CH 135

C135: GOD’S TONGUE

Yo, God.

Stop fooling around.

Just kidding, I can’t say that out loud to an actual god.

“I am not fooling around. I desire to compel this nincompoop to comprehend how wonderful bamboo-shoot rice is.”

“Could you please not read my thoughts?!”

He’s a god, all right. I can’t let my guard down even when I’m thinking to myself.

“…Um, let me get this straight, you descended to earth because you want to eat bamboo-shoot rice?”

“Such an understanding is correct.”

“Isn’t ‘nincompoop’ a bit of an understatement for that?”

I had a vague preconception that whenever a god descends on the land, something grander would happen.

Is that not how things work?

“This is a matter of most wondrous importance to a god’s prestige. The fate of the world lies in each and every motion thee might pursue anon in perpetuity.”

Please, you’re exaggerating.

“Will thou not halt thy actions, lief brother? Thy exaggerated manner of speaking does make the children of men tremble so with fear,” says Poseidon as he proudly holds up his trident.

“Mine own brother from the earth does have an embarrassing habit of impassioned entreaties as of late. There art times when gods joke around, too.”

According to Posideon, The God of the Earth and The God of the Sea had this conversation:

Hades (H): I hella warrant thee partake the bamboo-shoot rice.

Poseidon (P): Thee nincompoop, lolol. Tis food from the earth, lololol.

H: That be not the crux; thou will grep once thee give it a taste.

P: I can tell even without it passing by my lips, lololol. There nary be food from earth that can surpass food in the divine realm, lololol.

H: Do not just decide thusly on thy own; I will smack thee.

P: Oh? LMAO, wanna do it, punk? lololol

“Therefore, that gent hath determined to give this bamboo-shoot rice a chance so to finally find settlement on the question,” says Hades with a completely straight face.

I had entertained him with a meal, which was indeed bamboo-shoot rice, during his previous visit.

Hades must have liked the taste so much that he designated it as “food of the gods.”

I can’t believe he took things seriously over a simple rejection from Poseidon.

…But one thing for sure is that Poseidon’s tone of voice is provoking, even without that short flashback.

“Thou who doth come from another world, I prithee, in recognition of thy excellence and generosity, to serve us bamboo-shoot rice again. Make this clodpole Poseidon consume his words.”

…is what seems to be The God of the Underworld’s request.

I finally got the gist of things, but why must I have to be like the protagonist of a gourmet manga?

Then again, we owe Hades a lot for countless times he granted our requests after summoning him.

Thanks to the blessing he gave my farm, our crops are growing far better than last year. On top of that, I’m further indebted to him for his adorable earth spirits’ help.

“I can’t say no to a request from the god, Hades, but…”

There’s one problem.

I didn’t prepare anything to make bamboo-shoot rice today.

“I have to go to the mountain dungeon’s Spring Area to gather fresh bamboo shoots first…”

Unfortunately, we don’t have bamboo shoots on hand right now.

Going to the bamboo grove now and digging up some bamboo shoots to take home with me to prepare them after removing their astringent taste will take more than a day to finish all together.

“If you could have told us your request in advance, I could’ve prepared it for you…”

You’ve already given Sensei an oracle, so you can at least do that much, right?

“Oh…”

“Hah-hah-ha! Mine own brother from the earth does possess this habit of making mistakes in his arrangements whenever that gent gets worked up. That gent coequal messed up oft during the Creation.”

Wait, what?

Isn’t that a little too much to be a klutz?!

“However shall we resolve this issue? Forsooth, we shouldst return in the meantime and petition those folk to summon us once again after our otherworlder hast completed his preparations.”

“Huh? After I change from mine own path to find the time for this just so I can knock down the unceasing bragging of thine? Does thee not realize how busy I am?”

“Hush! I knoweth thou art not busy!”

Please don’t instigate things further, God of the Seas.

Oh well.

“Gobukichi!”

“Yessir!”

“You know what to bring.”

After instructing Gobukichi, he went to the mansion and brought back something with him.

They were leftovers from today’s lunch, so offering them to a god felt humiliating. But since it’s an emergency, I’m left with no other choice.

“What is hither?”

“I’ll turn them into green-peas rice.”

I hope they’re not thinking that I’m recycling food.

Unexpected times call for unexpected measures.

I made rice balls out of the leftovers.

It tastes good even if it’s cold.

Such is the strength of rice mixed in with ingredients.

“Please have this for the time being,” I say as I offer them the food.

Regret is already welling in my heart.

They are leftovers.

And I’m giving them to gods, of all beings!

Maybe I was too hasty. I should’ve taken my time to prepare something more decent.

Please notice my struggle and stop what you’re going to do!

“Thanking thee for the meal.”

My prayers weren’t heard!

That’s a god for you, all right. They didn’t read the atmosphere at all!

Posideon, God of the Sea, chews the cooled rice ball of green peas, swallows it, licks the grain of rice off his fingertips…and says, “…I declare green peas rice as the food of the gods.”

“Again?!”

I’m glad that he liked it, but aren’t they using their ‘food of the gods’ card too much?!

“Valorous! This is valorous! The glutinous texture of the rice combined with the chewiness of the green legume art the highlight! Above all, the lingering saltiness of it is exceptional! As I prophesied, saltiness is the supreme gust!”

The God of the Seas begins reviewing the food.

“Right? Right? It’s still inferior to bamboo shoot rice, though.”

Please don’t butt in with an appeal to your favorite dish at the critical moment, Hades.

You’re also shoving several rice balls down your throat.

“…Brother, it seems I shall admit my failure, I hast been wrong. It’s as thee hath said. The food this otherworlder makes does rival cuisine of the gods.”

“Hah-hah-ha. Honesty is a policy, be thou a human ‘r a god. However, brother, thee can praise it as the most wondrous, but don’t thee consider thy conduct lacking in moderation?”

“Hm?”

Poseidon stops chewing upon hearing Hades’ remark.

“Thou hast designated this green-peas rice as the food of the gods, but if thee scrutinize further, thou shall see the entirety of ingredients used in it, such as the grains and beans, art all food of the earth.”

“Ngh!”

“The same shows true for bamboo-shoot rice. The perspiration and intellect that well reflects in this dish aside, forever as they art blessings of the earth, there’s nary a problem with me branding it as the food of the gods, but what about thee?”

Poseidon, God of the seas.

“Art thou, whom rules the flotes, not going beyond thy authority by giving praise to the bounty of the earth? I did not imagine thou were a senseless god like Zeus, or art thee? Hmm?”

Hades made his own comeback.

I can understand how he feels, seeing how he was stirred up a lot up till now.

But I honestly don’t want our farm to be the cause of some divine war.

“Ngh!!!”

There’s a saying that he who instigates more is more prone to being provoked.

Poseidon is no exception to this, as he turns beet-red and is trembling.

“O’ visitor from another world!”

Now he’s turning to me?

“Yes, Your Mightiness?”

“In recognition of thy wisdom and justice, I commandeth thee to offer me a dish with ingredients from the flote! Then, I shalt giveth thee mine own blessing!”