V1C1 Part5

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「Take your seats, everyone.」

Despite it being the introductory phase of the first day, we heard a lifeless, almost exasperated voice call out from the front of the classroom. Well, even if he didn’t go out of his way to project his voice, each student would return to their seat upon seeing that the teacher had entered the classroom, so perhaps there’s no doubting that in a sense this was an economical use of energy. As one would expect of the prefecture’s number one prep school, there was naturally no talk of「It took you guys three minutes to settle down」.

「The name’s Iwanami Kuranosuke. I’ll be in charge of Class 2-5. Well, that’s about it. Leaving out the unnecessary stuff, looking forward to working with you and all that.」

Dishevelled hair that made it difficult to tell for sure if it was bed hair or actually styled that way, a lazily kept beard left to its own devices, a battered, flimsy suit, and for whatever reason, a pair of traditional setta sandals for footwear. Recluse, twisted artist, or whatever he might be, this man had also been in charge of us during the first year, and was tentatively that thing they call a teacher. As for his subject, Japanese.

He might have looked this way, but his skills as a mentor were excellent, and those who took his classes always had higher than average scores for Japanese. Among the multitude of serious prep school-like teachers, he was popular among students for his rational leniency, being completely laid-back when permissible to do so, and being properly strict when the situation demanded it. The students called him by the nickname「Kura-sen」.

「All righhht! I was saying that it’d be great if we got Kura-sen, wasn’t I?」

My seat neighbour as a result of the boys and girls being arranged in alphabetical order, Haru leaned over. No doubt applied after her morning training, the invigorating scent of deodorant tickled my nose, for some reason making me restless.

「Yeah, I recall you had Misaki-sensei last time, Haru. In the corridor, she’s told me to tighten my necktie properly on a few occasions. Being a beauty, her glare sure is intense.」

「There’s quite a few guys who say that makes her even better, though. What about you, Chitose?」

「Ahh… I suppose I’m not very good with the sultry pheromone types. Nor the inflexible types. I’m more at ease with someone like you who I can talk with without putting on airs.」

「…What was that, are you trying to appeal to me? It’s creeping me out, so please stop it.」

「Whoops, my bad. I let my guard down and started acting like I was talking to a girl.」

「Hey big boy, come to the back of the school afterwards won’t ya?」

「I’ll at least give you props for not having said the word toilet, lady.」

I had come to know Haru during our first year through Kaito. Sports oriented with a frank, cheerful personality, there was no need to be considerate and treat her like a girl, which made her easy to get along with. Her existence was like a good-humoured guy friend.

「Well, Misaki-chan’s a good teacher who takes care of her students, but as you say she’s not accommodating. Kura-sen seems pretty lax in that regard, doesn’t he?」

「As you can observe, it is because that person’s necktie is fairly loose.」

「Uh-huh. In the first place, if you’re sweating loads after club activities, can you really tighten your necktie?」

Saying this, Haru pinched the front of her shirt, flapping her writing pad to send in a breeze.

If she’s doing that unconsciously, she sure is a dangerous one. She might be a guy friend sort of existence, but by no means is she lacking in girlish charm, which made for a troubling situation.

「Couldn’t you wear a ribbon? Compared to a necktie, it wouldn’t be as stifling.」

「Husband, do you think a ribbon suits my personality?」

「…Ahh…」

「Even if I’m the one who brought it up, I do feel a bit angry when it’s someone else saying it.」

「…Haru, I like your necktie-clad figure.」

「Chitose, there’s an angel’s halo emerging from your hair. It’s got the basketball player in me all riled up.」

「Dunks are off limits! No matter what!」

Misaki-sensei might be especially strict, but at Fuji High, for a prep school the regulations were fundamentally somewhat loose. Be it hair straightening or wavy perms, hair styling, or wearing uniforms in a casual manner, it would usually be tolerated as long as it wasn’t excessive. Even the use of smartphones was permitted provided that it wasn’t during class hours, and there were quite a few teachers like Kura-sen who gave permission to take photos of the blackboard if you felt inclined to do so.

They had probably concluded that the smart ones who came here would understand the importance of moderation, and that to avoid examination neurosis, a few avenues for relaxation were necessary.

