CH 4.2

A bit short, but here is the rest of Chapter 4. Enjoy!

Continued from Volume 3 Chapter 4(a).

“Alright.” Jessica nodded and disappeared again into the crowd with Rob.

Yuto wasn’t very enthusiastic about being alone with Dick, but he didn’t have the option of running away. He stood there, putting on a nonchalant face as Dick stopped a passing waiter and took two glasses of champagne from the tray, passing one to him without missing a beat.

“…Thanks.”

Yuto felt fidgety as he sipped his champagne. He stole glances at Dick, who was gazing at the guests expressionlessly.

Dick looked stunning in his tuxedo beneath the sparkling chandelier. His body was perfectly sculpted, and his well-proportioned face was a mix of masculine ruggedness and softness. His neatly-groomed brown hair together with his glasses added to his intellectual look, which made him look mature and even more alluring.

However, Yuto found the former Dick many times more attractive, back when he was wearing his denim prison uniform. Even while being dressed like everyone else, Dick had always stood out from the rest, giving off a unique air. It wasn’t just his looks; his existence itself was simply unlike any other.

As soon as he began to reminisce about Dick in their prison days, Yuto was overcome by a powerful nostalgia that unexpectedly choked him up. Soon, he found himself lost in his past memories.

Dick was sitting on the bed that took up most of the space in their small cell, his hair swept carelessly into a ponytail. The bed was much too low for his long legs, and they dangled over the edge and stretched across the floor as he sat silently reading his book. Whenever a sliver of light would shine through the small window and catch his hair, his pure blond locks would light up like golden threads.

Dick alone had always appeared detached and elevated above his poor living conditions. Although he must have harboured a violent hatred and rage in his heart, his solitary and stoic attitude was almost like that of a monk.

In a sense, Yuto’s impression hadn’t been mistaken. Just as a monk devotes his life to God, Dick had devoted his entire being to a God called revenge. Back then, Yuto had wished every day for the nightmarish days to end, but now, he looked back on those days spent with Dick and found them to be precious, irreplaceable memories.

Yuto bitterly averted his eyes from Dick’s profile, inwardly reprimanding himself for allowing himself to wallow in pathetic sentiment. He didn’t necessarily want to return to those days. If being by Dick’s side was all that he wanted, he wouldn’t have chosen such a difficult path.

“So I hear you and Rob are sharing a room,” Dick said, still facing forward. It was a short question, but Yuto could tell from his tone that he was asking the question as Dick, not as Muller.

“Yeah, we are. What about it?” Yuto said hesitantly. Dick leaned in close to him and murmured by his ear.

“Have you slept with him yet?”

“…!”

Yuto snapped his eyes open in surprise at the unexpected question. Dick gazed at him darkly for a moment before turning away, as if satisfied to receive the answer he had been expecting.

“Rob is caring, unlike me. He’s a much better fit for you,” Dick said flatly.

“Wait a minute,” Yuto said, his voice rising uncontrollably at the sheer absurdity of Dick’s words. “What the hell do you mean by that?”

How could Dick say such a thing while being fully aware of how Yuto felt? He had no idea if Dick had meant it or if he was just being snide.

“I meant exactly what I said. Nothing special about it,” replied Dick, his voice expressionless. Irritated by his lack of emotion, Yuto swiped Dick’s glass from his hand and thrust it toward one of the hostesses nearby before grabbing Dick’s arm with his free hand.

“Come with me for a second.”

Yuto broke into a walk, pulling Dick along behind him. He knew he shouldn’t draw attention to himself, but he was unable to sit still. His mind became completely occupied by the rage he was feeling.

Once they had reached the end of the hall, behind a pillar with no other guests around, Yuto spun around to face Dick.

“What the hell are you talking about? What about me and Rob?”

“Yuto, you don’t have to worry about hurting my feelings. I know I have no say in your relationship if you were to start dating Rob.”

“Cut the crap. Rob and I are just friends.”

“He doesn’t see it that way. I can tell he’s head over heels for you. You’ve got quite a liking for him, too, don’t you?”

Yuto gritted his teeth at Dick’s astute observation. Dick wasn’t exactly wrong; it was true that Yuto had nearly given in to Rob’s advances.

