Today is the day we agreed on. After I sent Misaki to the nursery school. I head straight for the internet cafe. And while Iām charging the laptop with their electricity I keep my fingers moving on the keyboard.
Right now, Iām rewriting the program from the beginning.
Although I said that Iām rewriting it from the start, itās actually on the scale that even beginners could complete it in just a few hours. Itās not such an absurd task.
At first I write all of the program down before compiling it in one go, but if I do that I wonāt know what is the cause of the error. Thatās why right now Iām compiling it step by step.
āI see, so the problem is here.ā
Checking it one by one.
The incomprehensible error texts that I encountered at first, now I understand them as clear as day.
āThis one here is newā¦ā¦ā
And when Iām careless a new error appeared.
This is tough. But, I donāt feel any distress.
Iāve made many mistakes, and when I do I feels really worried, desperately thinking of the solution, and slowly solving it one by one.
Its process is actually very simple. Even Misaki can do this, if given her some time.
Which means I only grow big outside but inside Iām actually just a five years old kid.
With this can I finally become a good parent I wonder, or did I finally got my revenge on those unreasonable parents, or would this make Misaki happyā¦ā¦ As expected of me. I donāt even know myself.
āHow much time do I have left?ā
Only six hours.
Including the time I have to pick Misaki up, the actual time I have left for working would be around three hours.
āā¦ā¦Can I make it in time?ā
As for the progress, thereās about half of it left. Considering the time it takes for half of the progress I wonāt make it in time.
However, I myself right now is difference from myself a few hours ago.
Iāve fought with it many times, and finally have learned how to defeat those errors.
āā¦ā¦I definitely wonāt ever lose.ā
Iām feeling sleepy. If I let my guard down Iāll lose my consciousness immediately.
I havenāt slept at all since the fourth day night. My headache wonāt stop at all because I overused what little brain I have.
Eyes are growing hazy. I canāt feel my fingertips anymore. Thereās a strange feeling in my stomach, if Iām careless I might just vomit right there. My physical condition is in the worst state possible. My whole body is screaming for rest.
āDonāt fuck with me, I wonāt rest ever.ā
Itās your damn fault.
You always run away. You never get anything done, and only run away to get some fun.
An act like that isnāt adult-like at all.
Normal adults would overcome anything in their path.
Itās the same for Misaki and her mini gyudon.
For kids itād be an intimidating enemy, but for adults, itās just an easy prey. What would be their enemy would be the tabs that theyāve piled up.
I clapped my cheeks to get my spirit up.
I wonāt run away for the second time.
I absolutely wonāt lose to the enemy this time.
I continue typing. The errors are still appearing as usual, the progress is slowly being completed.
My senses are sharpened.
The keyboard noises are wearing down my nerve. I put more strength into my fingertips. The sound of my heartbeat is getting louder.
ā¦ā¦Shut up.
I tried to ignore the noise and starts concentrating.
As if the concept of time didnāt exist at all, I continue to type without a rest.
The game I desperately trying to make is, shabby.
Only texts appeared on the screen. Both the roulette and events are fixed, so no matter how many times you played it the results would be the same.
That lolicon didnāt specify the details. But normally, people wouldnāt expect for something of this level. So I think heās expecting for something of higher quality.
But still this is all I can offer right now.
Thatās why, I had to keep going. Even if in the future Iād be branded as an idiot, I will keep going. Even if I canāt get the perfect one hundred score, at least getting one score is way better than getting a zero.
ā¦ā¦Thatās why, shut the fuck up!
I shouted in my mind at the ringing noise in my ears.
Iām frustrated. I used to live without thinking much, but when I get serious this happens.
My anxiety is overflowing.
My negative thoughts wonāt stop.
I feels miserably weak.
It canāt be helped to hate myself whoās like that.
I really want to punch my past self when I didnāt yet meet Misaki, I want to take all of my time that Iāve been lazing around back.
Iāmā¦ā¦ really scared of failure.
No matter how much effort you put in, itās all gone if you failed even just once. Thatās why, I thought that itās a waste of time to do anything at all, and ended up doing nothing.
And thatās also why, Iāve come to understand one thing.
Misaki is afraid of me. Itās not that Iām scary, surely itās because sheās also scared of failure.
I donāt know what exactly happened when sheās with that fucking bitch. But Misaki, Iām sure that sheās searching for the cause of the failure since sheās young.
Maybe Iāll be abandoned again.
I felt those thoughts radiating from Misaki.
But even so, she didnāt run away.
Which means, the anxiety that Iām freaking out about, even five years old kid can manage to suppressed it down.
Thatās why, I canāt lose to this.
Becauseā¦ā¦ Iām going to be Misakiās parent after all!
āA little bit more!ā
Soon, itāll be the time Iāve to pick Misaki up.
After both of us returned home, weāll have to get some food, and head straight to the public bathhouse after. The remaining time I have left for work, is not even thirty minutes.
Iāve to speed up.
My fingers are moving at the speed that even I canāt believe myself.