「For now, we need to come to a decision today on the class rep and vice class rep. Also, the seating arrangement. All right, Chitose, I leave it to you. As saku-saku-smoothly as you can, being Saku.」

Just as I was in the middle of considering how a ribbon might not be too bad combined with Haru’s figure and personality due to the gap moe, I heard my name suddenly being called by Kura-sen. Pushing the troublesome things to me like it’s only natural, huh. This ossan hasn’t changed.

Haru lightly prodded me with her elbow.

「Chitose, isn’t he calling you? Play along with the lame old-man joke about your name.」

「Yeah, yeah, whatever.」

Setting aside the matter of whether it was right or wrong to be throwing these odd jobs at students, we had learned during first year that arguing with Kura-sen for argument’s sake at times like these was futile.

When it came to this ossan, whether it was studies or school life, he would only give manageable tasks, and to those who could manage them. As for the definition of manageable, there were two kinds, namely「you can complete this with ease」and「difficult, but given your abilities, if you can do it if you persevere」. This time, the task fit perfectly into the former, but even if I were to attempt to grumble about it, in the end the matter would be settled with a「you can do this, so stop grumbling and just get it done」.

There were still quite a few who weren’t aware of that side of him yet, and I thought it was a bit unlike Kura-sen to be adopting this attitude on the first day. However, no use in thinking hard about it.

I quickly made my way to stand in front of the teacher’s podium.

After clearing my throat with a cough, I opened my mouth.

「Well… I’m sure there isn’t anyone in this year who doesn’t know my name, but…」

After making sure to begin with this self-important statement, I lightly lifted the hem of my blazer on both sides, bent my knees slightly, and said the following while bowing slightly.

「I’m sensei’s exclusive maid, Chitose Saku-chan desu~. Incidentally, my underground alias is Womanizing Scumbag desu~♪.」

Laughter spread out among the girls in the front half, as well as the boys in the back half. Judging from the reaction, it seemed that pretty much everyone here frequented the school’s underground site.

「Tch.」

「…Lame.」

Observing the overall situation, scattered among the smiles there were a few spiteful reactions mixed in. It was most likely these guys who had been emitting the glares of discomfort earlier.

It’s the very beginning, so perhaps I should keep at it a little longer, just in case.

I sent Kazuki a fleeting glance.

「Well then, I know this is rather sudden, but could everyone here please close their eyes. If there is anyone present who has been badmouthing me on the underground site, kindly raise your hand in all honesty.」

……

「Alright, I understand the situation. Please open your eyes. ……Damn you Kazuki! Lend me your face for just a little while later, kay?」

「I’m sorry… it was done with the wholehearted intention of making my bedridden mother laugh.」

「Huuuh!? Just show her a comedy program on Amazon Prime for that! Besides, your beauty of a mother was healthily pedalling her mom-bike just yesterday, you know?」

「Hey, Saku… No, President Woomanicer Yeltsin.」

「And why did you correct that to make it sound like Russia’s first president?」

「My mum back home would be pretty sad, you know.」

「That’s your fault, isn’t it!?」

The entire class’s nervousness relaxed, and the atmosphere began to get going with us at the center.

It wasn’t particularly the case that I wanted to put anyone in their place. I simply wanted to lead a school life on good terms alongside everyone else. However, to do that, there was a need to create an atmosphere where it would be difficult for others to vocalize their slander or negative criticisms.

Those guys who had been about to complain not too long ago shut their mouths unhappily, perhaps swallowed up by that same atmosphere.

「Anyway, jokes aside, let’s settle this quickly so we can get on with making new friends and all that. Firstly, the class representative. Any candidates, or perhaps nominations?」

Kaito immediately reacted to my appeal.

「After that self-introduction of yours, there ain’t anyone who’d volunteer! So you can just carry on with that yourself, Saku. You did it in first year too, right?」

His opinion was soon backed up by Nanase and Haru as well.

「Sounds great, isn’t he suitable?」

「No complaints here!」

…Yeah, all done in ten seconds.

To a certain extent, I had warmed up the atmosphere here under the hypothesis that things would turn out this way, and as a matter of fact I did consider myself the best for the job.

If there had been anybody with a fanciful determination of「I’ll show them things are different this year! Time to volunteer for class rep!」, then my sincere apologies. I would be more than willing to concede the post, but your inability to stake your claim in this situation means it isn’t meant for you and you should give up. Class representatives do not get a great deal of work, but the fact of the matter is that guys like the ones earlier do exist, and this riajuu class (loner class) does come with a handle-with-care notice. So I daresay someone articulate with the capacity to make decisions would find it easier to do.