Dick placed a hand on the pillar and leaned on it, giving Yuto a pitying look that he found baffling.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Dick said. “I only want you to be happy. So if you’ve got feelings for him, then—” Dick suddenly trailed off and knitted his brow in a pained expression. “No, I lied. I mean, I do want you to be happy, but I only brought up Rob because I was jealous. I hated how he would stand beside you, looking like he belonged there.”

Dick’s voice was almost a whisper. As soon as he heard those words, Yuto felt his anger dissipate instantly. Instead, he felt his heart fill with a hot surge of joy that almost made him tremble. Dick was jealous. It was an unshakable sign that Dick still had feelings for him.

“Dick, I—”

“Don’t say a word. I don’t want to hear anything from you right now,” Dick said, swiftly putting a finger against Yuto’s lips as he shook his head. “No matter how strong my resolve is, it crumbles when I see your face. I love you more than anyone else, and for the same reason, my hatred is just as strong.”

Dick’s blue eyes were filled with sadness. Yuto found himself unable to say anything back. He wasn’t the only one suffering. In fact, Dick was probably suffering many times more than him. The more he spoke, the more pain he would inflict on Dick – that realization left Yuto with no choice but to keep his silence.

Yet his emotions continued to well up inside him with nowhere to go, choking him. His chest felt like it would burst with love for Dick, and he couldn’t even breathe.

Before he knew it, Yuto’s eyes were glistening. Dick smiled at him sadly and softly wiped Yuto’s eyes.

“It seems like all I do is make you cry. Makes me hate myself all the more.”

Yuto pursed his lips and shook his head firmly.

“I could never make you happy. I knew that from the beginning, but I sought you out anyway out of my own selfish desires. I knew it would only cause you pain, but I still…”

Dick glanced furtively around to confirm that no one was nearby before pulling Yuto into a fierce embrace.

“Dick…”

“I’m sorry. Just give me this moment.”

Dick’s apology made his heart ache. Yuto was forced to face the fact that the man had broken his own principles to embrace him. He thought bitterly, Do I exist only to make Dick suffer?

“Yuto, I want you to find happiness. That’s my only wish.”

His tone was kind, but his words were brutal. Dick was telling him to forget about him.

“I can’t. I can’t be happy without you…!” Yuto blurted, unable to keep his silence anymore. “My heart is just going to stay torn apart if I lose sight of you.”

“That’s not true. Give it some time, and eventually you’ll forget about me.”

Yuto was angry at Dick for talking about it as if it were easy. It was detestable of Dick to make light of his feelings. He wished he could hate the man.

“Don’t say things you can’t even prove. I could never forget you. Look at you – you’re held hostage by your past, too. The past is all you’re seeing while you’re living in the present.”

Dick didn’t answer him. Out of frustration, Yuto thumped his fists against Dick’s chest, but his hand slipped toward his armpit and brushed something hard.

Yuto retracted his hand as if he’d been burned.

“Is that a gun…?”

Dick subtly stepped away from Yuto.

“I always carry one.”

It made sense, but Yuto found it strange that Dick would be cautious enough to arm himself at a party, even going as far as to wear a shoulder holster to conceal it from Jessica. The risks were too high.

“Dick, what are you doing carrying a gun at a party—”

“I’ll be heading back now, but you should stay behind for a bit. Your eyes are still red. Rob will be wondering what happened to you.”

Dick’s tone was gentle, but the sadness in his eyes was completely wiped clean. He was back to being the steely man of before, having woken up from his dream to face reality again.

Yuto reached out to Dick, feeling an uneasiness creeping up on him, but Dick shrunk away and took a step back.

“Yuto, I can’t live life for the future. My soul died that day with my brothers. I’m just an empty ghost living for revenge,” Dick said as he slowly stepped away. His next words were clear, his eyes cold and devoid of emotion.

“Loving you was the biggest mistake I made.”

Yuto felt a sharp pain as if someone had plunged a knife into his chest.

“Ghosts don’t need love; what they need is stronger resentment, a stronger hatred. That keeps a dead man alive for as long as he needs.”

With that, Dick turned on his heel and walked briskly away. All Yuto could do was stand frozen behind the pillar, unable to call out to him or run after him.