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Coward
Notice Temporarily unedited, read at your own risk
By the end of dinner, aside from Lian Jun, the other six people at the table were all completely drunk.
The first to get drunk was Li Jiuzheng. He’d drunk too much baijiu at once and knocked himself out. The second was Rong Zhouzhong, who’d been drinking with him; he fell asleep on the table not long after Li Jiuzheng passed out.
After that were Shi Weichong and Fei Yujing, who’d drunk a lot while eating and talking. The remaining two, Shi Jin and Xiang Aoting, seemed to have been focusing on eating, having a good time chatting about the ingredients. Shi Jin was very interested in this topic. He urged Xiang Aoting to taste this wine and that wine with him, and those sips imperceptibly added up to be a lot of alcohol. By the time Lian Jun noticed something was wrong, they were already slumping in their chairs, blurry-eyed.
Lian Jun pulled Shi Jin, who was sagging in the chair and talking nonsense, into his arms and let him lean against his chest. He gently stroked the teenager’s cheek, then called Gua One.
Gua One stepped into the dining room and waited for orders.
“Take them to the guest rooms and ask Uncle Long to take a look and see if they’re fine. Remember to feed them hangover prevention medicine,” Lian Jun ordered. He stood up supporting Shi Jin, who was drunk but still awake, and led him towards their room.
Gua One acknowledged the order and took out his phone to call for helpers.
Shi Jin followed Lian Jun out. When he was about to leave the dining room, the daze in his eyes cleared for brief a moment and he glanced back at his brothers, passed out around the table.
“They got drunk on purpose,” he whispered, not knowing who he was talking to. “This way, if they woke up tomorrow and found their hopes and efforts came to nothing, they could lie to themselves that it was all a dream
 What sly and timid guys.”
Lian Jun followed Shi Jin’s gaze, silently agreeing with him—these people passed out drunk almost at the same time, which was too coincidental for it not to be intentional.
“They’re all cowards.” Shi Jin turned to the front again and leaned against Lian Jun. “Me too
 But I still have you. Lian Jun, don’t leave me or I’ll die.”
Lian Jun’s arm tightened around Shi Jin, and he lowered his head to kiss the younger man’s forehead. “I won’t, I’ll always be with you,” he said, leading him forward.
“That’s good.” Shi Jin put all his weight on him, rubbing his head against his shoulder. He was quiet for a moment, then said suddenly, “Lian Jun, my name is Shi Jin.”
Lian Jun turned his head to glance at him.
Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translator’s site to get the fastest updates!
“My father’s name was Shi Lei and my mother’s Lan Xiao. They lived in a town called Huaiyang and ran a small grocery store. I was adopted by them at birth
 My dad was a gentle man, kind and thoughtful. My mom seemed a bit fierce, but she was actually all bark and no bite
 They were good people and would’ve definitely liked you very much.”
“You know, I actually had a local childhood name, Dazhuang. My mom gave it to me. According to her, children with local names grew well. Until I went to elementary school, I thought my name was Shi Dazhuang. Later, in order for me to get used to my formal name, dad actually changed the name of their store to JinJin Grocery Store. They were adorable, don’t you think? These are my parents
 Completely different from Shi Xingrui.”
Lian Jun’s fingers trembled, and he turned to hug Shi Jin tight.
Shi Jin leaned into him, affectionately rubbing against him with his cheek. “Don’t worry, I’m not schizophrenic or delusional. What I said is true, it’s my actual life experience
 Believe me, okay? I’m really not crazy.”
“
I believe you,” Lian Jun said, finding it difficult to form words, and soothingly stroked Shi Jin’s back. “I know you’re not crazy, you wouldn’t lie, I know.”
Shi Jin hugged him back. Seeming both drunk and clear-headed, he replied, “I knew you’d say that, you’re always so good to me
 Actually, it doesn’t matter if you believe me or not. I’m drunk right now, and it’s normal for a drunk to say nonsense. Just listen, you can forget it after hearing it
”
Lian Jun tightened his embrace even more.
The two hugged quietly for a while, then continued to walk towards their room.
The alcohol seemed to be getting better of Shi Jin because his words were becoming disjointed and incoherent.
