Rosena walked into the room with a lamp, which was supposed to be hanging in the hallway, in her hand.
As if time had stopped, the outdated items remained intact.
There was a bookcase next to a wooden desk with a living tree. The tight-packed books spit out the smell of old paper.
The room wasnât that big, so the furniture was minimal.
Rosena rolled her arms as she looked through the things her father had used in his lifetime. It was all dusty, so she was going to deal with this first.
Rosena opened the window and brushed off the dust.
After finishing a brief cleaning, Rosena pulled out a chair and sat down on it.
â Rosena.
As she sat on the chair, it was as if she could hear her fatherâs voice.
The appearance of her father, who was solemn to others but infinitely sweet to her, was glimmering.
He loved Rosena without discrimination from Rania. Even in the midst of his busy schedule, he took some time to take Rosena for a walk.
While thinking about her memories with her father, Rosena found a closed drawer.
The drawers opened with a rumbling sound, and Rosena confirmed what was inside.
It was an old diary, an envelope, and a faded portrait.
Rosena first checked the portrait. A woman resembling Rosena was looking straight ahead with a slight smile.
âWho is it?â
She was a person she had never seen before.
Rosena was staring at her curly pale red hair and dark red eyes, turning her gaze into the diary.
On the cover of the diary, the name âPhilian Estarotâ was embedded in elegant cursive writing.
It looked like her fatherâs diary, could she read this recklessly?
Thinking about it, Rosena opened the first page of his diary, thinking that her father might have given her the key for a reason.
A finely dried rose fell from the diary with the sound of a paper falling.
It was a rose that seemed to break anytime soon. Rosena carefully set the rose aside and checked the first chapter of the diary.
At the top, there was a date in the distant past, even before Rosena was born.
[The blessing of my life, my light, Rosena, I was lucky to meet her.]
Rosena stopped at the name written in her diary.
Even after reading it again and again, it seemed that the Rosena written in this diary was not about herself.
In addition, the date on it was several years before she was born.
Rosena slowly flipped through her diary. The woman mentioned throughout the diary was Floe Rosena, who had the surname of Rosena.
It seemed that she was the lover he had before meeting her mother, Macella.
Rosena was able to learn more about the relationship between her father and a woman named Floe through his diary.
[Floe has my child.]
Rosena stopped reading the text.
If Floe had children, did that mean she had a half sibling?
Rosena read the text over and over, listening to her beating heartbeat.
She took a deep breath and passed on to the next chapter.
[She suggested that the child be named Rosena after her family.]
Rosenaâs eyes shook. Rosena read the text below it with an incredulous expression.
[Rosena Estarot, this is such a lovely name.]
Thump, her heart fell down.
ââŠâŠâ
Rosena put the diary down with her trembling hands.
Even after reading it several times, the name on the diary did not change. Rosena Estarot. It was her name.
Rosena, with trembling eyes, fumbled to check the top of the diary. The date on the diary was the same as the day Rosena was born.
â!â
Rosena pressed down on her chest as if her heart was about to pop out. She was out of breath as if she was running.
If what was written in the diary is true, her mother is a woman named Floe Rosena, not Macella.
However, it was the first time Rosena heard about it. Neither her father nor Macella have ever mentioned it to her.
Rosena, confused, bit her trembling lips. After barely calming the pounding heart, she hesitated to turn to the next chapter.
[Floe gave birth safely. She is a lovely girl who resembles Floe.]
After that, there were more entries that were filled with affection.
What she looked like, what she did today⊠and how she grew up.
Reading it made her cry. How much his late father loved her remained intact.
Rosena, who had been passing a few chapters of diaries, was convinced that Floeâs child was her.
Rosena, who was carefully following her fatherâs traces, stopped.
[We buried Floe.]
The piece of paper for this chapter was crushed. Maybe it was because of tears, as the letters were also smudged.
[Floe told me the secret of the Rosena family before she died. I couldnât believe it.]
The Rosena familyâs secret. But the secret wasnât written in the diary.
The diary related to Floe ended there. After a few chapters, the date was written in a few years.
A relative introduced Macella to the count who could not forget Floe, and the story of the two eventually getting married remained intact.
Little Rosena needed the presence of a mother.
The count did not love Macella as much as Floe, but respected her and regarded her as his family.
Rosena quickly passed through the diary. And there was a date written, it was when Rosena turned seven.
[I took Rosena to the Imperial Palace today.]
[Floe was right. Rosena must not come into contact with the imperial family.]
She had been to the Imperial Palace in the past?
However, no matter how hard she looked back, she could not think of it because it was an old incident from the past.
Rosena briefly recalled what her father always said.
â If you meet the imperial family, run away.
Perhaps, something happened on this day?
But no matter how much she searched through the diary, she couldnât find any more stories about it.
The diary ended with the words of the countâs stance.
Rosena covered the diary and looked at the portrait she had put aside.
A woman who resembled herself was looking straight ahead with a gentle smile.
âYouâre⊠My mother?â
Rosenaâs face distorted as if she was about to cry.
The truth that she had believed so far had collapsed.
