We took the stairs directly to the underground parking lot.
When Meng SiQi found his car, I stood beside it with my head covered in sweat while feeling weak all over.
Meng SiQi then opened the door and tried to help me in.
However, at that moment, I turned stiff when I saw a man standing opposite me. It was He Li.
His eyes were cold as he called me, “Pei JiYu.”
I knew I should have taken a look at the almanac before leaving the house today.
Today must be an inauspicious day as people who I make an effort to forget kept on appearing in front of me one by one, forcing me to face them.
I was willing to start over, but the past wasn’t willing to let me go so easily.
He Li came up to me and Meng SiQi. He stopped a few steps away and fixed his gaze on us.
He seemed thinner than half a month ago, and his face was pallid as if he did not have a good rest for a long time.
He looked at Meng SiQi before turning his gaze to me and sneered, “I was wondering why you were so willing to leave me, but it was just to be beside the young master of the Meng family.”
I was speechless.
He wouldn’t even miss a chance to insult me.
Meng SiQi slightly stepped forward as he placed me behind him protectively. “Mr. He, JiYu is my friend.”
With a tone sounding neither too heavy nor light, he rebutted He Li.
“Friends? That’s right, friends in bed are also friends,” He Li laughed bitterly. “Then, Young Master Meng, did you know that your ‘friend’ was also my ‘friend’ not too long ago?”
I paled.
His words were like sharp thin blades, slicing me apart inch by inch. Even when transactions fall through, there should still be kindness. Why did he have to make it sound so bad?
“We don’t need you to pass judgement on our relationship!” Meng SiQi was slightly miffed. “We’re leaving. Goodbye.”
He helped me get in the car before closing the door and entering. He then started the car to leave.
Throughout the whole process, He Li didn’t say a word, but his eyes were firmly fixed on me. When the car passed by him, I could see his cold eyes through the glass window.
When the car left the underground parking lot, I took out the candy box containing aspirin from my pocket. After pouring some into my palm, I swallowed them instantly.
“Are you alright?” Meng SiQi asked me with concern.
At that moment, the aspirin had not taken effect yet. The pain I felt made me unable to speak, and I could only curl up into a ball.
After a while, when I recovered from the pain a little, I smiled wryly. “It tastes really bad. Aspirin will always be aspirin. Even dyes could not turn it into rainbow candy.”
Seeing that I was fine, Meng SiQi finally released a breath of relief.
He took something out of his pocket and handed it to me. “Here, this is for you.”
Taking a closer look, I realized they were a few milk flavored soft candies.
Casually taking them, I asked, “You’re so old already but still carry candies everywhere?”
He didn’t laugh.
After a while, he softly replied, “Candies remind me of past happiness.”
The corners of his smile were tinged with warmth.
I also had some happy events that happened in the past, but it’s a pity that I’m often coldly reminded at the end that it was all just a dream. After waking from my sleep, all that remained was only a handful of decaying experiences.
“He treats me so badly, but I still feel an attachment to him,” I said.
Meng SiQi was aware of who I was talking about.
He remained silent momentarily.
“It’s because you love him.”
“No,” I said calmly while shaking my head. “It’s because I don’t love myself enough.”
I’ve always understood this fact, but it was only now that I dared to admit it. If loving a person required you to sacrifice your dignity, then it was not love.
It’s just that I’ve been deceiving myself all along.
He looked at me quietly. “There will be a day when you will forget him.”
I smiled.
No, I’ll never forget him.
It takes too long to forget a person, and Pei JiYu’s life was too short.
At night, I was haunted by old dreams.
I dreamt of England’s purple sky as I returned to the memory of that year where I roamed in the heavy fog. People around me were in a hurry as they brushed past me. Against the direction of the crowd, I walked towards an unknown place.
I saw that young man with black eyes and hair. He was sitting on a long bench at the public square as a group of startled white pigeons flew away, flapping their wings. He looked up at me, and countless white rays fell onto his dark eyes. At that moment, there was a profound silence.
It was here that I woke up from the dream. On this chilly night, the moon was as bright as silver.
In the beginning, I didn’t fall in love with him.
I just saw the shadow of a 16-year-old Pei JiYu in him – stubbornly lonely and with nowhere to go.
So, I had said to him, “If you can’t find a place to go, why not live with me?”
He looked at me for a long time before saying, “I’m Leo.”
I reached my hand out to him. “I’m Pei.”
At that time, I was living in the school dormitory and was subsequently thrown out by the intolerant warden for secretly letting a stranger in.
I argued with the warden, “You can’t drive me away, I’ve already paid the rent!”
The foreigner shook his head at me. “You’ve violated the rules. It’s forbidden to let in lovers to stay the night here.”
I was struck dumb.
“He’s not my lover, I just met him on the streets!”
The more I tried to explain, the worse it became. With a face of disgust, the warden said, “Employing the service of male prostitutes is also a violation of regulations.”
I became so angry that I didn’t want to talk to this foreigner anymore.
However, when I turned around, I ran into Chen ErXin. With a face full of undetermined emotions, he blocked my way.
“Employing male prostitutes? Pei JiYu, only you who would do such a thing,” he spoke to me in a strange tone.
I abruptly flared up in anger, pointing at his nose and scolding, “This is none of your business! I wouldn’t look for you even if I hired a male prostitute!”
Chen ErXin’s expression suddenly turned ugly.
I pushed him away and angrily went to my room.
He then asked in a loud voice behind me, “What about Lu QingFan? Isn’t that man still waiting for you at home?”
I turned around abruptly.
Ever since I came to England alone at the age of 16, no one had mentioned this name in front of me, and Lu QingFan had gradually distanced himself from Pei JiYu’s world. Even with only a monthly routine phone call, I had nothing to say to him.
This Chen ErXin dared to mention Lu QingFan in front of me and even said that he was waiting for me!
What a big joke.
“I don’t want him. I already stopped wanting him since long ago!”
I then slammed the door.
For a while, I was in a hurry to move out and find a new place to live.
Leo, with his hands in his pockets, followed behind me. “Why?”
“Why what?” I wondered.
“Just let me go. Why do you bother so much?” He then said, “I’m just a stranger.”
I was taken aback. “But I’ve promised to take you in.”
He laughed. “Pei, you’re one of the few idiots left in the world.”
I didn’t care.
I finally rented a room nearby from an old couple.
When they saw Leo, they became vigilant. “When you signed the contract, you didn’t say you had a same-sex lover.”
After a series of misunderstandings, I had no strength left to get angry with them.
“He’s my brother,” I said.
Despite the couple having some doubts, they had nothing more to say, and we finally had a place to stay.
It was obvious that foreigners had a great aversion towards homosexual love affairs, as they were suspicious of everything. Any intimacy between two people would just become something shady in their eyes.
What a dilemma it was to face them.
Leo has also always refused to tell me about his past.
Even though I have been speculating about the reasons why he was alone in the streets, I didn’t press him for the reasons. Everyone had a secret. If someone asked Pei JiYu why I had decided to cross the sea alone, I would also not answer.