After sending Huo Qu Bing off in the morning, I move back to Hong Guâs residence. Without him around, I canât stand living at the Huo Estate. Iâm a wife yet not a wife, Iâm a guest yet not a guest. Itâs just awkward for me to live there.
With a large estate filled with many residents, there is too much gossiping and I am not in the mood to deal with peopleâs finger pointing. Uncle Chen is very considerate of me and didnât say anything, just ordering some maids, the chef, and some guards to go with me to Hong Guâs place. When I walk in with everyone trailing me, she laughs in surprise.
I walk around the courtyard once and then stretch my back âIt really is more comfortable in my own home.â Hong Gu softly sighed âWhat about the Huo Estate?â I smiled âIf Qu Bing is there, then that is home. If heâs not, then itâs not home.â
Hong Gu moved some fallen branches in front of me âI donât know whether itâs a good thing or a bad thing that you met General Huo.â I make a huge smiling face and stick it in front of Hong Gu âSee! Do you see this? What is this? I donât want to hear you saying that ever.â
Hong Gu quickly laughed âI see it, I see it.â She looked at my stomach âI wonder who that child will resemble? Regardless itâs bound to be a demon like you two. It will inherit both of your talents at tormenting people. I wonder if itâll go easy on anyone in the future.â
When I was in the Huo Estate, the maids couldnât read, but with Hong Gu keeping me company itâs much more entertaining. We read, play the zither, play chess, or talk about the gossip in Chang An. My days pass in calm comfort. When conversation strays to the past, I donât have any nostalgia, but Hong Gu does.
She mentions Fang Ru âI thought she wasnât such a cold person, but now when she sees me all she does is avoid me. Sometimes she sees me walking directly towards her and she pretends she doesnât see me.â I laugh âMarry a chicken, follow a chicken, marry a dog, follow a dog. Li Yan Nian was already holding a grudge towards me years ago, which was fine when I was still close with Li Yan. Now that weâre now longer on good terms, Fang Gu canât disobey her husbandâs side of the family.â
Hong Gu swiftly covered my mouth âOh my lord! You watch your mouth, how can you still refer to her by her name.â I coldly huff âWhether or not I call her Li Yan has no bearing on the way she will behave towards me.â
Because I felt sorry for her, I tried to back off. But she keeps pressuring me and our friendship of the past has gradually disappeared. There is still the oath she made me swear. Even though I hold her life in my hands, but I canât do anything about it. Her life isnât important enough to outweigh the potential risk towards Qu Bing and Jiu Ye.
Even though I will keep my promise, but she can never feel at ease about me. In the beginning she just wanted to force me to leave Qu Bing and leave Chang An. But now she likely doesnât even care about my life and death anymore, and the sooner she can get rid of me for good, the sooner she can rest easy. Qu Bing isnât in Chang An right now and Iâm pregnant, so my best approach is to avoid her during this time.
But life is just that way. The more you try to avoid something, the more it comes towards you. I want to avoid Li Yan, and she promptly comes to find me. Li Yan sent an invitation order for me to attend her birthday bash in the Palace. No matter how much the Emperor adores her, sheâs still just a concubine and canât have a banquet where the entire court will fete her. So sheâs having a small party with just the ladies attending. But itâs exactly this type of small gathering that worries me more.
Hong Gu said âThis is not a good banquet, how about we ask the Empress to help decline it.â I shake my head and give a sad smile while Uncle Chen sighs âEven though itâs not clear whether the Empress knows Ms. Yu is pregnant, but the Empress has always taken care of Ms. Yu. Right now the General isnât in Chang An and surely the Empress will not be at ease knowing Ms. Yu is going to the Palace by herself. If she could have declined it she would have. Itâs clear the Emperor agreed to this so the Empress cannot say anything about it.â
I looked at my figure âIâm showing now and I canât hide it anymore. Chances are Li Yan probably heard something so wants to check me out. The doctor said the first trimester is the most risky for a miscarriage, but now itâs way past that. At least I got a few months peace and thatâs good enough for me.â
Uncle Chen got on his kneels and bowed to me âMs. Yu, please listen to this old servant and take good care of yourself. No matter what happens, you must endure it for the sake of the child. No matter what insults befall you, you must wait until the General returns.â
I donât know if I should laugh or cry âIâm the childâs mother, Iâm even more nervous than you. I donât need you to remind me. Has my behavior been that rash and impetuous?â Uncle Chen said nothing and I sighed. Just because I did not try to convince Qu Bing to marry a princess, everyone know thinks Iâm someone who doesnât see the big picture.
