āIf I ever pass out from the devouring, Lutz, itās not your fault at all. It really, really does come without any warning. ā¦And thereās no way Iām gonna lose anytime soon. I havenāt made a single book yet.ā
I donāt want her to see my miserable, crying face, so Iām carrying her on my back. However, since Iām doing so, I donāt have a free hand to wipe the tears running down my face. One by one, the teardrops fall onto Maineās sleeve, leaving little wet spots.
I want to help her, but I canāt. I can only grit my teeth at how powerless I am.
Maine always keeps saying that sheās completely useless, but I donāt know what Iād do without her.
When I said I wanted to become a trader, my family disregarded it completely, telling me not to be ridiculous, but Maine just smiled and told me to follow my dream. When I was first introduced to Benno, I was so terrified that I wanted to flee on the spot, but Maine held my hand and helped me through it. When there wasnāt anything I could do on my own, Maine stuck with me, helping me think and helping me act so that I could become an apprentice. Even now, when Iām wondering if itās even a good idea for me to become a merchant, Maineās teaching me how to write, how to read numbers, how to do math, how to think about money⦠everything.
And despite all that, thereās nothing I can do to help her when sheās suffering from the devouring.
I donāt have the kind of money to help her. Iāve started to earn a little bit of money, but all that was things that she thought of. If I hadnāt helped her, if she was stronger, if sheād gotten more help from the adults, I wonder if sheād have been able to make paper a lot faster and earn a lot more money? If thatās the case, would she have made enough money to save herself?
I canāt think about anything else. Iām so weak that Iām miserable, regretful⦠shameful.
If I wasnāt a kid, if I was an adult, I wonder if Iād be able to help her? If I was a merchant like Master Benno, if I had that kind of money, maybe Iā¦
I swallow everything down, grit my teeth, and keep walking forward, Maine on my back. If thereās anyone who can help Maine, anyone who has enough influence and money to help Maine, Iāll find them at Bennoās.
Master Benno will surely save Maine. He knows just how much the things Maine can make are worth, so Iām positive heāll help.
When we arrive at the store, Mark and Benno are lying in wait for us. Mark has a worried look on his face while Benno is scowling unpleasantly. Since I still havenāt been able to wipe away my tears, I hang my head low, not wanting them to see my soggy, miserable face. As I stare down at the ground, the tips of Bennoās shoes come into view.
He sighs heavily. āā¦this kid.ā
I thought heād just walked up to sigh at us, but suddenly all the weight disappeared from my back.
āEeek?!ā cries Maine, startled.
I snap my head up to see Benno hold Maine up roughly and then toss her over to Mark. My heart nearly jumps out of my chest when I see Maine hurtling through empty air.
āWhā¦?!ā
āWhoa?!ā exclaims Mark.
As soon as Iām sure that Markās caught her securely, I allow myself a moment of relief before turning to face Benno angrily. The instant before I start to yell āwhat are you doing to a sick little girl?!ā, he jerks his chin towards the shop.
āLutz, letās go. You and me.ā
I open and close my mouth wordlessly, my fervor suddenly evaporating, then follow Benno into the shop. As I try to convince myself that thereās no problem entrusting her to Mark, or at least that itās far better than letting Benno take care of her, I hear the door close behind me and frantically wipe my face clean with my sleeve.
Benno motions to the table we always use. As soon as I sit down, he fixes his glimmering, reddish-brown eyes on me. He studies me from head to toe, then opens his mouth.
āā¦Was it the devouring?ā
āHow did youā¦ā āDespite the fact that you were carrying her, Maine seemed to be doing pretty well. I thought that her fever must have suddenly spiked and then gone down again just as suddenly. Youāre together all the time, but is this your first time seeing that?ā
I nod, gulping. Even though Iāve been by Maineās side whenever we went to the forest, went to the store, and worked on making paper, this is my first time actually seeing the symptoms of the devouring manifest.
There wasnāt a single sign that her condition was worsening, but suddenly she got a fever so hot that I wondered if her body was going to melt. Something wispy and yellow drifted off from her, like steam rising from her whole body. It was astoundingly terrifying.
āMaster Benno, please, help Maine. I canāt do anything. Iām just a kid, I donāt have any money, I canāt do anythingā¦ā
āI canāt.ā
In a quiet voice, Benno immediately shoots down my request.
