Yuto set off for Wilmington just as the summer holidays began at the university.
When he told Rob that he was thinking of going to see Dick, Rob had good-naturedly encouraged him to go. Yuto would be lying if he said he didn’t feel guilty at all, but right now their relationship as friends had been the best it had ever been, and he wanted Rob to know because he trusted him.
After returning to LA, Rob seemed to have gotten over his feelings for Yuto. Although he made the occasional flirtatious joke, Yuto could tell that it was just part of his banter and there was no deeper meaning behind it.
However, Rob suddenly became anxious in the airport lobby just as Yuto was about to set off.
“Oh, I don’t know. I’m starting to get worried. Do you want me to go with you?” he had said, causing Neto, who was also there, to roll his eyes. Seen off by his two friends, Yuto boarded the plane to Wilmington International Airport, located in the town where Dick lived.
Wilmington was a port city located in the south of North Carolina, along the coast of the Cape Fear River. On the map, Yuto could see that it was sandwiched between the Cape Fear River to the west and the Atlantic Ocean to the east. The landmass narrowed dramatically the more you moved south from the urban area. Dick lived on the far outskirts of the city, about twenty miles from the airport.
After leaving the airport, Yuto transferred onto a bus. He rode for a seemingly endless length of time, but he never found himself getting bored. This was where Dick was living – just that thought made all the scenery around him seem like something special. He wanted to ingrain every single detail in his memory.
“Are you a student?” asked a sophisticated-looking elderly woman sitting beside him, as Yuto stared intently out the window. He must have looked young in her eyes, wearing a jeans and T-shirt and a backpack slung over his shoulders. When Yuto smiled wryly and told her that he was almost turning thirty, she seemed astonished.
Reckoning that she was a local, Yuto told the elderly woman Dick’s address and asked her which bus stop was the closest. The woman told him to get off on the fourth stop from here.
“It’s a very nice area,” she told him with a smile. “My husband and I go fishing there together often.”
Just before getting off the bus, the woman pressed a wrapped paper package into his hands.
“Have them if you like,” she said. She had apparently baked some muffins to take to her son who was living by himself, but he had unfortunately just left to go on a trip today.
Yuto thanked her and waved as the woman got off. It was nice to be on the receiving end of a kind gesture on a trip. He could feel his nerves relax a little thanks to her.
Yuto felt more uncertain than happy at the idea of seeing Dick. Perhaps he would be turned away at the door: just imagining such a scene made him afraid.
But he knew that he would never be able to move forward if he didn’t see Dick in person at least once. He could live every day pretending that the man didn’t exist, but deep in his heart, Dick would always be there. He would never be able to begin his new life if he continued to cling to his attachments to the past.
Yuto got off at the bus stop that the elderly lady had told him to, and asked for directions from the passersby before finally managing to find the house that looked like Dick’s. It was an old, wooden house by the seashore. It was most likely the beach house that Dick had mentioned purchasing with his teammates in his Delta Force days.
Dick had said that there was no use in coming here alone, but here he was, living in this house now. Did he have a change of heart? Or did he want to live in a place filled with nostalgic memories while his battered heart healed?
Yuto climbed the steps of the porch and rang the doorbell. He waited for a while, but no one answered. It looked like no one was home. As Yuto went around to the back of the house, wondering what he should do, what he saw next made him gasp in awe.
The vast Atlantic Ocean spread before him. The deep blue waters caught the bright rays of the summer sun, making the waves glitter almost blindly brightly. A little ways ahead, there was a long pier – over a hundred metres in length – that jutted out onto the water.
The beautiful white sandy beach seemed to stretch on forever. The scenery was breathtaking.
As Yuto stood entranced, gazing at the sea, a black dog approached him. It was wearing a collar, but there was no owner to be seen nearby. It was a big dog with friendly, gentle eyes.
Yuto crouched down to stretch his palm out, and the dog pressed his snout into it without a moment’s hesitation.
“Where’s your owner, huh? Or are you on a walk all by yourself?”
