Chapter 46: The day I had a talk with TosakiĀ Yui.
The time is 8 oāclock in the evening.
Iām leaning my back on the nursery schoolās gate waiting for someone.
And of course I didnāt make an appointment with that certain someone.
Since thereās no other way for me to contact her, so here I am waiting for her.
I know the time sheās going to pick Yui-chan up from the nursery school teacher, and so I got out of my room matching with that time. Normally at this time Iād be at the public bathhouse with Misaki,
ā¦ā¦Itās so quiet.
When I came here during the day, Iād always hear the voice of those energetic kids. Right now however, although I can still see the lights from the inside of nursery school, thereās no voices at all. Even if you try to listen very carefully, the only thing you can here are just the sound of winds and swaying plants.
The sidewalk in front of the gate. Itās wide enough for an adult and a kid to walk side by side, me and Misaki walks on this sidewalk everyday.
And maybe, she too walks on this sidewalk. Or maybe she comes here by car.
When I closed my eyes and focus on just my ears. I can faintly hear the sound of a car. And itās coming here fast.
While Iām listening to that sound, I asked myself.Ā What and why are you here for.
Iām here because I see Yui-chan being lonely. That irritates me. Because that person is in the wrong here. I want to correct her mistakesā¦ā¦ And if sheās alone, then I guess she couldnāt think of something like this by herself.
I donāt like this reality in front of me.
I want to do something about it.
Thatās why, Iām going to talk with her.
That is why I am here.
I calm my breath down, and open my eyes. a taxi appeared. And the person who come out of that taxi, Iāve seen her face for several times by now.
She closes the door, and the taxi starts driving away quietly. While I listen to the sound of carās tire frictioning against the ground, I look at her in the eyes.
Sheās wearing a suit. Seeing such a dignified standing posture like that, it makes my throat dried instantly with just that. Well if anyone have to confront someone whoās clearly more outstanding than you, youāll just feel dwarfed. Thatās just how much both her personalities, and also the atmosphere she created, impacted you.
But I know things about her. I know that sheās the kind of parent that thinks about her daughter all the time. I know that when she ate the breakfast made by her daughter, sheād brag about it to her acquaintance without thinking which is a cute side of her. Tthat sheās a kind person thatāll lend a hand to a weak person. And I also know, how painful and difficult it is to do something by yourself.
āI want to have a talk.ā
My voice came out lower than I thought.
āIf youāre going to talk about that, that has been concluded already in front of that swimsuit store.ā
She said without a change in her expression. Seems like she already knows what Iām going to talk about. Then this is convenience.
āAnd, did you tried consulting with someone?ā
I asked her, and she answered back with a slight movement in her eyebrows. My gut tells me that itās not like she didnāt get what I just said, but more like her genuine reaction to such unexpected words.
āThe pool thing, I thank you very much for that. Yui was also happy.ā
But the words she replied, itās as if sheās telling me that she donāt want to talk about it.
āWell Iāll receive your thanks. Teaching Yui-chan how to swim was pretty hard.ā
āIsnāt it that your ways of teaching is just bad?ā
āYou told me that but youāve not seen how she is yourselfā¦ā¦ā
I get my back off the wall and,
āWellć¼ anyway, I want to have a talk. In the next fun festival, I want you to participate.ā
āThatās impossible.ā
āDonāt just answer immediately, give me the reply after you give it a little thinking.ā
āIāve already thought about it, much more than anyone else.ā
āI know that. But, I guess you never did try to consult with anyone.ā
The word that Iāve never said before, I man up and say it. This time she couldnāt ignore it, and close her eyes slightly.
āWhatāre you trying to say?ā
āDunno.ā
āHah?ā
A genuinely disappointed voice.
āMy bad, but I really donāt know.ā
āā¦ā¦It was foolish of me to even try to listen seriously even for a little.ā
āBut if itās the reason then I know that. Itās because I saw Yui-chanās lonely face.ā
Those eyes that showed the color of disappointment just a moment ago, now regain its sharpness thatāll give you shiver down your spine.
I swallowed down the words thatāre in my mouth, before taking a short breath.
The real thing starts now.
āHonestly itās just painful to look at. Yui-chan is my Misakiās precious friend after all. Thatās why, I did my best to make Yui-chan have fun. But, no matter how hard I tried itās just impossible. I couldnāt erase that lonely look of herā¦ā¦ Well itās naturally. Just like how Misaki is the best for me, itās just that Iām not the best for Yui-chan.ā
She keeps her thorny atmosphere up, staring right into me. That look of her, itās so pressuring that if I let down my guard even a little Iāll be crush under it.
First Iāll return that stare back.
Next I stood firm on the ground.
Lastly I put all my strength into my stomach, forcing the words out.
āThatās why, I want to talk with you.ā
For Yui-chan to truly enjoy herself her presence is necessary. And of course, she probably understands her more than I do. I donāt know the reason behind her choosing this current choice. I couldnāt imagine her circumstances that led up to this either. Thatās why I want to have a talk.
