Chapter 47 (Part 1)Ā Original and most updated translations are from volaretranslations.
I raised my voice and called out, āWhoās outside?ā
A lamp could be seen shining through the windows as someone coughed outside. Surprised, my eyes rose. I waited expectantly and a person dressed in eunuchās robes walked inside, carrying a lamp. The light flickered against his face and made his expression somewhat unreal.
It was Little Li.
Curling my lips in disappointment, I turned to sit on the bed, ignoring its layer of dust. āWhat are you doing here?ā
āSo it turns out Master was here, your servant has been looking for you. Just then, I fainted away at the main hall before realizing an assassin was on the prowlā¦all the servants have been on the search. Luckily, a few eunuchs said they saw you walk this way. You must be hungry by now. Dinnerās ready so please follow me back, Master.ā
I made a small noise but refused to speak. He stood still, silent as well.
After some time, I spoke again, though my voice was a little hoarse. āThisā¦when did that Lord Hua move out of the palace? Donāt lie to me anymore, Iām talking about Fang Hua.ā
He remained calm, though his hands involuntarily tightened. The fingers looked pale white beneath the lamplight, clearly betraying his anxiety. Surprised, I watched the lamp reflect off his face, which pulled itself into a reluctant smile. āNot long after the previous emperor passed again, or about half a month after Lord Fang was chased to the Cold Palace, he left this place. At that time, the current emperor had yet to take the throne.ā
āWhy didnāt I hear anyone mention this? The emperor didnāt say bring it up either,ā I muttered to myself, eyebrows furrowed. He raised his head to look at me with trembling lips, a complicated expression on his face.
What was wrong?
āAre you hiding something from me?ā my face stiffened.
He bowed forwards, head lowered as his hands grasped his robes. Finally, he couldnāt hold himself back and said in a low, extremely stealthy voice, āThis isnāt something a servant like me should gossip about behind someoneās back. But itās really uncomfortable to keep covering it up. Actuallyā¦ā He frowned slightly, lifting his eyes to me. āIn truth, not long after Master left the Cold Palace, Lord Hua began to pack his things and prepare to leave.ā
What?! What did this have to do with me?
Waitā¦hold onā¦I seemed to have seized on something. My mind searched vainly in a blank space for something I couldnāt quite grasp. āYou mean to say,ā I clutched his hand, frowning as I spoke carefully. āI lived in the Cold Palace before?ā
He pushed aside my hand in embarrassment, backing away a step. āExactly so, right here.ā
Was I a disfavored concubine as well?
He nodded and added another line, āAt that time, Master and I both served Lord Hua.ā
Ah,Ā what balderdashā¦
It felt like a string had snapped inside my body, sending me all asunder. My mood sank with my drooping shoulders. Why didnāt I remember anything of this? I bent my head in a moment of silence. No, this was wrongā¦if I couldnāt remember anything, why would I remember this?
Little Li kept his head bowed but stole a glance at me. I held myself in check, calming my heart as I sat straighter and coughed. āTell me about the details. If you make up any nonsense, I wonāt forgive you.ā
āYes.ā Even with his body bent, his words were very clear. āYour servant has always been with Lord Hua. Later on, Master was summoned from the Imperial Physiciansā courtyard to serve Lord Hua. Back then, you had a round face with small eyes, and werenāt very tall. You didnāt look like much eitherā¦ā
āStopstopstop,Ā we wonāt continue with that. Speak.ā
He bowed again, eyes lowered as he continued. āBut who knew that one night, his Majestyā¦no, he was still the crown prince then. His imperial highness, the crown prince and Lord Hua were enjoying drinking together. Later on, you got into an argument with the crown prince and started arguing in the courtyard. Thenā¦the crown prince tearedā¦ā
He really matched his narrative, mimicking the crown princeās actions by waving aside his sleevesā¦I ducked my head to the side to avoid the sweep. The candlelight on the table flickered incessantly beneath the wind of his sleeves.
I glared at him.
He hastily lowered his head, standing primly in place as he spoke docilely, āAfter the crown prince did that, your face mask fell, and then you ran away.ā
Ahā¦
He sure liked dwelling on trivial details. Why did I smell the hint of adultery in this story? Was this a complicated love triangle with me as the third wheel who ruined their relationship? I dawdled a bit before looking back, just in time to catch Little Li looking at me for any reaction. In response, I gave him a light kick and said icily, āI told you to tell me why Lord Hua left. Why did you bring the topic back to me againā¦keep going, donāt stop! If you spout any more drivel Iāll tear apart your lips.ā
The lonely moon shed its light on him. This guy actually gave a mischievous laugh and shook his head. āThe night after you left, the crown prince and Lord Hua shut themselves in a room. I donāt know what they talked about. The resultā¦was that Lord Hua grew ill. The crown prince came to visit every day, but was always refused at the door by Lord Hua. A bit later, Lord Hua left behind a note and departed.ā
So afterwards, the emperor refused to take any concubines for five years. The story of Lord Hua leaving the palace was rarely mentioned as well. Thinking backā¦the words that the emperor had told me, as well as his expression, was like remembering old timeās sake for him.