The dog wagged its short tail happily as Yuto petted it on the head. Then, suddenly it perked its ears up and spun around, running toward the beach. It was then that Yuto realized there was someone there. He glanced over without a thought, assuming it was the dog’s owner. His breath caught in his throat.
The dog was playfully pouncing on a man. It was Dick. He was wearing worn jeans and a white summer sweater with the sleeves rolled up, holding a leash in his hand.
Yuto was struck speechless by Dick’s sudden appearance. He plastered a stiff smile on his face as he straightened up.
“—So he was your dog, huh, Dick.”
“Yeah,” Dick said shortly as he tethered the leash to the dog’s collar. His hair was back to the dazzling blond of the old days.
Dick didn’t make any move to ask Yuto about why he had suddenly appeared here. Unable to bear the awkward silence, Yuto had no choice but to speak up first.
“I saw the postcard you sent Neto. So I… decided to visit. I always wondered how you were doing. I felt bad about visiting out of the blue like this, but it felt awkward to call you and just be like, ‘Hey, I’m coming over now.’ Well, I mean, I didn’t have your phone number to begin with, but…. Anyway, here. Take this. If you want.”
Feeling his thoughts turn into a jumbled mess, Yuto instead thrust the paper package that he was holding to Dick.
“Muffins. An elderly lady sitting beside me on the bus gave them to me.”
Dick stared at the package and chuckled.
“An old lady gave you snacks? How old did she think you were?”
Yuto saw Dick’s smile and felt all the tension leave his body. Thank goodness Dick was not angry about his sudden visit.
“She thought I was a college student,” Yuto said. Dick shook his head, smiling.
“Alright, let’s have tea with those muffins, then. I’ll go wash the dog’s feet. You can go on ahead into the house. The door’s unlocked.”
Feeling relived, Yuto went up the porch again and opened the front door. On the right-hand side, there was a door that led to the living room, where there was a sofa and a white table. Yuto sat down in a chair and waited, feeling jittery. Shortly after, Dick came inside with the dog through the back porch facing the ocean.
Dick went into the kitchen to boil some water on the stove. For some reason, the dog was pacing restlessly around Dick, whining.
“Hm? Oh, you want jerky, huh? Yuto, would you mind giving this guy a piece of dog jerky? It’s on the shelf over there.”
Yuto got up from his chair to look for the bag. The dog came over to him and sat down, patiently waiting. He had probably been trained to do so.
“Smart dog, huh. What’s his name?” Yuto asked as he watched the dog bite into the jerky. Dick didn’t answer.
“—He doesn’t have a name,” Dick said reluctantly as he brought a tray to the table. “I haven’t given him one.”
“Why not? It’s kind of inconvenient not to name him, isn’t it?”
Dick set the muffins and black tea down before sitting down in a chair.
“It’s no trouble at all,” he said shaking his head. “If I need to call him, I just say ‘hey’ or ‘you’ and he’ll come over.”
I guess that could work, Yuto thought, feeling halfway between impressed and unimpressed as he took a sip of the tea that Dick had made.
“The lady who gave me the muffins said this area was really nice, and she was right. The scenery is absolutely beautiful. Are there a lot of summer houses around here?”
“Yeah. Lots of people on fishing trips, too. You saw the pier, right? It’s a great offshore fishing spot during the spring and autumn fishing seasons. The end of that pier gets crowded with fishers looking for their next big catch.”
Yuto purposely continued making harmless small talk. He felt a little impatient, but he wanted to first bridge the psychological distance between him and Dick through conversation.
As Yuto went on to sing praises about Dick’s neighbourhood, Dick responded wryly that it was a handful living here during hurricane season. Apparently insurance didn’t cover the buildings in these parts because it was frequently in the direct path of hurricanes.
The sun was beginning to set; as Dick was turning on the lights in the room, a car could be heard honking from outside. Three short, rapid honks.
“It’s Joey,” Dick murmured. “Let me step out for a bit. Looks like an acquaintance of mine.”
Once Dick went outside, Yuto stood up and peered out the window. A red pickup truck was parked on the street in front of the house. Dick was leaning against the truck, ducking down a little to talk with whomever was inside. That was probably Joey.