Hong Gu grabbed my hand and smiled to Uncle Chen âYu Er can sometimes be obstinate and extreme in her ways, but sheâs not someone who doesnât know what is important.â I give Hong Gu an exasperated look. Was she trying to compliment me? If so, she likely made me even more flighty in the eyes of Uncle Chen.
Itâs the middle of Summer and the trip to the Palace was unbearably hot. Before I even arrive at the party location, a cool breeze blows over and I can hear the sound of rushing water, which immediately invigorates me.
Li Yan knows how to enjoy life. Sheâs ordered a water wheel brought in, and mixed with ice, the water is carried to a high point and pours over a tarp constructed over a bamboo pavilion. It feels like itâs raining and the banquet is situated right in the middle of a blanket of rain. The ice rain chases away the humidity of the Summer and adds a layer of fun to the proceedings. Some ladies are sitting there admiring the flowers, some are playing with the water, and others are eating fruit placed under the rain curtains to keep cool. It really is a comfortable and relaxing event.
The unmarried maidens see my figure and then notice that I have the same hairstyle as them, indicating I am unmarried. They grow curious and keep checking me out. Some of the married ladies look shocked and hurry their daughters away and order them not to look towards me, as if they would also become an unwed mother if they just took one look at me.
Some of the ladies with more grace, or are afraid to be rude to me because of their husbands, give me a small smile or a quick greeting before avoiding me. Itâs like I have the plague and wherever I go, people immediately disperse.
I scoop some grapes up from under the water to eat. Li Yan ought to be pleased to witness what just happened. But Iâm really sorry to her, because if she could see how much I could care less about being snubbed, sheâd probably be disappointed again. I grew up in the desert without a lot of modesty, so these kinds of snubs canât hurt me.
In the middle of happily eating, I notice a familiar figure standing alone in the corner. Li Yan must hate this woman who betrayed her, so why was she invited? What was Li Yan planning? I eat my grapes and walk towards her. When she sees me, she looks slightly shy and I hand her some grapes âYou look very beautiful wearing the Han style attire.â
She bowed towards me âIâve heard so much about you from Ri Chan and have been wanting to see you again. But itâs not convenient for us to visit. We heard General Huo takes very good care of you, and even the average servant in the Huo Estate doesnât get to meet you. I didnât know it was because you were expecting. When Ri Chan finds out, heâll be so happy.â
I smile at her, feeling a twinge of happiness âYou call him Ri Chan, he allows you to call him that? Then I ought to call you sister-in-law now.â Her cheeks were red but she was proud âYou can just call me Wei Ji.â âFine, you can call me Yu Er, or Xiao Yu.â
I noticed the jade ring on her finger and my heart shook. I grabbed her hand and stared at it. She asked me âAs I was leaving today, Ri Chan took it off his hand and put it on mine. I didnât know why, but nowâŠâŠ..â this normally aloof girl suddenly grew misty-eyed.
This ring was left for Ri Chan from his grandfather and itâs never left his hand since he was a child. He purposely made Wei Ji wear it to this party. Heâs telling me that heâs leaving this lonely girl in a foreign place in my hands. I let go of her hand âHe was worried about you.â
I rubbed my lower back and Wei Ji quickly asked âDo you want to sit?â There was nowhere to sit since all the good spots were already taken and the few remaining ones are in random spots but doesnât seat two. Wei Ji pointed to a good spot âLetâs go over there, I donât want to sit, letâs just talk.â
I made a face at her and dragged her to the best spot in the pavilion where some ladies were chatting. They immediately turned quiet and looked at me. When I walked right up to them, they suddenly stood up and gave me a dirty look before walking away.