āWhy?! Youāre a grown-up, you have money, you do a lot of business with the noblemenā¦ā
As I desperately make my argument, Bennoās face twists as if in pain, or regret. Grinding his teeth, he shakes his head.
āI told you my business was rapidly growing. When it comes to trading with the nobility, Iām a newcomer on the scene, relatively speaking. I donāt have many connections. Iām still at a point where they see me as someone at their feet, ready to be ripped off. ā¦I canāt do anything, either.ā
āMaster Benno⦠even you canātā¦?ā
Iām left speechless by Bennoās completely unexpected words. Benno, who owns this huge shop, who does business with the nobility, is saying that heās powerless to help Maine; is curing the devouring completely impossible? As everything in front of me starts to grow dim, I remember the one person I know of who has been cured.
āBut, I thought Frieda was cured⦠then maybe the guild leaderā¦!ā
āI already talked with him.ā āHuh?ā
Benno takes a shallow breath, then reaches up to scratch at his head. A wry, sarcastic smile floats over his troubled face, and he shrugs.
āHe said that, if you have money, you can temporarily stave it off. Since heās willing to spend any amount of money so that his granddaughter could keep living, heās been working with a disgraced noble family this entire time, constantly paying them to use a broken magical tool. Using it just once costs him two small gold coins.ā
āG⦠gold?!ā
When I got the one small silver coin for selling that paper, Iād been so thrilled at how much money Iād just earned, but it seems like Maine needs gold, not just silver. The thought of such an unattainable amount of money makes my head spin.
āHowever, even thatās only enough to buy about a half yearās worth of time. Even if I spent that much money once to keep her alive, Iād have to spend it again before you know it. Maine, especially, is very young. As she grows up, the symptoms of the devouring are only going to get worse, and more and more frequent. You think I have that much money to spend on a single apprentice? Itās impossible, for me.ā
If what Bennoās saying is right, then it really is impossible. Thereās no way heād be able to spend that kind of money. However, just saying itās impossible and giving up is giving up on Maineās life.
āThereās not much I can do,ā he says. āI can buy the unusual knowledge that she has from her, giving her some gold to make up for it. When it starts to get too bad to deal with, Iāll probably hand her over to that old bastard. ā¦So, what can you do?ā
Benno stares at me with sharp, predatory eyes. Without thinking about it, I glare back at him. Heās an adult, with power, brains, money, and everything, and he still canāt do anything to help Maine. What could I possibly do?
āā¦I canāt do anything at all. Iām just a kid. Iām not strong, Iām not smart, I donāt have any money⦠if thereās something I can do, tell me, please.ā
āDonāt make her have to look after you. Donāt make her worry.ā āWhā¦?!ā
His immediate response makes my breath catch in my through. Heās hit the target so cleanly that I have no way to respond at all. My eyes grow hot with chagrin. Bennoās facial expression softens a just a little bit, but his eyes are still sharp as he opens his mouth to speak.
āListen up, Lutz. That kid out there is not the little girl she seems to be. At the very least, even when sheās suffering, she doesnāt want to make you worry, so she puts on a brave smile for you. Make sure you donāt let her trick you with that.ā
I remember that after the devouring fever went back down down, when her breathing was still heavy and ragged, she had a bright, happy smile on her face. Seeing her smiling like that really did make me feel relieved, but it looks like maybe that was a mistake.
āYouāre a man, so donāt give her anything else to worry about. You canāt pretend like you donāt know anything, so cooperate with her so that she can buy herself a little more time to live. If youāre going to say grandiose things like āIām going to make whatever Maine comes up withā, then take every single one of her ideas, make them, and sell them! If youāve got time to cry, then youāve got time to think. Youāve got time to work. Make some money!ā
āā¦Alright.ā
I raise my head, full of determination, and Bennoās lips stretch into a broad grin.
āNow thatās the right kind of face, hm?ā
āOh, Lutz!ā says Maine. āYou done with your conversation? Look, look! I finished up getting us paid for the hairpins we brought today.ā
Sheās smiling, as usual, as I come out of Bennoās office to meet her. She has a very carefree expression on, but when I remember Bennoās advice and look more closely I can see that despite her smile thereās a hint of worry in her eyes. Feeling like I should be scolding myself for making her worry, I put on a smile, refusing to be defeated.