Joey was a younger man with a likeable face. Yuto couldn’t see Dick’s face from where he was, but judging by Joey’s cheerful expression, it was clear that the two men were close.
Before driving off, Joey reached out and lightly patted Dick on the cheek. They seemed very friendly with each other.
A sudden, overwhelming regret took over Yuto. Perhaps it was best that he didn’t come. Dick was already living a new life. He had a new friend – or perhaps he was a lover, even – and was in the midst of building up a new identity for himself.
Perhaps what Dick really needed was someone who didn’t know about his past. Someone who had no knowledge at all that Dick was a member of Delta Force, or a former prison inmate, or a CIA agent. That way, Dick would be able to live unrestrained as an ordinary man.
“Sorry about that,” Dick said. “I got held up because he’s a chatterbox.”
“No worries. —Hey, Dick, are there any hotels or motels around here?”
A questioning look crossed Dick’s face.
Yuto felt a sting in his heart. It almost sounded like Dick was saying, “Won’t you go home already?”
“Yeah, I am,” he said. “I came all the way here to this beautiful ocean, after all,” he added, trying to sound cheerful. “I’ll head back tomorrow.”
“I see,” Dick said, nodding slightly. “Then, you should stay over at my place. I’ve got an extra room.”
“In a bit, let’s head over to a restaurant nearby. There’s a place with great seafood.”
Dick’s offer was probably out of a sense of obligation; he wasn’t going to kick out someone who had come all the way from LA, after all. Although Yuto felt bad about it, he didn’t want to ruffle feathers by turning Dick down.
“Can’t wait,” Yuto said, managing to force a smile as he petted the dog on the head.
Dick’s recommended restaurant was about a ten minute drive away, and was worth every bit of Dick’s praise. The pasta with a generous helping of shrimp and the fried oysters were scrumptious.
As they dined at a table by the window, a few other guests came by to say hello to Dick. He seemed to be on friendly terms with the waitress as well, judging by their lighthearted conversation.
The more Yuto saw how well-adjusted Dick was in this town, the more he felt like he was now a part of Dick’s past.
After returning to Dick’s place and taking a shower, Yuto began heading upstairs to the guest room, telling Dick that he was tired and wanted to go to bed early.
A sense of futility overwhelmed him. Even as they smiled and chatted like old friends, he could sense an aloofness between them that didn’t exist before. It was like an invisible wall that kept them far apart.
Yuto remained wide awake even as the night wore on into the wee hours. He willed himself to lay still in bed, but it got harder to do as dawn approached. Yuto gave up on trying to sleep and stepped out of his room.
He descended to the first floor and opened the fridge, helping himself to an ice-cold can of beer. He made for the back porch, thinking of having a drink while feeling the ocean breeze, when he realized that there was already someone there. Dick was sitting on the porch, staring out at the dark ocean.
Yuto thought about turning around and heading back to his room, but he found his feet rooted to the ground at the sight of Dick’s back. The occasional briny gust of wind ruffled Dick’s hair and shirt, but Dick himself sat unmoving like a fossil frozen in time.
Yuto felt a sudden impulsive desire well up in his heart.
He wanted to throw his arms around that lonely figure. He wanted to wind his arms tight around him and press his cheek against the man’s broad back.
Yuto slowly approached Dick as if he were being led along by an invisible hand. He slid his feet along the wooden porch. When he was just a few steps away, Dick turned around to face him.
“What’s up? Awake already?”
Dick’s words made Yuto snap out of his trance.
“Yeah. Figured I’d have a drink while looking out at the ocean,” he said, showing Dick the can. Dick smiled wanly and turned to face the ocean again. The tension dissipated instantly. Yuto put on the mask of a friend again and began to make small talk.
“Do you go to that pier often, Dick?”
The pier was lit up, perhaps for night fishers.
“No. They charge five dollars to access it.”
“That’s way too expensive.”
The lull in their conversation was filled by the sound of the waves. As Yuto listened to the endless ebb and flow of the water, he felt himself strangely becoming calm. It was almost like nature’s lullaby.