I smiled at Wei Ji and gave her a victory gesture. I fixed my skirts and blithely sat down. Wei Ji sat down next to me and tried to cover her smile. Those ladies finally figured out what I did and gave me a hateful look. They canât be too obvious so they purpose talk in a low but loud enough voice âI heard she used to run the dancing houses in Chang An! She plies in the male trade, so of course her behavior is without shame.â
I turn towards the Madam Jiang and smile âThis Madam hasnât heard it all! Donât you know that Consort Li came out of my very own dancing house?â Her face turned ashen white. The dancing houses of Chang An, in the history of this city, the most successful male trade ever conducted was producing a country toppling beauty that is Consort Li. This Madam Jiang wanted to insult me and forgot about this.
My eyes brushed coldly over everyone of them and they had no choice but to lower their heads. Wei Ji whispered âThey are afraid of you?â I shook my head âThey are all afraid of Qu Bing. And maybeâŠ..Consort Li. You mustâve heard about Qu Bingâs temper. These ladies might be the wives of the scholarly officials, and their husbands donât report to Qu Bing, but right now the Emperor favors the military officials over the scholars. They wouldnât dare use their husbandâs lives or livelihood as a gamble to get even with me. And IâŠ..â I coldly huffed âToday this will surely be a Hong Men Banquet (referring to the famous Xiang Yu/Liu Bang banquet in the Chu-Han Contention). Even if I concede defeat I might nut get out alive. Then I should stop laying down and scare these little villains away first.â
As weâre talking, Li Yan and the Empress arrive hand-in-hand. Followed behind him is Liu Cheâs newest concubine Yi Jie Shu. Li Yan and the Empress immediately looked at my stomach and then pretended they saw nothing. They both averted their eyes to receive greetings. It was instead Yi Jie Shu who smiled at me and softly said âCongratulations.â
Li Yan was very solicitous and yielded to the Empress on everything, whether it was the dance performed or the games played. Empress Wei laughed and demurred âYou are the birthday girl today, you decide everything and I am just a guest.â After Li Yan, Yi Jie Shu, and a few of the other concubines conferred, they decided to pick flower sticks as the game. Li Yanâs maid held all the sticks and all the guest were very into the game to make Li Yan happy. The party became very lively.
Right when everyone was having fun, the Emperorâs delivery arrived. On top of a wooden plank was an intricate nine-leveled jade tower carved with a phoenix design. It was already rare to see such a large piece of jade, and paired with the detailed carving, it truly is one of the priceless wonders of the world.
Lui Che must have went out of his way to come up with this extravagant gift and everyone is just stunned by it. Eyes turn towards Li Yan with awe and she just smiled and had the tower placed in the middle of the party so everyone could admire it.
Liu Bo, who was still unsteady on his feet, wobbled up to his mother to present her with a birthday peach. He looked like a little adult person, saying a very proper birthday greeting to his mom while bowing his head. It was all great until he forget his lines in the middle of his speech and end up sucking on his thumb and looking towards the Crown Prince Liu Ju for help. Liu Ju lowered his head and reminded his younger brother, who got even more nervous with all the eyes trained on him, and end up diving into his older brotherâs arms to hide his head so none of us could see him.
What a pair of adorable siblings, and I couldnât help myself but laugh. Empress Wei shook her head while Li Yan smiled but her eyes were cold. Her maid immediately took Liu Bo away from Liu Ju. I silently sighed. In the Imperial household, there is no such thing as regular brothers. Even if they are innocent now, their mothers will not allow it.
The flower stick arrived in the hands of Madam Jiang who had that run in with us earlier. She plucked a stick and it was read aloud âThe holder of the stick can ask anyone at this party to do anythingâ and then she quickly put the stick back in the can.
Empress Wei looked at Madam Jiang, who acted like she was deep in thought and then turned to look at Wei Ji âI have not been able to forget the dance performance you put on for us, can Madam perform it for us again today?â Even though Wei Ji is of low birth and is not a Han person, but she is still the wife of Sir Guang Lu. There are many dancers here but Madam Jiang specifically asked for Wei Ji in order to insult the scene that day when we fought over Huo Qu Bing, and also to insult Wei Ji even more.
