chapter 39

Lying on his hospital bed at midnight with the lights off, Jude was not surprised at the sound of the door opening. It was different to expect something and to accept it readily, thus Jude displayed his displeased face to the utmost.

“Why again?”

“Oh, my God, was my visit so much a sin?”

With that faint laughter, which he had become a little used to it, the man who finally comes into view sat down by Jude’s bed. Looking at the sulky face for a moment, Alvin tilted his head slightly.

“Do you have something to say?”

“…….You, why did you kill people really?”

“I thought I’d already told you that.”

“Being curious about human durability is a good reason, but it’s not enough. You didn’t have to kill those people just out of curiosity, you could go after prostitutes or homeless people like other serial killers. There’s a lot less risk of getting caught. But you’re mainly targeting the people who lived well around you. Well, there were some people who were pissed off. That’s a little later. What’s the reason?”

“……well, you’re right……if it’s another reason……”

Alvin, who tilted his head for a moment like a student questioned by a teacher, slowly opened his mouth while touching his chin.

“Well……maybe it’s because I can’t stand it anymore.”

“Can’t stand it?”

On Alvin’s face, a slightly unfamiliar aura was manifested. At first glance it seemed like a contempt display, but then he also has the look of mockery. In his voice, there was an unpleasant sentiment that comes out.

“You feel it, don’t you? It’s not as easy as you think to live with a mask that’s perfect. You can do it if you want to, but it’s not something I want to do. After years of living in that state, I feel like I want to break the mold. I feel the need to change my mask or throw it off, but that will make it futile for people who have been positive about the shape of my mask so far. Words and actions that showed affection for my mask, those tiny little things, were an opportunity for me.”

“So to get away from that mask, you picked those people first? The rude people were just secondary choices in the process?”

“I was also curious. It was in line with my purpose. It’s not impossible to guess at all, is it? I’m sure you have a moment like that where the more you try to blend in with them, the more you realize that you are an alien to them.”

The light blue-gray eyes sank a little deeper. Looking into the eyes silently, Jude laughed and shrugged.

“Oh, what are you talking about? That’s a slander for someone like me who has a good relationship with people.”

“Hahaha, is that so? By the way, why are you asking me that all of a sudden? What happened?”

“……you don’t want to touch the family of the people you killed, do you?”

Alvin, with a slightly puzzled look, smiled.

“Of course. I’m a little less interested in that area these days. I’m sure you know. But why?”

“Today, Linda Brown’s family came. They asked me to catch you. They spout something like you killed a girl who said she liked you, and why should a girl who never hurt anyone die? Neither her brother nor her mother looked senseless. By the way, you’re making my life a mess.”

“Oh, that’s distressing. But…..”

Alvin’s eyes, painted a slightly darker smile. The eyes were full of ridicule, and Jude looked at them in wonder.

“What, why?”

“A girl who has never hurt anyone……did they say so?”

“Well, why. Is that a problem?”

“As expected, sin is relative. Or her family is just insensitive. One hand is not enough to sum up Linda’s hectic confession of her sins to me before she died.”

“……confession? You’re not even a priest. Why would she confess?”

“Well, maybe she thought I was being asked to do something like this because of some grudges. She suddenly blames herself and begs for forgiveness. When she was a student, she used to conspire with her friends and locked a child in a locker, or when she joined the company, she hated a rookie of her age who showed outstanding performance, so she spread dirty gossip until that person resign. It’s hard to say that it was a life that didn’t harm anyone, I’m sure.”

“…….Is that so, I get it.”

It would have been incomprehensible for a 25-year-old girl to do such a thing to another person, without negative feelings or cause. It was understandable that she confided to him that gibberish called sins. Nodding his head, Alvin giggled again and spat.

“And sometimes family is very strange. When you’re alive, you’ll be at odds, but when you die, you’ll become a bond that never happens again. Linda had a lot of grievance about her family when she was alive, especially her mother. She’s been told that she was hopeless because she didn’t walk the path of life that her mother wanted, or that she was a whore who sleeps around. And her relationship with her brother seems to be a little better, but then often complained that she was incompetent to work for a humble company. I guess she probably wanted a formidable family, that fits her vanity.”

“……just, that’s how family is. They seem to be on bad terms, but everyone cares.”

“If they’re going to do that, they’d better pay more attention when she’s around. Are they sad because she died a terrible death, or is it because of the anger that comes from realizing the preciousness of those who was taken away from them?”

“Don’t ask me that, it’s a pipe dream.”

Laughing briefly, Alvin placed his hand lightly on Jude’s shoulder. While gently stroking the shoulder, Alvin slowly leaned down and put his forehead on it. There was no sign of agitation, and only the quiet breathing filled the small hospital room. The voice that came after a while, contained a slight smile.

“You can make a bet.”

“What.”

“They won’t recognize me even if I’m right in front of them.”

“Ha? What are you talking about all of a sudden? Don’t you know that your pictures are all over the country? And how much the family hates you. They were on the verge of chewing you alive. You think those people can’t recognize your face, with just a change of hair color and glasses?”

“Well, you know. They’ve never faced me. People don’t easily match the reality with the scattered wanted photos on TV. Besides, they don’t know what kind of man Linda liked. They just hate me vaguely, just like they need a target. Maybe right now, they’re blaming me for everything that doesn’t work out in life.”

“Ah, go ahead. So, are you going to say it’s not your fault?”

“Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean to make excuses. I’ve just done things out of curiosity and boredom, and I’ve made a decision to deal with the consequences, and it’s nonsense to say that I don’t want to take the myriad of criticisms that come with it, but I’m just saying that the people who blame me aren’t exactly right either. Because it’s true.”

Rising up, Alvin touched Jude’s hair slightly. There was neither cold nor warmth in that smile. Like the face of a person who calmly contemplates what he observed.

“The tragedy that happened is the result of overindulgence of all sins. This time they tried to get everyone’s sympathy, regardless of their actual conduct. I understand, but I can’t relate. If it goes like this…….”

“If it goes like this, what? If you touch that family, I’ll be damned.”

“Oh my God, I don’t do that easily. I just want to say that I want to tease them a little. I’ve been resting quietly for a while these days, so that should be fine.”

“……it’s scary to ask this, but there’s no blood in the ‘little teasing’ thing, right?”

“No, there won’t. You don’t trust me that much?”

“Or, you know, the mental damage equivalent to the price of blood.”

“Don’t worry, they won’t be harmed at all.”

“……I don’t believe it……”

As he grumbled discontented, Alvin smiled like a child and tugged at Jude’s hair once. It was a protesting move, and Jude looked at the delicate face with no reassurance at all. A hand slightly cooler than the body temperature touched his forehead lightly.

“It’s nothing, so you don’t have to worry about it.”

His smile was shining blue and white, as the streetlights and moonlight coming through the window of the hospital room.

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