After the bamboo exploded in the stove, I slip back into feverish nightmare, clutching my last remaining bamboo stick as I writhe in pain.
I donât care about anything anymore. I no longer have the willpower to fight back.
My mother burned my mokkan, When she burned the bamboo that Lutz had brought so I could make bamboo writing strips, though, I couldnât summon up any of that anger.
If only I was healthy. If only I was a strong, fit adult.
If I were an adult, I could have skipped over papyrus, clay tablets, and mokkan, and gone straight to making rice paper. At least, if I was as strong as Tory and Lutz, strong and fit enough to do real work, I could at least try. With this frail body and these weak childâs hands, I canât cut up the wood Iâd need in order to make real paper.
If I could just wait until I grew up, then maybe I could finally find my answer. But thatâs so, so far away. And still, even though Iâm talking about growing up, will I really grow as much as everyone else? Hobbled by my lack of strength, will I really grow?
I canât even hope for that.
If everything is truly pointless, isnât it okay for me to just surrender to this fever that rages within me? In a place where I canât get a single book, is my fight to constantly endure living in this filthy, difficult world really worth it?
Maybe itâs okay to just disappear.
It was a fleeting, accidental thought, but the fever surged forth anyway, sucking me deeper and deeper. A feeling spreads through me, a vague desire to just stop thinking, to let the fever swallow me whole.
I have only one regret. I wonât be able to apologize to Lutz.
I wonât be able to apologize for the fact that I couldnât use any of the bamboo, despite how hard heâd worked to find a nonflammable material I could use. The words he said to me when heâd left to go get me some bamboo drift through my mind.
âThis is just so youâll introduce me to Otto! Iâm paying you in advance, so youâd better get healthy! Got it?!â
I havenât fulfilled that promise. Even though heâd put in so much work for the sake of that promise, is it okay for me to just pretend it never happened and run away into the depths of this fever?
Lutz did pay me in advance. It would be so simple to just fade away in this fever, but he gave me those bamboo strips, so I have to get better. I have to introduce him to Otto.
I tell myself that itâs for Lutzâs sake, and try to push the fever back down. Iâd much rather keep my promise than be eaten alive. I need to put my affairs in order. I donât have time for thoughts like the one that flitted through my mind just a little while ago.
Thatâs right, when I died in that earthquake, I wasnât ready for that at a⊠aaaaaaAAA! What happened to all those things Iâd never gotten around to doing! NOOOOOO! I donât want this, I donât want this! This is awful! I canât just die here!
All the regrets from my previous life that Iâd thought Iâd already buried come clearly flashing through my mind. âEven though I died, dying is too much!â I cry, leaping to my feet. Somehow, the feverâs been crammed back into a tiny little ball.
I shoved my last lifeâs regrets back into the corner of my mind, and once again resolved not to think about them anymore. Now that Iâve finally been allowed to leave the house and accompany my father to the gates, I head to the duty room to meet Otto.
âExcuse me, Mister Otto, I asked you a favor, but then I got really sickâŠâ
Thatâs right: while I was laid out with fever, Ottoâs day off came and went, so he and Lutz werenât able to meet like I had promised.
âSquad Leader told me about how you were sick for five entire days. Are you alright?â
âYeah!â I say, smiling. âThanks to everyone.â Otto frowns slightly, staring closely at my face. âAre you really okay? Your colorâs quite off.â
The fact that Iâm looking kind of pale is actually not the feverâs fault. Rather, itâs because it seems unlikely that Iâll be able to make any paper.
âAaah~, itâs because thereâs something really troubling me that I canât figure out how to solve. âŠMister Otto, can I ask what youâd do in my place?â
âHuh? You want to ask what Iâd do if I had your problem?â
He glances at me briefly, his eyes round. Otto, during his time as a trader, must have accumulated so many experiences that I canât even imagine. Thereâs a chance he might be able to think of something that I couldnât.
âYeah. Thereâs a thing that I really want right now, but since Iâm not healthy and not strong, I canât make it myself. When I grow up, I think Iâd be able to make it, but since my bodyâs like this, I donât know if Iâm going to be a healthy adult either, or if Iâm even going to grow up as much as everyone else. Also, I really canât wait all that time. Mister Otto, what would you do if you were me?â
Otto nods along as he listens to my explanation. When I finish, he answers immediately, like he hardly needed to think about it at all.