āYour work, you wonāt really take a break from that?ā
āā¦ā¦ā
I was expecting an instant reply, however I couldnāt hear anything. She look downward, she sighed as if sheās enduring something. But in the next moment, she raise her head up as if nothing happened.
āThere is anything else you want to say as well?ā
Those cold-as-ice words of her, it gradually shakes the air.
Because thereās no other sound around us, that voice of her keeps echoing inside me.
And each time it rings inside me, I feels like my body is getting hotter.
āYui-chan is important to you isnāt she.ā
āYes she is. More than anything else.ā
I already knew that. That she treasures Yui-chan a lot.
āThen at least take a day off from your work.ā
āThat is something I cannot do.ā
I already knew the reason. Something like people wonāt trust a person that they didnāt know when he/she is going to be absent, I think I remember her saying that.
āYouāre getting your priority wrong arenāt youā¦ā¦ā
āMy first priority is always Yui. Thatās why money is necessary.ā
āAre you really that troubled with money?ā
āYes. Because having no money, is a cruel thing after all.ā
āJust taking a break from work for a day wonāt change anything much. Canāt you just think of it as buying time to be with Yui-chan with that money.ā
āAnd what do I do if I lose my job instantly on that day.ā
āIf that company wonāt allow you to take a day off for your daughterās sake then you should quit that job already.ā
āIf thereās such a dream-like company that has higher salary than this one, and also allow you to rest freely as you wishes, then Iād have already change my job a long time ago.ā
Gradually, I realized that I canāt suppress my emotions anymore.
Yet at the same time, I also felt that thereās no difference in temperature between me and her.
āThen how about you loosen up your condition? Sacrifice a little bit of your salary, and give the time a top priority sounds great isnāt it.ā
āA little bit? Just how much is yourĀ little bitĀ means exactly. Just how much salary need to be sacrificed, so that I could join a company that allow you to spend your time as you wishes.ā
āI donāt know how much youāre getting paid right now but, among the companies that let you rest on weekends, there are some company that you can earn about three million in a year. I think earning three million is already more than enough.ā
āThat wonāt do. Thatās not even one in ten of what I earn currently isnāt it.ā
āYou earn thirty million a year!? Thatās already plenty enough isnāt it!ā
āThereās no way that is the case.ā
ā¦ā¦Iāve lose all of my heat just now. Whatās with that thirty million of her.
āIf thatās not enough for you doesnāt that mean you have a problem in your life isnāt it?ā
āā¦ā¦ Iām going to endure until my limits.ā
āIs that soā¦ā¦ Anyway, I think thatās more than enough. Even if you rest for a few days, in the worst case scenario if your salary got cut by half thatās still already more than enough isnāt it.ā
āā¦ā¦ā¦ā¦ā
ā¦ā¦Eh, why is there such a difference in our temperature right now?
āā¦ā¦Annoying.ā
For a moment, I didnāt even know whoās speaking that.
āAnnoying, ANNOYINGANNOYINGANNOYING!!ā
Iām stunned at the sudden loud voice.
In contrast to me, she speaks even more violently.
āCanāt you just please shut up! What will a person like you ever understand!? The likes of you, that never know how cruel it is to not have money! You donāt know anything at all so please donāt talk like you already understand everything!!ā
ā¦ā¦
āIf itās just living day by day then a one tenth of my currently salary is already more than enough. But what about ten years later? What will happen twenty years later? What if I get sick and canāt move an inch? What will Yui do then? When that happened, do you know how your child will feels? Seeing your child being like that, do you know how the parent will feels? And when your child finds out about it, do you ever know how that child will feels!? I bet you donāt know even a thing!!ā
As she shouted, there are tears in her eyes.
But, I donāt understand why at all.
I didnāt say anything. I canāt come up with anything to reply at all.
āā¦ā¦What, what will happen to Yui by then? If Iām not there anymore, if I canāt move anymore, what will happen to Yui? In order for Yui to lives happily when that happens, for her to live a normal life, just howā¦ā¦ how much is enough? Just how much money should I have to call it enoughā¦ā¦ Ten million? One hundred million? More than that? I donāt know. I donāt that at allā¦ā¦ Itās not enough, no matter how much I earn itās not enoughā¦ā¦ Not enough, not enoughā¦ā¦ā
She didnāt even try to hide her tears thatās coming out one after another, and keeps repeating the wordĀ not enough. Just by hearing that voice makes my chest felt painful. Even though I donāt know even a bit of her circumstances, but that painful feeling is transmitted to me so much so that it also hurts me.
