

Still, it was me who made the decision to accept her feelings .

◇◇◇.

One day during my third year of university, while I was reading in a place I had already grown used to, I noticed there was a woman in my territory .

I don’t like people .

I lost my parents when I was a young child, even though I was taken in by my uncle and his wife it didn’t go well, and half-driven out I began living alone, there’s no way I’d come to like people .

The only thing I can lose myself in are books .

If I immerse myself in a book, I can forget all unpleasant things .

And yet there’s an existence that disturbs my precious reading time .

Her gaze is irritating . The moment I got annoyed enough to warn her, she abruptly averted her eyes and began focusing on the book she held . She didn’t look at me anymore .

I was dumbfounded by the extreme speed of her att.i.tude change .

Curious about her, I couldn’t go back to reading .

I kept fixedly observing her for a while, but she didn’t lift her face even once from the book she was focusing at .

She was looking down at the book with a serious face .

Somehow I feel stupid that I’m the only one worried .

… Well, whatever . Let’s read too .

I stopped caring, and again entered the world of books .

I’m not concerned about her anymore . I found it strange, but I didn’t particularly care .

―――― Since then, she has occasionally appeared nearby .

Still, it’s not like she really calls out to me .

After she watches me for a certain fixed time, her interest turns to a book as if nothing happened .

The change was so brilliant that while chasing her gaze before I knew I somehow became curious about her .

Did she come today .

For some reason, I checked every day .

When I investigated her name, I got to know it right away . From the materials she holds I guessed she’s in the same literature faculty as me, but unexpectedly she’s even in the same department .

Yuuki Sakura . First year .

A lovely girl with big eyes .

… I was a little surprised that I felt she was lovely .

She unexpectedly shows up and leaves as she pleases .

As if I’m the only one curious, she shows no hesitation .

When I think she’s gazing at me pa.s.sionately, she turns her eyes away in the twinkling of an eye and doesn’t look back at me anymore . Somehow it’s unamusing .

… Are the contests of the books she reads so interesting .

I figured it’s like that .

It bothers me that I’m not what catches her interest .

One day I grew unbearably curious about what she’s reading and sneaked behind her .

The girl I saw from up close for the first time looked very small .

I looked at her smallish shapely head . Maybe she dyes her hair as it was slightly chestnut-colored . Next to her was a carefully folded beige coat .

Perhaps to know the time she placed a wrist.w.a.tch where it’s easy to see .

Before long she slowly closed the book .

She must’ve finished reading .

When she stood up and was about to go home satisfied, I called out to her mostly by reflex . I wanted to draw her attention .

“Was it interesting?”

She must have not expected that I’d call out to her . As she raised her face, her large eyes further widened and she solidified on the spot .

Interestingly shaken, she unconsciously called me by my name .

The fact she knows my name for some reason filled my chest with joy .

Invigorated by that, I called her by her name to show that I know her too .

I found her easy-to-understand reaction cute .

I started to enjoy it, and meanly informed her that I had noticed her gaze .

As soon as I did, she turned bright red .

Cute . I want to tightly hug her .

And as she went red, I thought she’d remain silent, but contrary to my expectation she said something unexpected .

Fixing her eyes on me, she spoke with a serious face .

“Nanaoogi-senpai, I love you”

It doesn’t seem like a lie .

For some reason, my chest overflowed with joy .

It didn’t feel bad . I thought that it would be nice to try going out with her .

That’s why I answered .

“I see . Then, it’s fine if I consider you my lover from today?”

Actually, I don’t quite understand this ‘lover’ thing well .

I didn’t think I could come to love a person, so I don’t understand . Perhaps it would have been better to say friend .

Even so, the word lover came out of my mouth on its own .

Despite thinking I messed up, I didn’t feel like taking it back this late .

… Well, whatever .

I may have said lover, but I have zero intention of doing the deed, so I can just think of it as an extension of friend .

She slightly nodded with a flushed face .

That day she became my ‘lover’ .

◇◇◇.

It’s been a year and a half since then . We got along well .

I thought I had an indifferent nature, but apparently it’s different .

When I’m with her, my body throbs no matter what .

Even though I had no such intention, before I noticed we’ve been joining our bodies almost every day .

Even though I understand it’s wrong to do it when I think of her as a friend, I couldn’t stop yearning for her .

As long as I’m with her, I want it . Then maybe it would be better if she wasn’t near, still, I hate when she’s not with me .

Thankfully she doesn’t refuse me, today too I shoved myself inside her .

“Look, I’m coming”

Grabbing her waist, I thrust deep in .

Basking in the pleasant sensation of e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.i.o.n, I came inside her through the rubber .

I took a tissue, wiped off my thing and fixed my clothes .

Feeling satisfied, I picked up the book I’d been reading until just now .

A life of embracing her and reading books . I have no complaints against this fulfilling life .

It’s also pleasant to line up the desks in the university library and read together .

I thought that same as me, she’s satisfied with this fulfilling life and yet .

“Let’s break up”

It came out of nowhere .

For a moment I couldn’t react to the words she said .

I don’t understand the meaning of her words .

After a moment my head finally started working .

… ‘Break up’ . I see, she was my ‘lover’ . You don’t break up with a friend, you break up with a lover . Why didn’t I notice such a simple thing .

In a daze, before I noticed I accepted the breakup and escaped to the book .

I came to when I heard the sounds of her opening the door and leaving .

Reflexively I half stood up to chase after her .

But, how? How should I stop her?

If we can’t be lovers, please be my friend? No, wrong, that’s not it .

I don’t know, I don’t know .

Even if I have brains highly praised by people, it’s meaningless if I can’t use it at the crucial time . I clicked tongue that I can’t use it .

I have no words to stop her . I don’t know how I should keep her with me .

Lifeless, I lowered my half-risen body .

Why did it turn out like this .

I wonder why she suggested us to break up .

Was she dissatisfied with this life?

No, that shouldn’t be .

She’s an unequalled bookworm .

We spent a year and a half reading books together and joining our bodies .

I can’t imagine her happily smiling face was a lie .

She’d already become a part of my life .

I didn’t think she might leave .

Even so―――― .

I have to accept the reality .

She’s gone . She left my side .

She won’t come back anymore .

She didn’t leave any personal belongings in my room .

And yet why does this room feel so empty as soon as she left .

Even so, it cannot be helped .

Because I don’t even have the words to stop her .

I can only return to the life I had led before .

Convinced of that, I once again picked up the book .

… Even though it should be my beloved book, I couldn’t concentrate on it very much .