âIf you canât make it yourself,â he says, raising his eyebrows a bit, âwhy donât you hire someone who can? Is that all thatâs bothering you?â
âAh?!â
The scales have fallen from my eyes. Iâd never even considered the concept of hiring someone to get me the things I wanted. As expected of a trader. I wonder why, though. I was certainly aware of the concept that I could be hired by someone, but it had never crossed my mind that someone could be hired by me.
ââŠThatâs an amazing idea, but I donât have the money for that.â
âWell, if waiting until you do isnât possible, then⊠Hm. If it were me, Iâd find someone who could do it, then subtly lead them along until they offered to do it of their own free will. Itâs not an easy thing to do, but if they do it without you directly asking, it wonât hurt your budget at all.â
He truly is a former merchant. His explanation is so eloquent, and his smile so genuine, but heâs brilliantly wicked. I must have been happily lead along like that too, huh? My calculation abilities are quite high, but wasnât I saying that it seemed really easy on the budget to hire an assistant on a salary of slate pencils?
ââŠâŠIâll follow your example.â
Taking someone who looks like they could do something, then leading them along until they do it on their own initiative⊠is it? That seems like it would be really difficult for someone like me.
As I stew in my thoughts, Otto pats me on the shoulder and hands me my slate. Heâs clearly telling me that the conversationâs over and that I should get to quietly studying.
âAh, thatâs right! Maine, since youâre feeling better, how about we meet the day after tomorrow, on my day off? We could meet at, hmm⊠the central plaza would do nicely. How about we meet there around the third bell?â
âI was just thinking about asking you. Thank you so much!â
Out of habit, I jot down a memo in the corner of my slate, reminding myself that weâre meeting after the third bell. When I look back up, Otto is lightly rubbing his chin, smiling so widely that his eyes crinkle. For some reason, that smile sends a chill down my spine, like Iâm looking at something dangerous. I reflexively straighten up in my seat and fix my gaze on him.
âAhh, if itâs someone youâre personally introducing to me, heâs got to be an interesting child. Iâm looking forward to an enjoyable day off!â
Did he just say âdonât bring someone boring, because it will ruin my precious day offâ, or was it my imagination? Huh? I thought this was going to be a casual meeting so that he could talk about what it was like as a trader, right?
I cover up the sudden turbulence in my heart with a big smile and a nod, then I let my gaze drop down to my slate. Iâve broken out in something of a cold sweat.
This isnât good. I barely have any time before this meeting, and I donât even know what itâs really about!
I grind my teeth with worry over how little time I have to prepare. Weâre meeting the day after tomorrow, so I really have no time. I canât ask, either; since Iâm the one who is doing the introductions, I canât really say that I have no clue what the meeting is really for. As I diligently practice my vocabulary, my pencil clacking against the slate, I frantically try to think of what the meeting could possibly mean.
âMaine, weâre heading home already.â
âDaddy!â
Itâs rather early for us to be heading home, but when he calls for me I gather up my things and leave the duty room.
âHey, Daddy. I told Mister Otto that I wanted to introduce him to Lutz, but what does an introduction like that mean?â
âLutz would be looking around for an apprenticeship at about this time, right? I think that heâd do well to follow his older brothers into their line of work, but does he want to become a merchant?â
A job referral?! No, no, itâs not supposed to be that heavy! I mean, a child like me canât possibly be part of anyoneâs network.
âHe just said he wanted to ask some questionsâŠâ
âRight, so thereâs no doubt about it, he wanted a referral so he could ask about an apprenticeship. Your friend seems rather relentless.â âRelentless?â âOf course. When we talk about hiring an apprentice, weâre talking about looking after someone for a very long period of time. Even when youâre fully independent, thatâs the kind of bond that canât ever be completely broken.â
This is far more serious than I thought. Lutz is not just looking to ask some questions. It seems that, since he wants to become a trader, he wants Otto, a former trader, to introduce him to somebody.
Aaah, so in other words, the meeting the day after tomorrow is basically a job interview?! How did I have no idea this was going to be such an important meeting?!
