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Everyone’s younger brother? What a joke.
Shi Jin was a little upset. He seldom got truly annoyed or fed up, but now, he was both. It wasn’t because of Rong Zhouzhong but rather because of this whole brotherhood thing that seemed too hopelessly snarled and messy to ever untangle.
“Is this enough or not… Hey, Xiao Si, maybe killing this cake-covered guy over there isn’t a bad idea? Should I kill him?”
Xiao Si didn’t reply, as if it never existed.
Shi Jin couldn’t stand it anymore. He turned his wrist in Rong Zhouzhong’s grasp so that it was now him who was gripping his brother’s forearm, and shoved him down into a seat. He grabbed a napkin and wiped the cream from Rong Zhouzhong’s face, then leaned down so they were facing each other up close and spoke impatiently, “Rong Zhouzhong, don’t you have a lot of grievances against me? Don’t you hate me very much? Come on, don’t hold it in, speak! Say it! I want you to say it all!”
Rong Zhouzhong was bewildered by his actions, and a rare dumbfounded look momentarily appeared on his face. His lips opened and closed, then he began, “Xiao Jin…”
“Don’t call me this! ‘Ugly fatso,’ fool who doesn’t know anything,’ ‘pathetic, pitiful bastard,’ ‘Are you dying? Are you finally going to die?,’ ‘Why did someone like you have to be born in our family’—this is what you’re supposed to say! So say it! Say it all! I’m telling you to say it!”
Shi Jin’s voice gradually rose as the not-his-own emotions surged in his heart. The memories rushed up, but unlike in the past, he didn’t succeed in keeping himself as a detached observer and was instead swallowed by their raging torrent.
What he saw was no longer the cinema room but the magnificent house in M country, the bone-white hospital walls, and the hospital bed he was trapped in. He sat in the empty house, in the hospital’s deserted garden, and laid in the bed that never seemed to be warm; the people around him came and went, but no one was listening to him, no one reached out to him. He was an ugly freak with a disfigured face and maimed hands, a pathetic fat man that had given up all hope and was only waiting to die.
Then, his favorite brother came, acting like a victor, looking down on him with an expression full of mocking pity and spewing those vicious words that pierced through flesh and bone, ripping his heart out.
【Shi Jin, I hate you, everyone hates you. Actually, you aren’t a child of the Shi family, are you? You useless, ugly fatso.】
【You actually wanted to team up with Xu Tianhua to fight against Big Brother? Are you stupid? Ah, I didn’t need to ask, did I? After all, you are stupid, you’re a fool who doesn’t know anything.】
【Want me to tell you everything? Sure, I can tell you… What, are you crying? Pathetic, pitiful bastard.】
【Don’t be naive, as if everyone would really treat you as a younger brother. You’re different from us… Why did someone like you have to be born in our family?】
【Are you dying? Are you finally going to die? In the next life, remember not to get born in the Shi family. None of us want to have this kind of younger brother.】
Memories rushed fiercely, despair, unwillingness, anger, anguish, and many other emotions surging up. Whether because of shock, sadness, or mental obstacles of his body, he was unable to strike back against these words, and it made the torrent of feelings inside him intensify into a raging storm, roaring to tear everything apart. Shi Jin squeezed his eyes shut. Suddenly, he reached behind and pulled out a knife from the back of his waist, popping it open right next to Rong Zhouzhong’s handsome face.
Rong Zhouzhong’s pupils shrank. “Shi Jin, what do you want to do?!”
“I want to kill you.” Shi Jin shifted the blade so it touched Rong Zhouzhong’s cheek, then trailed it down his face to his lips. His gaze followed the knife, lucidity in his eyes slowly giving way to madness. “It feels so uncomfortable… Just because I’ve come back, just because I’ve changed everything… And then you’d all forgotten it and only I remember, only me! What makes you feel you can come and try to act like good older brothers now? Do you think that what I’ve experienced is something that you can make up for with a few words of concern and apology? You don’t even know what happened, how cruel you’d been, so how can you make up for it! How superficial is your remorse, your apologies! Why did you forget it all? Remember! Hurry up, remember! Why don’t you remember?!”
