Chapter 1

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Mirror open. \n

Click. Darkness entered at once. The screen flickered and a frame appeared. \n

This is a staff dormitory. The academy would assign many inexperienced young teachers to live in the remote nooks of this century-old multi-storey school building.\n

From the outside, the building appeared very beautiful with its red bricks and white steps, ivy leaves stretching with the exquisite and charming green vines as they twisted around the old Western building. Everyone would irresistibly take a second look when passing by. However, only when one was fortunate enough to become a teacher and enter would they realise the house had long been neglected from repair – the inner walls were already layered with mottle, appearing like a weary face that’d put on countless coats of make-up. \n

The building was so weary it even lacked a digital TV. Instead, arranged in every dormitory room were antique cable TVs. \n

“Torrential rains have occurred one after another in the lower reaches of the Yangtze River…” \n

When the youth walked past the corridor entrance, the sound of a TV program transmitted through the window panes of the reception room. The old lady on duty used to always stop him and shout: \n

“Ai, does this little student know anything? This is the staff dormitory where the teachers live. As a student, don’t always come running in.” \n

But today, the old lady didn’t question him; perhaps she was in a daze. Her elderly eyes were dim and she was unaware of him in the dark. \n

He went up directly to the third floor and knocked on the familiar iron door. \n

The door creaked open and a woman probed out her head. “It’s you?” \n

The teenager whispered, “ Xie-laoshi.”\n

Although it was very late and the youth was an uninvited guest, she was his teacher and the closest person to him at school. After a brief moment of surprise, the woman still welcomed him into the room. \n

She made a cup of tea with sliced ginger in it. It was raining outside. She felt the youth’s body was wet and cold; hot ginger tea can ward off the cold. \n

Xie-laoshi put the steaming teacup on the coffee table before him: “When did you come back?”  \n

“I just got back today.” The teenager stood awkwardly in front of the sofa. \n

Xie-laoshi: “Have a seat.” \n

Only then did he sit down, his hands curled around his knees as he reservedly ignored the teacup. \n

“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming back?  It’s so late. Was there still a bus to school? ” \n

“…En.” \n

“How did things go at home?” \n

The teenager was silent for a while as he looked down and picked at the hole in his jeans. \n

“My mother still wants me to drop out of school…” \n

Teacher Xie was silent. \n

He was already a university student. Whether a student chose to study or not, the school had no say. She’d discussed with the youth’s mother before and promised to grant them tuition remission for poor families, hoping she’d allow her child to graduate from the university he studied so hard for. \n

But the mother had sharply refused- \n

“Study what? Chinese? Who can’t speak Chinese? You’re just swindling our money!” \n

She patiently reasoned with the mother, “Your child is very talented. You see, he’s already a second-year student. Wouldn’t it be a pity to give up halfway? Furthermore, after finishing his studies in two years, it will be easy for him to find a job in society. I asked before – he told me he wants to become a teacher. With his grades, it won’t be a problem for him to obtain a teacher’s degree. This is the child’s dream and a teacher’s job is stable. ” \n

“He can’t be a teacher! It’s not like you haven’t seen his face! ” His mother’s words were like a blunt knife slashing down between the invisible current. \n

Xie-laoshi was furious, but she didn’t know how to respond.\n

“I want him to come back home and work! The family is out of money! Don’t waste your time! That face- That face… So what if he studies?  Which school would want such a teacher!” \n

What kind of face was she talking about?\n

Xie-laoshi’s room was lightened with a low-wattage incandescent lamp, making the surroundings look murky, but it still illuminated the youth’s appearance.\n

Xie-laoshi was already used to it, but anyone who saw his face for the first time would draw in a gasp – his face was like a yin-yang. Who knows what disease he suffered from before, but bruise-like patches blanketed his skin from the forehead to the neck, as if he’d been covered by a sheet of decaying skin.  \n

It was dreadful and abnormally bare. \n

“He’s sick!” \n

“Don’t go near him, it may be contagious.” \n

“Hey! Yin-yang person!” \n

Relentlessly following this face he grew up with, was abuse and ridicule. \n

Because he was too ill to hide and too ugly to dodge, the youth had suffered all kinds of superciliousness since childhood. \n

No matter how hard he studied or how gently he tried to get along with others, he was like an evil dragon wandering in broad daylight, unable to obtain any equal treatment. \n

Few people were like Teacher Xie, who found the normal half of his face very cute and gentle. \n

He’d always gently and numbly endure everyone’s ridicule, sometimes cooperating with a smile as if he really did do something wrong. \n

But what exactly did he do wrong? \n

In the eyes of Xie-laoshi, he was always the most serious in his studies, sincere and dutiful, and he always silently did the most work in small group assignments. When others bullied him, he always accepted it with a good temper and little words.  \n

“It’s all right, laoshi, the fact you’d talk to me already makes me very happy. In the past, when I was in the village, people would avoid me when walking past; no one ever listened to me as attentively as you do.\n