āThatās a lot,ā I enthuse. āI think weāll be good for about two or three more days with this.ā
āTwo or three?!ā āHonestly, I have no idea just how far my motherās going to rampage through this project, and Toryās just as fired up as my mother isā¦ā
As we banter back and forth, I can see Maine start to loosen up, bit by bit. I think I probably managed to give her a little bit of peace of mind. Behind me, Benno comes out of his office with his usual stern expression, shrugging his shoulders.
āDonāt just chit-chat in my shop. If youāre done with your business here, then go straight home and, Maine, get right to bed. Lutz says youāre not a hundred percent right now.ā
As Benno waves his hands to shoo us out of his shop, he seems to suddenly think of something and amends his previous statement.
āMark, go with these two. Itās dangerous for kids like these to be walking around with that kind of money.ā
āCertainly, sir.ā
In order to make it easy to pay Tory and the others, Maine got all of the money in medium copper coins. Since thereās thirty-three of them, theyāll probably jangle loudly when we walk around. If unbaptized children such as ourselves carry around that kind of money, then, of course, weād be incredibly conspicuous.
Now that the danger of being robbed or attacked has been pointed out to her, Maine forgoes her usual āno thank you, itās all rightā routine and obediently offers the bag of money to Mark. Mark exchanges a brief look with Benno, then reaches down to pick up both the bag and Maine herself.
āIāI can walk on my own!!ā
āWere you not just carried here by Lutz, Maine? Youāre such a good girl, so please come along quietly so that the rest of us can rest easily.ā āNnnghā¦ā
Maine, having lost any means of resistance, stops struggling and just hangs her head. It seems like she doesnāt have any way to fight against Markās gentle words.
This is a good discovery. I should work quickly to learn how to talk like Mark.
On the way home, Maine and Mark discuss things like how to handle the winter handiwork and how to manage the finished products. I pay close attention, since Iām going to be doing the exact same thing too.
I thought that we were going to go our separate ways when we reached the plaza with our water well, but Mark doesnāt put Maine down, saying that heāll bring the money all the way to her home and explain things to her family. I part ways with the two of them, deeply appreciative of how considerate Mark is.
āLutz, Iāll stop by later,ā says Maine.
I wave goodbye at them as they head into the building, then I turn towards my own home. My feet suddenly feel like lead weights as I drag myself forwards.
āIām home,ā I say, as I close the door behind me. āWhat, empty handed today?ā
Zasha, my oldest brother, looks me up and down, raising an eyebrow. For unbaptized kids like me, going to gather things from the forest is effectively a full-time job, but since Iāve lately been going to Bennoās shop a lot, I havenāt been able to do enough gathering. My family, I know, doesnāt actually care about the circumstances why.
āSeriously. You didnāt even go earn any money, huh?ā
If Iād come back with some money, things might have been a little better, but only a little. Ralph really doesnāt like how much money Iāve made in such a short period of time, and lately heās been really strict with me.
I put my things in my room, lie down on my bed, and let out a long sigh. Ever since I started saying that I wanted to be a merchant, everyone in my family has been uncomfortably icy towards me. I know that if I just said I was going to give up on that and be a craftsman instead, things would instantly improve, but I also know that Iād regret that forever.
Knock, knock!
āGood afternoon, Miss Carla. Is Lutz here?ā
āOh, Maine! Itās good to see you. I just heard him come home a little while ago⦠Lutz, Maineās here!ā
At the sound of my motherās voice, all of my older brothers immediately rush forward, dragged by Maineās invisible grip on their stomachs. By the time I manage to make it out of my room, sheās already been completely surrounded to the point that I canāt even see her anymore.
āWhatās up? Do you have a new recipe?ā
āIāll help! What do you need?ā āNuh-uh,ā she says, ānot today. Iām just here to pay Lutz what I owe him.ā āYou owe him?ā āYep! He helped me with my winter handiwork, so I owe him for that.ā
Maine squeezes her way out of the crowd and walks up to me, with the kind of self-satisfied smirk she gets when sheās scheming something. āLutz, your hand, please,ā she says, and I stick it out. Then, she exaggeratedly places coins into the palm of my hand, one by one.
āYou helped with five pins, so I owe you five medium copper coins. One, two, three, four, five. Thatās right, right?ā
āYeah.ā
The coins clink against each other as she places them into my hand, and Iām suddenly aware that the gazes of all of my older brothers are firmly fixed to the spot. My palm seems to tingle under the pressure of their stares, and I hear someone gulp nervously.