After we returned home, I asked my mother and father about apprenticeships in detail. The next day, I load my basket full of cargo before I head to the forest, now fully aware of how serious this meeting is going to be. On our way to the forest, I explain to Lutz about the sad fate of the bamboo strips, and let him know that the meeting with Otto was going to be tomorrow. He sighed when I told him about the bamboo, saying that itâs definitely possible to mistake bamboo for vanihitz, and when I told him about the meeting he thanked me with honest delight.
When we reach the forest, everybody scatters to go about their gathering work. I, however, grab Lutzâs hand, and drag him over to the river.
âNow then, Lutz. This is a good spot, so letâs make sure youâre nice and clean all over.â
âHuh?â
Otto, because he was once a merchant, keeps a very tidy appearance. I think that itâs best for Lutz to give the best possible impression that he can on his first meeting. Since I help Otto with his job so frequently, I am well aware of how calculating he is, just like a merchant. If I were in Lutzâs shoes, I would want to show up to this meeting looking absolutely flawless. If he were to judge Lutz as without merit on their very first meeting, thereâs no way heâd even refer Lutz to a shopkeeper, let alone a trader.
âWhen youâre meeting people for the first time, first impressions are really important! Since we have time to prepare, itâs a really good idea to make sure we do everything right. If I were to judge you right now, based on what you look like, I wouldnât think very well of you.â
âEven if I wash up, though, I donât think much is going to change.â
It would be stellar if Lutz could borrow the nice clothes Ralph wore to his baptism, but I donât know if Ralph lend them to him. Neither Lutz nor I have much in the way of clothing, so thereâs not much we can do but wear our usual stuff, but if thereâs anything that we can improve, I want to improve it. Despite his stubbornness, I take out my simple all-in-one shampoo and get ready start working on his hair, explaining to him about how much of an effect oneâs appearance has on other people. I intend to polish him until he shines, so I lugged a bucket, some cloth, and a comb out with me to the forest. I donât intend to just wash his hair, though; I want his whole body clean.
I fill the bucket with water from the river and my simple shampoo, then I wash it through Lutzâs hair over and over, like I usually do with Toryâs. I keep talking with Lutz as I work, somehow feeling like some kind of hairdresser.
âSo, Lutz. When you said you wanted to hear about being a trader, you really meant you wanted to be a trader, right? And since you want to be a trader, you wanted to be introduced to one?â
âHm? Yeah.â
I dry off his blonde hair with a cloth, which is now much glossier. Itâs such a beautiful color of gold that I wouldnât mind having it myself. As I comb it out, it only gets more radiant. Holding back my little bit of envy, I keep asking him questions.
âSo, Lutz, when you become a trader, what do you want to do? Just travel around?â
âWhatâs up with you all of a sudden?â âYou have to think carefully about it!â âWhy?â âMister Otto doesnât know anything about you. Youâre not being introduced by your parents or a relative who knows you super well, so youâre going to have to think of all of these answers yourself.â
From what my parents were telling me yesterday, it seems like in this town a childâs parents do the introductions when the child starts doing an internship. For that reason, a childâs job winds up being somehow related to one of their parentsâ jobs. For example, my mother works as a dyer, so she introduced Tory to one of her friends from work, and got her an apprenticeship as a seamstress.
When a child has the same profession as their parent, they donât tend to work at the same place, since it would be too easy for them to start relying on their parents too much. However, if the child enters a related profession, then their parents can rest easy knowing that their child is being supervised by someone they know, and the children work seriously because they know their parents will be hearing about it. Itâs rare for a child like Lutz to want to work in a profession their parents are opposed to, and rarer still for them to be introduced by someone outside the family.
âMister Otto is being really gracious in meeting you tomorrow, but itâs not because heâs super nice! He used to be a merchant, so heâs a person who thinks of everything in terms of profit and loss. If you show up without having thought any of this through, heâs not going to meet you a second time, I donât think.â
Tomorrowâs meeting is a job interview. For an interview, you need to make sure your appearance is in order and that you know both what you want out of the job and what you think you can bring to it. If you donât, thereâs a good chance you wonât be taken seriously.
ââŠHow about you, Maine?â
âHuh?â âIf someone were to ask you why you wanted to be a merchant, could you tell them immediately?â
Lutz scowls at me with pursed lips, perhaps because he couldnât come up with his own answer immediately.