Is it possible that I was the one who stuck herself in and ruined a happy family? The idea was shocking. I took a ferocious breath of cold air to recover.
āMaster, whatās wrong?ā Little Li quickly came to support my arm.
āNothing serious,ā I turned away, speaking quietly. āThe things youāve told me tonight, donāt tell anyone else. Donāt even mention it to the emperor.ā I couldnāt let him remember his old flame or these past eventsā¦
āYour servant understands,ā Little Li seemed to relax from his tension. āLord Hua has always been a good person. Your servant can tell he always treated you very well, so itās no wonder youāre asking about him. And soā¦I didnāt control my words.ā His eyes looked at mine. āA good person like thatā¦you shouldnāt forget him.ā
My heart suddenly shrank back and started to beat wildly.
ā
What had happened to me? How could one little line send my heart pounding?
Was a guilty conscience haunting me? I had been a disdainful, vile character, yet forgotten everything. Then Iād greedily accepted all the pleasures of my present lifeā¦
How criminal, how evil.
Little Li seemed to be sizing me up as I stared at him head-on and spoke frankly. āAll the things youāve said, I canāt really remember them anymore. But since heās treated me so well, Iāll definitely burn a stick of incense for him to Buddha before I eat and sleep, and pray for his blessings.ā
Little Li gave me a significant look.
I didnāt have time to ponder it deeply, but propped myself up. My stomach began to grumble, and I gave it a glance, rubbing it with my hands. Little Li had excellent foresight as he said, āMaster, itās getting late. Shall we go back? Itās already past dinnertime, if we drag it out any longer itāll be midnight snacktime instead.ā
āAll right, letās go.ā
He actually reached out a hand to bar my wall. āYouāre going to be conferred a title soon. Many eyes will be on youā¦itās not good for you to leave the Cold Palace so directly, Iāll call over a sedan chair for you.ā
Butā¦
Didnāt I walk over here? It was so dark at night, who could see the path clearly? His face remained adamant.
āForget it, forget it. Hurry and go, Iāll wait.ā
āYes!ā he kneeled on the ground. I waved a hand as if chasing away a fly. He trailed a wisp of smoke behind him as he ran off with the lantern. The room immediately dimmed, and shadows fell across the walls oppressively. I felt a bit bored and glanced at the lamp on the tableā¦huh, the candle was almost finished, the melted wax like red years.
If Iād realized it earlier, I should have kept Little Liās lantern instead.
I looked about me until I found a stick of bamboo to suppress the candle flame slightly so the light would last until Little Li returned. But the weak flame trembled before the night wind on the verge of being extinguished.
I raised my sleeves to shut the tattered window that had blown open and couldnāt resist turning to smile towards the candlestick holder. āEsteemed little ancestor, you better not go out.ā With the chill wind blowing through the Cold Palace like this, Iād really feel frightened if there wasnāt any lightā¦so the candle definitely couldnāt go out. Definitely not. I muttered the words to myself until I was on the verge of praying to the Bodhisattva.
It seemed to fit the mood.
Suddenly, there was a softĀ pah,Ā and the candle died out.
I stood stunned.
Abruptly, everything sank into darkness except for the moonlight from the window. Faintly, I could hear the sound of footsteps behind me. It turned my scalp numb, and I blurted out, āLittle Li, is that you?ā That person didnāt reply. My brows furrowed, and I tightened my grip against the window frame, preparing to turn around. āOnly you would be so unruly. Donāt scare meā¦ā
Before I could finish, a sharp pain hit my back from a tiny rock, sealing my internal passageways. Immediately, a pair of hands rested on my shoulders. My heart sank and before I could scream, someone muffled me with their handsā¦a strong but unfamiliar person.
Curses,Ā who was this?
My body was held in place as a burlap sack covered meā¦in the darkness, I could only feel my body being lifted up, as if carried on someoneās shoulders. So uncomfortable, I couldnāt even breatheā¦only panic.
Who was this?
Who was kidnapping me? I tried to protest, but only made muffled noises. The effects werenāt very clearā¦at the very least, no one paid me any attention. He walked quickly but with light steps, his sturdy body strengthened from martial arts practice. I donāt know which path he picked, but we didnāt meet any guards the entire time.
I hadnāt made any enemies since entering the court, but why were assassins capturing me?Ā Aiya,Ā my poor, bullied waistā¦wait, could this be one of General Qiās men? Thatās not right, his men would kill me directly, not carry me around like this. Was it an enemy from outside the courtā¦but I couldnāt remember a thingā¦
I wanted to cry, but I had no tears to shed.