I stare at the person holding the flower sticks and she looked back at me before averting her eyes with some fear. Itâs clear they still somewhat fear me, but to Wei JiâŠâŠ Wei Jiâs face was bright red but she slowly regained her composure. She grabbed my hand once and then stood up to dance.
Li Yan smiled at me and then picked up her wine to drink. Empress Wei heard that Madam Jiang wanted Wei Ji to perform and she didnât show any emotion. She just turned her head to converse with Liu Ju. I suddenly remembered this saying, the person who knows you the best is your enemy,
Wei Jiâs dance is beautiful and moving, but no one is watching her, purposely ignoring her or ridiculing her. Only Liu Bo was very into it, clapping and struggling out of his nannyâs arms so he could stand closer to watch. Wei Ji was turning in her dance when I saw three round jewels roll in front of her from an unknown place. Before I can call out âbe carefulâ, she had stepped on the jewels and her body fell backwards. To stop her fall, she reached out and happened to grab the red cloth on the table holding the jade tower. The moment her body hit the floor, the entire jade tower tumbled on the ground and broke into pieces.
Liu Bo saw Wei Ji fall and moved forward to help her. Thank heavens a nearby woman pulled him back quickly, but even then a piece of broken jade glanced over him and drew blood. The nanny started screaming for the royal physician.
It was already a great crime to have broken the jade tower, but to harm a Prince is an even graver crime. Li Yan had her head lowered and relaxed after she saw he was just cut in two small areas. She looked upset still and had tears in her eyes as she berated the nanny and the maids.
I finally released my pent up breath knowing that it was not a serious injury. Thank god, thank godâŠ..but even thenâŠ..my heart was nervous. I looked at Wei Ji, and in the commotion, she remained kneeling there in complete calm. Her face was white but she was very composed. She took off her ring and quickly shoved it to me âWei Ji does not have this good fortune. Please tell Ri Chan that even though I am all alone in a foreign land, meeting him was a true blessing in my life. He need not miss me.â
Li Yan looked at Wei Ji as she held Liu Bo. She looked down at the broken shards on the ground and said to Empress Wei âEverything will be decided as the Empress sees fit.â Wei Ji betrayed Li Yan so Li Yan must want her dead. What happened today is clearly made out to be Wei Jiâs fault, and the Empress will clearly not overturn the boat with Li Yan over the life of a Xi Yu dancer.
Empress Wei did not look at Wei Ji and said calmly âEverything will be dealt with according to the Palace rules. A Prince was injured, so she will be beaten 100 times with a stick. But since the Emperorâs present was also destroyed, he will decide what to do next.â Li Yan nodded.
100 strokes with a stick! Just this is enough to kill Wei Ji, what else can come after. Li Yan was cooing over Liu Bo but she gave me a taunting look. Auntie Yun was shaking her head at me from behind Empress Wei. When the Empress looked at me, her eyes conveyed warning and a plead as she looked at my stomach.
My hand was gripping Ri Chanâs ring so tightly it hurt. For this baby I must endure this, must endure thisâŠ..When Ri Chan gave Wei Ji the ring, he did not know I was pregnant. I need to protect this little person as well. I know he will understand and forgive me. And who could have imagined that Li Yanâs trap could have gone off without a hitch, and even better, a Prince was even accidentally hurt. Even though it was a minor injury, it is a grievous offense.
Wei Ji was dragged out by the guards and she closed her eyes, completely at peace.
I kept telling myself all sorts of reasons not to act, but I kept asking myself. If I let Wei Ji die today, can I go on living at ease? This would make me no different than the underhanded and vicious Li Yan. Years ago I hated the fact that Yi Zhi Xie betrayed his friends, and would this be a type of betrayal by me?
I called out âWait!â Empress Wei gave me a resigned look and pretended she didnât hear me. Li Yan smiled and nodded at me: Jin Yu, you didnât disappoint me, welcome to the trap.
