The darkness before his eyes made his other senses even more acute.
For instance: his breathing, his heartbeat, and his fingers interlaced with He Zhaoâs.
Xie Yu felt at peace. He didnât feel any of the unidentifiable emotion from before. He didnât want to hit anyone anymore. He would let He Zhao keep his damn life a little longer.
The unidentifiable frustration now seemed to have found an outletâan answer began to take shape, barely noticeable.
Maybe it had been there all along.
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The interior of the cab was nearly silent. Aside from Wan Da humming in his sleep in the front seat, there were the sounds of other cars passing by and honking.
It was nearly evening and the sky was growing dark. When the cab turned onto a side road, Wan Da smacked his lips and woke up again, asking in confusion and fear, âWhereâs my light? Lighting crew?â
Asking for music so he could dance, and now asking for lighting, too. He was probably dreaming of being an international superstar.
When Wan Da finished speaking, Xie Yu felt He Zhaoâs hand stiffen in his. He seemed very anxious and even his breathing grew shallow.
Thankfully, Wan Da then closed his eyes and sank back into a deep sleep.
He Zhao moved his fingers, wondering whether to let go.
After a long time, he didnât move. He couldnât bear to let go.
The red light changed and the car kept moving forward. The number on the fare meter steadily ticked upward from its base fare.
After an indeterminate amount of time the surroundings grew familiar. Then the cab turned into a side street near Erzhong. Now they could see the classroom building, which was the flagship building of Liyang Erzhong. It was the tallest in the school and had the schoolâs motto written on the top.
âUp here, right?â The driver turned the cab. âQuite an impressive school. Which year are you?â
âSecond year.â
âSecond year, huh⊠My son is in his third year, so one year above you. Students these days have it hard. You have to do your homework late into the night, and I must say⊠studying is important, but your health is important, too.â
Xie Yu was pretending to sleep, and this pretense was tiring. Especially for his neck, which was twisted so his head could rest against the back of the seat.
Seeing they were about to arrive at school, He Zhao tried to let go and withdraw his hand while his little friend wouldnât notice. âItâs quite tiring. Hope your son does well on the high school examsâŠâ
He suddenly cut himself off.
He was just starting to let go when Xie Yuâinitially passive, his fingers slackâsuddenly tightened his own hand, fingertips resting on the back of He Zhaoâs hand suddenly gripping it tightly.
ââŠâŠâ
He Zhao really was going to explode this time.
The cab driver was still discussing his son. âHe lost so much weight, my heart hurts for him. Third year is exhausting. Endure⊠everyone just has to endure. No one gets to escape, wouldnât you say? When you get into a university, things will be better. So being tired now is worth itâŠâ
No one listened to the driverâs ramblings.
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In the few minutes they had left, the two remained as they were, fingers intertwined. Neither of them spoke or looked at each other. When the cab stopped and the driver was waiting to collect the fare, he discovered neither of his passengers in the back seat were moving. âErzhong, wasnât it? Weâre here. Erzhong.â
Xie Yu was calm. He looked at He Zhao and gently moved his hand. Only now did He Zhao come back to his senses, and his thoughts whirled once before he suddenly let go.
Xie Yu watched as He Zhao hurriedly fumbled for his wallet and even failed to count his money correctly. The fare was thirty yuan but he only pulled out a twenty.
The driver held the twenty and was a little worried. âCan you count?â
Xie Yuâs discomfort had now all but vanished and he couldnât stop himself from cursing. âIdiot.â
âThirty, was it. Ah, thirty.â He Zhao fumbled for a long time before pulling out a ten. âSorry. Heard wrong.â
Xie Yu circled around to the passenger seat, bent down, patted Wan Daâs face, and pulled Wan Da out of the seat.
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Wan Da walked as if he were stepping on cotton balls. Unsteady on his feet, he asked, âAh? Is it my turn to go on stage?â
âYes, superstar,â Xie Yu said. âItâs your turn to go on stage.â
Wan Da was very happy. Looking at the streetlamps lining the road, he felt like he was standing center stage. âWhat song would you like to hear?â
Xie Yu caught hold of his collar, dragging him toward the school. âHow about Loyalty to the Country?â
Wan Da immediately paused.
Ever since Dean Jiang had made Loyalty to the Country a school-wide wake-up call, the song had become a shadow in every live-in studentâs heart that could not be wiped away.
He Zhao paid the fare and came over to help. The two helped Wan Da walk, one on either side. Many times they wanted to say something, but the words died on their lips; nothing seemed suitable.
Aside from that, they still had to deal with Wan Daâs intermittent drunken outbursts. For instance, when they were going up the stairs, he suddenly shouted, âFriends in the audience, let me see your hands!â
He couldnât see their hands so he stood in the stairwell and wouldnât move.
âThat is the stairwell, not the audience stand. You normally arenât this annoying, are you?â He Zhao was thoroughly defeated. âDonât make me take action.â
Wan Da clutched the railing, adamant on keeping his superstar dignity.
Xie Yu had washed his hands of the matter and sat on the stairs to watch the show.
