Except for the faint muffled sound when he could not bear the pain, the sound of Dongfang Bubai desperately suppressing the drug’s effect, almost no other sound could be heard. Waiting in the outer chamber, Yang Lianting was separated from him by light curtains. Listening to him restrain his sounds of pain within the inner chamber, he took a deep breath to force himself to close his eyes, forced himself not to look and not to think.
Initially seeing Dongfang’s hazy appearance in the dim light, he had felt unspeakably restless, but now all he felt was distress and worry. Everyone in the Jianghu knew that the martial arts of the Invincible East were without equal.
But apart from him no one knew how much he had sacrificed, knew to what extent he had damaged his own body, to obtain the honor and glory of the world’s first. Dongfang’s body had a cold yin physique and was deficient in yang. Now, the drug’s potent effect caused him further pain and torment.
Thinking of Dongfang Bubai in the inner chamber, he could not help but feel heartache. Taking a deep breath, Yang Lianting clenched his hands into fists and opened them again but his heart fiercely tightened together for several breaths’ time.
After a while, he heard the sound of hurried footsteps coming from outside the doors. The supervising steward in charge of the handymen knelt on the ground very respectfully, then he ordered the servants to carry the boiling hot water into the house. Seeing Yang Lianting sitting inside the outer chamber, he was stunned and then respectfully saluted. Intending to get close to the man, who received the Cult Master’s unduly favor and trust, who was amidst the storm atop Blackwood Cliff, and who sustained good relations with the congregation.
But Yang Lianting dismissed him because he was in no mood to exchange superficial courtesies with outsiders. At the moment he only felt impatient, anxious, and worried.
“Dongfang, the heated water is ready, you–” Yang Lianting paused mid-sentence, “If not, I’ll leave first.” Dongfang Bubai’s taboo he knew well. The two of them may be together as a couple yet the hurdle in his heart remained. In this life he had wanted to love him dearly and treat him well from the very beginning. He had sworn in his heart, he would not be like in his past life once again. He would not hurt Dongfang due to his incomplete body, he would also neither withdraw from him nor urge him. During this sensitive moment, all his firm resolutions surged in his heart. He collected himself and was about to leave the chamber, when Dongfang Bubai called him back.
“Lian di, you… stay.”
For the second time today Dongfang Bubai let Yang Lianting stay behind. As the night passed, he seemed to slowly regain his energy. His voice did not sound as pained as before, yet his voice still sounded light and inaudible as if it would be blown away by the wind.
Yang Lianting abruptly turned back and saw Dongfang Bubai walking out from behind the curtains. His skin was still flushed red but his eyes had regained their usual clarity. Feeling relieved, he wanted to step forward when he noticed the look in his eyes.
Hesitation, confusion, and inferiority.
Indeed, inferiority.
In this life, when had the willful and outgoing, the proud and arrogant, Invincible East ever shown such a cowering posture?
Yang Lianting fell into a daze, remembering the past. He had worn the same red outer garment but had been tormented by him until he no longer appeared human. In his past life, he seemed to have always looked this inferior and apprehensive.
Despite his thoughts being in disarray, like a flash of lighting Yang Lianting abruptly realized what Dongfang Bubai intended to do. He had overcome the drug’s effect and was about to take a bath, yet he asked him to stay. Yang Lianting’s throat tightened and his chest contracted, as if they were blocked by bitterness.
Raising his head to look at Dongfang Bubai, he slowly breathed out and tried to ease his facial expression.
“Are you feeling better?”
“Hmm, better.”
Step by step, Dongfang Bubai walked towards Yang Lianting without looking at him. His gaze fell on the wooden tub next to him, his mood unclear. Pursing his lips, he silently stood still and only after a while did he speak up.
“You serve me to bathe.”
The heavens knew how much effort it took him to speak these few words. Dongfang Bubai stood in place, unable to restrain his fingertips from trembling and his muscles from stiffening. Right now, his whole body felt uncomfortable. Still refusing to look at Yang Lianting, he swallowed dryly and stepped into the wooden tub. Glancing at his wet garment, after a long time he turned his back to him, reached out and tremblingly tried to untie his sash. The hand fumbling with the sash’s knot was suddenly grasped.