“Xiao Jin…” Rong Zhouzhong stared at him, stunned. He reached out to touch his face. “Don’t cry, don’t cry…”
“Don’t move!” Shi Jin’s expression abruptly hardened and he shoved Rong Zhouzhong harder against the seat, the strength of his grip turning crushing. “It doesn’t matter if you can’t remember,” he said coldly. “I will remind you. Come on, repeat after me: ‘You useless, ugly fatso.’”
The shoulders slammed into the back of the seat hurt. Seeing that Shi Jin’s state was evidently not right, Rong Zhouzhong frowned. “Xiao Jin, you…”
“Say it!” Shi Jin flicked the knife, cutting off a strand of Rong Zhouzhong’s hair. “If you don’t say it, the next thing cut will be your face,” he growled.
He’s serious. Shi Jin is serious, he really will do it.
Rong Zhouzhong opened his mouth, but no sound came from it. He couldn’t say it. His intuition was telling him that these words couldn’t be said or everything would be over.
Shi Jin stared at Rong Zhouzhong’s lips, a feverish gleam of anticipation in his eyes. However, his brother was silent.
“Why aren’t you saying it!” His irritation growing stronger and stronger, he scowled and raised the knife.
Rong Zhouzhong closed his eyes and waited for the pain.
Thump.
There was a muffled sound, and the pain didn’t come.
Confused, Rong Zhouzhong tentatively cracked his eyes open, only to find the knife stabbed into the back of the seat next to his head, without hurting him at all.
If you’re seeing this notice, you’re reading this chapter on pirate site – the original translator of Death Progress Bar is Betwixted Translations.
“Why don’t you say it.” Shi Jin lowered his head, shadows obscuring his expression. “In this life, you’re all good big brothers who felt remorse and changed their behavior before making any irreversible mistakes. I have nothing to blame and resent you for, do I? If there is anything, it’s only that you pretended to love me, but it was me who grew up spoiled by it… What should I do? You don’t even know what I’m talking about… Brother, you all really want me to go crazy, right?”
Rong Zhouzhong was shocked by the deadness in his voice. When Shi Jin stood up and moved to step back, he hurriedly reached out to grab his arm.
Shi Jin easily broke away from his grip and turned to leave.
Can’t let him go. If he leaves now, there will really be nothing left.
“Xiao Jin!” Rong Zhouzhong got up and ran after him.
Shi Jin hurled the knife at him, forcing him to stop, then reached for the door handle.
It’s over, it’s really over.
“You useless, ugly fatso!”
Only after the words broke out from his throat did Rong Zhouzhong realize what he said. His expression changed and even his hands began to tremble like he’d thrown the knife right back at Shi Jin.
“N-no, Xiao Jin, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry…”
“Say it again.” But Shi Jin immediately turned around, light again appearing in his dead-looking eyes. He came over to Rong Zhouzhong and grabbed his arm. “Say it again, but more coldly and disdainfully. Yes, just like that, come on, say it.”
For a second, Rong Zhouzhong actually saw Shi Jin smile, not of joy but one full of relief, like he was about to be liberated. Rong Zhouzhong didn’t understand. He felt as if he was having a nightmare, like being stripped naked and thrown out into the street, like… like finally laying bare all the disgusting, despicable filth in the deepest part of his heart.
He didn’t want to say it, but he had no choice but to say it, or his younger brother might really become crazy.
I’m sorry.
All his emotions suppressed deep inside him, he put on a condescending expression and said in a contemptuous and malicious voice, “You useless, ugly fatso.”
Yes, that was what he was like. In the beginning, this was how he felt about Shi Jin. He was a monster with a heart oozing with poison who dreamt about pulling his pure and simple little brother into the abyss.
“You’re an idiot who doesn’t know anything.”
His actor’s memory, trained to memorize lines, made this damn too easy. Face settled into a mask of disdain, he kept talking, watching Shi Jin’s gradually brightening eyes and livening up expression.
“Pathetic, pitiful bastard.”
Without Shi Jin’s efforts, he definitely would have said all these vicious words one day.
“Are you dying? Are you finally going to die?”
He was such a terrible person. At some moment in the past, he’d really thought it would be nice if Shi Jin could die.
“Why did someone like you have to be born in our family?”
I’m sorry.