He watched He Zhao retreat several paces and wave, fulfilling Wan Daâs wish.
Wan Da waved excitedly back at him. âMy fans, my friends.â
Xie Yu covered his mouth with his hand, stifling a laugh. âThis is what you meant by take action?â
âDonât laugh.â
He Zhao reminded, ââŠDonât tell anyone about this. I get embarrassed, too.â
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They had classes the next day, and students had been trickling back into school since noon. Both Wan Daâs suitemates were back, so when they returned the âsuperstarâ to his room, Xie Yu leaned against the doorway and said, âTake care.â
Wan Daâs two suitemates had no idea the depth of meaning âTake careâ had until Wan Da jumped onto the bed and started dancing. âDamn it, how much did he drink?â
âHey, take care of him,â He Zhao said. âIf you really canât stand it anymore, get a stick and knock him out.â
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They walked out of Wan Daâs dorm room and headed toward the third floor.
That oppressive atmosphere which made it hard to breathe had returned again.
Xie Yu suddenly remembered when, around second year in junior high, Zhou Dalei was chasing his crush. Rumor had it the girl liked guys with talent, so he learned to play the guitar and wrote a song, singing day in and day out in the street, âOh baby, you are the rose with thornsâŠâ
Every time he practiced he was able to collect the many presents thrown at him by the residents of Black Water Streetâpots, crockery, plates, and even some bricks.
Only Da Mei provided positive moral support. âBro, actually, your song is quite okay. Have some faith in yourself.â
âReally? Is it really okay?â
Zhou Daleiâs injured soul clearly needed more comfort, so he glanced at Xie Yu, who took his earplugs out of his ears and said mercilessly, âAre you done singing?â
So merciless it was hackle-raising. In response, Zhou Dalei had said, unhappily as he held his guitar, âBoss Xie, youâve never liked anyone. You donât understand love.â
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Xie Yu was, in matters of the heart, very cold.
But just because he left things unsaid didnât mean he didnât know they were there.
He didnât like dragging things out. If something was wrong, just spit it out. Donât make trouble.
Before, someone with a crush on him who didnât dare confess had made such a scene that everyone knew, to the point it was as if something of significance really had happened between them. Even Dalei had come over and wink-wink-nudged-nudged. âI heard that, who was it, about that, did you two reallyâŠâ
The next day, Xie Yu had gone in search of that person and said only two things:
You like me?
Sorry, I donât like you.
He Zhao was annoying, too. And a big annoyance who got him mixed up in shenanigans, at that.
Now that things had come to this, they couldnât both keep playing dumb.
Xie Yuâs thought process was very simple. If there was something to say, heâd say it. However he thought, whatever he wanted to do.
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Walking to his dorm room door, He Zhaoâs mind was full of fireworks going off. Like when he couldnât properly count out thirty bucks, he had opened the door, walked in, then closed the door by the time he came back to his senses.
Xie Yu watched the idiot enter his room. ââŠâŠâ
Is there something wrong with him?
Xie Yu walked over, but before he could knock the door opened.
He Zhao stood in the doorway. âIâŠâ
Xie Yu cut him off. âAre you drunk.â
âNo.â He Zhao was a little stunned, but he quickly figured out what Xie Yu meant. He paused, then asked in return, âAre you⊠drunk?â
Xie Yu said, âIdiot, what do you think?â
He wasnât drunk.
It wasnât the alcohol acting up.
It wasnât a momentary impulse, either.
âYou called me Zhao-ge before. Why idiot again?â
âYou are an idiot.â
ââŠâŠâ
From the corridor came the sound of luggage wheels and the noise of several people making a racket as they came down the stairs.
With incredible childishness they bandied, âyouâre the idiot,â back and forth several times. Then Xie Yu stood still in the middle of the racket and said, âHe Zhao, you provoked me first.â
You provoked me first.
Invaded his life with so much noise.
Insisting on breaking past all of his defenses.
The moment Xie Yu finished, He Zhao grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the dorm room. Xie Yuâs back hit the door with a jolt of pain. âDamn, are you crazy?â
They were very close together. He Zhaoâs arm was on the door by Xie Yuâs ear, and he finally couldnât hold it in any more. Even if Xie Yu crippled him when he said it, he was willing.
âIâve⊠never liked anyone before.â
âThe one in front of me, my little friend called Xie Yu, is the first.â
He Zhao wasnât sure how to say it. He had no experience confessing, and in Shen Jieâs words he was EQ-challenged. After a pause, he continued. âEven though my little friend is bad-tempered and beats people up at the drop of a hat, I still like him very much.â
ââŠâŠâ
âItâs a very serious like. Iâm happy when I see him. I want to date him. I love him like my life.â
When He Zhao was done confessing, he asked, âDid my bad-tempered little friend hear that?â
The bad-tempered little friend very much wanted to punch someone right now.
Who says such things?
Asking for a beating.
âIâve never liked anyone either.â
Xie Yu held back his desire to punch someone and said, âThe idiot called He Zhao in front of me is the first.â