And Chapter 3 is a wrap! Iāll continue uploading chapters in smaller parts so updates are more frequent during periods where Iām busy with work. Things should hopefully calm down in March. Dick will be making an appearance in the next chapter! Thanks as always for your patience everyone.
Continued fromĀ Volume 3 Chapter 3(b).
Yuto was unimpressed by Robās argument, but he couldnāt bring himself to complain when he knew that the act had been for his sake. He was probably also lying when he said that Dick was glaring at him. Dick would never let his personal feelings show through his mask. Rob was probably saying it to make him feel better.
Once they got back to their room, Rob began to complain about Dick with such a scowl on his face that it was hard to believe he had been sitting across from the man just moments before with a friendly smile.
āI really canāt agree with what heās doing. He loves you. Why does he refuse to be true to those feelings? I know he wants revenge on Corvus, but this isnāt just his problem, considering heās roped you in.ā
āHe didnāt rope me in,ā Yuto said in Dickās defense. āI jumped into it on my own. Itās not Dickās fault.ā
āEither way, the result is the same,ā Rob retorted in an uncharacteristically cold manner. āHeās already gotten himself deeply involved with you. What heās doing now ā humiliating you and pretending that you have nothing to do with each other ā is the lowest he could go as a man. If his own revenge was really more important than you, he should never have slept with you that nāā
Rob cut himself off abruptly, apparently realizing that he had gone too far.
āIām sorry. I know I donāt have a say in any of this.ā
āItās alright,ā Yuto said, shaking his head. āI know youāre angry because you care. But I donāt want you to get the wrong idea about Dick. We ended up in a relationship because I wanted it. Dick tried to distance himself, but Iām the one whoā¦. Anyway, thatās why itās not his fault.ā
It was Yuto who had sought after Dick. When they had sex for the first time in prison, Yuto had asked for it. When they reunited, Yuto had been the one to visit him. Dick had slept with him because he was unable to turn him away, but he wasnāt to blame for their relationship.
Rob smiled with a sadness that bewildered Yuto.
āYouāre kind and strong, you know that? Youāre suffering yourself, but you always put yourself in Dickās shoes and think about how heās feeling. Thatās what makes me want to criticize Dick even more. Dick and Jessica are staying in the same room. They might even be back there right now, in bed together. And you still want to stick up for Dick?ā
Yuto let his eyes wander out the window, unable to meet Robās gaze.
āDick will use any method it takes to get what he wants,ā Rob continued. āEven if he knows heās hurting you, heāll still sleep with Jessica tonight to get information from her. Right under this roof, in this very same hotel.ā
Yuto stood up abruptly, unable to stand it anymore. He walked over to the window and pressed his forehead against the cool glass.
āāYouāre cruel. You know Iām trying my best to keep it together.ā
Even though Yuto was trying not to think about it, Rob kept thrusting the ugly truth in his face. His sharp words made cuts in his heart that oozed with jealousy that he didnāt want to admit. Yuto felt like he was losing sight of himself.
āYou donāt have to keep it together. You have every right to blame Dick.ā
āDick is gay. If he sleeps with Jessica, it wonāt be out of his own desire. Heās only pretending to be head-over-heels for her, and itās not out of his choice.ā
Rob stood and came up behind him, reaching past Yuto and putting both hands on the glass. Yuto was now trapped in Robās arms.
āYuto. I donāt care what circumstances Dick is in. My problem with Dick is that heās putting his own interests before you. If he really loves you, he should want to make you happy. Why does he refuse to let go of the past? Why wonāt he try to live for you?ā
Yuto bit his lip, overcome with the impulse to cover his ears.
āAre you saying that Dick doesnāt love meā¦?ā
āThatās not what I said. But look how much youāre doing for him ā how much youāre going through for him. He doesnāt realize any of that. Heās only thinking about himself. Thatās what gets me.ā
Robās arms wound around his waist. Yuto twisted in surprise, but Robās hold only closed in on him more.
āYuto. I would never make you suffer like this,ā Rob murmured yearningly, his breath gently caressing Yutoās earlobe. āIād always be there for you. Iād cheer you up when youāre down. Iād never leave you to deal with things alone, no matter what happens.ā
āRobā¦ stop it,ā Yuto gasped, starting to feel suffocated.