I kneel before the Empress and Li Yan âWei Ji may be at fault, but she was not the cause of what happened.â I open my hands and a round jewel was resting there. In the confusion I could only grab one jewel, but I know this evidence is flimsy. This jewel is so flimsy that itâs just dragging me down and no one can save me. âWhen Wei Ji was dancing, I saw a few of these jewels roll under her feet, which caused her to trip.â
Li Yan stared at the jewels and said nothing. Her maid said âThe prince and princesses were playing with these jewels for fun, so are you sayingâŠ..â She shut her mouth âYour servant I deserve to die.â
Li Yan slapped her across the face and screamed âYou worthless servant, how dare you speak such nonsense!â Li Yan looked around âOther than Jin Yu, did anyone else see the jewels roll under Wei Jiâs feet.â Everyone vigorously shook their head,
Li Yan looked at the Empress. Now this wonât get resolved as easily as killing Wei Ji. One jewel injured a prince and the rumors have now pointed fingers at the other princes and princesses here. Who could be so hateful as to want to destroy the present their royal father gave to Consort Li? And in turn injured their young brother? Empress Wei had a cold smile âWe shall investigate fully. Take Wei Ji and lock her up for now.â Li Yan stared at Empress Wei who continued âAnd take Jin Yu as well.â
With a definitive slam, the door to the prison cell was secured shut. Wei Ji was crying âXiao Yu, why did you get yourself involved?â I took her hand and placed the ring back on her finger âSince Ri Chan put this ring on himself, youâll have to give it back to him yourself.â
Wei Ji was calm in the face of death, but now sheâs sobbing wildly. I wipe away her tears and look around the prison âItâs better than I had imagined.â Wei Ji stood up and took the hay on the floor and made a thick mat for me to sit on âThere is no sun in a prison cell and the floor is too damp.â
I touch my belly and silently think â Iâm sorry, your daddy left not long ago and Iâve taken care of you all the way to the inside of a prison cell. I always considered Li Yan an enemy of the Wei family and never thought of her as my enemy. But from this day forward, she and I no longer have a shred of feeling for each other. She constructed one trap within a trap, but who is her ultimate target? Is Li Yan hoping to use this to harm Liu Ju and Empress Wei? If so this is pretty weak. So what is she looking to do? I canât figure it out right now.
After two days there has been no movement. Iâm sure Uncle Chen and Hong Gu have completely lost their bearing and mustâve tried to visit me already. But they havenât appeared, which means things must be dire.
Our food is already better than what other prisoners get, but compared to the food at the Huo Estate, itâs comparable to slop. Iâm not a picky eater and I can eat anything, but this unborn baby has been spoiled by us and since I got pregnant there are foods I can no longer stomach.
Wei Ji gives me the best portions of her food and I do not resist. But even then, I still have no appetite so I force myself to eat more, but then I throw it right back up. Wei Ji nervously looks at me with tears in her eyes. Iâm full of worry and hopelessness, but I donât want Wei Ji to feel bad so I laugh âI donât know who he resembles, neither Qu Bing nor I are picky eaters. Yet weâve raised a picky child. Later Iâll have to teach him a lesson.â
The entire prison has only one area that, during noon time, a sliver of sunshine would come in. In the beam of light, a million flecks of dust dance and make a person feel dazed. Am I the dust, or the dust me, or the entire world is just a fleck of dust?
A pair of thin boots, a form-fitting white robe, with the sunlight behind him, it illuminates him in a halo of golden light. He looks like an illusion that will blow away with the wind. But that smile as warm as the sun feels so completely real it hits me right in the heart. In the dank and cold prison cell, his appearance turned everything warm and bright. I canât believe it so I close my eyes, but when I open heâs still standing in the sunlight.
Jiu Ye looked at me, his eyes full of worry and fear. He reached his hand to me and without a word I knew he wanted to take my pulse. He needs to immediately make sure Iâm fine before he can relax. I wordlessly give him my wrist and his expression turns misty. I want to take my wrist back but he grabs it, grabs it so hard my wrist actually hurts.
