I didn’t expect that Zheng YiJia would come back to see me.
When Meng SiQi told me that there was a Miss Zheng outside who wanted to see me, I was very surprised.
I thought that she and Chen ErXin had already boarded the plane and left the city.
As soon as she came in, she said, “Don’t be surprised. My cousin refused to leave, so I stayed with him.”
Then she sighed and said helplessly, “Although my cousin doesn’t say it, I know that he has been waiting for you all along. He wants to take you back with him.”
I was silent.
I asked, “How did you know that I’m in the hospital?”
“Yesterday, my cousin and I were also at that clubhouse. I saw you being carried into the ambulance with my own eyes.”
It was really a coincidence that we all went to the same place to eat yesterday.
“Chen ErXin also saw it?”
Zheng YiJia replied, “Yes and I have already told him everything. He has since locked himself in his hotel room and refused to come out.”
I smiled bitterly. “He must have really hate me this time.”
“My cousin doesn’t dare to come to see you for fear that you are already lying stiffly on a bed, covered with a piece of white cloth from head to foot.”
“Death hasn’t included me in his plans for the day.”
She then looked at me carefully. “How do you feel now?”
“I’m still waiting for a miracle.”
After hearing my words, she said nothing. She could tell that my situation was not too good.
She quickly changed the topic, “Who are the two handsome men outside the door? When I came in to see you, their eyes were shooting fire at me as if they would burn me to ashes.”
She seemed to have a lingering fear.
I replied without a change in my expression. “My old lovers.”
I proceeded to tell my story to Zheng YiJia briefly. After listening to it, she couldn’t help exclaiming, “As a representative of all the women in the city, I express our envy of how you managed to make all men fall in love with you!”
“No, if one of them really loved me, I wouldn’t be what I am today.”
She thought for a moment and shook her head. “Maybe it’s not that they don’t love you but they just don’t know how to love. That Mr. He Li, was born with great privilege and is used to controlling others. To him, there are only people who love him so there is no need for him to love others. He has also always thought that you will never leave him, so he never cherishes you with his heart. One can only say that he doesn’t know how to love, not that he doesn’t love you.”
“Even if it’s true, I won’t feel happy.” Besides, how can one analyze feelings in such a way.
“However, your attending doctor is very concerned about you. I came here yesterday and saw him punch a man outside the door in the face. The person who was hit was also strange as he didn’t say a word. I was so scared that when he told me that you are not receiving visitors, I didn’t dare to ask any more questions for fear that he would hit me with one punch.” Zheng YiJia smiled. “When I saw him today though, he was way more gentle.”
I was stunned, I didn’t expect Meng SiQi to be so angry.
I wondered who he had punched.
Soon, Zheng YiJia left.
She said, “Now that I know you’re still breathing, my cousin can be at ease and come visit you.”
When I thought of Chen ErXin coming, I couldn’t help but sigh.
Meng SiQi sent Zheng YiJia out for me. When he came back, he said, “You are very close to Miss Zheng.”
“We became close friends at first sight.”
“I’m deeply jealous of her.”
I laughed. “She’s a lifelong friend. How can you be like her?”
He loved hearing that.
Seeing that he was in a good mood, I then asked him carefully, “Are He Li and Lu QingFan still outside?”
Meng SiQ’s facial expression immediately changed. “Why are you asking about them?”
“Don’t regard them as enemies. My illness has nothing to do with them.”
Even though he was silent, he was still frowning angrily.
When Dr. Meng was wilful he was as unruly as a child, unable to be reasoned with.
“Can you help me call He Li in?”
Meng SiQi sat there, not moving.
I felt helpless. “We can’t keep on letting them stay outside all the time. What is the meaning of this?”
At last, he finally stood up.
I told him, “I can deal with it by myself so don’t worry.”
Not long after Meng SiQi went out, He Li came in.
I immediately noticed a small bruise at the corner of his mouth. It turned out that he was the one who was hit.
He Li sat by the bed and looked at me silently.
His gaze was not as sharp as usual which I found unfamiliar.
He finally asked, “When did you know?”
I thought about it before recalling, “Do you still remember the time that we met at the hospital?”
