Extraă»People Involved In a Certain Incident and What Became of Them
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ïŒïŒA Certain Public Senior High School Third Yeară»The Case of Matsushima YukariïŒformer female classmateïŒ
I will most likely have to shoulder these regrets for the rest of my life.
ăYukari, letâs go home.ă
ăWait a sec. I gotta write an entry.ă
ăKay.ă
I wrote in the class duty journal as I had my friend, Kono Shiho (same middle school) wait for me. This was your average school, with scholarly ability on the low side but no particular breaches in discipline or anything like that. This was quite recent after the new school year had begun, and as you would imagine, there arenât usually incidents that occur around this time to write about.
ăBut wow, same thing as always, eh?ă
ăIt ainât like I wanna do this, mkay. The other two classes might get away wit it, but us third years gotta keep up appearances.ă
ăYeah, but donâtcha think itâs âbout time we had one or two people who donât try ân hang us for what we did in middle school?ă
ăIâm sure that Azuma-kun wanted to say the same thing at the time.ă
It had been three whole years since that event. The incident in question had finally begun to die down in the eyes of the public, but our generation was not done with its punishment. We had barely begun our third year, but by that point, any sort of chance at human relations was hopeless, and there was no indication that the environment would be changing anytime soon. After all, when we advanced to this school, the effects of the incident were still thick in the air, completely isolating any and all girls from that specific middle school. Us fellow girls had to band together in our own little group. The boys from the same middle school were better off, since some of them at least tried to stop the incident, but even they were not seen very favorably.
Several scandals emerged after that as well. The school already lacked students due to the aging population, and this only served to ensure the closing of the school. Various circumstances had resulted in several students being the last students to enroll at said middle school this year. The underclassmen one year behind us were already not well off, but then you had the new students enrolling this year or the students coming in next year, still completely dragged into the mix of people to avoid. This was the gravity of what we had caused, and we truly felt that. The confidentiality was essentially zero at this point, yet even the juniors behind us had to take on the penalty. We felt seriously awful about all this.
ăHey, at least I tried to stop the other classmates.ă
ăYup. So you got more leverage, but me ân Saki canât say nothinâ even if we wanted to.ă
ăSakiâs one thing, but Yukari, they gotta forgive ya at some point, I thinkâŠâŠă
ăOne person broke him to such a degree, ya canât expect forgiveness for that.ă
Thatâs right. I broke one boy to a fatal degree. I wasnât the principal offender; I wasnât even an accomplice, but I was in a position to stop the incident from happening, yet I did nothing. I lightly brushed it off, thinking it to be the same pattern as usual, and didnât see it as going beyond that. If I had actually been paying attention, I would have recognized that this was not only beyond the boyâs usual treatment, but it was just pure violence. Even a child could understand that much.
And to top it all off, the worst part about what I did was despite not even trying to dispel the horrible rumors about Azuma-kun that the girls banded together and spread throughout the school, I still went to see Hiroshi-kun when he was finally able to go back to school in the infirmary, under the pretext that I was âvisitingâ him and âapologizingâ to him, but this was only to fulfill my own satisfaction. And the worst part of that worst part was that until that moment, I didnât even think what I had done was that bad at all. I donât think I will ever be able to forget the look in Azuma-kunâs eyes that day.
ăWe just kept attackinâ Azuma-kun till he began makinâ that face. An until we saw that face, we didnât even realize just how much this situation couldnât be undone.ă
ăI heard that a buncha times already.ă
ăThen ya understand that I canât be forgiven, rightïŒă
ăBut it ainât like yer the one to blame fer this, and ya donât gotta shoulder it all by yerself either, Yukari. And I know that yer doinâ yer best now.ă
ăNah, Iâm just satisfyinâ my own conscience. I donât wanna ever repeat that mistake again.ă
Since then, Iâve never let even a prank go unnoticed. Not if they were clearly joking around, but I was never able to endure letting even one person become a laughingstock, even if it were a trifling matter. I couldnât even watch comedy skits on TV because they just made me uncomfortable.
And when I continued doing those things, everyone around me naturally considered me a nuisance. I did my best to persuade them in as soft a manner as I could, ever so careful to not provoke them, but of course someone as dim as myself could never get that far, and I instead made an unnecessary amount of enemies. I felt danger approach me more than once or twice. Still, whenever I saw someone being forced to endure something, that same face of Azuma-kunâs flashed in my head, and I couldnât just shut up and watch.
No matter the cause, she would never allow bullying.
ăYukari. I get how ya feel, but we donât got exams this year, so how âbout we lay on the downlow, yeah?ă
ăToo late fer that. Even the teachers gimme mean glares, plus the catâs way outta the bag.ă
ăThat ainât the issue here.ă
Unfortunately for Shiho, I would not be yielding on this issue.
ăYurika, donâtcha dare try ân atone for your mistakes by crawlinâ on the ground ân makinâ a buncha enemies at this stupid high school. If ya really regret whatcha did so much, then ya gotta become an adult ân then try bigger things.ă
ăI know that much, but I canât just disregard the things in front oâme ân then climb up the ranks. Besides, thereâs no way I can just let myself live leisurely after all this.ă
ăThe main offender ainât even repented of what she did, so someone like you who ainât even help her out should never be subject to all this bashinâ.ă
I of course knew what Shiho was saying, but I had still contributed to breaking someone. I had to carry this for the rest of my life.
ăYa donât look like ya get itâŠâŠă
ăI donât think Iâll be human if I can just forget these regrets.ă
ăBut if ya dwell on it too much then thatâs gonna have a worse outcomeâŠâŠă
Those words only made me realize my own clumsiness and stupidity. In fact, if I had Shihoâs sense of balance, then I might have been able to prevent that incident even though I wasnât the main culprit.
ăSorry, Teacher. I canât persuade YukariâŠâŠă