“I’m actually the same age as you
 And I’m a real police officer, I’m not kidding you, I’ve been one for several years now
 Wait, let me count if I already died once or twice
 In the beginning, I only had some blurry recollections. Shi Weichong, Li Jiuzheng, or Shi Xingrui and whatnot, I didn’t remember any of them, they were all strangers, names printed in a book, completely unrelated to me
 You know, it’s really weird. Back then, my parents were really opposed to me becoming a policeman, saying it was a hard and dangerous job, but I still insisted on going to the police academy. Why I was so dead set on it, though
”
They finally reached their room. Lian Jun took Shi Jin to the bathroom, took off his clothes, and helped him into the bathtub, then turned on the shower to wash the alcohol smell off Shi Jin’s body.
Shi Jin stared vacantly at the falling spray of water. “I remember,” he said, his eyes looking a little less blurry. “I’d been crying for help, kept praying for someone to save me. The pain, the hatred, I just wanted someone to come and save me, to come and take me out of there. How could someone like me, who grew up pampered and spoiled, endure it
 Wait, was it me? No, it shouldn’t have been me
 I’m this Shi Jin, not that Shi Jin, can’t be that Shi Jin
”
Lian Jun’s grip on the handle of the showerhead tightened until his knuckles turned white.
“But why no one came to save me
 No, Fourth Brother saved me once. He’s amazing
 Then, if I become like him, I could save myself, right?
 I worked really hard, didn’t I? I did my best so that I’ll be able to save myself
”
Lian Jun took a deep breath. With his backhand, he wiped the tears that appeared in the corners of his eyes, then put down the showerhead and leaned over to hug Shi Jin tightly.
Shi Jin leaned against him, watching the steam rising in the bathroom. His eyes cloudy again, he whispered, “After Dad died, my brothers became different. I don’t really care about the money, they could take it all if they wanted, but how can people change so completely in an instant? Before, when I smiled at them, they smiled at me too. Later, when I smiled, they would only look at me with a cold expression and hostility, or mockingly, or hesitantly, or with murderous intent
 I mustn’t cry, if I cry, I’ll be hated even more
 I’m still the same me, so why is everyone treating me differently? Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?”
“No,” Lian Jun finally spoke, his voice low and tense with repressed emotions. “You’re very good and from the beginning, you’ve been doing very, very well.”
“So, I’ve saved myself?” Shi Jin asked, clutching onto his clothes.
“You have. Not only yourself, you also saved me. You, too, are amazing.”
Shi Jin’s grip loosened, and he let go of Lian Jun’s clothes. “That’s good
” he said, a smile of relief appearing on his face. “Actually, I also am a coward. Without being drunk, I never would’ve had the courage to talk about some things
”
Lian Jun soothingly stroked his back. “You’re not a coward. You’re brave, braver than anyone.”
“Really? That’s good
” Shi Jin’s eyes fell closed, his face slightly flushed from the alcohol. As he fell asleep, he murmured, “Xiao Si, don’t cry, it’s noisy
”
Lian Jun’s hand stroking his back paused for a moment, then slowly resumed its motion. After a while, he said softly, “Good night, Shi Jin.”
Shi Jin slept until noon the next day. When he woke up, Lian Jun told him that his brothers had already left; they got up early and caught the first morning flight. He stared blankly for a moment, taken aback, then massaged his temples, throbbing with the hangover headache. “I see. It’s the end of the year, everyone is busy.”
“They left presents for you,” Lian Jun said. “Do you want to see?”
Shi Jin shook his head, looking dozy. It took him a while to completely wake up. “We should be getting ready to go to the island, shouldn’t we?” he asked when he fully joined the world of the living. “You’ve been forced to stay indoors for so long; we need to go to a warm place so you can finally get some fresh air.”
Lian Jun reached out and smoothed his lover’s hair, messy from sleep. “When do you want to leave? Gua Six already made all preparations over at the island—we can set off at any time.”
Shi Jin replied, with a rare willfulness, “Today, I want to leave today.” After a reunion, there would obviously come a parting. Since everyone left, he didn’t want to stay here alone.
“Okay.” Lian Jun leaned over to kiss him. “I’ll make arrangements.”
If you’re seeing this notice, you’re reading this chapter on pirate site – the original translator of Death Progress Bar is Betwixted Translations.
Since the decision to leave was made just before noon, even Lian Jun was only able to arrange the private jet flight for 11 p.m., barely managing to fulfill Shi Jin’s wish to leave the same day.