âYeah. I want to sell paper. If I can be a merchantâs apprentice, then I could find someone to teach how to make paper, then I could have them make it for me.â
Itâs all for my sake, because I want books. Until now, Iâve been thinking that I shouldnât be relying on others, and I should do whatever I can to make something that I could reasonably substitute for books. However, at this point I am quite frankly at my limit. Now, what I want is for someone who can do all the labor, from beginning to end, while all I do is provide the knowledge. If I turn over the profits Iâd ordinarily get for that information, I think I could find someone out there who would make it for me.
âPaper? I thought you wanted books, though?â
âYou need paper if you want to make a book. And, you know, I donât think thereâs anyone else around here besides me who really wants books.â âIf youâre the only person who wants to buy books, then youâre not going to be able to sell any, right?â he says, shocked. I nod, with a big smile. âYeah! Selling books isnât going to be that easy, I donât think. However, paper⊠I think I can make it for cheaper than parchment, so I think Iâd be able to sell it. At the very least, I think there might be a merchant out there who would take me on once I showed him how to make it.â ââŠHuh. Youâve really thought this through, Maine. Iâll have to think about it too.â âSince youâre only Mister Ottoâs assistantâs friend, itâll be really easy for him to turn you down. If you can clearly say what you want to do with yourself, though, and you can make them believe that itâll be profitable for them, then wonât there be a merchant out there whoâd take you on?â
While Lutz sits, deep in thought, scowling at the surface of the river, I use the time to wash up the rest of his body. We donât have the time to sit here and do nothing while we think.
Well before the third bell sounds, Lutz and I arrive at the town square, me looking like I always do and Lutz looking far nicer than usual. I had been hoping that Ralph would lend Lutz his nice clothing, but it seems that Ralph didnât want them to get dirty and refused.
âHey, weâre meeting at the third bell, right? Arenât we way too early?â
âThatâs okay! Being late would be absolutely fatal. Once we get there, we can sit and talk for a while, and itâll be time for the meeting before you know it.â
The temple rings its bell regularly, in intervals of somewhere between two and three hours. Iâm sure that being late to a meeting in a world without actual timepieces isnât as bad as I made it sound, but I want to avoid any sort of negative impression from having the two of us be late to a meeting we requested.
âThat reminds me, yesterday, my mom was all, âwhat did you do to your hair?â, and she made a really big deal about it!â
With a deplorable look on his face, he tugs at a lock of his glossy blond hair. I understand exactly what his mother was thinking. If my son suddenly had smooth, shiny hair after a day out, Iâd be curious too.
âBeauty is always the thing a woman is most fascinated by, after all.â
âI told her you did it, so she should ask you if she wants to know.â âWhat?!â
I shrink back suddenly, my voice crying out in incredulity, a headache instantly forming as I realize that Iâll never be free of Carlaâs unceasing barrage of questions once she gets a hold of me.
âIâll tell her how to make it so she can do it herself. I donât have very much of it anymore.â
ââŠAh, sorry. If itâs that bad, you didnât need to use it on me, you know?â âThatâs okay. Youâre always the one helping me out, after all.â
I donât mind using some of my simple shampoo on Lutz at all, since heâs been constantly assisting me, but I absolutely would mind giving it to Carla. After all, Iâm already having to suffer with the fact that I can only wash my hair with shampoo once out of every five days and have to use plain water on the rest.
âBut, stillâŠâ
âIf it really bothers you, I wouldnât mind if you helped me make some more. Iâm way too weak, so Iâm not very good at pressing oil.â âWhat, is that it?â
As we talk, Otto comes into view near the entrance to the plaza. When he sees the two of us, he smiles broadly, but even from this far away I immediately realize what just happened.
Ahh, this really was a test.
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Given that he gave such a fuzzy time as âaround the third bellâ while giving me that dangerous smile that put me so on edge, this really must have been a test to see whether or not weâd arrive well before the bell actually rang. Otto purses his lips just a little, then turns towards another part of the plaza and gives a big wave. Another man comes into view, and the two of them start walking towards us. Beads of cold sweat trickle down my spine, and I unconsciously grip Lutzâs hand tightly.
Judging from how the two of them are talking quietly to each other as they approach, I know that this is Ottoâs friend, a merchant. He briefly glances at me, and I meet his eyes. They gleam with a sharp light, and I feel like my value is being appraised.
Nobody told me that Otto wasnât going to be the only interviewer! Aargh, itâs Lutzâs interview, but Iâm the one getting super stressed, here!