“—Dick, can I ask you something?”
Now, he felt like he could talk about the past. Dick may not like it, but Yuto felt like he needed to know the past in order to leave it behind. That feeling came to him naturally now.
“What did you do with Corvus’ body…?”
Dick remained silent for a while, his elbows propped up on his parted knees.
“I went back to that camp after dropping you off at the hospital in Bogotá. I buried him there.”
“You went all the way back just for that?”
“Yeah. The camp was his home. I figured the best thing I could do was to bury him where he grew up.”
Dick took the can of beer from Yuto, opened the pull tab, and took a swig.
“Back when we were in Schelger Prison, Corvus asked me over and over if I wanted to escape and go to Colombia with him. He said we’d lie low at the camp deep in the jungle, and once the dust settled, I could help him with his work. I pretended to go along with his story and asked him all sorts of things to draw information out of him. That’s why I knew the general location of the camp. I didn’t think it’d come in useful this way. Well, in the end, it did help me rescue you.”
Dick’s tone was indifferent. None of the anger or hatred from before could be detected from his quiet voice.
When Corvus kidnapped Yuto, he had told Dick that he was taking him to his old haunt. That was probably his way of telling Dick to come after him. Corvus had been fixated on Dick in his own way, just like Dick was fixated on Corvus. To Corvus, Dick was someone who would come after him to the ends of the earth. Even though it was out of hatred, for someone as lonely as Corvus, perhaps it felt like he had a companion to walk the path to Hell with him.
“What happened with the CIA?”
“Our relationship ended as soon as I came back from Colombia. I don’t take work from them anymore.”
“I see. —Look, I know you won’t like me saying this, but I think you and Corvus have a lot in common.”
“Me and Corvus? Give me a break.”
Dick seemed genuinely repulsed, but Yuto couldn’t help but feel that way. He had thought so back at the camp in Colombia, and his hunch was even stronger now.
Dick had grown up as an orphan in an orphanage. Corvus had also been raised by strangers, never knowing his biological parents. Both men had found themselves becoming soldiers; Dick for his country, and Corvus for Manning. They fought for different reasons, but both had to turn their hearts into steel for the sake of their mission. Both infiltrated prison under assumed identities, and became friends while wearing their masks.
“Do you still hate Corvus?”
If there was one thing Yuto wanted to know, it was Dick’s true feelings. Was there still a mass of deep darkness that lay in Dick’s heart? Was he still experiencing a living Hell?
“It’s hard to keep hating a dead man.”
As Yuto gazed at Dick’s profile in relief, Dick gave a short sigh.
“But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgiven him. I don’t think I could ever forgive what he did.”
It would likely be impossible for Dick to forgive Corvus, but if he had at least managed to let go of his vicious hatred, then Yuto knew that Dick would be alright. He would finally be able to start a new life, unbound by the shackles of his past.
Although Corvus and Dick were similar, there was one decisive thing that set them apart. Dick was capable of loving others. He would be able to love someone again, the same way he deeply loved his fellow men and lover whom he lost. By parting ways with the darkness in his heart that was Corvus, Dick would now be able to live while looking toward the future.
“It’s almost dawn. You’ll be able to see the sun come up from here.”
The eastern sky began to lighten, true to Dick’s words. A speck of light on the horizon grew larger and larger until the morning sun was shining in its full glory.
It reminded Yuto of a moment in the past – he had pressed his forehead against the cold glass of the hotel room window, praying as he watched the sun come up. Wishing that this light would shine on Dick’s heart.
Now, the rays of the morning sun had found Dick’s heart. Dick was no longer bound by the darkness. That knowledge alone was worth the trip.
Yuto was glad he had come to visit Dick, after all. He had always wished for Dick’s happiness, and now, he had been able to witness it with his own eyes.
It was hard, but he had to come to terms with it: Dick no longer needed him in life.
Their lives would never cross paths again. From now on, their paths would extend in different directions, going their own separate routes.
With Dick by his side, Yuto gazed up at the dawning sky, a sense of loss shrouding his heart.
Continued in Volume 3 Chapter 9(a).