「Any other opinions? …Okay, then I’ll do it. That means you lowlives will be under my command starting today.」

I put my hands to my hips and forcedly puffed out my chest. Without a moment’s delay, Haru threw in a tsukkomi.

「Aren’t you getting a little haughty for a maid?」

「I look forward to working with you, mademoiselles, monsieurs. Allow me to serve you in all sincerity.」

Here and there, a few of the girls showed favourable reactions such as「Hilarious!」or「Totally!」.

「Right then, next up is the vice class rep, I suppose. Same thing, any candidates or nominations?」

This too would probably be settled in about five seconds.

「Yup, pick me! If Saku is going to be class rep, then I’ll be vice class rep!!」

Sure enough, Yuuko’s hand shot up the instant I finished my sentence. Yeah, of course this would happen.

「During our first year, wasn’t there this vice class rep who volunteered with this same enthusiasm and ended up pushing all their work to the class rep? If my memory serves me correctly, I have the feeling that person resembles you quite well.」

「It’s fine! Back in elementary school, I was really good at taking care of the fishes and bunnies!!」

「…Could you please not liken this to taking care of animals?」

I said this, but nobody seemed to object.

「The name’s Hiiragi Yuuko. Thanks for having me～」

The person in question didn’t show the slightest sign of waiting to see how others felt about it, instead making her way to the podium while waving her hand at everyone. This aspect was so very much like Hiiragi Yuuko. Unlike me, she was able to do this spontaneously, which was amazing.

「Right then, last up is the seating arrangement. Any suggestions?」

Upon my saying this, now standing next to me, Yuuko immediately raised her hand with just about the same level of enthusiasm as earlier.\n「Yup, I’ve got one! Couldn’t we just form groups with of people who like each other and arrange it based on that?」

「I would end up surrounded by a harem of beauties and unable to focus on my studies, rejected!」

Yuuko-chan, this is the riajuu class (loner class), you know? Could you stop trying to force everyone to pick each other’s brains on the very first day?

「Let people arm wrestle for their preferred spot!」

「Kaito, could you give your idiocy a rest?」

「How about arranging everyone in order according to their end of term result from first year, starting with those with the worst grades at the front?」

「Okay Kazuki-kun, scum should also stay silent. However, it might be worth exploring that suggestion for Kaito.」

「Sounds nice to be at the back and sleep without getting caught…」

「Being honest is a good thing. Haru, you go sit in front of sensei too.」

「As for me, according to that suggestion I’d be all the way at the back, I think?」

「Nanase and Kazuki, if we did it in order of worst personality, you’d both be all the way at the front, damn it all!!」

「Couldn’t we just draw lots like we usually do?」

「…Come on Yua, could you not say something so upright when the flow’s like this?」

「Why am I getting scolded now?」

After breathing an exaggerated sigh, I looked around the entire class, then put in words the suggestion I had decided upon from the very beginning.

「Alright, you guys aren’t the least bit sensible, so I’ll be exercising my rights as vice rep immediately. From a quick glance just now, there doesn’t seem to be any extreme imbalance in the seating order, and since today’s the first time we’ve had this lineup it’s nice and fresh, so why don’t we just go with this seating as it is for now?」

I tried giving it a few seconds, but since no dissenting opinions came, I added on to that.

「If there’s anyone with bad eyesight who can’t see the blackboard from the back, or if you have other valid troubles like Kaito’s huge back being in the way or Kazuki’s lecherous gaze, then please come consult with us on those on a case by case basis. If you do that we can respond accordingly, how about it?」

From the flow of things up to now, I understood that anyone who wasn’t a riajuu couldn’t even say a thing to begin with, which is why I said that. It was likely that those assigned to the front seats as a result of alphabetical order would be a little discontent, but accordingly there was the advantage of having to concentrate during lessons, and it wasn’t anything to go out of your way to complain about either. Even the members of the riajuu group were evenly scattered around, so it wasn’t like I was making the suggestion for our benefit. I simply wanted to avoid any pointless effort.

「It seems like everyone’s okay with that. Well then, we’ll try the current setup, at least temporarily. Let’s get along.」

「Aw come on, that ended on a rather boring note.」

「…Ah, to add to that list, we’re also accepting consultation requests if you’re someone who gets irritated from seeing Kura-sen’s face up close.」

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