Heâs still smiling but in the corner of his eyes I see shades of exhaustion. It looks like it was harder on him than me, the person in this prison cell. I feel all these indescribable feelings and after a moment I say âI didnât endure any hardship.â He slowly released my hand âMadam Chen wouldnât let anyone inform General Huo. Do you want me to notify him?â
I shake my head âHe canât be distracted on the battlefield. This battle is against the Shan Yu of the Xiong Nu, and itâs his dream since childhood. If he doesnât give it his all during this battle, it will became one of his lifeâs greatest regrets. Plus I was in the prison for just a few days, no big deal. Oh right, why are you here?â
He smiled wanly âThe Emperor can be considered my uncle, so this favor wasnât too hard.â He was very casual about it, but the difficulties inherent is clear. I donât know what sacrifice he made, what promises he gave Liu Che. With his personality, heâll carry the entire burden all my himself. No matter how I ask he will never tell me. Itâs best if I act like I believe him, at least that will not let his efforts go to waste.
âYu Er, what happened. Tell me so I can decide how best to handle it.â I quietly think and then tell him everything, from my relationship with the Xiong Nu, my friendship with Ri Chan, and the fact that Li Yan mustâve guessed that Ri Chan and I are not casual acquaintances. She used Wei Ji to seamlessly entrap me into her web.
Jiu Ye listened to what I said and his eyebrows furrowed âThere is something else youâre not telling me. Everyone in court knows that General Huo and General Wei, even though they are relatives, their relationship is precarious. With the Emperorâs favor, subordinates of General Huo often band together to belittle subordinates of General Wei. If Consort Li wanted the Crown Prince position and to oppose the Wei family, she shouldnât be upsetting General Huo. She ought to be using the two generalsâ shaky relationship and try to win General Huo to her side. Why would she keep targeting you? And this time even the princes and princesses are involved. That means she wants youâŠ..â Jiu Ye did want not to say those words of ill-tidings in the same sentence as me, so he let his words trail off.
I smiled at him âI really canât keep anything from you.â I tried to sound casual to try to lighten the mood, but it didnât work and Jiu Ye just stared at me âI do have some personal conflicts with Li Yan, but I canât reveal it. The fact that she hates me this much is also a surprise to me.â Jiu Ye nodded and didnât press further. He thought and asked âThe critical factor is who released the jewels. Or to find someone who dropped some jewels. Madam Jiang may have started it all, but sheâs just a clueless person. Chances are she knows nothing, so we need to find that palace maid to ask.â
âThatâs also what I was thinking. She put that flower stick back in the jar so quickly I was already suspicious that she made up the rule. But since Li Yan tasked her with doing this, that means Li Yan trusts her implicitly. And if sheâs under Li Yanâs protection, it will be hard to question her and find out anything of value.â
Jiu Ye smiled, different than before, it was cold âWhy ask her, all we need is for Li Yan to decide to sacrifice her.â I thought about it, understanding what he means, but unsure of how Jiu Ye can make Li Yan agree to back off. There was a sound of metal banging outside and Jiu Ye looked torn and loathe to leave âI have to go. Please endure for two or three more days.â
Since Jiu Ye walked in, Wei Ji hid in the corner but she kept sneaking glances at him. When she heard he was leaving, she suddenly rushed up and bowed three times to him. Jiu Ye looked at her with shock and he had no time other than to bow back âI will bother the Madam to please take care of Yu Er.â Wei Ji avoided Jiu Yeâs bow and quickly nodded her head.