My classmates are also very good. At least they didn’t hit me with bricks.” \n

He spoke gently, but his head was low and his shoulders were hunched. Carrying the heavyweight of humiliation for such a long time, his spine had already grown deformed and was crushed bent. \n

She’d later said to him, “If you like, after evening self-study, you can come to me for private tutoring. If you have something you don’t understand, feel free to ask me.” \n

He’d smiled sheepishly, the normal half of his face flushing with embarrassment. \n

For the past two years, she’d gotten used to him knocking on her dormitory door with his slightly hunched back as he brought her the essays, prose, and even poems he wrote for her advice. \n

Nowadays, many people like to curse one’s mother, but few people like to write poems. \n

Yet, he wrote persistently.\n

His classmates would laugh at him – an ugly beast can only write ugly things; it’s soured to death, sourer than your rotten grape skin. \n

He would smile and continue writing. \n

But now, he didn’t even have the authority to do this. \n

Xie-laoshi sighed in her heart as she thought about the past, looking pitifully at the boy before her.\n

The youth said, “I’ve come to bid farewell to laoshi. I’m leaving tomorrow. ” \n

“You’re going back to your hometown?” \n

“…En, I guess so. ” \n

The teenager paused. “Laoshi, if my illness was not on my face, but in a place no one else could see, everyone would be a little more friendly to me. How nice would that be? ” \n

Xie-laoshi’s eyes finally couldn’t help but turn red. Up to this point, she’d already used all her efforts; in the end, she wasn’t his family after all and couldn’t make the final decision. She couldn’t save him. Day after day, the youth’s family had felt ill at ease. The mother regretted letting this child leave for study; after all, the family still had an able-bodied second son who’d just entered high school. Just call the sick one back and let the healthy child leave. \n

She felt that there was nothing wrong with her decision. As a mother, she also had to weigh her family’s circumstances. She was very fair. \n

“You… I haven’t completely revised the essay you left for me to read last time….” \n

Xie-laoshi felt she could hardly hold back her tears and changed the subject with panic. \n

“…But I read the beginning very carefully. Would you like to go through the formalities of leaving school later and wait for me to revise it completely…?” \n

“There’s no need,” he smiled and shook his head, “I have to leave at dawn.” \n

She felt very remorseful. Why did she always think there was still time? \n

Why didn’t she stay up all night?\n

And why did she go shopping, make small talk, and hold such long and meaningless meetings? \n

Here was a student’s dream about to shatter and a heart almost unable to continue beating. As his last teacher, she wasn’t even able to offer a bouquet of flowers to bid farewell to his dreams. \n

“I’m sorry…” \n

“It’s okay,” he said, “but I wrote a final poem. Can I give it to you?” \n

She nodded hurriedly. \n

Hence, he took it out of his school bag and showed it to her. The paper was so thin it seemed to have no weight in his hand. 4\n

She read it word for word. It was a poem of affectionate love with scalding heat but also cautiousness. She had read many love poems like this written by masters. From the ancient ‘on the moon over Fuzhou which shines bright, alone you would gaze in your room tonight’ to today’s “your eyes are beautiful, but mine more so because you are in them”; yet, at this moment, they seemed inferior compared to the words on the youth’s page. \n

He didn’t say anything, as if saying something would only break the rhythm. \n

The youth was a poet. He knew that losing poetry and love of great disparity was a bitter pill to swallow.\n

“It’s a souvenir for you.”  \n

Tenderness was written on both the ugly and normal sides of his face. \n

“I’m sorry, laoshi, but I really can’t afford any presents for you.” \n

“There’s nothing better than this.” She turned her back as she choked with sobs. “You- You should eat something. I’ll find you some refreshments.” \n

As she rummaged through the pantry, she also controlled her emotions. Xie-laoshi grabbed a tin of cream cookies and put them on the tea table. \n

The youth thanked her politely. Under Xie-laoshi’s gaze, he finally touched the teacup carefully; however, he withdrew his hand and gently said, “It’s very hot.” \n

She touched it. “How could that be? It’s warm. ” \n

But she still added some cold water. \n

Paired with his favourite biscuits, the youth slowly drank up.  After he finished, the night was still young. \n

He asked, “Laoshi, can I read here for a little white?” \n

“Of course.” \n

The teenager smiled again with slight helplessness. “I’m leaving soon, but in the end, I’m still bothering you so much.” \n

“It’s all right, you can even stay a little longer…  By the way, give me an address when you leave; I’ll send you a copy of all the good books I’ve read. You’re so smart, even if you self-study… You won’t be left behind so much,” Xie-laoshi can only comfort him through words, “If you need any help, you can always contact me on WeChat.” \n

The teenager looked at her. “Thank you.” \n

Pause. \n

“If everyone was like you, then maybe . . . “ \n

He bowed his head and said no more. \n

Most belongings in her dormitory were books. Because of his ugly appearance and morbid bareness, he was the focus every time he went to the library, so she invited him to the staff dormitory and lent him her own collection of books to read. \n