It was at that time, not too long ago.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Actually, I told you but you didn’t believe it.”
At that time, I told him that I was Meng SiQi’s patient but he didn’t believe it.
People are always like this. They are more willing to believe in lies because the truth is never beautiful.
“You didn’t say you had cancer!” He Li was agitated. “If you had told me early, you wouldn’t be like this now!”
He turned pale and slowly lowered his face. “If you had said it earlier, I would not have done those things. I would have cherished you properly.”
“If it is not like this then what would that be?” I looked at him calmly. “You won’t cherish me until I’m dying so what’s the use of such a thing?”
It was both sorrowful and laughable – who would use their life to force others’ feelings.
Even if that was achieved, those feelings would be stained with blood and tears. Who would want that?
He Li suddenly raised his head. He clenched his fist so tight that he trembled slightly.
“I won’t let you die. We’ll go to the best doctor and receive the best treatment. There must be some way… some way to save you. Let’s…”
“He Li!” I interrupted him, “I don’t need these.”
“Why?” He gritted his teeth. “Is it because you hate me, so you take your own life to punish me?”
I shook my head. “I really hate you but I won’t do it at the expense of my life. I don’t have much time left so I do not want to get entangled with you anymore.”
He looked at me.
I told him, “I already have the best doctor. No matter how much time I have left, I want to be with him.”
He Li was both surprised and angry. He glared at me harshly but couldn’t say a word.
Suddenly he grabbed my shoulder and said loudly, “You’re lying, you’re still angry with me! Pei JiYu, don’t you dare lie to me!”
I didn’t speak and just looked at him calmly.
Eyes don’t lie. There was no more fire burning silently for him in my eyes anymore. My painstaking efforts had been let down for a long time and now, it was finally exhausted.
When He Li saw that, he gradually lost hope and released my shoulders.
He sat down in his chair dejectedly and asked me in a low voice, “Why? You didn’t treat me like this in the past.”
I looked at him with pity.
“Because I used to love you, but now, I don’t love you anymore.”
“He Li, I don’t love you anymore,” I said. “Please don’t disturb me again.”
He covered his eyes and began to cry like a child.
“Pei JiYu, you’re the most cruel person.”
Despite hearing such words, my chest was empty and I didn’t feel anything towards him anymore.
It was not that I was cruel, but the time I had left was too short for two people to slowly start over.
I didn’t manage to see Lu QingFan again.
Tired both physically and mentally, I said to Meng SiQi, “Let’s go back to your apartment. It is suffocating to stay in the hospital.”
He gently promised me, “Ok.”
All the way, Lu QingFan had been following us silently.
However, I never spoke to him.
The next day, I called for the two lawyers who read Father’s will.
Both of them had been working for the Pei family for many years, and they were familiar with their work. In just a few hours, all the documents I needed were prepared.
I thanked both of them, “I had troubled both of you.”
“No, you didn’t.” They quickly refuted and their gaze seemed to contain traces of pity.
In their eyes, Pei JiYu was probably a very unfortunate person.
Perhaps, I was the only one who didn’t feel that way.
I had already gotten everything I deserve. For a long time, I only wanted one person to love me and I finally got to meet that person at the very end.
I wanted nothing more.
After all, I had never been greedy.
Chen ErXin also finally gathered up the courage to visit me.
Fortunately, I had already informed Zheng YiJia that I have been discharged from the hospital. Otherwise, he would have given me a scolding if he ended up empty-handed after going to the hospital.
After bringing him to the bedroom, Meng SiQi left us alone.
Chen ErXin just stood at the door, watching me silently and not approaching.
“Why are you standing so far away? It is not as if cancer is contagious!”
His body stiffened before he slowly approached.
“Pei JiYu, you are so ugly now.”
His mouth was still as vicious as ever so I didn’t have to worry much about him.
“Yes, yes, yes, I’m so ugly. I’m not as handsome and dignified as big lawyer Chen.”
However, Chen ErXin didn’t reply. He was silent for a long time before suddenly whispering, “Don’t die.”
He was going to anger me to death.