Jiu Yeâs departure took away the only sunlight in the prison, but he had already left the sunlight on my heart. Wei Ji still looked dazed so I asked her âDo you know Jiu Ye?â
She nodded her head, and then shook her head âIâve seen him. So you Han people call him Jiu Ye? Not a lot of people have seen him before, but we all envision that heâs someone with a heart as wide as the sky. We Xi Yu people call him âShi Nan Tianâ Xi Yu is drier than the central plains and not a lot of medicinal plants can grow there. Han people always love to sell it at exorbitant prices to us. But Shi Nan Tian opened medicinal plant shops all over Xi Yu, and the prices are the same as in the Han dynasty. When there is an pandemic outbreak because of the war, his shops always give free medicine to homeless people. Before I was selected as a dancer, I saw him once treating a little beggar on the street. That day he wore all white, as spotless as the snow on the highest mountain peak. But that little beggar was covered in smelly boils yet he still held him in his lap. His every gesture was gentle and careful, as if he was afraid that child would hurt, as if he was holding the most precious gem in his arms. Later in the Palace of the Gui Su kingdom, I saw him again. The prince had just tested a new bow and was so excited, wanting to embrace him. It was a priceless gesture people only dream about, but he made no move. Even though he smiled, I can feel his heart was cold and did not want it. I overheard them talking, and thought to myself that he must be the legendary âShi Nan Tianâ, for who else in this world has a heart like his. Even though he is handicapped, but his voice and his form makes you believe that he is more lofty than anyone in this world. Every time I see him, he is smiling, but I feel like heâs carrying an enormous burden. So my biggest respect is not to disturb him. He stayed in the palace for three days and I just observed him from a distance for three days. Everyday I prayed to the Heavens, asking that one day he can live an ordinary life. I cannot imagine that I would see him again today, and in such an unexpected place.â
Wei Ji smiled but it was one full of sadness. âSeeing âShi Nan Tianâ today was wonderful. He has anger, has rage, has true happiness. He doesnât seem as lonelyâŠ..but heâŠ.he appears to be so sad.â
I silently turned my head away and stared at a random spot. I donât know what Iâm looking at, I just want to avoid Wei Jiâs questioning look. Shi Nan Tian (the sky which eases suffering), heâs easing other peopleâs suffering, but who will ease his suffering?
Since Jiu Ye arrived, our accommodations have improved. The food tastes better and we even get a bottle of milk after dinner. Because Iâm so picky and the things I canât eat make me throw up, Wei Ji always let me eat whatever I can keep down, so the two of us switch up our meals that way and Iâm full enough. In the darkness Wei Ji softly says âTomorrow we will be able to leave.â
I murmur my concurrence. Wei Ji trusts Jiu Ye implicitly. She doesnât care about all the details, she just believes what Jiu Ye said to me about enduring for only two or three more days.
In the middle of the night, I break into a cold sweat and wake up from my sleep due to sharp pain. I want to call out for Wei Ji but I canât make a sound. My body is alternatively hot or cold and I canât exert any strength, only shivering. Thank god Wei Ji is a light sleeper and my shaking awakens her. She takes one look at me and is so frightened that she starts to cry. She screams out for someone to come.
I see her reaction and I know something is very wrong. Wei Ji is a very calm and level headed person, so for her to lose her composure like this, the way I look is probably half foot in the grave right now.
Wei Ji calls for some time but there is no response. She takes off her outer robe and covers me with it. My body hurts so much it feels like itâs splintering into small pieces, and all I want to do is vaporize so I can avoid this torturous pain. My consciousness slowly drifts into darkness.
No, I canât fall asleep. If I sleep there might be no more pain, but someone will be devastated. I promised Qu Bing that I would take care of myselfâŠ.and the baby. My mind snapped back into focus and I used my last bit of conscious thought to bite down hard on my tongue. The blood in my mouth awakens me a bit.
This pain came out of nowhere, itâs not an illness, but more like poison. I canât talk and can only use my eyes to communicate with Wei Ji. She really is very smart and when she sees me eyeing the jar she brings it over. She props me up and feeds me the milk. The taste of the milk mixed with the blood in my mouth goes down my throat and it tastes disgusting but I force myself to drink it all. Every gulp might increase my chances of surviving.
Wei Ji holds me and keeps crying âXiao Yu, if someone has to die it ought to be me. I was the one who betrayed Consort Li and then broke the jade tower. Why am I fineâŠ..â She suddenly realizing something and her face was regret and fear âWe switched our food so you have ingested poison meant for two people.â
My entire mouth was bloody and even if I bit my tongue again I cannot stay awake. With the sound of Wei Jiâs sobbing and pleading, I slowly drift into a darkened world.