āHey, Maine. You said Lutz helped you, was that those sticks he was making yesterday?ā
Maine, waiting for Ralph to say those exact words, puts on a sweet, but very, very forced, smile.
āThatās right! Iām making hairpins, so I asked him to help with the pin part. One pin is one medium copper coin.ā
āThatās worth that much?!ā
Zashaās eyes fly wide open, staring again at the coins in my palm. Zeke, his doubts seemingly erased now that he actually sees me holding money, takes a sharp breath and looks over at Maine.
āā¦Does it have to be Lutz that does it? Can I help too?ā
Zeke is the one to ask the question, but itās on all of my brothersā minds. All of them turn to look at her. She looks back at them easily, smiling and nodding.
āNo, it doesnāt really have to be Lutz. But, they need to be a specific size, and they need to be polished really smooth so that they donāt catch in anyoneās hair, so itās not really casual work, you know?ā
As soon as my brothers hear those words, they all scramble to be the first to talk themselves up.
āMaine, Maine. Iām way better at woodworking and carpentry than Lutz is. I do it every day at my job, you know.ā
āMe, Iām definitely better than Lutz.ā āIf weāre talking about experience, then Iāve got the most of it, right?ā
Whoa, whoa, wait a minute, guys. Who was it yesterday that told me I should go off and make those boring little sticks all by myself?
āOh man, I canāt believe we were so stupid yesterday!ā
āLutz, why didnāt you tell us you were getting paid for these?ā āWere you going to hog all the money for yourself?ā
Iām pretty sure I told them about it, but they probably ignored me, thinking I was making things up. My brothersā memories have been repainted by the power of cold, hard cash, making me into the bad guy here. All of my brothers are staring at me with a dangerous look in their eyes, and Iām suddenly extremely aware of how terrifying money can be. As my brothers start closing in around me, Maine claps her hands together.
āSo, would you three make them for me, then? Iād need five from each of you. If you make more than that, I wonāt be able to use them. Iāll be back in three days to get them, okay?ā
āYeah, leave it to me!ā
āI donāt even need three days.ā āI can do them right away.ā
Maine holds up a single finger, grinning impishly.
āPrecision is more important than speed! If you donāt make them exactly, I wonāt be able to use them and youāll have to redo them. ā¦Oh, right! You should ask Lutz about how big they need to be and what kind of wood you should be using. Okay then, Iāll see you guys in three days to pick these up!ā
My brothers, with big smiles on their faces, wave to Maine as she heads out the door. The instant the door shuts behind her, though, their attitudes immediately change. They grab onto me tightly and drag me to our room.
āSo, what kind of wood do we need?ā
āHow big are they?ā āYouāre not getting anything this time, heh.ā
Their tools are already in their hands as they close in around me, demanding an explanation. Iām left dumbfounded by their complete and utter turnaround from yesterday, where they didnāt even bother paying attention to what I was doing.
āDonāt just stand there!ā
āTell us, quickly!ā āO⦠okay!ā
I answer all the questions they have about the kinds of wood and how to make them, and they immediately set to work. In the blink of an eye, Iāve been completely tossed aside. Then, most frustratingly, my brothers start immediately churning out beautiful hairpins, far faster than I could have made them, thanks to their job experience.
Ah. Is this how Maine feels when sheās always saying she isnāt good for anything?
I, having been forgotten in a corner, get out my slate and calculator. This is something that I should be doing. I can leave the crafting to the craftsmen.
On our way home, Maine had told me to do three things.
First, on a board, I should make a note of the number of pins that we make. Then, I should make sure that I keep that board hidden securely, so that nobody can arbitrarily add more to it. Lastly, I should use my calculator to work out what my total commission on these is, remembering that my commission for each pin is four medium copper coins.
āAha, done!ā
āMan, Iām way ahead of you.ā āRalph, that looks kinda sloppy. If you donāt do it right, Maine canāt use it, right?ā
From the sounds of it, my brothers have started competing to see who can make them the best.
āLutz, howās this look?ā
āā¦Yeah, that looks great! Good job, Zasha.ā
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Zasha has finished one, so Iāve made four coins.
āLook, Iām done too!ā
āThatās perfect, Zeke!ā
Zeke finished another, so now Iām up to eight.
While Iām sitting here practicing my writing, Iām not actually making anything myself, but when see my commission fees steadily ticking up on my calculator I suddenly understand.