The mother whom she longed for love from was not her real mother, and this woman⊠she just found out today that this woman in the portrait was her real mother.
She felt like there was a big hole in her chest.
Rosena had taken Macellaâs discrimination for granted since she was a child. She believed that Macella loved her sister a little more because her younger sister was younger and lovelier.
But⊠they didnât share even a drop of blood.
Macella, who knew everything, didnât think of herself as a family member.
â Rosena, youâre such a pathetic kid.
â You canât even yield to your sister, youâre so mean!
â Who did this to you? Is that you, Rosena?
She remembered the face of Macella, who was always angry with her.
Then, after her fatherâs death, Macella often said things she had never said before.
â If you work harder, your family will live happily ever after.
â I trust you.
To live up to that expectation, Rosena worked hard day and night.
At that time, Rosena was just a little girl who lost her father.
However she had no choice but to give up everything to protect her family.
Memories scattered like pieces of puzzles that had fallen onto the floor.
Rosena staggered up from her seat. She didnât want to think any more.
Rosena put the diary back in the drawer and opened the door. Isaac, who was standing in the hallway, came straight up.
âYour Highness, are you all right?â
Isaac, who saw Rosenaâs pale complexion, asked with a worried face.
Rosena didnât even understand what he was saying, she just nodded. She couldnât wait to get out of here.
Rosena escaped from the mansion and got on the carriage. Meanwhile, Isaac kept talking to her, but she couldnât hear anything.
The carriage began to roll slowly and the scenery of the garden passed by. Rosena leaned her face against the window and looked away at the mansion.
The mansion she thought she was familiar with looked really strange today. Tired, Rosena slowly closed her eyes.
***
On the deep night when everyone was asleep, Rosenaâs carriage arrived at the Imperial Palace.
The carriage stopped in front of the Third Princeâs Palace, and Isaac opened the door.
âWe have arrived.â
Rosena came to her senses and got out of the carriage.
âIâll go in.â
Isaac smiled at the words. However, Rosena didnât look well, and he had given up on asking what happened in the room earlier.
âIâll see you next time.â
As Isaac, who greeted politely, gradually grew farther away, Rosena hastened her steps.
Some lanterns were lined up in the garden, coughing up subtle light. In the silent garden, Rosena raised her head.
Looking at the white moon wrapped in clouds, she felt like she was about to cry.
Though she was the one who cut off the relationship today, it wasnât any less shocking.
Why didnât Macella tell her about her real mother? Was it still worth using her as a âdaughterâ?
âAre you here?â
Rosena slowly raised her head to someoneâs voice. She saw Yerhan standing in the middle of the garden.
As Rosena watched silently, Yerhan slowly approached.
âI heard the sound of the carriage and came out.â
Yerhan, who walked to the front of Rosena, took off the outer garment he was wearing.
Despite being dressed lightly, he carefully placed his coat on Rosenaâs shoulders. Only then did Rosena realize that there was a cold wind blowing in the garden.
The passing wind caused their hair to sway. In the dim garden, Rosena looked up at Yerhan.
She didnât want to show him this appearance.
ââŠDid something happen?â
Yerhanâs expression gradually subsided. He seemed to notice something had happened to Rosena. But Yerhan did not rush her and waited for Rosena to tell him.
Rosenaâs lips trembled slightly. Normally, she would hold it in by herself.
She would have let it go without telling anyone, but strangely, looking into his eyes made her want to say everything.
ââŠToday, I cut off my relationship with my family.â
In fact, it also took a lot of resolution.
Even if she was disappointed and hurt by Macella and Rania, she thought her family would not change.
However, with the existence of Illian and the growing number of things to protect, she broke off her relationship with them after much consideration.
âThat was my resolution⊠not to be swayed anymore.â
It was very hard, until the moment she turned around.
She couldnât finish it quickly because she was a sister who shared the same blood and her mother who gave birth to her.
But they werenât a real family. She didnât mean to cling to blood ties, but Macella was horrible, to think she drew the line from the beginning knowing she wasnât her real child.
âI thought of them as familyâŠâ
Rosena blurted out. Tears that she had endured flowed down her cheeks.
âI was nothing to both of them from the start.â
ââŠ..â
âNothingâŠâ
When Rosena swallowed her tears, Yerhan opened his arms without saying a word. Her face was buried in his big arms.
Rosena shed tears incessantly in his arms.
She had only been in Macellaâs arms once in the past, and she thought Yerhanâs was warmer than then.
After crying for a long time, Yerhan wiped her eyes with the back of his hand. Unlike his rough palms, the back of his hand was soft.
Rosena raised her head and looked at Yerhan. Her wet eyes clearly reflected the expression of Yerhan, who was sad. His twinkling blue eyes looked warm and sweet like his arms.
In the tangled gaze, a long finger climbed up Rosenaâs cheek.
Carefully, the fingers that touched Rosenaâs cheek moved behind towards the scattered hair.
He slowly got closer with a rustling sound. Then, she felt a warm and soft touch on her forehead that was revealed under the moonlight.
Rosena looked up at Yerhan in surprise, then he smiled and whispered.
âYou may be nothing to them, butâŠâ
The darkening eyes surrounded Rosena like moonlight.