Just like this, the teenager spent the whole night reading in the staff dormitory, as if wanting to take all these words back to his hometown. \n

He seldom thought about himself. In the past, he wouldn’t stay too late since he worried he’d disturb laoshi’s rest. But today was an exception. \n

Teacher Xie did not blame him for his final willfulness, but having stayed up with him until midnight, she truly felt sleepy and unknowingly fell asleep. \n

Under the hazy moonlight, she suddenly heard the youth say, “Xie-laoshi.” \n

She faintly answered him with a hum.\n

“There’s one more thing I want to apologize to you about. \n

“The thefts in class before…  Those students were always losing things they could never find, causing you to get scolded. I was the one who actually took those things. ” \n

She woke up muddle-headed, but her body was too tired and heavy to get up.  \n

The teenager showed slight grief as he said, “But I didn’t ask for those things. I didn’t ask for a penny. I actually hold resentment in my heart when they ridicule me like that… I threw all their bags into the haystack, then burned them. At that time, they suspected me, but you didn’t even question me before excusing me. Truthfully, it was indeed me who did all these things.\n

“I didn’t have the courage to admit that only one person has ever seen me as a normal – or even good – person. That person is you.\n

“Laoshi, I’m very vain, aren’t I? …But if even you become disappointed in me, I wouldn’t know what to do. You are the only recognition I have ever received in my life.” \n

By the end of his speech, his voice had turned softer.\n

Yet his eyes were crystal clear, almost transparent, as if he’d released a heavy burden. \n

“…This is the last thing I regretted most… Xie-laoshi, I’m really sorry. My illness seems to have diverted from my face to my heart. If there is a next life, I really want to be a normal person… I don’t want to be so ill I don’t even have the qualification to love. \n

Xie-laoshi…”\n

The howling wind blew in through the window, causing the pages on the desk to fly around like soul-drawing banners. \n

Then, everything was quiet again. \n

The tea on the table was cold. \n

When Xie-laoshi woke up the next morning, she found she’d slept all night at her desk. The room was clean. The youth was a very polite person, but on this day he packed up and left without waiting to say goodbye to his teacher. \n

It was inevitable for her to feel a little stifled. She got up and sleepily walked to the living room.\n

She looked down at the coffee table… \n

But her entire body felt as if she’d been drenched in a basin of ice water – her eyes widened with alarm.\n

The tea she poured for the youth yesterday had frozen, but… But… \n

The room was obviously at twenty-seven or eight degrees! \n

How could this be? How could this be? \n

She began searching the room with widened eyes. With more and more traces, her heart became increasingly more chilled – she clearly watched the youth eat the cream cookies in the tin, but none of them seemed to be missing. The water in the teacup was frozen into ice, but it was full, and lastly-\n

Lastly, the content of the implicit love poem was still lying at the bottom of her heart. He’d given her a piece of paper as a farewell present.\n

Yet, the paper was gone. \n

Or maybe, that page never existed…  \n

She almost shuddered. A sudden “ding” and her phone’s vibration startled her so much she jumped. She grabbed it. It was just a spam message. She breathed a sigh of relief before remembering something as if she’d just awakened from a dream; she quickly dialled the youth’s number. \n

Beep. Beep. Beep. \n

Her heartbeat trembled with the mechanical sound. \n

“Hello?” \n

It went through. \n

The voice who answered the phone belonged to a familiar middle-aged woman – boorish, but now with a sobbing tone. She exchanged a few words with the youth’s mother through the phone. \n

The heart viciously entered an invisible black hole and fell. \n

She heard-\n

“. . .  It’s you! It’s you again! I haven’t come to find you people yet you called first! ” \n

The woman was making an accusation. Xie-laoshi couldn’t remember what was said before; there seemed to be a void in her mind. She only heard the final mournful cry, “He’s dead! Dead!” ” \n

Her blood flowed like ice. \n

Dead? \n

“It’s all because he was bewitched by all of you! He quarrelled with me and ran out into the rain. The police said that there was a cable section exposed…”  \n

Xie-laoshi heard buzzing in her ears. \n

From the fierce hurl of abuse and sorrowful sobs, she could only catch a few words, like ‘ghost’ and ‘demon’, like ‘a farewell that doesn’t belong to this world’. \n

The woman on the other end of the phone asked with a heartbreaking voice, “What else are you looking for? What else are you looking for?! ” \n

“Yesterday was his first seventh!”\n

TOC || Next\n

NOTE:\n

Hey guys! This is Meatbun’s new novel so we wanted to try our hand at translating! Meatbun’s prose is as always astounding and this translation was done in a jiffy so a polishing still needs to be done – it is far from perfect. We might continue this novel based on how the situation goes forward – we are fans of Meatbun so we were excited for the novel but it truly depends on staff interest and availability. If there are any mistakes please let us know in the comments below!

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