The candles burning brightly within the bedchamber made slight crackling sounds, their tears overflowing and dripping along the candlestick, their flickering flames tinting their chamber in light and darkness.
Yang Lianting looked at the man standing in front of him, at first in astonishment, then in helplessness. In the end, his line of sight fell on the faintly reddened rims of his eyes and he couldn’t help but breathe a long sigh. He felt his heart ache beyond words, as if it were slowly cut in two by a blunt knife.
One look from him and a city falls,
Another look and down crumbles an entire nation.[22]
In the end, when all was said and done, what ability and what virtue did he possess? Thus, to obtain Dongfang Bubai he treated him well, without allowing explanation, without considering the cost. Pulling Dongfang Bubai into his arms, he could not control his wish to firmly and forcefully rub him in his bones and blood. But even the slight use of strength from a moment ago, made his entire chest, his entire heart feel sour yet soft. How can I let him feel the faintest discomfort?
“Dongfang, how can I be good to you?” Yang Lianting’s tone sounded dry and hoarse, low and muted. His eyes appeared to be as serene as a water surface, but in the depths of his pair of eyes hard to suppress emotional turmoil surged.
Dongfang Bubai stood sill, silently waiting for him to finish.
“I think I’m trying my best to treat you well, but in the end, I always find that everything I do isn’t good enough, find that I do not treat you well enough.” Yang Lianting looked into his eyes, and had to silently sigh in rue, had to softly smile. “However this is good too… In this life, I’ll only treat you better, I’ll never treat you worse.”
Softly stroking Dongfang Bubai’s silken hair, Yang Lianting slowly said, “I did follow Wang Shi and the others down the cliff and I did go to a brothel with them.”
Dongfang Bubai’s face paled for a moment, but he restrained himself and pretended as if nothing were wrong. Hidden beneath the sleeves of his red gown, his hands were slightly clenched and he remained silent from beginning to end.
“But, I wanted to go down the cliff to buy you a gift. Because Wang Shi’s hospitality was difficult to refuse, I went to that kind of place with him. It wasn’t good to refuse, I assumed you were still in seclusion, so I agreed to go along.”
Dongfang Bubai creased his brows, he was about to speak up when he was interrupted by Yang Lianting. “But, I merely drank wine from beginning to end, I never touched any woman.”
“You, ah.”
Yang Lianting bowed his head toward him and pressed a kiss on top of his hair. “Dongfang, there’s no need to wrong yourself like this. You can question me, or you can lose your temper with me. Dongfang, you don’t need to wait for me, you don’t need to soften your voice and stifle your anger, you don’t need to accept a compromise.”
“In the secular world, have you seen the married couples among the commoners? They, ah. If they quarrel with each other over an everyday matter, or if the husband[23] provokes his wife and displeases her, if the wife just suffers in silence[24], if she accepts a compromise, then how can she contentedly pass her days?”
“If you doubt me in your heart, you’re angry with me in your heart, then speak up, speak to me at once.” Yang Lianting smiled at Dongfang Bubai and said warmly, “Dongfang, no matter what I’ll love only you and dote only on you for a lifetime.”
“A common married couple?”
Dongfang Bubai stood still, repeatedly mumbling these words. His long eyelashes trembled lightly, casting nice shadows on his cheeks. Yang Lianting said that he had descended the cliff to buy him a gift, said that he had never touched a woman in the brothel. He believed him without thinking, there was no need to confirm.
I believe Lian di.
In other words, even if he had felt at a loss and in pain before, felt as if the heavens fell and the earth was rent,[25] as long as Yang Lianting said so, he would believe him.
Yang Lianting’s words, a ‘common married couple.’
Dongfang Bubai’s body could not help but shake slightly, his beautiful pair of eyes held an indescribable look, a look of chaos and confusion, of hopeful expectation.
“Yes.”
Yang Lianting spoke in a deep and low voice.
“Dongfang, a common married couple.”
“I don’t care that you’re the Master of the Holy Cult, neither do I care that you’re the so-called Evil Demon of the Righteous Path, and you don’t mind my poor martial arts and my low status as a mere guard. So, since we sincerely admire each other, since we wholeheartedly love each other, why bother to care about the restrictions and regulations[26] of the secular world?”