âThere are people who really value you.â
Rosena could not say anything. Her forehead where his lips touched and fell, was as hot as a ball of fire.
There was a tumultuous sound beneath her chest, and even the sound of her shallow breaths returned vividly to the ears like an echo.
Yerhan, who held Rosenaâs shoulder lightly, took off his hand. He took a step away, and only then did he open his eyes.
âItâs getting colder. Would you like to go inside?â
Yerhan asked quietly.
Even if she went in like this, she couldnât sleep. But if she didnât go in, Yerhan would be waiting for her.
Rosena and Yerhan walked slowly through the garden toward the Prince Palace.
It was so late at night that even the earthworms fell asleep, so only the sound of the wind was heard from time to time.
The dizzying heat cooled down a little. Rosena thanked Yerhan for not asking further.
The two of them entered the building and headed down the hall to the bedroom.
They had been sharing a bedroom since they got married, but they hadnât slept together.
Most of the time, Rosena fell asleep before Yerhan returned, or slept in Illianâs room.
When Rosena took off her coat, Yerhan left the room for a moment. While he was out, Rosena changed her clothes.
After removing all the accessories and changing into a thin slip dress, she picked up a brush.
Lastly, she was about to get ready to sleep when Yerhan opened the door and came in.
There was a small silver tray in his hand. It contained a luxurious bottle of liquor and simple foods to be eaten as side dishes.
Yerhan, who put the tray down on the table, poured alcohol into the glass.
âItâll warm you up in no time.â
Rosena held the glass and took a whiff of its scent. The scent of sweet fruit wine spread out.
A sip of alcohol made her body warm against the cool night air.
When the atmosphere was somewhat settled, Yerhan opened his mouth.
âAs you know, I am the illegitimate son of the emperor.â
Rosena listened to Yerhanâs quiet words. Yerhan continued, pouring alcohol into Rosenaâs empty glass again.
âMy mother was kicked out of the family because she was pregnant with me. My mother and I wandered through the empire.â
It was the first time she heard of Yerhanâs past.
Come to think of it, there hasnât been any deep stories told between Yerhan and herself.
âMy mother was my only family. Until she died of chronic disease.â
Yerhan recalled a memory he had buried a long time ago.
He wandered the empire with his mother since he was very young.
There was not much a woman who was once a noble young lady could do, so she had to find a way to live.
However, many people flirted because of his motherâs pretty appearance, so they had to move around the village frequently.
By the time Yerhan had grown somewhat, his mother had developed chronic disease.
There was no other way, so they had to walk to Haylor, the northernmost part of the empire, to get help from their relatives.
But their relatives refused to give help, and his mother died.
There was nothing Yerhan, a young boy at the time, could do.
Far from hiring an undertaker, he had no money to buy a single motherâs coffin.
Yerhan blindly entered a deserted mountain. And he dug up a lot of snow until his hands turned red.
Yerhan buried his mother in cold ground, making room for only one person.
âI regretted burying my mother in the snow. I didnât even know what flowers my mother liked.â
He wanted to put down a flower on the grave, but he didnât know what she liked, so he hung around for a long time and came down.
It was a story from a long time ago, but he remembered it as clearly as yesterday.
âThat thing⊠happened.â
Yerhan sighed lightly and said to Rosena.
âWhen you have a hard time, lean on me.â
Rosena put down the glass in her hand. Yerhan was smiling very wide.
The moment their eyes met, his smile creaked and her vision shook.
So far, there had been a dark wall between Rosena and him, itâs height was unknown.
But for now, he seemed to be seen through a crack in the wall.
ââŠ..â
She didnât think she drank much, but the heat rose from her neck to her face.
Beginning to feel nauseous, Rosena exhaled slowly.
She had no feelings for him, she just treated him as a father of Illian.
It had yet to provide a reason for the impulsive attraction that arose between her and him.
She had come a long way to follow her fatherâs words, but she didnât want to get involved with him more deeply as an imperial family member.
And Rosena had a place to go back to.
AstaniaâŠ
Rosena vowed to live all her life and die there.
Rosena, who had a shaky heart, pressed down her chest.
âIâm sorry to have worried you. This wonât happen from now on.â
Rosena got up from her seat after emptying the rest of her drink.
âIâm going to bed now.â
As Rosena went into bed first, Yerhan sat in front of the table and stared toward the bed.
In this way, it was the first time since the wedding that he and Rosena had been in the same room before going to bed.
Silence fell and Yerhan pushed the tray aside.
Then he rose from his seat and headed to bed.
At the end of the vast bed, Rosena lay with her back turned sideways.
A steady sound of breathing was heard, and Yerhan lifted the blanket and pushed himself in.
His presence was clearly felt when his weight was on the bed.
Yerhanâs arms wrapped around Rosena. A hard chest touched her back. Rosena opened her eyes wide when he hugged her back.
The heart that had barely calmed down was about to pop back out.
The pounding sound of her heart filled the quiet space. But Rosena did not push him away.
She muttered to herself, saying, âItâs because I donât have strength in my body.â
She was relaxed and sleepy because of the warmth surrounding her back.