“We’ll only be able to sleep after getting on the plane,” Lian Jun said, helping Shi Jin pack. Half of the contents of the suitcase were textbooks.
Shi Jin rubbed his stomach that was full of snacks, pretending not to see it. “Then today, you must sleep longer at your nap time.”
“Will you accompany me?” Lian Jun asked, putting down the textbooks.
Shi Jin turned to look at him. “Of course I will.”
Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translator’s site to get the fastest updates!
After getting up from the nap, Lian Jun found that Shi Jin was a little restless and often turned his head to look out the windows. It seemed to start after he read the text messages on his phone.
Lian Jun moved his wheelchair over to him. “Do you want to go outside and make a snowman? By the time we come back, the snow should be long gone.”
Shi Jin frowned in thought. “Yes, let’s go. We’ll build a small one this year.”
They went downstairs, to the same lounge they had used when making the snowman last year. Shi Jin bundled both of them up, then led Lian Jun outside to the place where the snow was the thickest. He crouched, tugging Lian Jun down with him so they could roll snowballs together.
“You make the smaller snowball and I’ll make the big one, then we’ll put it together. It’ll be simple but still a snowman,” Shi Jin said, explaining his plan.
“You don’t want to make something more fancy?” Lian Jun asked.
“Next year,” Shi Jin replied, smiling at him. “This year, let’s stick to the traditional snowman shape.”
“Okay,” Lian Jun returned the smile, knowing that this was out of concern for his physical condition.
As such, they ended up making a small snowman that only came up to Shi Jin’s knees, and it didn’t even take them twenty minutes. Shi Jin was very satisfied. He took a photo with the snowman together with Lian Jun, then hurriedly took Lian Jun back inside to wash his hands and face with warm water to get rid of the chill.
Lian Jun felt a little distressed seeing Shi Jin trying so hard to take care of him.
It was this dear person who should be carefully taken care of by everyone. Before he knew it, he reached out and pulled Shi Jin into his arms.
Surprised, Shi Jin tilted his head to glance at him sideways. “What’s wrong?”
“If there’s something you want to do, just do it,” Lian Jun said, kissing Shi Jin’s ear, reddened by the cold wind. “Don’t restrain yourself because you’re concerned about me. What I want the most is for you to be happy.”
Shi Jin burrowed his head into his shoulder, hugging him tightly. He thought about the text messages that Rong Zhouzhong and Xiang Aoting had sent him that said Li Jiuzheng didn’t look right when he left in the morning, and didn’t speak.
It was getting dark, and the time of departure was drawing nearer and nearer. Shi Jin kept glancing out the windows. Finally, just as the clock was about to strike seven, he stood up and looked at Lian Jun. “I need to go out. I’ll be back before 9:30.”
“That’s too late.” Lian Jun shook his head. “The flight is scheduled for 11 o’clock—we need to leave for the airport at 9 o’clock at the latest.”
This brought Shi Jin up short. “Right, I forgot it’s the New Year’s Eve. The traffic’s gonna be nightmarish
” he said, patting himself on the forehead. “Nevermind then, we
”
“But if we leave now, there might be enough time to go where you want and make a short stop there,” Lian Jun continued, moving his wheelchair forward to take Shi Jin’s hand. “What do you want to do? Gua Two and the others have already loaded all the luggage into the cars and the escort team is ready. We can set off at a moment’s notice.”
Shi Jin stared at him foolishly for a moment, then squeezed his hand. “Then let’s leave now. I’d like to stop by the university town
 Is that fine?”
“Of course,” Lian Jun replied, raising his lover’s hand to his lips to kiss it.
The car drove down the street. Watching the increasingly familiar scenery of the university town rushing by, Shi Jin reached into his pocket and closed his hand on the key inside. It was the key to Li Jiuzheng’s apartment, where he was going now.
As for why

He pulled out his phone, opened the messaging app, and swiped to the last text message Li Jiuzheng sent him this morning: [Thank you, I understand. Please continue to hate me, and I will continue to love you. You’re a gift from God, to be cherished dearly. See you in the new year [heart emoji]].
This sounded like something a melodramatic emo youth would send, which was Li Jiuzheng’s typical messaging style. Shi Jin usually didn’t pay too much attention to them, but a familiar phrase that had been engraved in Shi Jin’s memory made him unable to ignore this particular text message.