He spoke sentence after sentence, seeming to see a knife stabbing into Shi Jin’s heart again and again, seeming to see Shi Jin dripping with blood and in pain, falling from hope to despair, from light to darkness.
He had once thought these things, he just never said them. Later, he banished them to the deepest corner of his heart and pretended they had never occupied his mind. It turns out that not saying them didn’t mean the other party hadn’t noticed them, and that he could pretend to be guiltless. Some things, even when only thought, would cause harm to the other person.
It wasn’t Shi Jin who didn’t understand anything, but him.
“I’m sorry, Xiao Jin. I’m sorry.” He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes wearily.
Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translator’s site to get the fastest updates!
Yes, it was this tone, this expression.
Shi Jin held his breath as he watched Rong Zhouzhong speak, listening to the voice that sounded magnetic even when uttering such vicious words. The memory and reality gradually overlapped, and the anger and resentment that he’d been unable to express in the past slowly swelled in his chest.
At last, that mouth stopped moving. The enemy’s attack was finally over… and he, he could now fight back.
It turns out that even if he came back to the past, he still had a chance to settle the score for the injuries that never happened in this life.
Haahh.
He suddenly relaxed, releasing the breath he held. He raised his head to look at Rong Zhouzhong and without a warning, punched him in the face, hard. “Fuck you, you asshole!”
Rong Zhouzhong let out a muffled grunt and fell sideways to the floor. He stayed there, only raising his head to look at Shi Jin.
Shi Jin didn’t seem to really see him. He paced back and forth nervously, pointing an accusatory finger at Rong Zhouzhong now and then, voice louder and louder as words tumbled out of his mouth: “Cry? Yes, I shouldn’t cry because what’s the use of crying when dealing with such a vicious bastard like you? I should just fight back! Fatso? So what if I’m fat? Is this any of your business? Personal attacks are the lowest of the low! Do your fans know you’re actually so nasty? Don’t even you feel that’s going too far!”
Memories and emotions rose like a tide, flooding him, and the surroundings changed again, from a luxurious mansion to a hospital room, where the sound of the door opening sent a flash of panic through him every time.
“Yes, I’m fat and stupid, but isn’t it you all who made me this way, intentionally or unintentionally? If I was smart, you’d still blame me for being smart. Admit it—you’re both jealous and scared of me, want to be close to me and afraid of being close to me. I’m different from you? Of course I’m different from you! I’m a human and you’re devils, how could we be the same! Ha, and the most ridiculous part is that you feel I’m pitiful? Even if it was fake, I grew up treasured and loved while all of you wallowed in hatred and self-interest. Between us, who is it that hasn’t experienced affection and warmth? The pitiful ones are actually you!”
Rong Zhouzhong turned his head to avoid Shi Jin’s gaze, his hands clenching into fists.
“What, are you angry? Are you disappointed you couldn’t make me into a monster full of hatred, callous and cold-blooded just like you? Did you want me to retaliate against you so then you could say, ‘Heh, this naive guy so carefully protected by Shi Xingrui has finally become like us. He’s no longer the special one’? I can almost hear the voices of your hearts trembling with excitement!”
“No, it’s not like this,” Rong Zhouzhong couldn’t help but speak out.
“No?” As if hearing a ridiculous joke, Shi Jin turned to him, leaned down, and grabbed him by the collar. Staring him in the eyes, he said, “If not, then why did your attitude change so quickly as if you couldn’t wait to show malice to me? You’ve secretly hated me for more than ten years, and suddenly you had an opportunity to show me this hatred and let me respond to it. That’s exactly something a one-track-mind idiot like you would do. Cucumber pillow, huh? Simply hearing that Dad is dying, you couldn’t wait to send me a declaration of war? Your intentions were damn written all over your face!”
The thoughts Rong Zhouzhong didn’t want to be known the most were noticed by the person concerned. Becoming angry out of shame, he snapped back, “I told you it’s not like that! And you’re the idiot!”
“No, I’m a ‘fool,’ you’re an idiot. Not like they’re any different, though, so don’t act as if you’re better than me!” Shi Jin released his grip, throwing Rong Zhouzhong to the ground again, and straightened up, then looked down at him. “I won’t die,” he said coldly. “I will live longer than you all, so none of you will have another opportunity to say ‘you’re finally going to die’ to me. I’m the only one who’ll be able to say it, only me. Also, let me correct a certain wrong idea you have. It’s not that I shouldn’t have been born, but rather that if it wasn’t because of me, you would’ve never been born! If anything, you should be grateful to me! If it wasn’t for me being born so late, all of you would’ve been nothing but a blank shot! You sissy!”