My body was thrown aside somewhereābut lightly, so there wasnāt any pain. Hearing the sound of hoofbeats, I guessed weād left the palace gates. Then came a bumpy ride that jolted my insides into queasy colorsā¦that person rested a hand on my body, as if afraid Iād be thrown off. I gasped for breath from inside the burlap bag, but a strange smell penetrated my nostrils, making me frown as I sniffed itā¦
Curses,Ā this was a top-notch, unparalleled type of knockout incense!
Youāre really ruthlessā¦
It had five times as much potency as the incense at the bathing pool.Ā Curses!Ā This guy must have spent a lot of money, these things cost tons of silver. As a result, my head lolled to one side and I dutifully fainted away.
Actually, my dear kidnapper might not have realized that these things were only half as effective on my body. Though I couldnāt open my eyes and had no energy, my mind was very clear. I could feel the pain in my body caused by the jolting ride and hear the hoofbeats of the galloping horse.
Ours was a very long journey. I didnāt know where he was taking me. Though I had a sudden attack of sadness, most of me felt happy. Actually, I hadnāt been very happy these few days. After waking up in the palace and realizing my memories were gone, Iād been living very cautiously and trying to adapt myself to the emperorās everything.
The emperor said I was an imperial concubine, but Iā¦
Each and every moment, I tried my best to embrace this role. The emperor that everyone revered and admired gave me his sole affections, yet my heart felt absolutely empty. I didnāt know what it was that I really wanted.
ā
The burlap sack had long been removed from my body to be replaced with a high-quality cloud-pattern brocade. This man seemed to have no intentions of harming me. I hadnāt slept well for a long time, but this time I had a dream. It was both bitter and sweet, yet filled with a pain that tore at my heartā¦it felt so real that I thought Iād die from the pain.
But as to what exactly happenedā¦I couldnāt remember a thing. I was just happy that the painful dream wasnāt real, yet also regretful. At the very leastā¦I was missing something very important from my life, something that couldnāt return once it was lost.
A drop of ice-cold something fell on my face. My eyelashes trembled as I frowned and opened my eyes. My face was damp, and my eyes felt wet. I carelessly wiped away the warm liquid with my sleeves, my heart strangely bitter. Was this a raindrop, or a teardropā¦?
Right now, my body was devoid of energy, sore and numb as well as painedā¦Iād been paralyzed for too long so my bloodflow was a bit sluggish, and even lifting a hand took supreme effort.
Argh, to hell with it!
I looked around me and realized the place was desolate and uninhabited. I was in the middle of a bamboo forest, lying on the damp ground. I feltā¦a bit uncomfortable. Why was I lying here alone?
Where did the assassin go? So irresponsibleā¦
With aĀ pa-ta,Ā something else splashed on my face. Raising my face, I sawā¦the verdant leaves of the bamboo covered with dewdrops at their tips. Another droplet slipped past my collar, the cold enough to make me trembleā¦but itād cleared my mind as well.
My feelings were dejected and hard to explain.
How unlucky, I couldnāt even force out enough strength to prop myself up, so Iād have to endure the onslaught from the dripping dewdrops. ā¦speaking of which, why would that assassin abandon me here? He hadnāt hurt me or left any marks on my body, but took advantage of my unconsciousness to hustle away. What was the meaning of this?
I weakly crawled forward a bit before I heard the sound of beating wings. The emerald green leaves surged like a wave as a thing rustling sound came from one side. My eyes grew wide. Within the dark green depths of the bamboo stalk was a white-robed silhouette, his steps distinct and clear upon the dry leaves. When he brushed aside some leaves, I saw a tall figure holding aĀ qinĀ appear before me. The sunlight shining on his form made his long black hair beautiful, and his face had a mild, gentle expression.
I was gobsmacked, and my heart beat wildly. His face and figure filled my visionāthose white robes like snow, and that teardrop-shaped mole by the corner of his eye that made him seem like he was weeping. The moment he saw me, he froze in place, not moving a muscle. Though the distance between us was still far, I could clearly see that the serenity of his face had been broken. TheĀ qinĀ in his hands fell to the groundā¦and its strings thrummed.
At that moment, I finally recalled the thing I had forgotten in my dreamā¦
It was a pair of eyes that bore the weight of thousands of 10,000 years of worry, filled with yearning as they looked at me, just like this momentā¦why did it feel so real?
A warmth crept up from my stomach, uncomfortable and sore, and an unknown gathering of trueĀ qiĀ started churning in myĀ dantianĀ region. I wanted to suppressed its wild circulation, and stretched out my hand towards that Immortal to beg for help. But my throat felt blocked, and before I could open my mouth, a pain in my chest turned my vision blurryā¦then black.