Dongfang Bubai’s whole body stiffened.
Yang Lianting’s eyes deepened.
Pretending to be calm, he tenderly smiled at him.
Swallowing dryly he said with soft eyes, “Dongfang, I’ll help you undress.”
Dongfang Bubai habitually wanted to evade, but once he met Yang Lianting’s gaze he recalled the reason for having him stay. Taking a deep breath, he lowered his head and gritted his teeth, but he no longer evaded his touch.
Yang Lianting gently untied his sash and carefully took off his soaking wet red garment, until he only wore his inner clothes. Dongfang Bubai’s whole body was visibly trembling, but he still gritted his teeth and silently endured. He would reveal the entire shameful secret of his body, reveal his body’s mutilation before Yang Lianting. He waved his hand to halt his action, pursed his pale lips, and lifted his hand to take off the last layer of clothing.
Without any cover.
Stiffly sitting in the wooden tub, he revealed the secret he had concealed for so many years to Yang Lianting. He did not dare to directly look at him, instead he reclined against the tub’s rim. Emotions in disarray, his heart and mind were thrown into chaos. If Yang Lianting showed disgust or dread, what should he do?
Kill him?
Noticing himself raise his hand out of habit, Dongfang Bubai was fiercely startled. Taking a deep breath, he slowly closed his eyes and shook his head with a bitter smile on his lips.
How could he bear to raise his hand?
Lian di.
If Lian di felt disgusted, if Lian di feared him… that was only human nature. After all, he was not a normal man anymore. Eyes closed tight, Dongfang Bubai was unable to see Yang Lianting’s reaction and only heard the quiet sound of his breath. The longer the silence lasted, the more Dongfang Bubai’s heart sank.
Despair slowly overwhelmed him.
His face paled, but he gritted his teeth. Unwilling to show his most vulnerable side at this moment, he calmly opened his eyes and pretended to be cold and indifferent. He then looked at Yang Lianting and was about to open his mouth to order him to leave, but meeting Yang Lianting’s eyes his voice stuck in his throat.
Yang Lianting had never looked at Dongfang Bubai’s wound this carefully. In his past life, he had always been rash and rough in that matter. In order to avoid the fear in his own heart, he had been unwilling to keep the candles burning.
When had he ever taken a close look at that place?
The wound was shocking to the eyes.
Caused by a single blade.
One can imagine how decisive and cruel Dongfang had been to himself when he had swung the blade downward. This person who could be so ruthless to himself, had given him his heart only to be trampled upon. Yang Lianting could not help but reach out his hands to caress the scars below that place,[11] as if he wanted to share Dongfang Bubai’s burden and pain.
Unbearable heartache, oppressive sorrow.
His heart felt like it were clenched in a strong grip, while his throat felt hoarse and his mouth dry. Tilting his head upward he met Dongfang’s eyes, while his fingers softly caressed that place exhausting all the sincere love he was able and unable to express.
“It must’ve been painful.”
“Dongfang, it was very painful, right?”
“How can you… how can you with your own hands…”
Dongfang Bubai was shocked.
Incredulously staring at Yang Lianting, he was nearly unable to believe what he had heard and desperately sought faint disgust or disdain in Yang Lianting’s black eyes. But other than intense overflowing heartache, he could not make out any other feeling.
Dongfang Bubai shook his head.
Pursing his lips, he silently smiled for a while.
“It didn’t hurt.”
“One downward cut with a blade, why consider if it hurt?”
Back then, during that one moment he had only thought about becoming the world’s first. Not once had he considered whether it would hurt or not. Being looked at like that by Yang Lianting, without knowing why the fragility and helplessness of those past days that he ignored and suppressed were instantly revealed.
He had never been afraid of pain, never felt aggrieved.
Yang Lianting’s heart ached for him.
He neither despised nor feared him, he did not feel disgusted, instead his heart ached for him. Dongfang Bubai wanted to laugh but the rims of his eyes reddened and he choked with sobs.