‘A gift from God,’ these words are really

“Your fifth brother must’ve already returned to Rongcheng,” Gua Two, sitting in the front passenger seat, said. He glanced outside the window at the university town with not a soul in sight and rubbed his arms in an exaggerated manner. “With all the students home for the holidays, this looks like a ghost town, especially at night. Ah, how scary.”
“He didn’t return to Rongcheng,” Shi Jin replied, awakening from his thoughts. He looked in the direction of Li Jiuzheng’s apartment. “That’s where his mother and grandparents are buried. He wouldn’t have gone back to spend the New Year there.” At this time last year, Li Jiuzheng also stayed in B city, and immediately rushed to save Shi Jin after accidentally receiving his call for help.
Yes, save. No matter Li Jiuzheng’s later actions, when considering only the situation at that time, Li Jiuzheng did save him. In addition, in the previous life, Li Jiuzheng also saved the original ‘Shi Jin’. The mental torture aside, at least when it came to ‘Shi Jin’s’ body, Li Jiuzheng fulfilled his responsibility as a doctor—not only did he save ‘his’ life after the serious car accident, but even brought ‘him’ to his private hospital to personally care for him.
And that mental torture
 Shi Jin thought of what Li Jiuzheng said in front of his mother’s grave last year, and pursed his lips.
He suddenly understood some of Li Jiuzheng’s thoughts and actions. This person was really like a child, shifting back and forth between pure good and pure evil, incapable of properly expressing his emotions and feelings.
Maybe, just maybe
 When Li Jiuzheng was saying all those terrifying words standing beside the original ‘Shi Jin’s’ hospital bed, and when he took out a scalpel and asked if he should help ‘Shi Jin’ “be free from pain”
 Maybe it wasn’t meant to be as malicious as it came across—maybe, it was actually meant with kindness.
He was ill. Like Shi Weichong, he broke, quietly crushed under the pressure of his parents’ emotions.
After all, doctors do not heal themselves. Perhaps, there was no pretense and no mask, and Li Jiuzheng’s inconsistent moods were simply a manifestation of his illness.
When he was in pain, he wanted to drag everyone to hell with him, and when he was back to his senses, he tried his best to seize the warmth that hadn’t slipped away
 It was the same, they were all the same. Moreover, despite their similar circumstances, the original ‘Shi Jin’ had lived in happiness and surrounded by family love, however false it later proved to be. Li Jiuzheng, though, had nothing—no true mother, father, or brothers. All he was given was a harsh reality and a huge pile of negative emotions he was unable to process.
What young genius—this was nothing more than a pretty label forced on Li Jiuzheng. All there ever had been was a cornered kid who figured out this was the only way he could save himself. Children’s thoughts were sometimes really simple: the more they learned, the faster would they grow up, and when they were big, they would be able to solve whatever problems they struggled with, and find solutions to everyone else’s problems, too.
‘But if you’re dead, what should I do.’
The words Li Jiuzheng once said suddenly flashed through Shi Jin’s mind, and his scattered thoughts abruptly coalesced. He clenched the key in his pocket. His mind had never felt more clear and awake.
In his last life, Li Jiuzheng had long gone crazy. He lost his father and mother, and his relationship with his older brothers was completely utilitarian, and his only younger brother, who was special to him because of his mother’s brainwashing, was about to die. Whether they made him feel pain or hope, if all the people important to him were gone, what was he supposed to do? What could he do? What would a mentally ill person, that was now all alone in the world and had never mentally grown up, do?
For the first time, Shi Jin had started to wonder—what happened after the original ‘Shi Jin’ died? To the one who showed killing intent towards him countless times but never really acted on it, and instead had been trying to snatch him back from the angel of death—what happened to Li Jiuzheng?
The car slowed to a halt. Shi Jin woke up from his thoughts and found they’d arrived in front of the residential building complex where Li Jiuzheng lived . He looked up at the floor his brother’s apartment was on, and was seized by a sudden impulse.
There’s no longer any hope of helping the Li Jiuzheng of the past life. In this life, even if only to return the favor of “saving”, let’s try again.
For the first time, he consciously accepted all the emotions that were filling his chest. With the experience of the twenty-six years old Shi Jin, he analyzed and digested everything that ‘Shi Jin’, who died at barely eighteen, could not understand.