“You’re here just to curse me? Of course, I won’t die. Who says having cancer would without a doubt cause death?”
“Really?”
“It’s the absolute truth and I have already started to receive treatment. The doctor said that my condition has been improving and I just have to last till the end of treatment. I would be as healthy as ever, alive and kicking.”
Despite lying all the way, my face didn’t turn red at all.
After hearing these words, Chen ErXin finally returned to normal and he released a sigh.
“I thought you were terminally ill but it was just a false alarm! Why did you keep it from me all this time? ” He had begun to start lecturing me again.
“Why should I tell you?” I asked, “Are you a miracle doctor who can make me recover in an instant?”
“You’re getting mean!”
“You’re no better than me.”
Chen ErXin was choked by my words. As he couldn’t speak, he stared at me harshly.
He asked, “You don’t want to leave with me because you are ill?”
Sure enough, he refused to give up.
I could lie to him on a thousand things but I couldn’t lie to him about this one.
“No.”
“Then why?”
I replied, “I’m not going with you because I’ve already found someone I like here.”
“Who is it?!” Chen ErXin exclaimed as he suddenly sprang up from his chair.
I was startled by him. “Why are you so agitated?!”
He barked out in a weird tone, “How can you have someone you like!”
I replied in a louder voice, “Why can’t I have someone I like?!”
“But I’ve been waiting for you for so long!”
“How can I know you’re waiting for me if you didn’t tell me?!”
As he glared at me, I glared back.
We stared at each other for a long time. Finally, he admitted defeat, hung his head and sat down in his chair.
“Am I always late?”
I didn’t know how to answer him.
I told him, “Next time, if you like someone, you must tell him clearly.”
“Next time. Pei JiYu, it’s so easy for you to say. I’ve been in love with you secretly for many years. I’m overwhelmed with grief so why would I want a next time?!”
“As long as you live, there will always be another time.” I patted him on the shoulder. “You are young and promising, there will be no lack of people who will love you.”
“But the person I love doesn’t love me.”
Even though I was speechless, I still had to let him go back with regret.
“I’m afraid I can’t send both of you off for your flights.” I was a little sad about it.
“Don’t come. If you come, I’m afraid I can’t leave.” He covered his face with his hand.
At this moment, the old days slowly passed before my eyes.
I would always remember the boy who came forward to ask my name that day. Although he was not great, he had my lifelong gratitude.
When I got a little better, I asked Meng SiQi to drive me back to the Pei’s house.
On the way, he asked, “Have you thought about it properly?”
I replied, “Money is merely a worldly possession and I regard it as dirt. Not to mention, I have you, a person who was deceived on account of his generosity.”
In response, he laughed, “I love your open-minded personality the most.”
Sure enough, Lu QingFan was at home. He was a little stunned when he saw that I was the visitor.
He said, “I thought you would never want to see me.”
“You are always my brother.”
His already pale face turned paler.
He pulled himself together and asked, “What are you here for?”
I handed him the prepared documents.
“I have already signed the transfer document and transferred all the properties in my name to you. From now on, everything in the Pei family belongs to you. You are no longer the Pei family vassal.”
He was stunned.
I asked him, “Congratulations on the realization of your wish after so many years. After this, no one would dare to make indiscreet remarks or criticisms. Are you happy?”
“What is the meaning of this? Do you think I covet the Pei’s properties?”
He clenched the edge of the document so hard that his knuckles turned white.
“No, you deserve it all.” I said softly, “These things are useless to me. I just want to let you be free in the end. This is a wish you had for a long time, and I’m willing to help you achieve it.”
“There will no longer be the Pei family or Pei JiYu, only Lu QingFan.”
After saying that, I stood up and walked towards the door.
Suddenly, Lu QingFan responded and strode over to block the door.
He grabbed my arms and wouldn’t let go.
I looked up.
That pair of always distant eyes were finally churning with emotions.
Lu QingFan said while trembling, “All along, I had never wanted freedom but you.”
After all these years, he finally admitted it.
I gazed at him steadily.
“Lu QingFan, I had always regretted what happened that year, wishing I had never said those words under the branches of white flowers.”
Such words had only caused both sides to suffer.