Sis—
This last word ended up being a critical hit. Rong Zhouzhong gaped at Shi Jin, not trusting his ears for a moment, then slowly got up from the floor. Appearing outraged to the point of not being sure how to react, he turned his head to the side and took deep breaths, as if trying to suppress his anger.
“Vase.”
But Shi Jin hadn’t stopped yet. He said sentence after sentence, every word bit out hard as if along with them, he spat out all the resentment that had been suppressed in his heart for two lifetimes.
“The people with foul tongues will have their tongue ripped out after death, you know?”
“You are pathetic and pitiful!”
“When you’re dying, I’ll set off firecrackers at your bedside to celebrate.”
“I’m not the unneeded child, you are!”
Rong Zhouzhong’s mouth dropped ajar and he stared at Shi Jin, unable to believe that these words were actually coming out of his lips. What he was hearing should piss him off and in fact, he was angry, but strangely, he didn’t feel like flying into a rage like he usually would.
All of a sudden, Shi Jin approached him again.
Startled, Rong Zhouzhong took a small step back. Putting on a tough appearance to conceal how upset he was, he said, scowling, “What now? If you want to fight, I won’t hold back this time, just so you know.”
Unexpectedly, Shi Jin raised a hand and patted Rong Zhouzhong’s chest over his heart, giving him a nasty smile. “Being insulted like this, it feels uncomfortable here, doesn’t it?”
Rong Zhouzhong’s expression tensed. It did, but he’d rather die than admit it.
“You deserve it,” Shi Jin added softly, tone full of malice.
“You—” Angry, Rong Zhouzhong tried to grab his wrist.
Shi Jin dodged his hand again and stepped back. “Earlier, you apologized, but I don’t accept your apology. Some hurts can’t be erased just by saying ‘I’m sorry.’”
Rong Zhouzhong stiffened, his anger dissipating in an instant. As he came back to his senses, he seemed to realize something. The corner of his mouth pulling down, he began, “I… see. So…” So you don’t want to accept such a despicable person as an older brother anymore?
“But we’re even,” Shi Jin said. Watching Rong Zhouzhong’s current embarrassing appearance, the memory of his brother’s mocking, condescending look as he spat out vicious words gradually faded. He continued, “You insulted me, I insulted you, you hurt me, I hurt you; we don’t owe each other anymore. I’m tired, and you’re not worth making me so tired.”
Rong Zhouzhong’s sinking heart abruptly began to rise again. A glimmer of hope igniting inside him, he blurted out almost incoherently, “You, so this… You mean…”
“Also, I won’t apologize. Don’t ever expect to hear the sentence ‘I’m sorry’ from me.” Shi Jin walked towards the door. When he touched the door handle, he said softly, “Good night, brother.”
Click.
The door opened and closed.
Rong Zhouzhong stared at it, his eyes slowly widening. A long time later, he suddenly squatted on the ground, hiding his face in his knees. He wanted to curse, but instead, shamefully, a few drops of tears fell from his eyes.
“This little bastard…” He rubbed his face, smiling angrily. “You hold a grudge worse than me. What do you mean, you won’t apologize? Am I supposed to just forget being beaten and scolded today? It hurts, you know…”
He collapsed on the floor and looked up at the screen. In the movie, the older brother was right now unscrupulously venting his malice towards the younger brother, who already knew everything. Rong Zhouzhong’s heart shuddered. With a tsk of disgust, he went over to the small table in the aisle, picked up the remote control, and quickly fast-forwarded the movie to the end.
On the edge of the cliff, the younger brother hugged the older brother, planning to jump down with him. The older brother dropped his weapon, embraced his younger brother, and closed his eyes contentedly. Together, the two fell backward into the abyss.
He watched for a moment, then scoffed and turned the movie off. He looked at the cake on the table that was missing two slices, took the plastic cake knife, cut a big piece of the cake, and stuffed it into his mouth.