Don’t let your emotions control you. It’s fine, you can do it.
He opened the door and got out of the car, heading towards the entrance to the building Li Jiuzheng lived. His steps became faster and faster until he broke into a run. He smashed the elevator call button and rushed in the moment its door opened.
“Is this really fine, Jun-shao?” Gua Two asked with a frown, watching Shi Jin’s disappearing back.
Lian Jun leaned back in his seat and reached out to touch the place where Shi Jin had been sitting just a moment ago. “It’s fine, he knows what he’s doing.”
The elevator arrived at the top floor, and Shi Jin strode to apartment number 3602. After adjusting his breathing, he took out the key and opened the door.
The apartment was dark and chilly, the heating not turned on. It didn’t look as anyone was there, but Shi Jin didn’t hesitate and walked straight in. Sure enough, when he came into the living room, he saw a figure curled up on the sofa. “I can only stay here for ten minutes at most or I will miss the flight,” he said.
The person on the sofa didn’t move, as if he were already asleep.
“To be honest, I’m afraid of you. I can’t get over the fact that you wanted to kill me.” Shi Jin paused, and his voice relaxed a little. “But you’re right. Out of all us brothers, you and I are the most similar.”
Maybe he imagined it, but the dark figure on the sofa seemed to curl up even tighter.
“Lian Jun and I are going to Lian Jun’s island for the winter. We’ll spend the New Year there, too,” Shi Jin said, turning sideways. His hands in his pockets clenched so tight his knuckles turned white. “If you want to go with us, pack up quickly and come downstairs. I’ll only wait for you for five minutes
 Fifth Brother, I don’t want to continue to hate you, it’s too tiring. I, too, want to be free.”
Without checking if the person on the sofa was awake and heard him, he turned around and left this apartment that seemed to be void of human presence.
The opportunity had been given. Clinging to his last shred of rationality, he overcame the resistance and fear brought by the memories to extend his hand one more time. He had no spare energy left to care if the other party wanted to grab it.
Five minutes later, Shi Jin looked at the door of the building that no one had passed through. “Let’s go or we’ll miss the plane,” he said, glancing away.
Gua One started the car, but Gua Two suddenly said, “Wait, someone’s coming out.”
Shi Jin raised his gaze and saw Li Jiuzheng running out of the building wearing only a shirt and trousers, hugging a mobile phone, identity documents, and some other belongings. Despite it being the middle of the winter, his forehead was covered with sweat. He paused at the door and looked around anxiously. Seeing the car that was about to leave, he rushed over and stopped in front of it, blocking the way. “Xiao Jin, I-I want to go with you,” he said, gasping for breath. “I was looking for my ID, I forgot where I put it. Don’t leave me, I want to go with you, please let me go with you.”
Shi Jin looked at him through the car window, seeming to see himself in the past, asking for help with all he could. He closed his eyes and reached out to open the door.
“Hurry up and get in, we have a plane to catch.”
Li Jiuzheng’s eyes lit up with surprise and joy. He quickly walked around the car to the open door and got in, sitting down next to Shi Jin. His body was racked by shudders, whether caused by the cold or something else.
Shi Jin took out a blanket and wrapped it around him, and found out that Li Jiuzheng rushed out without shoes. By now, the snow that had stuck to his feet already melted, soaking his socks and staining the car floor mat.
“I’m sorry, I got the car dirty.” Li Jiuzheng noticed Shi Jin looking at his feet, and his expression turned embarrassed.
“It’s fine.” This time Shi Jin took out a towel, motioning for his brother to take off the socks and dry his feet.
Li Jiuzheng hurriedly obeyed. His movements were anxious, like those of a child that was afraid of doing something wrong and being abandoned.
Shi Jin looked at his pale, nervous face, and felt his shaky heart slowly steady. For all the world it seemed that as long as he said something even slightly harsh, his brother would dissolve into tears. Was this kind of person someone to be afraid of?
Translator’s Notes:
“I had a local childhood name, Dazhuang“ – in case you’re wondering, Shi Jin’s childhood name is 性棯, which can be translated in a number of ways—for example, “big and strong”, lol.
Translator: Eques
Editor: –
Eques:
This is an important chapter, so sorry for the grammar errors. <(ïŒżă€€ïŒż)>
Lian Jun is still the epitome of perfection.