/
Jiang Shuangmei continued retreating, until finally, she had her back to the cold doorframe.
The fake Jiang Shuangjie was still watching over her gently, worriedly, trying to soothe her anxiety.
Though Jiang Shuangmei was reminded of how, the last time she had actually been with her older sister, the same thing was happening, but, she had her back to Jiang Shuangjie.
Both pain and self-loathing rushed through her mind once more.
Her hand was on the door handle on her back.
Her words were already hoarse while she continues apologising. Her whole face was messed up, and her three closest, fake relatives were all deeply concerned, wondering why she’s crying so badly, and why she’s apologising.
Why? It’s a question Jiang Shuangmei wanted to ask herself as well.
She took a deep breath and wiped her tears away, then gave a final ‘sorry,’ and said, “we should be seeing each other again at another place, at another time, but not here or now.”
Giving the shadows from the past one last look, and smelling the familiar fragrance from the home-cooked meal, she said, “goodbye…”
Finally, she turned to leave, not once turning around to see until the door was shut. She could not bear to turn around and say goodbye another time.
She walked without direction in the neighbourhood. She left the neighbourhood then, and got to the main roads. Then, she ran into Fei, who was coming from the opposite direction of her.
Of the small group Mu Jiashi, Ding Yi and other Missiontakers formed, Fei might play an important role, but she never commanded much presence.
Just like that name of hers, which was only a nickname, and not at all her real name.
Wu Jian is theoretically similar, but he felt much more… connectable than Fei.
Jiang Shuangmei never had much of an image of her.
Until when she ran into Fei on that street, when her appearance shocked her.
Fei is a doctor.
Noticing Jiang Shuangmei’s shocked glance, she smiles bitterly, and explains, “I’m in training… still an intern. I’ve forgotten all my professional knowledge after all the time spent in the Tower anyway.”
Jiang Shuangmei is amazed nonetheless.
Doctors——Jiang Shuangmei thought the profession was the definition of calm, rational thought and sharp wits. Scientifically and empirically driven. The opposite of Fei.
She was always overthinking stuff, paranoid, and anxious. She believed in all sorts of unsubstantiated conspiracies, speculating about what was behind their being trapped in the Tower, and believed that NE had mass surveillance on them.
Jiang Shuangmei can’t help but be curious about the reason behind this, but she doesn’t ask out loud; it’s Fei’s private things, after all, the same way that Jiang Shuangmei herself would be unwilling to talk about her older sister as well.
They walk forward, without incident.
Though Fei has started talking about herself of her own accord, “actually… there were times, when I felt like I could not at all understand what was happening to all of us,” a pause followed, and then, “you might not understanding what I’m saying…”
“No, I do,” Jiang Shuangmei quietly says, “there are things that I did not need happen, but it did.”
Fei nods and mumbles, “yes. That’s right,” then she seems to fall into thought. Later, she adds, “the Tower is one such thing. None of us wanted, but it happened; and, I have to justify why that happened somehow.
Anything must have happened as a result of a cause.”
Jiang Shuangmei appears to recall something painful at that sentence.
They walk forward, in silence.
Then Fei says, “what we’ve encountered so far appear entirely chaotic and unreasonable… And yet, there must still be an underlying reason behind it all. That is what I believe. Therefore, I keep… searching, for possibilities.”
Fei adds after thinking, “any possibility.”
Jiang Shuangmei then asks, “do you believe in God?”
“God? No, I don’t…” Fei seems surprised by the question, and says, “but, if you do happen to want to assign that label…”
Jiang Shuangmei listens quietly.
“Those whose existence is entirely beyond our current understanding. Extraterrestrial lifeforms far more advanced and powerful than humans… Would you, agree they can be called Gods?”
Jiang Shuangmei, shook, hesitantly answers, “perhaps… although I would rather not think that way.”
Fei whispers, “that’s true, yes. If ‘God’ is also just another creature of this universe, then what’s preventing them from being creatures that want to hunt us, rather than bring us salvation…”
The topic they discuss turns rather absurd, but they continue to chat about it for a while.
Until, the fog suddenly appears.
“That fog…”
Fei is knitting her brows.
First, is this really the grey fog outside the Tower and not just weather in the Nightmare itself?
Second, if this really is the grey fog, why is it in the Ultimate Nightmare? What effects would this have on it?
The questions make Fei deeply worried and confounded. They really didn’t understand the Ultimate Nightmare well, or at all… But then, Xü Beijin should know, shouldn’t he?
He told them the way to open the Ultimate Nightmare, and he told them to stay sane and sharp in the Ultimate Nightmare. All in all, he should be on the side of humans.
If so, does he not know about the grey fog that would appear in the Ultimate Nightmare?
If he knows, and, knowing this will probably cause them doubt and even panic, he should have at least reminded them, no?
Or, is it simply because, they’ve already been to Xü Beijin’s Nightmare, so he was expecting them to be able to deal with the grey fog and mentioning it was unnecessary?
It doesn’t sound entirely implausible.
Though… Fei’s mind is still in a clear panic right now.
She manages to calm back down slowly, and reassures Jiang Shuangmei, “this should… be fine. Yes, it should…”
She reasons that if the grey fog was going to be of any great danger to them after it appears in the Ultimate Nightmare, XĂź Beijin would have given them a warning.
He did not, therefore, it means the situation is still under control.
Therefore, as long as they continue to obey Xü Beijin’s advice, to stay sane, stay lucid, keep their wits about them, keep their sense of self with them, so that they do not succumb to the Ultimate Nightmare, then all is still well.
Fei chooses to believe in that.
However, as the fog thickens more and more, so much so that an extended hand cannot even be seen clearly anymore, Fei’s trust finally collapses.