As he spoke these words, Yang Lianting felt unprecedentedly stable and steady in his heart. In his past life, he had desperately avoided this matter, desperately hurt Dongfang Bubai’s feelings, just to maintain that one bit of pitiful pride in his heart.
Only in death had he realized the truth.
Since God intervened from behind the curtain[27] and let him live another lifetime, since he realized that the person before him was the cherished treasure that he did not want to lose, did not want to see die, why would he still care about what other people thought of him?
After me, the deluge.[28]
Even if my name goes down in history as a byword for infamy, so what? If only he could spend a lifetime with Dongfang Bubai in peace and quiet, in joy and happiness.
“You’re not allowed to go to that kind of place again.”
Dongfang Bubai pursed his lips, as if he had wanted to speak for a long time, ultimately he said these words to Yang Lianting. “Even if you’re only drinking wine, you’re not allowed to go to that kind of place again.”
“I’m unhappy.”
If he overlooked the slightly red rims of his eyes, then at this moment these words he had spoken aloud, still sounded like the proud and powerful Holy Cult’s Master, who must not be defied. He did not tell Yang Lianting of the numerous untold difficulties and dangers they would face when all was said and done. He did not tell him of the countless cruel criticisms they would face for being in love with each other. Yang Lianting said they could be a ‘common married couple,’ he believed his words to be true.
Yang Lianting had said he could get angry at him, be willful toward him, demand what he wanted from him. Dongfang Bubai believed Yang Lianting, believed he would keep his word.
“Alright, if you say I can’t go, I won’t go.”
Looking at the person before him Yang Lianting felt his heart ache, his heart soften. He opened his mouth to ask in a warm tone, “Not angry anymore?”
“I’m not angry at you at all.” Dongfang Bubai pursed his lips, feeling a little embarrassed about his earlier loss of self-control, he lightly coughed and raised his head, “This Seat… knows your heart, so how… can this Seat let his imagination run wild.”
Yang Lianting saw through his thoughts, he couldn’t help but smile but he did not expose him, nodded his head and went along with his words. “Yes, yes, yes. Cult Master you naturally possess civil and martial virtue.”
“Only…” Dongfang Bubai’s complexion returned to normal, yet he abruptly recalled a certain matter. His line of sight falling on the wedding gown he was wearing, on the women’s clothes that were placed on the table. He pursed his lips, after hesitating for a long time, he ultimately made up his mind and slowly asked “Lian di, you really don’t mind that I…”
Cultivating the Sunflower Manual caused his temperament to slowly change. After coming across Yang Lianting, he gradually wanted to turn himself into a true woman, with a woman’s body, he came to like women’s attire and adornments. However, his own body that was neither man nor ghost reminded him, day after day, that this hope was merely a delusion, that this body was sordid. Never had he expected that someone could accept and understand him in this lifetime, nor did he expect that Yang Lianting could clearly see through his thoughts. He did not feel disgusted, did not despise him. Contrarily, he completely accepted and cherished him.
“Do I look good?”
Dongfang Bubai raised his head to look at Yang Lianting and softly asked him. Under the candlelight Dongfang Bubai dressed in grand red attire and gorgeous adornments, his complexion fair without the slightest cosmetics, he clearly looked at a man’s face yet not knowing why he looked so unspeakably beautiful that his heart moved and his soul stirred. For a long time, Yang Lianting was in a slight daze.
In his past life Dongfang also loved to trace his eyebrows and paint his eyelids, but because he had once sharply and spitefully said that those sluts[29] of the red light district were a hundred, were a thousand times better than him, Dongfang had lowered himself and seriously smeared layer after layer of make-up on his face, till he distorted his true features. Inevitably increasing the loathing and resistance of the Yang Lianting of the past.
Never had he expected that this face, without any black brow dye nor white face powder, that this pure and elegant face was as beautiful as a banished immortal.
He was unable to suppress the dull ache in his heart.
Yang Lianting thought of his hateful past self, while his heart ached for the man standing in front of him. He could not restrain himself from stepping forward and taking Dongfang Bubai into his arms, could not restrain himself from embracing him as if he were his most cherished treasure in this world.
His tone sounded soft and slightly absentminded as if he were speaking in another time and place, as if he were speaking to the man he had tormented until he no longer appeared human.
“Beautiful.”
“Dongfang, I never knew you were so beautiful all along.”