I continued, “I shouldn’t have liked you.”
“Don’t say that!” He interrupted me and suddenly held me tightly in his arms. “JiYu, let’s go on the ferris wheel together. No matter what you say in the future, I will promise you. So, do not say such words again.”
His tears fell on the side of my neck, and the scorching temperature almost seemed to scald me.
I leaned in his arms stupefied, “I have already grown up and there is no need for me to ride the ferris wheel anymore. I have waited for so long that I’m tired.”
Lu QingFan would no longer feel too inferior to love others. It was just unfortunate that there was no 16-year-old Pei JiYu in the world anymore. He was the only one who was willing to spend so much time waiting for a single person.
Which was something I couldn’t do.
“Lu QingFan, it’s time for you to wake up from your dreams.”
I then pushed him away and left.
As Meng SiQi took me to a neighboring city to look for a doctor, we didn’t come back until Christmas Eve.
By that time, the streets were decorated with lights while some shops played happy and relaxing festive songs.
I was like a bird out of the cage, wishing that I had a pair of wings to flap and express my excitement.
I took a deep breath of the clear air and said, “It’s really like being human again.”
“You spoke as if we were living in vain before.” Meng SiQi smiled and came forward to arrange my crooked hat.
At the door of a shop, there was a Santa Claus in red giving out Christmas presents. I saw him and yelled that I wanted to get some presents.
I told him, “You wait here. I’ll ask for a present.”
Without waiting for him to answer, I rushed over.
The snow on the road was not cleared and it was a bit slippery. I slipped and was about to fall. Fortunately, someone stretched out a hand from the side to stop me from falling.
Before I could thank him, Meng SiQi strode over, anxiously grabbed my arms and asked, “Are you ok?”
“I’m not that feeble yet.” Looking at his anxious appearance, I couldn’t help but smile bitterly. “I just slipped, it’s no big matter.”
I then turned to the man who helped me. I was greatly shocked.
“JiYu.”
He Li also looked at me blankly.
I was stunned for a moment before finally responding. I nodded and smiled at him, “Thank you for just now.”
He did not respond and just fixed his eyes on me as if he feared that I might disappear from his sight.
I told him, “We’re leaving so goodbye.”
He Li opened his mouth, but in the end he didn’t say anything.
Eventually, I left with Meng SiQi.
Even though we had walked a long distance away, He Li was still standing in the same spot.
In the end, I didn’t manage to get the Christmas presents.
It was just a moment but all the gifts were already given away. Santa Claus regretfully showed me and Meng SiQi his empty sack.
I could only leave disappointed.
Meng SiQi bought a house near the sea. It was built on a mountain and from the windows, one could see the beautiful seascape.
As it was a fine day today, I wrapped myself up in a blanket and basked in the sun by the French windows.
Meng SiQi came up to me and crouched beside me.
He said, “When it comes to spring, one can recite the poem “ Facing the Sea With Spring Blossoms “ <sup>1</sup> “面朝大海，春暖花开” is a Chinese poem. You can find the translated version here if you are interested: https://lang-8.com/852090/journals/207515796166079738371885092534704475898 .
It was a pity that it was winter now.
“At that time, my grandmother will be moving to the city and will live in that house near us.”
It was great that he could be with his family.
“Today is Christmas. Do you want to make a wish?”
I gently shook my head. My wish had come true so it didn’t matter whether I made a wish or not.
“JiYu, do you know what my wish is?”
I nodded. I know, I know.
I know your feelings.
He then asked me softly, “Then do you think the heavens will help me realize this wish?”
I smiled without answering him. I held onto one of his hands.
“Meng SiQi, do you know what is the best thing that happened in Pei JiYu’s life?” As tiredness gradually engulfed me, I found it a little hard to speak.
To my question, he didn’t respond and only gazed fixedly at me.
“To be able to meet you.”
He echoed, “Me too.”
Under the really warm sun, I felt sleepy so I slowly closed my eyes.
1
“面朝大海，春暖花开” is a Chinese poem. You can find the translated version here if you are interested: https://lang-8.com/852090/journals/207515796166079738371885092534704475898