āI just, I just want Yui to be happy! I donāt want her to go through hardship even a little! I donāt want to make her feels sad, I justā¦ā¦ just wants her to be happy forever! And to do that, to be able to do that, there is nothing else I can do but saving money isnāt it! When something happened to Yui, when that girl wants to do something, what will she do at that time if she didnāt have any money!? If thereās anything I can do for Yui, thereās only that option isnāt it. So that she doesnāt have to go through hardship, saving up money is the only choice out there isnāt itā¦ā¦ What if tomorrow I canāt move at all, with only the money I have right now, thereās justā¦ā¦ just no way for Yui to live happily for forever isnāt itā¦ā¦ Itās just, really not enough for her isnāt itā¦ā¦!ā
I know what sheās trying to say. Never once I did thought about myself dying or unable to move but, if by chances that happened to me, just what will happen to Misaki at that time? I can understand that anxiety. If you give it too much thought youāll never be able to get out of that thought.
For meāā
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āWell, I bet you donāt have any friends right?ā
āā¦ā¦Hah?ā
āFor me, the reason Iām able to come here today is because I entrust Misaki to Kohinata-san.ā
āā¦ā¦What, whatāre you trying to say.ā
āDope right, entrusting your precious daughter to someone else is pretty ballsy. But, that give me peace of mind. Because I can trust that other person, thatās why I can come here to talk with you without anything dragging my mind down.ā
One step, I got closer to her.
āPlease be friends with me.ā
āā¦ā¦ā
This time, itās her thatās looking at me with stunned expression.
Thereās a lot of things Iāve yet to understand but, I understand that sheās trying so hard so desperately that it hurts. Understand that she had been thinking about it over and over, and still couldnāt do anything about it, always feeling frustrated.
Against such a person, I wonāt say something likeĀ you can rely on someone else. Even if my mouth is split apart, I will never say something thatāll trample on the fact that sheād been trying her best alone all this time.
Thatās why I asked of her.
Please let us do our best together, I said something like that.
āā¦ā¦Just whatās up with you. Really, just whatās with youā¦ā¦ Why, why are you so similarā¦ā¦ā
āI donāt know what to say after Iām in shock as my handshake got rejected but, for now Iāll say please donāt joke around. Read the atmosphere please.ā
āRead the atmosphere!ā
And then there is a strike sound.
āThat is unforgivable!ā
Itās Yui-chan.
She spread her little arms wide, standing in between me and TosakiĀ Yui.
āDonāt make my mama cry!ā
āā¦ā¦Uh well, this is you know.ā
āIāll tell Misaki of this!ā
āPlease nothing but that!ā
Ah, crap, I already did a dogeza unconsciously.
To be doing a dogeza with a nursery school kid in front of me like this what the hell am I even doingā¦ā¦
āYui, thereās no such thing as mama cryingā¦ā¦ā
What are you saying with those tears still in your eyes.
āThis is justā¦ā¦ magic. Itās one of water magic that you can use after youāve become a full-fledged lady.ā
Uh, I think thereās no way thatās going to worā¦ā¦
āMamaās amazing!ā
Seriously!?
āThatās a lie. This is actually because Iāve heard something.ā (Yui)
ā¦ā¦Yui-chan is pretty awesome herself. To be able to interrupt in between two adults and take control of the situation like this.
āMama, Iām fine you know.ā
āā¦ā¦Yui?ā
āMama, you only have to think about yourself.ā
ā¦ā¦This atmosphere isnāt something I can just interrupt in huh.
āFor me, the thing I loved the most is, seeing mama having fun.ā
āā¦ā¦ā
Without speaking anything Tosaki Yui crouch down, and hugged Yui-chan.
Yui-chan gently pat on her motherās backāā
āThatās why, I hate Ryo-kun who makes my mom cry.ā
āāVery well. Iām thinking about providing them the time to be together with no outsiders but, if thatās what you want then Iāll have to interrupt.
āYui-chan, in the next fun festival, your momās going to participate in it too you know.ā
āReally!?ā
Whereās that adult-like atmopshere of her just before has gone now.
Yui-chan happily said so with her eyes all shiny and her expression bright.
āā¦ā¦ā
As for TosakiĀ Yui, who receives both my and Yui-chanās gazeāā
āā¦ā¦Tendou-san.ā
With the same eyes as when we met in the town several times.
āFor me, I donāt like you at all.ā
And she said only that.
āI hate you too!ā
Although Yui-chan said that, thereās a hint of happiness in her eyes.
āYui, let us get back home.ā
āYes!ā
Leaving me whoās still doing dogeza just like that, both of them started walking hand in hand.
As for their speed, itās pretty slow, maybe because she has to match her pace with Yui-chanās.
After a while, TosakiĀ YuiĀ said something without turning around.
āThe next parent meeting, when is it going to be?ā
Upon hearing those words, Yui-chan jumps up and down expressing her joy.
Seeing that, I think that thereās nothing I need to worry anymore.
Thereās no need for me to speak anything anymore, Yui-chanās words might already be enough for her.
ā¦ā¦But, if you ask me the meaning behind my worrying then thereās one.
I gave her a short laugh, before replying to my friendās backāā