At this moment, he finally understood what Shi Jin wanted to change. This child, who was softer and kinder than them, yet also much stronger than them, had been working so hard, tormented almost to the point of going crazy. He did it just to avoid a certain possible future, a future in which they all hate and hurt each other, and then perish together.
Hatred and redemption. Out of the six sons of the Shi family, the five seemingly powerful older brothers all chose the easy hatred. The only one who chose the much harder redemption was the child that had been hurt the most.
“Stupid,” he said, his voice choking on the cake slowly becoming hoarse and choked with sobs. “Sure enough, he really is a fool.”
He lowered his head and pressed a hand into his eyes.
Death Progress Bar is translated by Betwixted Translations. Read on the original translator’s site to get the fastest updates!
The sky is always the darkest just before dawn. This sentence appeared in Shi Jin’s mind as he walked down the stairs to the first floor. He glanced outside, where the darkness seemed to stretch endlessly, and suddenly started to run, rushing towards the master bedroom.
When he cracked the door open, the light inside was actually on. He was taken aback for a moment, then felt his heartbeat quickening and hurried inside.
A pair of arms suddenly closed around him, wrapping him in a firm embrace.
Shi Jin stopped and looked sideways at the person holding him.
“First take a bath and warm yourself up.” Lian Jun seemed to have known Shi Jin would rush back like this. He didn’t ask anything, only hugged him harder, then placed a soft kiss on his forehead and took his hand, leading him to the bathroom.
The bathroom was filled with steam rising from the hot water in the bathtub, the toiletries and his pajamas all laid out and waiting.
A little stunned, Shi Jin was dragged by Lian Jun to the shower.
“Wash first, then climb in the bathtub and take a hot bath.” Lian Jun helped him undress and turned on the shower. Not caring if his pajamas would get wet, he stood beside Shi Jin and carefully washed his body.
The warm water and gentle hands sliding around his body as they spread the shower gel felt very comfortable. As his body warmed up little by little, Shi Jin’s hands trembled. He looked at Lian Jun’s serious and careful appearance, and couldn’t help but throw his arms around him.
Lian Jun naturally hugged him too, stroking his back soothingly.
Suddenly at ease, Shi Jin tightened his arms and buried his face in his lover’s shoulder. “I’m sorry I made you worry,” he whispered.
Lian Jun gave him a soothing kiss, comforting him without words.
“I won’t do this again, I promise.” Shi Jin rubbed his forehead against Lian Jun’s shoulder, then moved back a little and gave him a big if a bit wobbly smile. “There is nothing in the world more important to me than you, my bestest, preciousest darling.”
“Speaking like this again?” Lian Jun smiled back at him. He squeezed Shi Jin’s cheek and tugged at it. “Staying up late is a bad habit. As a punishment, you’ll report to Gua Two for additional training. Understood?”
“Sir, yes, sir!” Shi Jin nodded vigorously and hugged him again, so tight as if he was trying to merge their bodies together. “There is nothing more important to me than you,” he repeated. “I’ll get it together and won’t make you worry anymore.” If only for the sake of this person, he would never again let himself be consumed by those messy, indescribable emotions.
This time, it had been really scary.
As he was thinking, he subconsciously glanced at the progress bar in his mind and found that it had dropped to 60.
It… fell? He blinked, surprised, then tightened his lips. Sure enough… So that’s how it is, after all?
His hands clenched. He lowered his head, resting it against Lian Jun’s shoulder, feeling the temperature of his body. In his mind, something that had been only a vague suspicion became increasingly certain.
“Xiao Si,” he called silently and continued speaking regardless of whether the system would answer. “The last lethal factor comes from me—no, to be precise, from the original ‘Shi Jin,’ right? If you think about it, it’s quite obvious, isn’t it? What can kill a person is not only an enemy and outside danger, but also their own heart.”
This time, Xiao Si finally broke its silence. < JinJin, you will survive, and then go on living a long and happy life, > it said, voice soft but firm.
“Of course I will survive.” Shi Jin leaned forward, putting all his weight on Lian Jun, hugging him as hard as he could, as if he was going to shatter if he didn’t. “As long as I have Lian Jun, nothing can defeat me.” Including myself.
Translator: Eques
Editor: –
Eques:
I love the whole of DPB, but these two chapters? They’re exactly the reason I decided to pick it up.