āAm I not good enough? Would I never be able to be your partner?ā Rob said wistfully as he pressed his lips against Yutoās neck and held Yuto tighter. āIām sorry for doing this even though I said Iād wait. But I canāt hold it in anymore. I want you. I want you more badly than I can describe.ā
Rob brought his head down. Yuto knew he had to push him away, but he couldnāt avoid the manās kiss in time. Their lips touched, and he felt Robās passionate feelings flow into him.
āI know. I know that Dick is the only one in your heart. But will you give me a chance, just this once?ā
Yuto couldnāt bring himself to reject the man outright, especially because he could see how desperate and earnest Robās feelings were. He knew well enough how painful it was to love someone so deeply and be unable to do anything about it.
āI know nothing will ever come of us, but I just want to spend one night of happiness together. Please let me have this one wish.ā
The manās passionate murmurs were numbing his rational senses. As they kissed deeply, he could feel the desire radiating from Robās hands as they travelled over his chest and around his hips. He could feel his body begin to grow hot.
āDonāt push me away,ā Rob said in a pained voice. āI want to love you with everything I have.ā
Yuto couldnāt help but feel swayed. He knew it wasnāt right, but somewhere in him, a desire awakened ā he wished he could forget everything, just in this moment, and lend himself to Robās arms.
In the back of his mind lingered the image of Dick and Jessica dancing. The sight of Dick coldly ignoring him as his gaze remained fixed on her. It was almost like he was rubbing it in Yutoās face.
He knew Dick wasnāt that kind of person, but he was still human. Sure, he had said that they could still be enemies and not hate each other, but then again, Yuto had been showing up everywhere he went, foiling his plans. It was more than possible that he found Yuto a nuisance deep down.
Yutoās negative thoughts knew no limits. These indescribable emotions kept welling up inside him, one after another, multiplying in number. It wasnāt something he could easily suppress with reason.
His exhausted soul, on the brink of collapse, murmured a tantalizing thought: he was so hurt; who could blame him for running away from everything for a while?
Rob would probably embrace him and accept everything. For a short moment, he could lend his body and soul to Rob, who would heal his wounds with his gentle touch. That wouldnāt make him guilty of anything, he told himself.
As Robās hot tongue writhed inside his mouth, Yuto found himself unable to resist the temptation in his already-weakened state. Their lips fit together so seamlessly, it was almost hard to believe this was only their second kiss.
If he laced his arms around Rob and invited the man to kiss him harder, there would be no going back. They would probably end up falling into bed, limbs entangled, and would lose themselves in their short-lived pleasure.
Was that the way? Would he be free of regrets?
Even as he was being wrapped up in the moment, Yuto desperately dug his heels in.
He cared about Rob, and for now, those feelings stayed within the boundaries of friendship. But he knew that one step from him would make them cross the line easily. He could see himself feeling no resistance toward having sex with Rob.
But what would happen to them once they had physical relations? Rob was mature enough that he would probably go back to being friends the next morning, and act as if nothing had happened. Yuto would also have no problems acting as if nothing was out of place.
But this intangible awkwardness would remain. Yuto would never be able to reciprocate Robās feelings wholeheartedly, and as long as that was the case, that awkwardness would remain in both of their hearts.
Robās kindness was always comforting to him, and he couldnāt help but lean on it. But he knew that this was not the right time. He had to push Rob away, even if it meant hurting him. He couldnāt let himself get carried away in the moment, especially because he respected Rob as a friend.
Yuto gently caught Robās hands as they moved to unbutton his shirt.
āI canāt, Rob. I canāt do it with you.ā
āYou donāt like me touching you?ā
āI donāt mind it. Youāre a really attractive guy. If you really didnāt matter to me, Iād probably have slept with you and treated it as a one-night stand. But youāre my friend, and you matter to me. Thatās why I canāt. I donāt want things to get awkward between us later and end up creating a rift in our friendship. I know itās selfish butā¦ Iām really sorry.ā
Rob rested his head on Yutoās shoulder and stood still for a while, as if bearing the hurt. Yuto felt choked up with guilt as he turned to face Rob and clasped his hands.
āRob, I love you very much.ā
āYou mean after Dick, right?ā
As Yutoās face clouded over, Rob gave a small smile of self-scorn.
āIām sorry,ā he said. āIām just being an asshole. Let me step out for a bit and cool my head. Donāt wait up for me.ā
Rob clapped Yuto on the shoulder and picked up the jacket that had been draped over a chair.
Yuto felt like anything he said at that point would only rub salt in Robās wound. He could only watch Robās defeated-looking figure in silence as the man quietly walked out the door, not turning back once.